Drop the Ball

"Accomplish more by doing less"—Drop the Ball challenges the relentless expectations placed on women by asking: What if you simply let go of the idea that you must do it all?

1. The Myth of "Doing It All"

Modern society often expects women to excel at work while simultaneously managing all household responsibilities. Achieving a balance between these roles can feel like an unsolvable puzzle. Women face immense societal pressure to succeed at everything, leading to burnout.

These conflicting demands have roots in historical gender norms. Women’s entry into the workforce didn’t reduce their domestic duties as traditional values linger, leaving modern women juggling too much. Statistics reveal that even when both partners work, women take on the majority of household chores.

The illusion of "doing it all" isn't just a personal struggle; it has broader implications. Women make up 50% of the workforce, yet only 18% of leadership roles are filled by women. This disparity is partly because women carry the added weight of home management, holding them back professionally.

Examples

• Working mothers feel guilt if they buy household help, despite the relief it offers.
• The American Time Use Survey shows that while 50% of women do daily housework, only 20% of men do.
• 58% of women feel motherhood negatively affects their careers compared to only 19% of men who feel held back by fatherhood.

2. Balance Requires Intention

Balancing household duties fairly doesn’t happen naturally. Instead, couples often divide chores by default or fall into gendered habits. These unspoken inequities can lead to frustration and resentment over time.

Old patterns shape how couples settle into routines. For example, men may unconsciously replicate the dynamics they saw growing up, assuming women will handle household tasks like their mothers did. Without clear communication, these roles persist regardless of both partners’ external commitments.

The secret to a sustainable balance is communication. By sitting down and discussing responsibilities, couples can establish fairer roles. This avoids small resentments from festering and empowers both parties to invest in tasks that reflect their strengths and values.

Examples

• Studies show women perform 80% of household chores even when both partners work full-time.
• A wife expecting perfection while handing off a task to her husband (an example of "home control disease") can strain relationships.
• Honest discussions about roles help couples align shared values with day-to-day duties.

3. Delegate Strategically

There’s a simple solution to overwhelming to-do lists: delegate. Many women hesitate to request help, but sharing responsibilities—whether with a spouse, friend, or hired help—makes family and work life more efficient.

Delegation works best when aligned with comparative advantage. Focus on tasks where your efforts make a difference, and let others take on what can be outsourced or shared. For instance, a grocery delivery service can save precious hours, while storytelling during bedtime is a task only a parent can truly perfect.

Effective delegation isn’t just about handing off work; it’s about doing so mindfully. Sharing tasks strengthens relationships and demonstrates mutual respect. Joyfully delegating tasks reassures others that their contributions matter, building collaboration instead of resentment.

Examples

• A study found families who shared household duties were happier and more cohesive.
• A husband hired babysitters faster by texting all candidates, whereas his wife struggled with the slower method of emailing one by one.
• Delegating grocery shopping allowed the author to prioritize personal time with her child.

4. Accountability is Key

When responsibilities are delegated, you must let the person in charge truly own the task. If a chore remains incomplete and you step in to handle it, you undermine the delegation process—not to mention reinforce bad habits.

Accountability introduces structure into the household. Identifying roles for each task creates clarity around who is responsible for what. This division also helps remove ambiguity, ensuring tasks get done without nagging or micromanaging.

A long-term cure for mismanagement is trusting others. Patience is necessary, as partners learn from their mistakes. Understand that not everything will be executed exactly to your standards. Some compromises are worth not having to shoulder the entire burden.

Examples

• Partners stepping in to "fix" unfinished chores perpetuate inequality in many households.
• Studies indicate 30% of men avoid their chores, relying on their wives to complete them.
• Families who openly assign household roles report greater satisfaction and fewer conflicts.

5. Every Task Doesn’t Require Perfection

When others step in, they may not complete tasks exactly as you would. While your style might seem superior, clinging to perfectionism only adds stress and can discourage others from helping.

Women often redo chores their partners try to complete, especially when they feel their way is “better.” Research shows many women spend hours every week fixing their spouse's efforts. But stepping back allows room for alternative—but still efficient—methods to surface.

Done is better than perfect when it comes to most household tasks. Let go of the ideal faucet, dinner recipe, or laundry fold. This compromise provides more time for meaningful priorities while keeping your household functioning.

Examples

• UK research revealed women spend three hours weekly redoing chores they considered “wrong.”
• The author’s husband bought an unattractive faucet, but it resolved the plumbing problem.
• Positive reinforcement and thanks can help partners improve over time without micromanaging.

6. Men Should Be Expected to Do More

Breaking gender stereotypes requires raising expectations for men. Cultural depictions often paint fathers as clumsy or uninterested in parenting—a bias that limits both men and women from sharing responsibilities equitably.

These assumptions harm everyone. Men who take the initiative may face social criticism, as seen when a professional baseball player, Daniel Murphy, was ridiculed for prioritizing paternity leave. Women, meanwhile, must combat the belief that no one else can manage domestic duties well.

Shifting this balance benefits workplaces, too. Women with involved partners are more likely to pursue leadership positions. Equality at home creates opportunities for growth on a larger scale.

Examples

• Sitcoms often show dads who fail at handling chores or childcare, reinforcing stereotypes.
• Surveys suggest new fathers sometimes hesitate to take on parenting responsibilities due to societal pressure.
• Female CEOs are often supported by partners who share significant domestic responsibilities.

7. Redefine Success by Prioritizing Yourself

Taking care of yourself should be a priority, not an afterthought. Women who try to manage everything often neglect their well-being, which hurts productivity and happiness over time.

Daily practices like exercising, networking, and pursuing opportunities for career growth can reframe how you see success. These habits may feel selfish, but they create the resilience needed to manage both work and home.

For long-term success, don’t overlook the basics, including sleep. Adequate rest pays dividends: better focus, improved decision-making, and a happier disposition—all essentials for balancing a busy life.

Examples

• Female executives who set aside time for self-care often report less stress.
• Research links sleep deprivation to reduced problem-solving abilities and emotional regulation.
• Networking at professional events helps women build essential support systems.

8. Drop the Ball, Not Your Values

Letting go of certain tasks doesn’t mean letting go of your principles. When deciding what to drop, consider what aligns most with your core values and drop what doesn’t.

This approach frees up bandwidth to focus on what matters most. Whether it’s having more energy to spend quality time with family or devoting effort to a rewarding career, prioritizing your values ensures greater satisfaction.

Letting go also inspires creativity. For instance, delegating meals may free up time to explore personal interests, hobbies, or professional development.

Examples

• The “Four Go-Tos” emphasize activities like networking that nurture personal growth.
• Deciding what tasks take precedence shapes how time and energy are spent.
• Delegating grocery shopping enabled the author to preserve essential bedtime moments with her child.

9. Equality is a Shared Goal

Ultimately, work-life balance isn't just about individual women—it’s a shared responsibility between partners. Shifting expectations in both personal relationships and society at large benefits everyone.

When men and women share responsibilities, their relationships strengthen. Children raised in equitable households gain role models who show the importance of fairness and mutual respect.

This shared responsibility extends beyond the home. It shifts norms across workplaces and schools, creating a ripple effect that encourages equality and shared value in every role.

Examples

• Studies show equal partnerships result in higher happiness for couples.
• Children exposed to gender-equal households often adopt healthier views on work-life balance.
• Workplaces offering generous paternity leave promote equality on a larger scale.

Takeaways

1. Delegate tasks joyfully and without guilt. Be clear and appreciative when asking for help.
2. Redefine "success" by aligning your time with core values—and dropping the rest.
3. Prioritize well-being through exercise, sleep, networking, and personal growth efforts.