Ask Me About My Uterus Summary

“What happens when the healthcare system doesn’t believe your pain and dismisses it as imaginary? Abby Norman’s journey reveals a world of medical bias and neglect.”

1. Chronic pain can invade a life unexpectedly.

One morning in 2010, Abby Norman woke up to excruciating pain that changed her life permanently. It began as a sharp, stabbing sensation deep in her abdomen while she was in the shower. The pain radiated through her pelvis, abdomen, and lower back, leaving her unable to stand, sit, or lie down comfortably. This moment marked the onset of a chronic illness that would derail her studies and reshape her future.

For Abby, this pain wasn’t fleeting. It disrupted her scholarship at Sarah Lawrence College, leaving her unable to maintain her grades or attend classes. She was eventually asked to leave school, her dreams and opportunities collapsing under the weight of her unexplained suffering. Adding to her challenges, Abby lacked adequate health insurance, making her situation financially and emotionally harder to navigate.

Her experience highlights how an unexpected health change not only targets the body but uproots lives, relationships, and ambitions. Many with chronic illnesses will relate to this harsh reality, where despair often lingers as doctors search for answers—or dismiss them altogether.

Examples

• Abby struggled for weeks before seeking medical help, fearing debt due to her lack of insurance.
• Within days of the first pain, she could neither eat nor work, leading to physical and emotional distress.
• The loss of her college scholarship underscored how illness can derail life plans.

2. Women’s pain is often dismissed by doctors.

Abby’s experience with healthcare revealed how many doctors are ill-equipped or unwilling to address women’s pain seriously. In her quest for answers, Abby saw multiple doctors who either misdiagnosed her or dismissed her pain entirely. The first doctor minimized her symptoms, prescribing antibiotics and cranberry juice without conducting any meaningful tests.

Later, a gynecologist dismissed Abby's concerns after an ultrasound and exploratory surgery. Even after finding a large cyst, the doctor prioritized Abby’s future fertility over her current agony, making no attempts to fully address or remove the cyst. This choice allowed the pain to grow worse over time.

This disregard was part of a larger systemic issue where women’s pain is trivialized or ignored. Instead of prioritizing comfort or solutions, many doctors fall back on stereotypes about women being overly emotional or exaggerating their symptoms, as seen in Abby’s case.

Examples

• A doctor assumed Abby’s pain was related to her sexual activity despite her being a virgin.
• A gynecologist removed fluid from Abby’s cyst but didn’t remove the damaged ovary, prolonging her suffering.
• Abby was often dismissed with vague advice and inadequate tests, robbing her of proper care.

3. Endometriosis: A misunderstood and under-researched disease.

Abby eventually discovered she had endometriosis, a condition where womb-like cells grow outside the uterus, causing extreme pain. Yet, despite affecting millions, endometriosis remains poorly understood. Doctors commonly fail to diagnose it correctly, often attributing symptoms to other conditions or psychological causes.

The leading theory, presented nearly a century ago by John Sampson, suggested that menstrual backwash into the pelvic cavity caused the condition. Today, researchers question this logic. Evidence shows that endometriosis can appear in unexpected places, like the brain or lungs, locations that menstrual fluid couldn’t logically reach. Even fetuses, who do not menstruate, have shown signs of endometriosis, challenging older theories.

This gap in understanding stems from lack of funding and gender bias in research. Diseases impacting men often receive much higher investment compared to those affecting similar numbers of women, leaving patients with few answers and little hope.

Examples

• Research databases show 30,000 studies on liver disease but just 1,800 on endometriosis.
• Endometriosis patches have been found in fetuses, contradicting menstrual causes.
• Cases of the disease have been discovered in distant tissues like the lungs and brain.

4. Women are often told their pain is “in their head.”

Abby’s pain was disbelieved and put down to psychological causes by several doctors, echoing a long history of medical gaslighting toward women. Doctors suggested she was imagining her symptoms or that her emotional state was the real problem, a common dismissal faced by women with unresolved medical conditions.

This sentiment isn’t just historical. Hollywood star Gilda Radner spent months being told her symptoms were due to anxiety until she was diagnosed—too late—with stage four ovarian cancer. Society frequently attributes women’s health struggles to mental instability or stress rather than investigating the genuine causes.

Abby was never abused or mentally unwell, but doctors labeled her symptoms as emotional. One health professional even hinted her estranged family life was causing her pelvic pain. Such biases against women, especially those with complex symptoms, perpetuate mistrust and prolong suffering.

Examples

• A doctor casually suggested Abby’s pain stemmed from stress and her personal life.
• Gilda Radner was dismissed as “nervous” until her ovarian cancer diagnosis.
• Historically, women experiencing reproductive illnesses have been misdiagnosed as mentally unstable.

