Acting with Power

In "Acting with Power," author Deborah Gruenfeld challenges our conventional understanding of power and provides valuable insights into how we can effectively use it in our personal and professional lives. This book offers a fresh perspective on power dynamics, arguing that power is not just reserved for those at the top but exists in all relationships and interactions.

Gruenfeld, drawing from her experience as a social psychologist and professor at Stanford University, presents power as a role we play rather than an inherent quality. She compares the use of power to acting, suggesting that we can learn to embody powerful roles just as actors do on stage. This approach makes power more accessible and manageable for everyone, regardless of their position or status.

The book explores various aspects of power, including how to recognize it, how to use it responsibly, and how to navigate different power dynamics. It provides practical strategies for both those in leadership positions and those in supporting roles, emphasizing the importance of using power for the benefit of others and achieving common goals.

Understanding Power

Power is a Role, Not a Personal Attribute

One of the key ideas in "Acting with Power" is that power is not something we possess inherently, but rather a role we play in relation to others. This perspective shifts our understanding of power from a fixed, personal attribute to a dynamic, situational concept.

Gruenfeld illustrates this with a simple example of a parking lot scenario. A person about to leave a full parking lot doesn't have power on their own. However, the moment someone else arrives looking for a spot, the first driver suddenly gains power. They can choose to leave quickly or delay, directly affecting the other person's circumstances.

This example demonstrates that power is not about what we have (status, wealth, or titles) but about our ability to influence others and control their circumstances at any given moment. It's a relational concept that exists in all types of interactions, from professional settings to personal relationships.

Everyone Has Power in Some Form

Another crucial insight is that everyone has power in one way or another. This idea challenges the common belief that power is reserved only for those at the top of social or organizational hierarchies.

Gruenfeld explains this concept through various examples:

1. Parent-child relationships: While parents have authority over their children, children also hold power in their ability to give or withhold love and respect.

2. Workplace dynamics: Bosses have power over employees' roles and compensation, but skilled employees have negotiating power due to their value in the job market.

3. Social interactions: Even in casual encounters, like the parking lot example, temporary power dynamics can emerge.

Understanding that we all have power in different contexts can be empowering. It encourages us to recognize our influence and use it responsibly, regardless of our formal position or status.

The Purpose of Power

Gruenfeld emphasizes that the true purpose of power is not self-serving but aimed at helping others and achieving shared goals. In both social and professional contexts, power dynamics and hierarchies exist to facilitate cooperation and problem-solving.

This perspective challenges the notion that having power means using it solely for personal gain. Instead, Gruenfeld suggests that when we find ourselves in positions of power, we should ask, "How can I help others?" rather than "What's in it for me?"

This approach to power aligns with the idea of servant leadership, where those in power use their influence to support and elevate others. It creates a more positive and productive environment, benefiting both individuals and the larger group or organization.

Playing Power Up

Understanding "Playing Power Up"

Gruenfeld introduces the concept of "playing power up," which refers to assertive behaviors that demonstrate and reinforce one's power. This technique is often used by actors to portray powerful characters on stage, but it also applies to real-life situations.

Playing power up typically involves:

1. Raising one's voice
2. Interrupting others
3. Taking up physical space
4. Enforcing rules or emphasizing authority
5. Making judgments or criticisms
6. Saying "no" without explanation

These behaviors are designed to command respect and assert dominance in social interactions. While they can be effective in certain situations, Gruenfeld cautions against using them indiscriminately or for purely selfish reasons.

Appropriate Use of Playing Power Up

The key message regarding playing power up is that it's best used to protect the interests of others rather than to simply assert dominance. Gruenfeld provides examples of when playing power up can be beneficial:

1. Taking charge in crisis situations
2. Making difficult decisions for the greater good
3. Interrupting a dominant speaker to allow others to contribute
4. Enforcing boundaries to keep a project on track

When used in these ways, playing power up can be seen as competent and caring leadership rather than arrogance or aggression. It's about using one's authority to create positive outcomes for the group or organization.

Potential Pitfalls of Playing Power Up

While playing power up can be effective, Gruenfeld warns against its misuse. Some potential pitfalls include:

1. Intimidation: Using power to frighten or coerce others into compliance
2. Arrogance: Asserting dominance purely for ego gratification
3. Silencing others: Using interruptions or criticism to prevent others from contributing
4. Abuse of authority: Using one's position to exploit or manipulate others

To avoid these pitfalls, Gruenfeld advises always considering whether playing power up serves the best interests of those around you or if it's merely for show. This self-reflection can help ensure that power is used responsibly and ethically.

