Feedback has become a dirty word in many workplaces. For most people, the mere mention of feedback triggers anxiety, stress, and negative emotions. We associate it with punishment, awkward conversations, and criticism of our performance. Even positive feedback can feel vague or unhelpful at times. As a result, many of us have developed an aversion to giving and receiving feedback.
However, feedback doesn't have to be this way. At its core, feedback is simply information and insights that can help us grow and improve. Understanding how others perceive us and getting advice from colleagues and managers is crucial for our professional development. The problem is not with feedback itself, but with how it's typically delivered and received in most organizations.
In "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)", M. Tamra Chandler makes a compelling case for reclaiming feedback as a positive force for growth and improvement. She argues that it's time to build a better feedback culture in our workplaces - one where feedback is frequent, fair, and focused on helping people develop. With the right mindset and practical techniques, we can transform feedback from something we dread into a valuable tool for personal and organizational success.
This book provides insights into why we react negatively to feedback and offers strategies for shifting our mindset. It also gives practical advice on how to seek, receive, and give feedback more effectively. By embracing a new approach to feedback, we can create more engaged teams, drive better business results, and accelerate our own growth and development.
The Value of Feedback
Despite its bad reputation, feedback is an invaluable source of improvement and growth for both individuals and organizations. Research has shown that companies with strong feedback cultures significantly outperform those without.
A 2018 study of 57 US companies found that building a "Performance Feedback Culture" was the biggest driver of measurable improvement in business performance. In such cultures, managers are trained in giving feedback and incentivized to do so regularly. The financial gains of the top third of companies with the best feedback practices were double those of the bottom third.
Moreover, feedback is strongly correlated with employee motivation. Contrary to popular belief, most employees actually want more feedback, not less. A global study found that 62% of workers desired more feedback, and 83% appreciated receiving it, whether positive or negative.
So if feedback is so valuable, why do we struggle with it so much? To answer this, we need to understand the psychological and physiological reasons behind our negative reactions to feedback.
Why Feedback Triggers Anxiety
Our aversion to feedback is rooted in our evolutionary past and how our brains are wired. When we anticipate receiving feedback, especially if we've had negative experiences in the past, it can trigger what's known as a fear response in the primitive part of our brain called the amygdala.
This fear response was helpful thousands of years ago when we needed to react quickly to physical threats like predators. It would trigger a cascade of physiological changes to prepare us for "fight or flight" - increased heart rate, blood flow to the limbs, heightened alertness, etc.
However, in a modern workplace setting, this same response is counterproductive when triggered by something as benign as an offer of feedback. Our body goes into survival mode, impairing our ability to think rationally and process information. As a result, we may become defensive, argumentative, or simply tune out potentially valuable feedback.
Understanding this biological response is the first step to overcoming our feedback aversion. By recognizing when we're having a fear response, we can take steps to calm ourselves and engage our rational mind.
One effective technique is to focus on physical sensations, like the feeling of your feet on the floor. This engages the prefrontal cortex (the "wise brain") and helps dampen the primitive fear response. Deep breathing exercises, like the 4-7-8 technique, can also help slow your heart rate and induce relaxation.
While these in-the-moment techniques are helpful, overcoming our feedback aversion in the long term requires embracing a new mindset and approach to feedback. Let's explore what that looks like.
Redefining Feedback
To transform feedback into a positive force, we need to redefine what good feedback looks like. The authors propose a new definition:
Feedback should be information that is both specific and clear, given or sought exclusively to help people or groups grow and improve.
Let's break this down:
Specific and clear: Vague feedback like "keep up the good work" or "do what Sarah does" is unhelpful. Good feedback provides concrete information that can inspire action.
Given or sought: Feedback shouldn't just be given - it should also be actively sought out by those wanting to improve.
Focused on growth: The sole purpose of feedback should be to help someone develop or change. It should never be used as a weapon or to demonstrate power.
This new definition shifts feedback from something potentially threatening to a valuable tool for personal and professional development.
