Hello Sleep

"Sleep is not a battle to win; it's an ally to embrace." This book asks: How can we shift our attitudes toward sleep and overcome insomnia by reconnecting with its natural rhythm?

1. Sleep: From Natural Rhythm to a Managed Task

Sleep was once a natural rhythm in human life, as innate as breathing. However, industrialization and artificial lighting disrupted its organic flow, making sleep a task to manage rather than a source of joy.

The industrial revolution ushered in a new world of productivity, where long work hours and artificial lighting altered our inherent sleep schedules. Before this shift, people slept according to the cycles of day and night. Sleep wasn’t a solitary activity but a shared human experience, a communal part of survival and culture. As society transitioned, sleep became privatized, measured, and moralized.

Today, sleep is tethered to the idea of perfection. We see alarmist headlines about the dangers of insufficient sleep, pushing people to chase products and technologies that promise better rest. From overpriced mattresses to sleep-tracking devices, a trillion-dollar sleep economy fuels the notion that rest must be "optimized." This external pursuit often disconnects us from the simplicity of letting our bodies do what comes instinctively.

Rather than being thwarted by modern demands, we should rethink sleep from its natural roots. Instead of treating it as a problem to solve with gadgets or tricks, we can rediscover its instinctual pleasures by focusing less on control and more on acceptance.

Examples

• Before electric lighting, humans naturally adapted to sunrise and sunset patterns.
• Sleep apps encourage hyper-surveillance of rest, increasing anxiety when metrics are subpar.
• Earlier generations viewed mid-night wakefulness as normal, often using it for quiet reflection or light activity.

2. There Is No Universal Prescription for Sleep

Human sleep is as diverse as the people who experience it. Contrary to popular belief, there isn’t a magical eight-hour rule that fits everyone.

Sleep functions on multiple levels, taking people through stages like light and deep sleep, REM, and even periods of wakefulness. It's not about having one stage outperform another; every phase plays its own important role, just like balancing nutrients in a meal. As such, chastising ourselves for patterns outside an idealized norm is counterproductive.

The sleep we need is inherently tied to factors such as physical activity, emotional well-being, and life changes. Athletes in training, for instance, might require extra recovery time, while someone in a stressful phase of life may temporarily function well on less sleep. Evolution suggests this variability isn’t new; ancestral groups likely survived through heterogenous sleep cycles to ensure some members were always alert.

Instead of forcing strict sleep schedules, embracing personalized patterns and remaining responsive to our bodies can alleviate much of today’s sleep pressure.

Examples

• Teens often stay awake later naturally due to biological shifts in their sleep-wake cycles.
• Nursing mothers may periodically wake at night but rely on shorter but refreshing intervals of sleep.
• Shift workers adapt over time to irregular sleeping hours based on their needs.

3. Insomnia Involves More Than Just Nights

Insomnia isn’t defined by how many hours you sleep but by how it affects your life as a whole. It’s a daily struggle, extending far beyond sleepless nights.

Most people experience occasional difficulties with sleep, whether from stress or excitement. Chronic insomnia, however, becomes a pattern where poor nights trigger irritability, lack of focus, and diminished energy during the day. It develops not as a failure to conform to nighttime sleep expectations but as a sustained 24-hour struggle with the idea and reality of sleep itself.

Contrary to myths, insomnia isn’t about crossing a specific threshold of "too little" rest. For some, four hours may suffice, while others may feel drained after seven. What makes insomnia harmful is how it occupies the mind, fueling active dread before bed and constant worry during the day.

For sufferers, the first step to healing isn’t necessarily lying in bed longer but reworking daytime thinking and routines that reinforce anxiety over sleep.

Examples

• Workers staying in bed, hoping to fall asleep for "just one more hour," often end up more stressed.
• Parents with young children might function on sporadic naps rather than uninterrupted nights.
• Athletes suffering from injuries may mentally spiral into insomnia due to the added stress of lost training recovery.

4. Daytime Habits Impact Nighttime Sleep

How you spend your day lays the groundwork for the kind of night you’ll have.

A key player in sleep readiness is the "sleep drive" – essentially, how much your body craves rest at the end of your day. This drive accumulates from physical and mental activity during waking hours. But misguided choices, like trying to compensate for poor nights with early bedtimes, can derail it. While fatigue signals the need for rest, it doesn’t always align with true sleepiness – the overwhelming pull where your body feels ready to shut down.

Other common mistakes sap sleep drive: staying in bed longer in the morning "just in case" or alternating between erratic sleep durations like short and super-long nights. These patterns confuse your body’s rhythms. Counterproductively, inactivity is another culprit. Contrary to belief, lying down or "taking it easy" to stay rested when tired doesn’t build the sleep pressure needed for deep rest.

Rethinking how you approach daytime energy and activity lays the path to peaceful nights.

Examples

• Walking or light exercise during the day strengthens natural sleep pressures.
• Avoiding naps close to bedtime promotes deeper, faster sleep onset later.
• By staying awake consistently during active hours, your brain builds an organic fatigue for restful evenings.

5. The Perils of Struggling Against Sleeplessness

Efforts to fight insomnia often worsen it, creating a vicious cycle of stress and sleeplessness.

Many people treat sleeplessness like a competition, adopting strategies to "fight against it." But like struggling in quicksand, the more you try to force sleep, the further you drift from it. Recognizing wakefulness as a natural state and stopping the mental battle offers a surprising remedy: acceptance. This advice is rooted in principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which prioritizes present-moment awareness over control.

Shifting focus from mental anxiety to physical sensations grounds individuals in reality. Engaging with the present, through mindful breathing or noticing small comforts like the feeling of sheets, helps halt spiraling thoughts. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up but disengaging from unhelpful mental chatter about needing sleep "right now."

This reframing leads to eventual rest because the body, when not overburdened with anxious thoughts, often slips back into its rhythm more easily.

Examples

• Instead of tossing and turning, reading or journaling during periods of wakefulness relaxes racing minds.
• Accepting brief periods of wakefulness prevents cascading insomnia fears.
• Grounding exercises, like focusing on breath sensations, shift attention away from sleepless frustration.

Takeaways

1. Focus on consistency. Build a regular sleep/wake schedule that honors your natural rhythms, rather than chasing specific hours.
2. Accept and co-exist with waking moments at night instead of fighting them; practice grounding techniques that calm the mind.
3. Stay active during the day to bolster your body's natural "sleep drive."