Playing Power Down

The Concept of "Playing Power Down"

In contrast to playing power up, Gruenfeld introduces the idea of "playing power down." This approach involves deliberately appearing less powerful or intimidating than one actually is. It's a technique used by both actors and real-world leaders to connect with others and build trust.

Playing power down can involve:

1. Self-deprecating humor
2. Deferring to others' decisions
3. Asking for help or approval
4. Minimizing one's achievements or status
5. Allowing others to take the spotlight

At first glance, playing power down might seem counterintuitive, especially if we believe that power should always be asserted. However, Gruenfeld argues that this technique can be incredibly effective in certain situations.

Benefits of Playing Power Down

Playing power down offers several advantages:

1. Building connections: By appearing more approachable, powerful individuals can foster better relationships with others.

2. Encouraging trust: When leaders show vulnerability or humility, it can make others feel more comfortable and willing to trust them.

3. Promoting collaboration: By stepping back, leaders can create space for others to contribute and take initiative.

4. Gathering information: People are often more open and honest with those who don't appear threatening or judgmental.

5. Disarming tension: In high-stress situations, playing power down can help reduce anxiety and promote a more relaxed atmosphere.

Gruenfeld illustrates the effectiveness of playing power down with an anecdote about two partners at a top venture capital firm. When trying to recruit a young female CEO, their initial attempts to impress her with their firm's power and prestige failed. Instead, they succeeded by playing power down – dressing up in Toy Story costumes (which the CEO loved) for a meeting. This willingness to look ridiculous on her account showed that they prioritized making her comfortable over maintaining their own status, ultimately winning her over.

When to Play Power Down

While playing power down can be effective, it's important to use this technique judiciously. Gruenfeld suggests considering playing power down in the following situations:

1. When building new relationships or entering unfamiliar environments
2. In collaborative settings where equal participation is crucial
3. When trying to gather honest feedback or opinions
4. In situations where asserting power might create resistance or resentment
5. When aiming to create a more relaxed or informal atmosphere

However, she also cautions against overusing this technique, as it can potentially undermine one's authority if used excessively or in inappropriate situations.

Embodying New Roles

The Challenge of New Roles

Gruenfeld addresses the common challenge of stepping into a new, more powerful role. Whether it's a promotion at work or taking on a leadership position in a social group, many people struggle with feeling unprepared or unworthy of their new responsibilities.

This struggle is similar to what actors face when cast in a new role, especially one that feels unfamiliar or challenging. Gruenfeld draws parallels between acting techniques and strategies for embodying new roles in real life.

The Magic If Exercise

One powerful technique Gruenfeld introduces is the "Magic If" exercise, derived from the Stanislavski Method of acting. This approach encourages individuals to imagine themselves as the person they need to be in their new role.

The steps of the Magic If exercise include:

1. Visualizing the ideal person for the role
2. Imagining how this person would dress, speak, and carry themselves
3. Acting "as if" you are this person, both mentally and physically

Gruenfeld shares a personal example of using this technique when she had to testify in court. Feeling vulnerable, she imagined herself as a strong, fearless TV character. By adopting this persona, she was able to maintain her composure and confidence during the testimony.

Using Props and Costumes

Another strategy borrowed from the acting world is the use of props and costumes to get into character. Gruenfeld explains how changing our appearance or carrying certain objects can significantly impact our behavior and others' perceptions of us.

Examples of this in professional settings include:

1. Carrying an important-looking notebook or portfolio
2. Wearing clothes that make you feel more confident or authoritative
3. Using specific gestures or postures associated with leadership

The phrase "suit up" is cited as a common expression of this concept, indicating how people prepare for important tasks by dressing the part.

The Power of Imagination

Gruenfeld emphasizes the importance of using imagination to fully embody a new role. This involves more than just going through the motions – it requires mentally putting yourself in the shoes of the person you need to be.

She encourages readers to:

1. Visualize success in the new role
2. Imagine how a highly competent person would handle challenges
3. Practice mental rehearsals of important interactions or decisions

By engaging our imagination, we can bridge the gap between our current self-perception and the requirements of our new role.