5. Medical responses favor male concerns.

Abby discovered firsthand that her pain only gained attention when it impacted a man. For instance, her gynecologist showed more concern and became more proactive after Abby’s boyfriend expressed dissatisfaction with their sex life. Suddenly, Abby was offered treatments, options, and advice previously unavailable to her.

This unequal urgency highlights how healthcare often revolves around satisfying male needs while sidelining women’s pain. Abby’s endometriosis made sex agonizing, leading to the end of her relationship. She was expected to endure relentless discomfort, but what truly fueled a medical response was her partner’s frustration.

Beyond Abby’s story, research shows doctors often minimize female symptoms, ignoring physical pain or attributing complaints to emotional distress, while taking men’s concerns more seriously.

Examples

• Abby’s gynecologist only acted on her complaints after hearing from her boyfriend.
• Painful intercourse led to her breakup, as her ex resented her illness.
• Studies show women are given sedatives instead of painkillers after surgery, assuming anxiety over physical issues.

6. Research routinely excludes women.

Scientific research has historically ignored women’s specific medical needs. Many studies use men as the baseline and fail to include female participants, even when studying conditions affecting both sexes. Menstruation is often cited as a complication in studies, leading to further exclusion of women.

For example, a groundbreaking aspirin study in the 1990s considered male participants only. Scientists later discovered that women metabolize many drugs differently, showing how misguided assumptions result in harmful healthcare gaps.

This research exclusion leaves women at risk. When scientists see men as the default human, female-specific symptoms or reactions go unnoticed. The consequence is a healthcare system that caters inadequately to half of the population.

Examples

• Out of 1,382 sports science studies, only 39% included women due to the “complexity” of studying menstruation.
• Aspirin trials in the 1990s left out women, despite differences in how the sexes process medications.
• Women and men metabolize anesthetics, antidepressants, and other drugs differently.

7. Female pain is treated as an afterthought.

While Abby faced obvious neglect in the treatment of endometriosis, this is part of a broader pattern where women’s pain goes unaddressed. Studies show doctors often assume women exaggerate or misinterpret their suffering. Instead of proper painkillers, women are more likely to receive sedatives, as doctors treat pain as stress or over-sensitivity.

This disrespect has real consequences, as untreated pain impacts physical health, mental well-being, and professional opportunities. Abby’s story shows how systemic bias delays diagnoses, destroys trust in healthcare, and costs women years of their lives seeking relief.

Examples

• Post-surgery studies revealed men were given painkillers while women got sedatives.
• Female patients are consistently given lower doses of medication than men, even accounting for body size.
• Abby lost her scholarship and education due to underestimated and untreated pain.

8. Online connections offer solidarity.

Abby turned to the internet for information and community during her battle with endometriosis. Online, she discovered countless women facing similar struggles: disbelief from doctors, severe symptoms, and fears about relationships and career prospects. Women from diverse backgrounds connected over shared pain and survival stories.

This virtual community inspired Abby to create her project, Ask Me About My Uterus, an online platform discussing women’s health and amplifying their voices. The website tackled stigmatized subjects, from menopause to painful periods, forming a safe space for education and advocacy.

By breaking silence around these issues, Abby empowered women to demand better care and fight for change in reproductive healthcare.

Examples

• Abby’s website, Ask Me About My Uterus, grew to over 10,000 contributors and readers.
• Women expressed relief and solidarity, knowing they weren’t alone in their experiences.
• The platform championed underrepresented stories from LGBTQ individuals and ethnic minorities.

9. Diseases like endometriosis need funding and attention.

Despite affecting millions, endometriosis research remains underfunded and neglected. Unlike similarly common illnesses, it receives minimal government or industry investment, leaving sufferers without proper diagnosis or treatment options.

Abby’s story highlights how bias in funding decisions leaves women disadvantaged. Advocacy for diseases like endometriosis requires systemic change in how we prioritize medical research, ensuring that women’s health is taken as seriously as men’s.

Examples

• Endometriosis research trails far behind studies on diseases with similar prevalence rates, like liver conditions.
• Lack of answers forces patients like Abby to scour medical journals for a correct diagnosis.
• Women wait years, sometimes decades, to be properly diagnosed with reproductive diseases.

Takeaways

1. Advocate for yourself in healthcare settings. If you feel dismissed, seek out a second, third, or fourth opinion until your concerns are taken seriously.
2. Support organizations and research focused on women’s health to address funding gaps and promote awareness.
3. Create or join supportive communities, online or in person, to share experiences and resources with others facing similar issues.