Exactly What to Say

Introduction

In today's fast-paced world, effective communication is more crucial than ever. Whether you're in sales, leadership, or simply trying to navigate everyday interactions, knowing exactly what to say can make all the difference. Phil M. Jones's book "Exactly What to Say" offers a powerful toolkit of magic words and phrases that can help you steer conversations, influence decisions, and achieve your goals.

This summary will explore the key ideas presented in Jones's book, providing you with practical techniques to enhance your communication skills and increase your persuasive power. By mastering these magic words, you'll be better equipped to handle various situations, from business negotiations to personal interactions.

The Power of Subtle Language

"I'm not sure if this is for you, but..."

One of the first magic phrases Jones introduces is "I'm not sure if this is for you, but..." This seemingly simple statement is a powerful tool for capturing someone's attention and piquing their interest. Here's why it works:

1. It removes pressure: By suggesting that something might not be suitable for the person, you're giving them the freedom to decide without feeling pushed.
2. It creates curiosity: Paradoxically, telling someone that something might not be for them often makes them more interested in finding out what it is.
3. The power of "but": The word "but" at the end of the phrase cancels out the initial uncertainty and primes the listener to pay attention to what comes next.

This technique can be particularly effective in sales situations or when introducing new ideas to colleagues or friends.

Steering the Conversation

"How open-minded are you?"

When you want to introduce a new idea or proposal, starting with "How open-minded are you?" can significantly increase your chances of success. This phrase works because:

1. Most people consider themselves open-minded.
2. It creates a positive self-image that the listener wants to maintain.
3. It makes it harder for the person to reject your idea outright.

For example, you could say, "How open-minded are you about trying a new approach to our marketing strategy?" This sets the stage for a more receptive conversation.

"What do you know about...?"

When faced with someone who seems argumentative or convinced they know best, the phrase "What do you know about...?" can help you regain control of the conversation. This approach allows you to:

1. Test the basis of the other person's knowledge or opinions.
2. Identify gaps in their understanding.
3. Provide accurate information to correct misconceptions.

For instance, if a client is resistant to your product, you could ask, "What do you know about our latest features?" This gives you an opportunity to address any misunderstandings and highlight the benefits they might have overlooked.

"When would be a good time to...?"

Scheduling meetings or follow-ups can often be challenging. The magic phrase "When would be a good time to...?" helps overcome objections related to time constraints. This works because:

1. It assumes there will be a good time, making it harder for the person to say no.
2. It acknowledges that the person is busy but suggests that they can find time.
3. It puts the ball in their court to propose a suitable time.

For example, "When would be a good time to discuss the project proposal in more detail?" This approach is more likely to result in a scheduled meeting than simply asking if they have time to meet.

Presenting Options

"I guess you haven't got around to..."

When following up on previous interactions or materials you've sent, the phrase "I guess you haven't got around to..." is a tactful way to address potential inaction. This approach:

1. Allows the other person to save face if they haven't completed a task.
2. Provides an opportunity for them to proudly confirm if they have done it.
3. Gently reminds them of the task without being accusatory.

For instance, "I guess you haven't got around to reviewing the contract yet?" This opens the door for further discussion without putting the other person on the defensive.

"What questions do you have for me?"

At the end of a presentation or pitch, instead of asking, "Do you have any questions?" try using "What questions do you have for me?" This subtle change:

1. Assumes that the listener has questions, encouraging engagement.
2. Removes the pressure of feeling obligated to ask something.
3. Creates a more open and collaborative atmosphere.

This approach can lead to more productive discussions and help you address any concerns or uncertainties the other person might have.

"What's the best number for me to contact you on?"

When asking for contact information, replace "Can I have your phone number?" with "What's the best number for me to contact you on?" This phrasing:

1. Reduces resistance by assuming permission is already granted.
2. Gives the person control over which number they provide.
3. Focuses on convenience for the other person.

This approach is more likely to result in obtaining the contact information you need without making the other person feel uncomfortable.

"As I see it, you have three options."

When presenting choices to someone, using the phrase "As I see it, you have three options" can be highly effective. This technique:

1. Narrows down the decision-making process.
2. Allows you to present your preferred option as the most attractive.
3. Gives the illusion of choice while guiding the person towards your desired outcome.

For example, when discussing a business opportunity, you could present three options:

1. Continue with the current situation (usually the least attractive).
2. Pursue a different path with uncertain outcomes.
3. Take advantage of the opportunity you're offering (presented as the most beneficial).

By framing the choices this way, you increase the likelihood of the person selecting your preferred option.

Cause and Effect

"There are two types of people in this world..."

The phrase "There are two types of people in this world" is a powerful tool for influencing behavior. When you use this phrase:

1. People instinctively want to identify with the more favorable option.
2. It creates a sense of urgency to make a choice.
3. It can be used to gather information about the person you're talking to.

