Introduction
In her book "Holding It Together," sociologist Jessica Calarco sheds light on a pressing issue facing millions of women in the United States. Through extensive interviews with hundreds of American families, Calarco uncovers the systemic problems that trap women in exhausting cycles of work, family care, and financial struggle. This eye-opening exploration reveals how, in one of the world's wealthiest nations, countless women find themselves stretched to their limits, desperately trying to balance the demands of work and family while grappling with insufficient pay and mounting debt.
The book paints a vivid picture of the harsh reality many women face daily. Imagine a woman in a grocery store, juggling two restless children while anxiously calculating if she can afford essential items. This scene, all too familiar to many, serves as a window into a much larger issue plaguing American society. Calarco's work forces us to confront an uncomfortable question: Why are so many people struggling so much in a country of such immense wealth?
As we delve into the key ideas presented in "Holding It Together," we'll explore the systemic issues that create and perpetuate these struggles, the societal expectations placed on women, and the urgent need for change. Calarco's research not only highlights the problems but also proposes potential solutions, making a compelling case for why change is long overdue.
The Invisible Glue of Society
Calarco introduces us to Akari, a single mother of two young children, whose story exemplifies the struggles faced by countless women across the United States. Akari's life is a relentless cycle of work and responsibility. She juggles two retail jobs during the week and takes on an additional shift at a manufacturing facility on weekends, clocking in a staggering 50 hours per week. Despite her tireless efforts, Akari's maximum monthly income of $3,000 falls far short of the $7,300 living wage in her Indiana town.
The toll of this grueling schedule extends beyond financial strain. Akari carries the heavy burden of guilt for her physical absence in her children's lives. The tragedy of losing her partner to gun violence has left her children without a father and, in many ways, without a mother as well, as Akari's demanding work schedule keeps her away from home for long hours.
Akari's story, while heartbreaking, is far from unique. It represents a widespread issue in the United States, where countless women find themselves in similar situations, working multiple jobs and fighting to make ends meet. This raises a crucial question: In a country as wealthy as the United States, why are so many families struggling to survive?
The root of the problem lies in the lack of a robust societal safety net. Instead of investing in essential services like childcare and implementing positive social policies, the United States has taken the opposite approach. For decades, the federal minimum wage has remained stagnant at $7.25 an hour, while attacks on unions have made it nearly impossible for workers to secure basic rights such as paid sick leave and fair working conditions.
The absence of a safety net has far-reaching consequences. Compared to other high-income countries, the United States experiences higher levels of depression and poverty, alongside greater political unrest. Without adequate support systems, the responsibility of holding everything together falls disproportionately on individuals, particularly women.
Women like Akari become the invisible glue of the economy, working tirelessly for low pay while balancing childcare and other responsibilities. They are the unsung heroes keeping families afloat and, by extension, holding the country together. However, this situation is not just unfair; it's unsustainable.
The stark reality is that things could be different. As we explore further, we'll examine some possible solutions to this crisis. But first, it's crucial to understand how women become trapped in these cycles in the first place. What societal factors and expectations lead them to shoulder the burden of keeping their families and the country together?
The Path to Caregiving
From a young age, girls in the United States are conditioned to see themselves as "mothers-in-waiting." Society grooms them to believe that caring for others is their natural calling, a deep-seated belief that permeates all aspects of life and sets the stage for many women's futures.
It's important to note that not all women want to become mothers. However, the rates of unplanned pregnancies in the US are alarmingly high. About half of all pregnancies are unplanned, with a significant number of new mothers being in their teens. This situation is exacerbated by factors such as abstinence-only sex education and limited access to birth control, which can incur significant social costs. The recent overturning of Roe v. Wade has further tightened restrictions on abortion, meaning some women are now forced into motherhood against their will.
Calarco shares the story of Brooke, one of the women she interviewed. Brooke never wanted children but was raised in a conservative Christian family. When she became pregnant in college, abortion wasn't a realistic option for her due to her upbringing and family pressure. Feeling compelled to keep the baby, Brooke dropped out of college and took on multiple low-paying jobs to support herself and her child.
Another interviewee, Sylvia, found herself in a parental role without becoming pregnant herself. When her brother's girlfriend struggled with postpartum mental illness and drug addiction, Sylvia became the primary caregiver for her nieces and nephews. This unexpected responsibility forced her to abandon her college plans and stay in a low-income job she hated.
