Girl, Stop Apologizing

"Stop apologizing for who you are and start owning your dreams unapologetically." Rachel Hollis challenges women to break free from societal expectations and pursue their goals with confidence.

1. Women Are Conditioned to Seek Approval

From a young age, many women are taught to prioritize the opinions of others over their own desires. This conditioning often leads to a life of seeking validation rather than pursuing personal goals.

Women are frequently raised to believe their worth is tied to their ability to be good wives or mothers. This societal expectation can make it difficult for women to embrace ambitions that fall outside traditional roles. Hollis argues that this mindset limits women’s potential and keeps them from living authentically.

The need for approval often manifests in behaviors like apologizing for taking up space or asking for permission to pursue dreams. Hollis encourages women to recognize these patterns and actively work to break them. She emphasizes that no one needs permission to chase their goals.

Examples

• A woman hesitates to start her own business because her family expects her to focus on raising children.
• A working mom feels guilty for pursuing a promotion, fearing judgment from other moms.
• A young woman avoids sharing her career aspirations because they don’t align with societal norms.

2. Excuses Hold Women Back

Hollis identifies common excuses women use to avoid pursuing their dreams, such as lack of time, fear of failure, or feeling unqualified. These excuses often stem from self-doubt and societal pressures.

One of the most common excuses is “I don’t have time.” Hollis challenges this by urging women to take ownership of their schedules and prioritize their goals. She suggests tracking how time is spent during the week and reallocating even five hours to work on personal ambitions.

Another excuse is the fear of failure. Many women worry about what others will think if they don’t succeed. Hollis reframes failure as a learning opportunity and a necessary step toward success. She encourages women to embrace failure as part of the journey.

Examples

• A woman spends hours watching TV but claims she has no time to work on her side hustle.
• A writer abandons her manuscript because she fears it won’t be good enough.
• A mom avoids going back to school because she’s afraid of failing her classes.

3. It’s Okay to Be Different

Hollis emphasizes that it’s perfectly fine to have dreams that don’t align with what other women are doing. She encourages women to embrace their uniqueness and stop comparing themselves to others.

During adolescence, many girls strive to fit in and avoid standing out. This desire to conform often carries into adulthood, making it difficult for women to pursue goals that set them apart. Hollis argues that true happiness comes from following your own path, not someone else’s.

She also addresses the guilt women feel when their dreams differ from traditional roles. Hollis reminds readers that it’s okay to want something different and that pursuing personal goals doesn’t make them less of a wife, mom, or friend.

Examples

• A woman dreams of traveling the world but feels guilty for not wanting to settle down.
• A mom starts her own business despite criticism from her peers.
• A young professional chooses a non-traditional career path, like becoming a tattoo artist, instead of a corporate job.

4. Make Time for Your Goals

Hollis stresses the importance of making time for your goals rather than waiting for free time to appear. She provides practical strategies for carving out time in a busy schedule.

One effective method is creating a weekly schedule that includes dedicated time for working on goals. Hollis suggests finding at least five hours a week and using them wisely. These hours don’t have to be consecutive but should align with your most productive times of day.

She also encourages women to make sacrifices, such as cutting back on TV or social media, to create more time. By taking control of their schedules, women can make consistent progress toward their dreams.

Examples

• A woman wakes up an hour earlier each day to work on her novel.
• A busy mom uses her lunch breaks to research starting a small business.
• A professional limits her social media use to free up time for learning a new skill.

5. Overcome Fear of Judgment

The fear of what others might think often prevents women from pursuing their goals. Hollis urges readers to stop giving power to other people’s opinions.

She explains that judgmental people will always find something to criticize, so it’s pointless to let their opinions dictate your choices. Instead, focus on what truly matters to you and ignore the noise.

Hollis also highlights the importance of surrounding yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth. A positive community can help you stay motivated and confident in your decisions.

Examples

• A woman decides to launch her blog despite negative comments from friends.
• A mom enrolls in a fitness class even though she feels self-conscious about her appearance.
• A young entrepreneur pitches her business idea despite skepticism from her peers.

6. Focus on One Goal at a Time

Hollis introduces the 10-10-1 exercise to help women focus on their most important goal. This method involves visualizing your ideal life ten years from now, identifying ten dreams to achieve that vision, and selecting one goal to prioritize.

By narrowing your focus to one goal, you can give it the attention and effort it deserves. Hollis warns against spreading yourself too thin, as this can dilute your energy and reduce your chances of success.

She also emphasizes the importance of writing down your dreams daily as if they’ve already come true. This practice reinforces your commitment and keeps you motivated.

Examples

• A woman dreams of becoming a published author and focuses on completing her first book.
• An aspiring entrepreneur prioritizes launching her first product before expanding her business.
• A fitness enthusiast sets a goal to run a marathon and dedicates her training to that achievement.

7. Build a Strong Foundation

Success requires a solid foundation, including healthy habits, a supportive community, and a structured routine. Hollis shares practical tips for creating this foundation.

She recommends starting with a healthy lifestyle, such as staying hydrated, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. These habits provide the energy and focus needed to pursue goals.

A strong morning routine can also set the tone for a productive day. Hollis suggests using the early hours for activities like journaling, planning, and self-reflection.

Examples

• A woman starts her day with a 5:00 a.m. workout and meditation session.
• A professional joins a networking group to connect with like-minded individuals.
• A mom creates a weekly meal plan to save time and reduce stress.

8. Learn to Say No

Hollis encourages women to say no to anything that doesn’t align with their goals or values. This skill is essential for maintaining focus and avoiding burnout.

She advises using a simple rule: if it’s not a “Hell yes!” then it’s a no. This approach helps women prioritize their time and energy for what truly matters.

By setting boundaries and saying no, women can create space for their dreams and avoid being overwhelmed by unnecessary commitments.

Examples

• A woman declines a social invitation to work on her side project.
• A mom says no to volunteering for an event that conflicts with her personal goals.
• A professional turns down a job offer that doesn’t align with her career aspirations.

9. Develop Key Skills for Success

Hollis highlights several skills that can help women achieve their goals, including planning, confidence, and persistence. These skills can be developed with practice and intentional effort.

Planning involves breaking down big goals into smaller, manageable steps. Confidence comes from taking risks and learning from experiences. Persistence requires staying committed even when progress is slow.

Hollis also emphasizes the importance of positivity and leadership. By maintaining a positive mindset and leading by example, women can inspire others and create meaningful change.

Examples

• A woman creates a detailed plan to launch her online store.
• An aspiring artist builds confidence by sharing her work on social media.
• A leader motivates her team by staying optimistic during challenging times.

Takeaways

1. Dedicate at least five hours a week to actively work on your goals.
2. Use the 10-10-1 exercise to clarify your vision and focus on one goal at a time.
3. Build a strong foundation with healthy habits, a supportive community, and a structured routine.