Practicing and Rehearsing

Finally, Gruenfeld stresses the importance of practice and rehearsal when stepping into a new role. Just as actors spend countless hours rehearsing before a performance, individuals in new positions should:

1. Practice key conversations or presentations
2. Rehearse decision-making processes
3. Role-play potential challenging scenarios

Through repeated practice, unfamiliar behaviors can become more natural and comfortable, increasing confidence and competence in the new role.

Playing Supporting Roles

The Importance of Supporting Roles

Gruenfeld challenges the common desire to always be the "star of the show" or the boss, emphasizing the crucial nature of supporting roles in any organization or group. She argues that these roles have their own form of power and importance, and playing them well is key to overall success.

Focusing on the Mission

The primary advice for those in supporting roles is to prioritize the work and the team's mission over personal ambition. Gruenfeld explains that each role in an organization is designed to contribute to a larger goal, and focusing on this bigger picture is more beneficial than viewing the role as merely a stepping stone.

Benefits of this approach include:

1. Earning trust from peers and superiors
2. Potentially opening up bigger opportunities in the future
3. Ability to spot roles with high impact potential

Gruenfeld shares the example of Sheryl Sandberg, who almost missed an opportunity to join Google because she felt the offered role was too small. The advice that changed her mind was, "When you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don't ask which seat, you just get on board." This illustrates the importance of recognizing potential in supporting roles.

Prioritizing Responsibilities and Craft

Another key aspect of playing a supporting role well is to focus on excelling in your responsibilities and honing your craft. This approach shows that you're more concerned with making valuable contributions than seeking recognition.

Ways to demonstrate this include:

1. Consistently delivering high-quality work
2. Continuously improving your skills
3. Taking initiative to solve problems within your domain
4. Being reliable and dependable

Taking One for the Team

Gruenfeld also emphasizes the power of making personal sacrifices for the benefit of the team. This might involve:

1. Volunteering for extra hours to meet a deadline
2. Taking on less glamorous tasks that are crucial for the team's success
3. Supporting colleagues even when it doesn't directly benefit you

These actions demonstrate commitment to the team's goals and can increase trust and respect from others.

Building Trust Through Supporting Roles

Playing a supporting role well can be a powerful way to build trust within an organization. When people see that you're focused on the mission, excel in your responsibilities, and are willing to make sacrifices for the team, they're more likely to trust and respect you.

This trust can lead to:

1. More responsibilities and opportunities
2. Greater influence in decision-making processes
3. Stronger working relationships with colleagues and superiors

Recognizing the Power in Supporting Roles

Lastly, Gruenfeld encourages readers to recognize and appreciate the power inherent in supporting roles. While these positions might not come with formal authority, they often provide opportunities to:

1. Influence key decisions through expertise and insight
2. Build wide-ranging networks within the organization
3. Gain deep understanding of how the organization functions
4. Make critical contributions that drive the organization's success

By embracing the power and potential of supporting roles, individuals can find fulfillment and make significant impacts, even without being in the spotlight.

Managing Anxiety in Powerful Roles

The Challenge of Anxiety in Power

Gruenfeld acknowledges that stepping into powerful roles often comes with significant anxiety. This anxiety can manifest in various ways:

1. Questioning one's abilities
2. Fear of being judged
3. Reluctance to make tough decisions
4. Prioritizing being liked over making the right choices

These feelings can prevent people from effectively using their power and fulfilling their responsibilities. Gruenfeld draws parallels between this experience and the performance anxiety that actors often face, suggesting that strategies used by actors can be applied to real-life situations.

The Power of Rehearsal

One of the key strategies Gruenfeld recommends is thorough rehearsal. Just as actors spend countless hours practicing their lines and movements, people in powerful roles should practice the behaviors and actions required of them.

Benefits of rehearsal include:

1. Turning unfamiliar actions into natural behaviors
2. Building confidence through repetition
3. Identifying and addressing potential issues before they arise

Gruenfeld emphasizes that effective rehearsal goes beyond simply running through what you plan to say. It should incorporate as much detail as possible, including:

1. Wearing the clothes you'll wear in the actual situation
2. Using any props or tools you'll need
3. Practicing in a setting similar to where you'll be performing the role

By immersing yourself fully in the rehearsal, you can better prepare for the real thing and reduce anxiety.