Sylvia's situation highlights how things could have been different with a proper social safety net. With government support, the children's parents could have received the help they needed, and Sylvia wouldn't have been forced to sacrifice her own hopes and dreams.
These examples illustrate how women often find themselves stuck in caregiving roles, whether through personal motherhood or by supporting other family members. When they inevitably begin to struggle, society places the blame squarely on them. Common refrains include, "If you'd gotten married..." or "If you'd gone to college..." – as if personal choices are solely to blame for their hardships.
The reality is that even when making the "right" choices – whether that's getting married, attending college, or pursuing a STEM career – security isn't guaranteed. Women who achieve higher education often incur significant debt and end up in precarious, low-paying jobs. The promise of stability through education isn't as reliable as it once was.
Despite these obvious systemic issues, US society continues to place the burden of failure on individuals. This mindset is deeply ingrained in the culture, as we'll explore in the next section.
The Myth of Meritocracy
The belief in meritocracy – the idea that hard work and skill inevitably lead to success – is deeply rooted in American culture. This concept dates back centuries, with figures like Benjamin Franklin arguing in 1766 that the best way to help the poor wasn't by making their lives easier, but by "leading or driving them" out of poverty. Today, this aversion to providing support persists, even among those who are struggling themselves.
The meritocracy myth has been reinforced through various self-help philosophies throughout American history. In the nineteenth century, the New Thought Movement, led by figures like Phineas Quimby, posited that personal happiness or misery was self-determined. One of Quimby's students, Mary Baker Eddy, became the founder of Christian Science and argued that health was a condition of the mind, not the body – something the individual could control.
These philosophies have profoundly influenced American thought, leading to contemporary bestsellers like Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret." Byrne's book promotes the idea that thinking positively will attract health and wealth, further reinforcing the notion that individuals have ultimate control over their lives.
The implications of this belief are troubling. It suggests that if you're an exhausted single mother working three jobs, that's your fault. This mindset ignores the many factors beyond an individual's control that can lead to struggle and hardship.
Americans cling to the myth of meritocracy because it makes them feel that if they work hard and have the right mindset, everything will be okay. This belief persists despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. As a result, rather than building a safety net and helping people in difficulty, US society passes harsh judgment on low-income families.
The endurance of the meritocracy myth benefits billionaires and big corporations while millions of people – women in particular – suffer. It allows those at the top to justify their wealth and success as purely the result of their own efforts, ignoring the systemic advantages and support they may have received along the way.
This pervasive belief system creates a significant barrier to implementing meaningful social support systems. It fosters a culture of individualism that resists collective solutions and government intervention, even when such measures could benefit society as a whole.
The Missed Opportunity for Change
The COVID-19 pandemic provided Americans with a brief glimpse of what a social safety net could look like. Despite the devastating impact of the crisis, it also led to significant changes – at least in the short term.
The pandemic prompted government intervention that provided real support to families. Research showed that pandemic relief efforts extended the average family's "resilience" – the time they could maintain their standard of living after a job loss – by about 15 weeks. Struggling families were given a temporary safety net, and this government effort had the potential to be a turning point in American social policy.
However, by early 2022, the eviction moratorium had ended, along with pandemic relief checks and monthly child tax credit payments. Instead of seizing the opportunity to permanently establish these changes, US society reverted back to its pre-pandemic ways.
The reasons for this regression are both complex and straightforward. At the center of the issue are politicians and billionaires who reap their own rewards from maintaining the status quo. Without a safety net, the population is easier to divide and exploit. And while the wealthiest Americans could easily contribute to a permanent safety net, the political will to make this happen is lacking.
For example, President Biden proposed a billionaire tax that could have generated $250 billion annually. But the bill wasn't passed, largely due to opposition from Democratic senator Joe Manchin. Manchin argued that instead of "targeting" billionaires, everyone should just "pull together and row."
This missed opportunity highlights the deep-rooted resistance to systemic change in American society. Even in the face of a global crisis that demonstrated the benefits of a strong social safety net, the country quickly reverted to its individualistic, every-person-for-themselves mentality.
The sad reality is that change is unlikely without a collective will to craft a strong safety net. Until people unite and acknowledge that a fairer society is in everyone's best interest, the rich will remain rich, and the poor will be forced to hold it together without support.
A Potential Solution: Unions of Care
While the current situation may seem bleak, Calarco argues that there is still hope for change. To illustrate the potential for transformation, she draws a comparison between the United States and Iceland.