Adopting a Growth Mindset
A key factor in embracing feedback is developing what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a "growth mindset." People with a growth mindset believe that their abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. In contrast, those with a "fixed mindset" see their qualities as unchangeable.
Research has shown that people with a growth mindset are more likely to:
- Seek out feedback, even if it's critical
- View feedback as a learning opportunity
- Be resilient in the face of setbacks
- Put more effort into improving their skills
By cultivating a growth mindset, you can change your relationship with feedback from one of fear and avoidance to one of curiosity and opportunity. Some ways to develop a growth mindset include:
- Reframing challenges as opportunities to learn
- Focusing on the process of improvement rather than innate talent
- Embracing mistakes as part of the learning process
- Seeking out new experiences and challenges
With a growth mindset, feedback becomes a valuable source of information to fuel your ongoing development, rather than a judgment of your worth or abilities.
Building a Positive Feedback Culture
Creating a workplace where feedback is embraced and valued requires laying the right foundations. The authors identify three key elements:
- Connection
- Trust
- Taking notice
Connection
Building strong connections with colleagues is crucial for effective feedback. When we feel connected to someone, we're more likely to trust their intentions and be receptive to their input. Conversely, we tend to disregard feedback from people we don't feel connected to.
Invest time in really getting to know your coworkers. Have meaningful conversations, try to understand their perspectives, and show genuine interest in their ideas and experiences. The more connected you feel to your colleagues, the more open and productive your feedback exchanges will be.
One practical tip is to aim for a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions, inspired by relationship research. By dramatically increasing positive connections with coworkers, you create a foundation of goodwill that makes constructive feedback easier to give and receive.
Trust
Trust is the bedrock of effective feedback. We're much more likely to listen to and act on feedback from people we trust. Building trust takes time and consistent effort, but some key behaviors include:
- Being reliable and following through on commitments
- Showing vulnerability and admitting mistakes
- Giving credit where it's due
- Being transparent about your intentions
- Demonstrating competence in your role
By cultivating trust in your workplace relationships, you create an environment where feedback can flow freely and be received positively.
Taking Notice
The practice of "noticing" involves observing things or people as they are, without judgment or emotion. It means being present and attentive to what's happening around you, rather than relying on secondhand information or waiting for formal review periods.
When you make a habit of noticing, you're able to provide timely, factual feedback based on direct observations. This leads to more meaningful and impactful feedback conversations. For example, instead of making a judgmental statement like "You're always late with your reports," you might say, "I noticed the last three weekly reports were submitted after the Friday deadline. Can we discuss what's causing the delays?"
By focusing on specific, observed behaviors rather than general impressions or hearsay, you create a more objective and constructive foundation for feedback.
Seeking Feedback Effectively
While receiving feedback is important, actively seeking it out can be even more powerful. Research shows that organizations that encourage asking for feedback see better performance and stronger teams than those that focus solely on giving feedback.
Here are some tips for becoming an effective feedback seeker:
Be specific: Instead of asking broad questions like "How am I doing?", focus on particular areas or behaviors. For example, "Could you give me feedback on my presentation skills, especially my use of visual aids?"
Seek diverse sources: Don't rely solely on feedback from your manager. Peers, subordinates, clients, and even those outside your immediate work circle can provide valuable perspectives. The more diverse your feedback sources, the more comprehensive picture you'll get of your performance.
Make it regular: Don't wait for annual reviews. Seek feedback frequently, ideally every few weeks, to get timely insights and track your progress.
Be open and non-defensive: When you ask for feedback, be prepared to listen without immediately justifying or explaining. Thank the person for their input, even if you don't agree with everything they say.
Follow up: After receiving feedback, reflect on it and decide what actions you'll take. Then, circle back to the feedback giver to share your plans and ask for ongoing input.
By proactively seeking feedback, you take control of your own development and demonstrate a commitment to growth that others will respect and support.