Physical Warm-ups

Another technique borrowed from the acting world is the use of physical warm-ups to manage anxiety. Gruenfeld suggests activities like:

1. Stretching
2. Walking
3. Breathing exercises

These physical activities serve multiple purposes:

1. They help release nervous energy
2. They distract from anxious thoughts
3. They can help calm the mind and body

Engaging in these warm-ups before an important meeting or event can help you feel more centered and prepared.

Shifting Focus Away from Self

Gruenfeld introduces a powerful technique used by actors to manage stage fright: shifting focus away from oneself. When we're anxious, we tend to become hyper-focused on our own feelings and potential for failure. This self-focus can increase anxiety and hinder performance.

Instead, Gruenfeld suggests focusing on:

1. Other people in the room and how they might be feeling
2. The physical environment around you
3. The larger purpose or goal of the situation

By redirecting attention outward, you can reduce self-consciousness and perform more naturally in your role.

Embracing the "As If" Principle

Returning to the "Magic If" exercise mentioned earlier, Gruenfeld encourages readers to act "as if" they are already confident and competent in their role. This doesn't mean pretending to be someone else, but rather imagining yourself as the most capable version of yourself in that role.

Steps to apply this principle include:

1. Visualizing yourself successfully handling the situation
2. Adopting the body language and tone of voice of a confident person
3. Making decisions and taking actions as if you're already fully comfortable in your role

Over time, this "fake it till you make it" approach can help build genuine confidence and competence.

Reframing Anxiety as Excitement

Finally, Gruenfeld suggests reframing feelings of anxiety as excitement. Physiologically, anxiety and excitement are very similar emotions. By consciously choosing to interpret your physical sensations as excitement rather than fear, you can shift your mindset to a more positive and empowering one.

This reframing can involve:

1. Telling yourself "I'm excited" instead of "I'm nervous"
2. Focusing on the opportunities and potential positive outcomes of the situation
3. Embracing the energy that comes with these feelings, rather than trying to suppress them

By applying these strategies, individuals can better manage the anxiety that often comes with powerful roles, allowing them to perform more effectively and confidently.

Dealing with Bullies and Abuses of Power

Recognizing Potential Bullies

Gruenfeld addresses the important topic of power abuse and bullying, providing strategies for both avoiding and dealing with such situations. She emphasizes that while power itself isn't inherently problematic, it can be misused by individuals with certain insecurities.

To avoid becoming a target, Gruenfeld advises being aware of potential warning signs in others:

1. People who don't take no for an answer
2. Those who are overly critical of others, even if they're nice to you
3. Individuals who seem to enjoy wielding power over others

Avoiding Vulnerable Situations

Just as criminals often attack in isolated areas, abuses of power tend to occur in settings where normal rules don't apply. Gruenfeld suggests being cautious of:

1. Private contexts where there are no witnesses
2. Work meetings outside the office or after hours
3. Situations where regular organizational policies might not be enforced

By being aware of these potentially risky scenarios, you can better protect yourself from becoming a target.

Strategies for Deterring Bullies

Even with precautions, you might still encounter bullies. Gruenfeld offers several strategies for deterring them:

1. Act unaffected: Bullies often enjoy seeing their targets upset or scared. By not reacting emotionally, you become a less interesting target.

2. Calmly call out bad behavior: Addressing inappropriate actions in the moment can shift the power dynamic and let the bully know they're being watched.

3. Seek allies: Building a support network can provide protection and make bullies less likely to target you.

4. Document incidents: Keeping a record of problematic behavior can be useful if you need to report it later.

Reclaiming Your Power

If you do fall victim to bullying or abuse of power, Gruenfeld emphasizes the importance of not internalizing the experience. Key points include:

1. Recognize it's not your fault: Bullying is a reflection of the bully's issues, not your worth.

2. Reframe the narrative: Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, focus on your resilience and ability to overcome.

3. Seek support: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals for help.

4. Take action: Whether it's reporting the behavior or removing yourself from the situation, take steps to protect yourself.

Creating a Culture That Discourages Bullying

For those in leadership positions, Gruenfeld stresses the importance of creating an environment that discourages abuses of power:

1. Set clear expectations for behavior
2. Respond quickly and decisively to reports of bullying
3. Lead by example in treating others with respect
4. Encourage open communication and reporting of issues

By fostering a culture of respect and accountability, leaders can help prevent abuses of power from taking root in their organizations.