For example, "There are two types of people in this world: those who take action on new opportunities and those who let them pass by." This statement encourages the listener to align themselves with the more proactive group.

"I bet you're a bit like me..."

Using the phrase "I bet you're a bit like me" can help build rapport and agreement. This approach:

1. Creates a sense of similarity and connection.
2. Makes it easier for the other person to agree with you.
3. Can be used to gather information or overcome objections.

For instance, "I bet you're a bit like me: you'd rather invest in your future than waste money on unnecessary expenses." This statement makes it harder for the person to disagree without seeming shortsighted.

"If..., then..."

The "If..., then..." structure is a powerful tool for creating logical connections in people's minds. This pattern:

1. Taps into deeply ingrained mental associations.
2. Makes the consequence seem inevitable.
3. Can be used to highlight benefits or overcome objections.

For example, "If you implement this new system, then you'll see a significant increase in productivity." This statement creates a clear link between the action and the desired outcome.

Guiding Next Steps

"Most people..."

The phrase "Most people" leverages our natural tendency to follow the crowd. When you use this phrase:

1. It creates a sense of social proof.
2. It makes the suggested action seem normal and acceptable.
3. It can encourage people to conform to the described behavior.

For instance, "Most people find that our premium package offers the best value for their needs." This statement subtly encourages the listener to consider the premium option more seriously.

"The good news is..."

Using "The good news is" helps reframe potentially negative situations in a positive light. This technique:

1. Shifts focus to the positive aspects of a situation.
2. Creates a more optimistic mindset.
3. Can be used to overcome objections or concerns.

For example, "The good news is that even though you're new to this industry, our training program has helped many people in your situation become successful." This statement addresses a potential concern while emphasizing the solution.

"What happens next is..."

When you want to guide someone through a decision-making process, use the phrase "What happens next is..." This approach:

1. Takes control of the next steps.
2. Provides clear direction and reduces uncertainty.
3. Makes the process seem predetermined and natural.

For instance, "What happens next is we'll set up a brief call to discuss your specific needs, and then I'll prepare a customized proposal for you." This clearly outlines the next steps and keeps the process moving forward.

Easing into Decisions

"If I can..., will you...?"

The "If I can..., will you...?" structure is an excellent way to overcome objections and secure commitments. This technique:

1. Addresses potential obstacles.
2. Creates a conditional agreement.
3. Makes it easier for the other person to say yes.

For example, "If I can match our competitor's price, will you be ready to place an order today?" This approach directly addresses the price concern and encourages a positive response.

"Before you make your mind up..."

When someone seems to be leaning towards a "no," use the phrase "Before you make your mind up..." to keep the conversation open. This approach:

1. Buys you more time to present your case.
2. Suggests that there's more information to consider.
3. Can help shift the person from a "no" to a "maybe."

For instance, "Before you make your mind up, let's review the long-term benefits of this investment." This gives you another opportunity to highlight the value of your proposal.

"Just out of curiosity..."

When someone says they need more time to think, use "Just out of curiosity..." to uncover their true objections. This phrase:

1. Makes potentially intrusive questions seem less confrontational.
2. Encourages honest responses.
3. Helps you identify and address specific concerns.

For example, "Just out of curiosity, what aspects of the proposal do you need more time to consider?" This question can reveal hidden objections that you can then address directly.

"Don't worry..."

The simple phrase "Don't worry" can be incredibly powerful in high-stress situations. When you use these words:

1. It immediately helps to calm the other person.
2. It suggests that you have the situation under control.
3. It creates a more positive and solution-focused mindset.

For instance, "Don't worry, we've dealt with similar challenges before and have a solid plan to address this." This reassurance can help maintain a constructive dialogue even in difficult circumstances.

Final Thoughts

"Exactly What to Say" by Phil M. Jones provides a valuable toolkit of magic words and phrases that can significantly enhance your communication skills and persuasive abilities. By mastering these techniques, you'll be better equipped to handle a wide range of situations, from sales and negotiations to everyday interactions.

Remember that while these magic words are powerful, they're not foolproof. They will work with most people most of the time, but not with everyone all the time. The key is to practice using these phrases regularly, adapting them to your own style and the specific contexts you encounter.

As you incorporate these magic words into your vocabulary, you'll likely notice a positive shift in your interactions. You'll become more adept at steering conversations, overcoming objections, and guiding people towards desired outcomes. With time and practice, these techniques will become second nature, allowing you to have more impactful and meaningful conversations.

Ultimately, the goal is not just to count conversations but to have conversations that count. By combining these magic words with your own dedication, ambition, and drive, you'll be well on your way to becoming a more influential and effective communicator in both your personal and professional life.

Remember, the power of language is immense. By choosing your words carefully and strategically, you can open doors, build relationships, and achieve your goals more easily. So start practicing these magic words today, and watch as your communication skills and persuasive abilities reach new heights.