Exactly What to Say Summary

Words matter – the right ones can open doors, build trust, and secure agreements, while the wrong ones can end conversations prematurely. What if you always knew exactly what to say?

1. Engaging the Subconscious with "I'm not sure if this is for you, but ..."

Starting a conversation with the phrase "I'm not sure if this is for you, but ..." is an effective way to engage someone's interest. This works by removing pressure, suggesting that the decision is entirely up to them, while the subconscious still leans toward curiosity. The word “but” cancels out the initial hesitation and leads the listener to pay closer attention, as though you're giving them a tempting invitation.

This approach subtly requires the listener's subconscious to make a decision. As a result, the listener takes a more active role in evaluating the proposal without feeling forced. By balancing nonchalance with intrigue, the phrase creates a safe space for consideration.

For example:

• A marketer could say, “I’m not sure if this is for you, but we’ve helped businesses like yours grow by 25% in six months.”
• A friend might suggest dinner plans by saying, “I’m not sure if Italian is your thing, but there’s a fantastic new place nearby.”
• In sales, someone might say, “I’m not sure if this is for you, but it’s an opportunity too good to ignore.”

2. Inviting Agreement with "How open-minded are you?"

Asking someone how open-minded they are puts them in a position where they naturally feel they need to prove their open-mindedness. Most people believe they are open to considering options, making this phrasing a psychological prompt to align their actions with that belief.

When used effectively, this phrase defuses rejection by framing the situation as a choice only those unwilling to explore possibilities would dismiss. It avoids conflict and invites curiosity. The question becomes a door to collaboration or agreement.

Examples include:

• A recruiter could say, “How open-minded are you about exploring new career opportunities while staying in your field?”
• A colleague might ask, “How open-minded are you about a fresh approach to this project?”
• In personal scenarios, you could suggest, “How open-minded are you about trying something new this weekend?”

3. Creating Authority with "What do you know about ... ?"

You can take control of conversations with skeptics by asking, “What do you know about ...?” This phrase encourages your listener to consider what they do know, often revealing that their understanding is incomplete. With this, you can establish your knowledge and guide their perspective.

The phrase is both respectful and assertive, allowing you to manage objections while avoiding outright confrontation. It helps refocus attention on facts and facilitates productive dialogue.

For instance:

• In business, ask, “What do you know about the benefits of our new product line?”
• During negotiations, inquire, “What do you know about our approach compared to others?”
• When networking, you might say, “What do you know about this industry’s latest trends?”

4. Framing Choices with "As I see it, you have three options."

Offering three options simplifies decision-making for others and creates clarity. When people feel overwhelmed or stuck, this structure helps by narrowing down possibilities while framing the desired choice as the most attractive.

By presenting this framework, you not only make decisions easier but also establish yourself as someone who provides clarity and guidance. This technique steers the person toward a resolution without pressuring them.

Examples:

• A career coach might say, “As I see it, you can stay where you are, look for a new employer, or upskill for better prospects.”
• A salesperson could propose, “You can keep your current provider, switch to ours, or explore an entirely new option.”
• Even in daily life, you could present, “As I see it, we can order in, cook together, or dine out tonight.”

5. Establishing Confidence with "Two types of people ..."

Framing situations using “There are two types of people...” forces listeners to self-identify with one group or the other—usually steering them toward a more favorable choice. This simple dichotomy creates a psychological inclination to opt for the side viewed as more admirable.

This strategy simplifies complex decisions by presenting them as binary. While reality is often more nuanced, providing two clear paths empowers decision-making.

Examples:

• A mentor might say, “There are two types of people: those who let fear hold them back and those who take risks to grow.”
• A fitness coach could assert, “There are two types of people: those who talk about getting fit and those who actually do it.”
• A friend might joke, “There are two types of moviegoers: those who love popcorn and those who secretly do.”

6. Influencing Behavior with "If ... then ..."

Using conditional statements like “If ... then ..." taps into a deep-seated psychological pattern from childhood. People are trained to associate “if” with a cause and “then” with a consequence, making it a natural framework for conveying benefits or resolutions.

This structure is persuasive because it builds logical connections in a listener’s mind. It demonstrates why taking an action (the "if") leads to desirable outcomes (the "then").

Examples:

• A coach might share, “If you follow this program, then you’ll see results in just four weeks.”
• In sales, someone may advise, “If you choose this plan, then you’ll save money each month.”
• Personally, you might suggest, “If you try this restaurant, then you’ll have the best pizza of your life.”

7. Reassurance with "Most people ... but the good news is ..."

Words like “Most people” ensure your listener doesn’t feel isolated or different, turning common doubts or fears into shared experiences. Following this with “But the good news is ..." shifts the narrative toward positivity and solutions.

This sequence reassures people, transforming hesitation into optimism. It also creates a path forward that feels practical and achievable.

Examples:

• A leader might confirm, “Most people feel nervous about public speaking, but the good news is that practice builds confidence.”
• In training, you could share, “Most people struggle with the first step, but the good news is once it’s done, momentum follows.”
• To encourage friends, try, “Most people doubt their abilities at first, but the good news is everybody learns along the way.”

8. Action-Oriented Questions with "If I can ... will you?"

This structure ties your offer directly to the person's objections. By addressing their concerns head-on, you move the conversation toward agreement. The phrasing makes the exchange feel like a partnership.

This phrase is powerful for negotiations because it shows you’re willing to meet them halfway. It often leads to quick resolutions.

Examples:

• A manager might ask, “If I can give you two extra days off, will you finish the project by Friday?”
• A salesperson could propose, “If I can match the competitor’s price, will you place the order now?”
• For personal favors, you might say, “If I can pick you up, will you come to the event?”

9. Gentle Probing with "Just out of curiosity ..."

Adding “Just out of curiosity ..." to questions softens their tone, making even potentially awkward requests seem natural and non-confrontational. This approach keeps the conversation open and encourages honesty.

The phrase diffuses tension and invites open dialogue rather than defensiveness. It turns potentially challenging questions into genuine inquiries.

Examples:

• A teacher might ask, “Just out of curiosity, which parts of the material did you find confusing?”
• A colleague could ask, “Just out of curiosity, what would a perfect outcome look like for you?”
• In casual interactions, try, “Just out of curiosity, have you thought about anything fun for the weekend?”

Takeaways

1. Practice using "magic words" in daily conversations to build confidence and natural delivery.
2. Pay attention to the subconscious cues these phrases trigger in others, refining your approach based on the outcomes.
3. Combine these phrases with empathy and genuine listening to create more meaningful engagements and productive relationships.