Leadership and Responsible Use of Power

The Responsibility of Top Leadership

Gruenfeld emphasizes that those at the very top of an organization or group have immense power, and with it comes great responsibility. She argues that using this power well means focusing on the benefit of others and the organization as a whole, rather than personal gain.

Key responsibilities of top leaders include:

1. Setting direction and vision
2. Creating a safe and productive environment
3. Making key decisions and allocations of resources
4. Identifying and developing future leaders

Defining and Reinforcing Objectives

One of the primary roles of a leader is to provide clear direction for the organization. This involves:

1. Articulating a compelling vision
2. Setting clear, achievable goals
3. Regularly communicating these objectives to all members of the organization
4. Aligning resources and efforts towards these goals

By providing this clarity, leaders enable everyone in the organization to contribute meaningfully towards a shared purpose.

Creating a Safe and Encouraging Environment

Gruenfeld stresses the importance of leaders using their power to create a positive organizational culture. This includes:

1. Modeling appropriate behavior
2. Quickly addressing any abuses of power
3. Encouraging open communication and feedback
4. Recognizing and rewarding positive contributions

She cites the example of U.S. Air Force Lieutenant General Jay Silveria, who forcefully addressed incidents of racial slurs at the Air Force Academy. By gathering all cadets, faculty, and staff and making it clear that such behavior was unacceptable, he demonstrated how leaders can use their power to reinforce positive values and create a safe environment.

Promoting the Right People

Another crucial aspect of responsible leadership is identifying and elevating individuals who will also use power well. Gruenfeld outlines three key qualities to look for:

1. Focus on achievement: People who are more concerned with doing their job well and learning new skills than with quickly climbing the corporate ladder.

2. Warmth: Candidates who genuinely care about others and are willing to help them succeed.

3. Mature approach to power: Individuals who view power as a tool to help others and serve the organization's mission, rather than for personal gain.

By promoting people with these qualities, leaders can ensure that the organization's culture of responsible power use continues at all levels.

Making Tough Decisions

Gruenfeld acknowledges that leadership often involves making difficult decisions that may not please everyone. She advises leaders to:

1. Gather input from various stakeholders
2. Consider both short-term and long-term consequences
3. Make decisions based on what's best for the organization and its mission, not personal popularity
4. Communicate decisions clearly, explaining the reasoning behind them

Continuous Learning and Self-Reflection

Finally, Gruenfeld emphasizes the importance of leaders continually examining their use of power. This involves:

1. Seeking honest feedback from others
2. Reflecting on the impacts of their decisions and actions
3. Being open to learning and adapting their leadership style
4. Acknowledging mistakes and taking corrective action when necessary

By maintaining this attitude of continuous improvement, leaders can ensure they're using their power responsibly and effectively over time.

Conclusion

In "Acting with Power," Deborah Gruenfeld provides a fresh and practical approach to understanding and utilizing power in various aspects of life. By framing power as a role we play rather than an inherent quality, she makes the concept more accessible and manageable for everyone.

Key takeaways from the book include:

1. Power exists in all relationships and interactions, not just at the top of hierarchies.
2. We can learn to embody powerful roles, much like actors do on stage.
3. Playing power up (asserting authority) and playing power down (appearing less intimidating) are both valuable techniques, depending on the situation.
4. Supporting roles are crucial and can be powerful in their own right.
5. Anxiety in powerful roles can be managed through rehearsal, focus shifting, and reframing techniques.
6. We have the power to deter bullies and reclaim our stories if we become targets.
7. Leadership at the top involves using power responsibly to guide, protect, and elevate others.

Gruenfeld's approach encourages readers to view power not as something to be feared or coveted, but as a tool to be used wisely for the benefit of others and the achievement of shared goals. By understanding the dynamics of power and learning to navigate them effectively, we can become more confident and impactful in our personal and professional lives.

The book's insights are valuable for anyone looking to improve their leadership skills, navigate complex social dynamics, or simply understand the role of power in their daily interactions. Whether you're stepping into a new role, facing challenges in your current position, or aiming to make a bigger impact in your organization, "Acting with Power" provides practical strategies and a fresh perspective on how to use power effectively and ethically.