In 1975, women across Iceland protested for their rights. In the years that followed, policy changes were made, and life improved significantly – particularly for women and children. By 2023, Iceland was ranked the best country in the world for women, while the US languished at forty-third. This stark contrast highlights the potential for change when society collectively demands it.
Calarco proposes a solution she calls "unions of care." She envisions a large-scale union that bridges the gaps between care industries, connecting care workers – both paid and unpaid – and the recipients of care. Such a coalition would promote a sense of collective responsibility and push for systemic change, elevating the societal value of care work.
The concept of unions of care challenges us to imagine a society where care is the primary measure of a person's contributions rather than achievement. This shift would transform how we value and reward those who provide care for others. While some people might be hesitant to join such a movement, we need to remember that we're all more connected than we might realize.
We already have care networks populated by the people we depend on and those who depend on us. Real change begins with acknowledging our interconnectedness and uniting to support one another. This was a central message of feminists in the 1970s and 1980s, and it remains relevant today.
Calarco argues that it's not too late to start valuing care and working toward a world where care work is fairly compensated – a world where a stay-at-home mother could be paid for her labor. This vision challenges the current economic system that often undervalues or ignores unpaid care work, primarily performed by women.
The concept of unions of care also addresses the isolation many caregivers feel. By creating a collective voice for caregivers, it could provide a platform for advocating for better policies, resources, and recognition. This could include pushing for affordable childcare, paid family leave, and better working conditions for care workers.
Moreover, unions of care could help shift the narrative around care work. Instead of seeing it as a burden or a "women's issue," it could be reframed as essential work that benefits all of society. This shift in perspective could lead to greater investment in care infrastructure and support systems.
The Path Forward
While the challenges facing women in America are significant, Calarco's work offers a roadmap for change. Here are some key steps that could pave the way for a more equitable society:
Recognize the value of care work: Society needs to acknowledge the essential nature of care work, both paid and unpaid. This includes childcare, elder care, and other forms of domestic labor that are often overlooked or undervalued.
Implement fair wage policies: Raising the minimum wage and ensuring equal pay for equal work are crucial steps in addressing financial inequalities.
Establish comprehensive family leave policies: Paid family leave for both mothers and fathers can help balance the caregiving responsibilities and reduce the disproportionate burden on women.
Invest in affordable childcare: Access to quality, affordable childcare is essential for allowing women to participate fully in the workforce.
Strengthen labor unions: Empowering workers to collectively bargain for better conditions can help address many of the issues facing low-wage workers, many of whom are women.
Reform education and healthcare systems: Ensuring access to quality education and healthcare can help break cycles of poverty and provide more opportunities for women and their families.
Challenge societal expectations: We need to question and change the ingrained beliefs about women's roles as caregivers and the myth of meritocracy.
Promote political engagement: Encouraging more women to participate in politics and advocating for policies that support women and families can lead to systemic change.
Foster community support: Building strong community networks can provide crucial support for women and families, filling gaps where institutional support is lacking.
Educate and raise awareness: Spreading understanding about the challenges women face and the societal benefits of supporting them can help build momentum for change.
Conclusion
"Holding It Together" by Jessica Calarco offers a powerful and sobering look at the struggles faced by women in America today. Through personal stories and rigorous research, Calarco exposes the systemic issues that trap women in cycles of poverty and overwork, challenging the myths and societal expectations that perpetuate these problems.
The book reveals how the lack of a social safety net in the United States places an enormous burden on women, who are expected to be the invisible glue holding families and communities together. It shows how societal expectations, economic policies, and deeply ingrained beliefs about individualism and meritocracy combine to create a perfect storm of hardship for millions of women.
Calarco's work is a call to action, urging readers to recognize the interconnectedness of our society and the urgent need for collective solutions. Her proposal for "unions of care" offers a promising avenue for change, reimagining how we value and support care work in all its forms.
Ultimately, "Holding It Together" reminds us that a society that better values and supports women benefits everyone. By acknowledging the essential nature of care work, challenging harmful myths, and working together to create meaningful change, we can build a more equitable and compassionate society.
The stories and insights shared in this book serve as a powerful reminder of the resilience and strength of women who are holding it together against incredible odds. It's time for society to step up and provide the support and recognition they deserve. Only then can we truly say we're holding it together as a nation, leaving no one behind in the struggle for a better life.