Holding It Together

Why are so many American women barely getting by in one of the richest nations in the world?

1. Women Shoulder the Invisible Burden of Society

Many women in the US bear enormous burdens while being undervalued and underpaid. They juggle multiple low-wage jobs, childcare, and household duties with little external support. This invisible labor is critical for the economy, yet often goes unrecognized.

Jessica Calarco shares Akari's story, a mother working over 50 hours a week across three jobs while raising two children. She earns around $3,000 a month, which is less than half the living wage in her town. Her immense effort keeps her family afloat but at great personal cost, leaving her emotionally and physically stretched.

This experience is widespread, and the absence of affordable childcare and stagnant wages only worsen the situation. Unlike other wealthy nations, the US lacks a reliable social safety net to ease these burdens, making women the de facto glue keeping society intact, often at personal expense.

Examples

• Akari, working low-wage jobs and still $20,000 in debt.
• American families facing depression and unrest due to lack of systemic support.
• Economies in other nations thrive with robust social programs aiding families.

2. Early Conditioning Locks Women into Caregiver Roles

From a young age, societal norms teach girls to prioritize caretaking roles. Even those who don’t want children often find themselves caregiving either for their own or extended families due to systemic gaps.

Calarco outlines how half of pregnancies in the US are unplanned. Brooke, a woman interviewed, felt pressured to keep her baby due to societal and family expectations, dropping out of college and taking low-wage jobs to raise her child. Similarly, Sylvia had her aspirations derailed when she was forced to care for her niece and nephews after their parents experienced crises.

These caregiving expectations aren't inherently bad, but they become damaging when society fails to provide childcare, support services, or mechanisms for shared responsibility. Women often have to abandon their dreams to meet these imposed roles.

Examples

• Brooke left college and became a single mother due to societal pressure.
• Sylvia had to step in as a caregiver and lost her chance to pursue higher education.
• High rates of unplanned pregnancies exacerbated by limited sex education.

3. The Myth of Meritocracy Blames the Victim

The belief that hard work alone leads to success leaves struggling women feeling responsible for systemic failures. This narrative persists despite minimal evidence supporting it.

Calarco discusses how centuries-old ideologies, like those promoted by Benjamin Franklin and later by self-help movements, shaped a belief system where failure signifies personal flaws. For example, Rhonda Byrne's book The Secret claims positive thinking results in wealth and happiness, sidelining structural barriers like low wages and lack of healthcare.

This mindset justifies not providing adequate support to women and low-income families, reinforcing the idea that poverty stems from laziness rather than the absence of opportunity or fair wages.

Examples

• Benjamin Franklin's stance that helping the poor would make them lazy.
• Popular self-help books influencing Americans to blame personal thoughts for struggles.
• Single mothers like Akari seen as "failing" despite doing everything possible to survive.

4. US Policies Exacerbate Women’s Struggles

The lack of fair wages and accessible resources traps many families in poverty, even as costs of living soar. These policies penalize parenting and caregiving instead of supporting them.

The federal minimum wage has been stagnant at $7.25 an hour for over a decade. Attacks on unions further ensure that workers can't negotiate for leave or better pay. And, rather than helping women like Akari, the system punishes them by not offering affordable childcare or paid family leave—policies common in other developed nations.

Without interventions, these women remain trapped in cycles of debt and emotional strain, all while being the backbone of low-wage industries like retail and caregiving.

Examples

• Minimum wage stuck at $7.25 since 2009 despite inflation.
• No federally mandated paid sick leave or maternity leave in the US.
• Women forced to prioritize work over family due to lack of child support resources.

5. Abandoned Relief Efforts Showed the Way Forward

Temporary measures during the COVID-19 pandemic highlighted how impactful a social safety net can be but were quickly dismantled. Families benefited from relief checks, eviction bans, and temporary childcare credits.

Research showed that COVID-era programs gave families an extra 15 weeks of financial stability after job losses. This proved that government intervention could transform the lives of struggling Americans. However, once pandemic measures ended, millions returned to precarious living without the protections needed to thrive.

The failure to extend these policies highlights a lack of political will, driven by those benefiting from economic inequities, including billionaires and powerful corporations.

Examples

• COVID-era relief efforts like extended unemployment and child tax credits.
• 15 weeks of additional "resilience" enabled by government-backed payments.
• Politicians opposing permanent funding for these programs.

6. Women Are Blamed for Problems That Are Systemic

Low-income women often face judgment for their struggles, as though their challenges stem solely from poor decisions rather than structural inequalities.

Calarco describes societal tendencies to blame single mothers like Akari, saying, “If you’d married or gone to college, you’d be fine.” In reality, "right" decisions, such as pursuing higher education, often lead to debt without secure employment. The blame game deflects attention away from unequal pay, lack of affordable housing, and minimal social support systems.

Such attitudes perpetuate unfair stereotypes about women in poverty, ensuring systemic inequalities remain unchallenged.

Examples

• Blaming unwed mothers for their poverty while ignoring systemic barriers.
• College graduates still financially unstable due to debilitating student loans.
• Stigmatization of women needing government aid, preventing many from seeking help.

7. Collective Action Has Made a Difference Elsewhere

Historical examples, such as Iceland’s women's strike in 1975, prove change is achievable when collective movements demand equality and justice.

Iceland used this momentum to enact family-friendly policies, becoming one of the most equitable countries globally by 2023. These achievements contrast sharply with the US, ranked 43rd in global gender equality.

The lesson here is that systemic change can happen through organized collective efforts focusing on supporting families and valuing caregiving.

Examples

• Iceland’s 1975 women's strike and subsequent gender equality reforms.
• Iceland achieving the highest gender equality rankings in the world.
• US's lagging position due to resistance to systemic reforms.

8. Care Work Must Be Seen as Essential

Caregiving, whether paid or unpaid, underpins society yet remains undervalued. Respecting and compensating this labor is vital for meaningful progress.

Calarco envisions unions of care—a coalition of caregivers (both paid and unpaid) and their beneficiaries advocating for enhanced respect, wages, and societal value of care work. By reframing care as essential, society can finally address glaring inequities.

Redefining contributions to society by valuing care work above material achievement could change the way we view labor and societal roles.

Examples

• Care workers earning poverty-level wages despite critical services.
• Unions of care aiming to create collective power for caregivers.
• Iceland’s policies that reward caregiving and parental leave.

9. Our Interconnectedness Offers Hope for Change

Calarco's call to action is rooted in recognizing that we are all linked. Supporting one another strengthens society as a whole.

Organizations, communities, and individuals must rethink how they value care. By acknowledging this interconnectedness, Americans can form coalitions to demand shared responsibility for caregiving and fairer resources for families.

Real change requires people understanding that providing care benefits everyone, making it a collective responsibility.

Examples

• Care networks already in existence within families and communities.
• Feminist movements of the 1970s emphasizing shared care responsibilities.
• Collective action driving societal changes in places like Iceland.

Takeaways

1. Advocate for and join movements that support caregiving, like unions of care, to push for systemic change.
2. Recognize and call out the harmful myth of meritocracy, focusing instead on addressing structural barriers.
3. Support policies that implement paid family leave, accessible childcare, and fair wages for care workers.