How To

What’s the best way to crash-land a plane, power your home on Mars, or even build a lava moat? Let’s find out what’s absurd yet possible!

1. Crash-landing a plane can be done creatively and cautiously.

Landing a malfunctioning airplane isn't just about luck; it requires quick thinking and analyzing your surroundings. If you're over a countryside, a freshly planted farm field becomes one of your safest bets due to the soft landing it provides. Avoid tall crops or sunflowers that could flip the plane upon touch-down. Even a cow pasture can work—just steer clear of the cows!

When the option of solid ground disappears, waterways or vehicles can be alternate choices. Landing on a moving flatbed truck or even a train is theoretically possible. By matching your plane’s speed with the vehicle, you have a chance at a safer landing. This trick, although challenging, is a technique air show pilots have performed.

For over-water scenarios, aircraft carriers or surfaced submarines might save the day. With proper timing and coordination with the ship captain, you could use headwinds from the moving vessel to counteract your approach speed and manage a secure landing. Safety lies in reducing your landing speed as much as possible.

Examples

• Aiming for soft farm soil over rocky terrain reduces damage risk.
• Professional stunt pilots land on moving vehicles, proving the concept isn’t impossible.
• WWII pilots occasionally landed on ships when they had no other choice.

2. Filling a swimming pool has unconventional solutions.

Constructing a swimming pool is only half the battle—the real challenge can be sourcing water, especially without access to pipelines. Using unconventional methods, like ordering 150,000 bottles of Fiji water from Amazon, might solve the problem but costs around $250,000, including delivery fees.

Opening all those bottles would require automation to save time, as manual unsealing during a single day would be impossible. Industrial shredders, like those used in recycling plants, can burst open thousands of bottles rapidly. This approach combines efficiency with practicality during an otherwise tedious task.

Interestingly, nuclear testing in the 1950s revealed that even extreme explosions can’t destroy beverage bottles easily—a reminder that simpler tools like shredders are more effective.

Examples

• Digging a pool requires about 20,000 gallons of water for standard designs.
• Recycling centers demonstrate rapid processing of bottles with shredders.
• Studies on nuclear explosions showed even extreme conditions couldn’t break beverage bottles reliably.

3. Excavating large holes demands heavy machinery.

Digging a big hole might sound simple but doing it manually with a shovel is laborious and time-consuming. With this traditional tool, a person might clear less than one cubic meter of soil per hour. Increasing efficiency tenfold involves stepping up to tools like vacuum excavators.

For truly grand-scale digging, mining excavators are the ultimate solution. These massive machines can remove layers of earth in systematic slices, converting terrain into upside-down layer cakes. Such a method reflects how major mines operate, like Utah’s Bingham Canyon copper mine, which spans over two miles wide and half a mile deep.

Beneath all this lies the drive for adventure or purpose—whether you’re creating a pool, searching for treasure, or simply experimenting with the sheer fun of moving the earth.

Examples

• A standard shovel clears less than one cubic meter of soil hourly.
• Vacuum excavators blast and suction dirt for quicker results.
• Bingham Canyon’s pit demonstrates professional excavation techniques applied on a colossal scale.

4. Lava moats are as costly as they are protective.

A lava moat may sound like a medieval fantasy, but it’s scientifically achievable with understanding and effort. Rocks must first be heated to a molten state, reaching at least 800-1,000 degrees Celsius. Insulated electric coils beneath the moat can maintain this heat to keep the lava liquefied.

However, lava loses heat rapidly. Continuous energy input equaling 100 kilowatts per square meter keeps the lava flowing but comes with steep electricity bills—costing around $60,000 a day for a one-acre moat. While physics allows such extravagance, keeping your environment livable amidst extreme lava heat requires careful engineering.

Cooling solutions can involve channeling heat through wall systems using nearby cold water sources. This method mirrors Google's cooling setup for data centers in Finland.

Examples

• Lava moats require rock types that melt above 800°C.
• Running costs, at $10 per square meter/hour, could outweigh deterrent benefits quickly.
• Heat transfer solutions, like water-cooled walls, can maintain comfort in nearby structures.