Receiving Feedback Effectively
Even when you're on the receiving end of feedback, you play an active role in making the conversation productive. Here are some strategies for getting the most out of feedback:
Ask the right questions: If the feedback seems vague, ask for specific examples. If you're not sure about the impact of a behavior, ask how it affects others or the team. Some useful questions include:
- "Could you share an example of when you noticed this?"
- "What impact did that have on the team/project?"
- "What's the single most important thing I should focus on improving?"
Assume positive intent: It's easy to misinterpret feedback as an attack or criticism, especially if it touches on a sensitive area. Always try to assume that the feedback giver has positive intentions and is trying to help you improve, not harm you.
Manage your emotional response: Negative feedback can trigger a cascade of negative thoughts and emotions. If you feel yourself spiraling, take a step back and ask yourself:
- What is objectively true about what I heard?
- What might be biased or subjective?
- How can I use this information to improve?
Take notes: Writing down key points helps you process the information and gives you something to refer back to later.
Reflect and plan: After the feedback conversation, take time to reflect on what you heard. Decide what actions you want to take based on the feedback, and consider sharing your plan with the feedback giver.
Express gratitude: Thank the person for taking the time to give you feedback, even if it was difficult to hear. This encourages them to continue providing valuable input in the future.
Remember, receiving feedback well is a skill that improves with practice. The more open and receptive you are, the more valuable insights you'll gain to fuel your growth and development.
Giving Effective Feedback
Giving feedback that is both helpful and well-received requires thoughtfulness and skill. Here are some key principles for providing effective feedback:
Know yourself: Understand your own communication style and biases. Be aware that your approach might need to be adjusted depending on the recipient's personality and preferences.
Check your intentions: Before giving feedback, reflect on why you're doing it. Is it truly to help the other person grow, or are you motivated by frustration, anger, or a desire to assert authority? Only proceed if your intentions are genuinely constructive.
Be specific and clear: Vague feedback like "You need to be more proactive" is unhelpful. Instead, provide concrete examples and clear suggestions for improvement.
Focus on behaviors, not personality: Frame your feedback around specific actions or behaviors that can be changed, rather than making judgments about the person's character.
Balance positive and constructive feedback: Don't only give feedback when there are problems. Regularly acknowledge good work and progress. Aim for a ratio of about 3 positive comments for every constructive one.
Make it timely: Give feedback as close to the event or behavior as possible, while it's still fresh in everyone's mind.
Be frequent and bite-sized: Instead of saving up feedback for formal reviews, give small pieces of feedback regularly. This makes it easier for people to process and act on.
Use the "SBI" model: Situation, Behavior, Impact. Describe the specific situation, the observed behavior, and the impact it had. For example: "In yesterday's team meeting (situation), when you interrupted Sarah multiple times (behavior), it made her hesitant to share her ideas and we missed out on her input (impact)."
Make it a dialogue: Encourage the recipient to share their perspective and ask questions. Feedback should be a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture.
Follow up: Check in later to see how the person is progressing and offer support if needed.
Remember, giving good feedback is a skill that improves with practice. Start small, perhaps by increasing the amount of positive feedback you give, and gradually work on providing more comprehensive and constructive feedback over time.
Creating a Feedback-Rich Environment
To truly transform your organization's approach to feedback, it's important to create an environment where feedback is a natural, ongoing part of work life. Here are some strategies for fostering a feedback-rich culture:
Lead by example: As a leader, actively seek feedback from your team and be open about how you're using it to improve. This demonstrates the value of feedback and encourages others to do the same.
Make feedback a regular practice: Incorporate feedback into regular team meetings, project debriefs, and one-on-one conversations. The more it becomes a habit, the less intimidating it will feel.
Provide training: Offer workshops or training sessions on how to give and receive feedback effectively. This helps everyone develop the skills and confidence to engage in productive feedback conversations.
Recognize and reward good feedback practices: Acknowledge team members who consistently give helpful feedback or who show significant improvement based on feedback they've received.
Use technology: Consider implementing tools or apps that facilitate ongoing feedback, such as pulse surveys or peer recognition platforms.
Create feedback opportunities: Set up structured opportunities for feedback, such as "feedback Fridays" where team members are encouraged to share observations and insights with each other.
Encourage peer-to-peer feedback: While feedback from managers is important, peer feedback can be equally valuable. Create a culture where team members feel comfortable giving each other constructive input.
Make it safe: Establish psychological safety by ensuring that feedback is never used punitively and that mistakes are seen as learning opportunities rather than failures.
Diversify feedback sources: Implement 360-degree feedback processes where individuals receive input from managers, peers, subordinates, and even clients or customers.
Measure and improve: Regularly assess the effectiveness of your feedback practices through surveys or focus groups, and be willing to adjust your approach based on what you learn.
By implementing these strategies, you can create a work environment where feedback is not just accepted, but actively embraced as a tool for continuous improvement and growth.
Overcoming Common Feedback Challenges
Even with the best intentions and practices, you may encounter some common challenges when trying to build a better feedback culture. Here are some strategies for addressing these:
Resistance to change: Some people may be skeptical or resistant to new feedback practices. Address this by clearly communicating the benefits of effective feedback, both for individuals and the organization. Share success stories and lead by example.
Fear of conflict: Many people avoid giving feedback because they fear it will lead to conflict. Provide training on how to have difficult conversations constructively, and emphasize that well-delivered feedback can actually prevent larger conflicts down the line.
Lack of time: In busy work environments, feedback can fall by the wayside. Combat this by integrating feedback into existing processes and emphasizing that regular, brief feedback can save time in the long run by preventing mistakes and misunderstandings.
Cultural differences: In diverse workplaces, cultural norms around feedback can vary widely. Be sensitive to these differences and provide guidance on how to give and receive feedback in a culturally inclusive way.
Feedback overload: Too much feedback can be overwhelming. Encourage people to prioritize the most important areas for improvement and to give feedback in digestible chunks.
Inconsistency: If feedback practices vary widely across the organization, it can create confusion and frustration. Develop clear guidelines and expectations for feedback, while allowing for some flexibility in implementation.
Lack of follow-through: Sometimes feedback is given but not acted upon, which can be discouraging. Encourage people to create action plans based on feedback and to follow up on progress regularly.
Feedback in remote teams: With more people working remotely, giving effective feedback can be challenging. Utilize video calls for important feedback conversations and consider using written feedback tools to ensure clarity.
By anticipating and addressing these challenges, you can smooth the path to creating a more effective feedback culture in your organization.
Conclusion
Feedback doesn't have to be a dirty word. By reframing our understanding of feedback and adopting new practices, we can transform it from a source of anxiety into a powerful tool for personal and organizational growth.
The key takeaways from "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" are:
Feedback is essential for personal and business growth, but our negative associations with it often hold us back.
Understanding the psychological reasons behind our feedback aversion is the first step to overcoming it.
Adopting a growth mindset helps us see feedback as an opportunity for learning rather than a judgment of our worth.
Building strong connections, trust, and the practice of noticing create the foundation for effective feedback.
Actively seeking feedback is as important as learning to receive it well.
Giving feedback effectively requires clarity, specificity, and a genuine intention to help.
Creating a feedback-rich environment involves making feedback a regular, natural part of work life.
Overcoming common challenges requires persistence, flexibility, and a commitment to continuous improvement.
By embracing these principles and putting them into practice, we can create workplaces where feedback is not just tolerated, but welcomed as a vital ingredient for success. This shift can lead to more engaged employees, stronger teams, and better business results.
Remember, changing your relationship with feedback is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, practice, and patience. But the rewards – in terms of personal growth, improved relationships, and organizational success – are well worth the effort.
So the next time you hear the word "feedback," instead of cringing, try to see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to learn, to grow, and to help others do the same. By reclaiming feedback as a positive force, we can unlock our full potential and create more dynamic, effective, and satisfying work environments.