5. Mars has hidden power sources for off-grid living.

Mars lacks Earth's resources like rivers, fossils, or enough sunlight for reliable energy, but one surprising option remains—harnessing energy from its moon, Phobos. By extending a tether between Mars and Phobos, you can tap into strong winds resulting from the orbital speed differences.

To convert wind into electricity, attach high-speed turbines specifically designed for supersonic behavior. Transferring electricity back home can involve microwaves or battery drops. These turbines symbolize an innovative, though technically challenging, way to generate Martian power.

However, extensive use accelerates Phobos’ eventual crash into Mars, potentially turning energy savings into catastrophic risks.

Examples

• Phobos circles Mars at supersonic speeds, creating immense wind potential.
• Supersonic turbine designs are used in space exploration and aviation.
• Extended tethers risk pulling Phobos closer to Mars.

6. Achieving near-light speed enables cosmic exploration.

Traveling at speeds that feel faster than light may defy physics but becomes possible with relativity. Continuous 1g acceleration aboard a spacecraft causes time dilation—your subjective experience slows relative to external observers. After one year of acceleration, you'll seemingly cover over 14 months’ worth of distance.

By the second subjective year, the disparity widens further—making interstellar travels appear faster for you aboard the spacecraft. Pushing boundaries, decades of such travel transport explorers vast distances while the universe ages far quicker from your view.

This travel eventually leads travelers to witness far-future celestial events as external time outpaces their personal sense of years.

Examples

• Accelerations achieve moon landings within hours.
• Time dilation results in explorers observing rapid cosmic transformations.
• Relativity lets travelers compress light-years’ worth of journey perception.

7. Science offers creative ways to estimate age.

Analyzing subtle changes in the body, shaped by historical events, gives clues about someone’s birth era. For instance, nuclear fallout resulted in strontium-90 particles embedded in the bones of children during the mid-20th century. Testing for this element suggests if teeth holders were developing in the atmospheric testing age.

Leaded gasoline emissions affected Baby Boomers to early Gen-Xers—detectable via elevated lead levels in their teeth. Smallpox vaccinations, phased out in 1972, further provide another traceable physical marker for roughly pinpointing certain individuals' birth periods.

Using well-documented scientific and historic markers transforms guessing into evidence-based deduction.

Examples

• Strontium-90 residue traces exposure during nuclear testing peaks.
• Lead contamination defines the mid-century industrial period.
• Smallpox vaccine scars reveal population protection policies pre-1970s.

8. Creativity and luck can win elections.

Winning elections isn’t always about ideologies—rebranding oneself dramatically, as "Above Znoneofthe," leverages voter psychology, positioning alphabetically implied as “None of the Above.” This Canadian attempt humorously unveils how names manipulate ballots.

The legacy of Bob Caseys in Pennsylvania shows sheer name recognition plays just as large a role as strategy. Over decades, multiple individuals of varying relation bearing identical names surged political pathways into confusion, creating opportunities many exploited.

A mix of historical gambles and lighthearted scenarios showcases that personality alone doesn’t always carry campaigns.

Examples

• "Above Znoneofthe" played with voter assumptions in Canada.
• Several Bob Caseys competed for simultaneous roles in state policy.
• Branding yourself distinctively pulls unique attention during campaign seasons.

9. History is as absurd as creativity allows it to be.

Each improbable method you’ve encountered throws light on collective ingenuity and problem-solving quirks across eras. From detonation studies protecting soda bottles to lunar-fetching tethers in Martian initiatives, the examples provided validate imaginative problem-solving often grows from playful scientific investigation. 

Creativity stretches well into everyday alterations, like finding vaccines’ surprising population-era clues. It’s human curiosity amongst random scenarios defining entertaining but equally profound scientific possibilities.

Examples

• Atmospheric fallout linked human health decades post-detonation cycles.
• Pirate treasure hunts leverage geographic/unusual excavation logic.
• Exploring our universe’s time walls breaks archaic speed barriers metaphorically or physically.

Takeaways

1. Get creative about alternate solutions—real options exist where you'd least expect them.
2. Learn from real scientific quirks—laughter inspires wonder.
3. Stretch your thinking by exploring the extreme, both scientifically and humorously!