Humble Inquiry

“How can we build better, more honest communication in our teams? The answer lies in asking questions that value trust, respect, and sincerity.”

1. Honest Communication is the Foundation of Success

Good communication is critical for any team or organization to thrive. If team members can't freely voice their thoughts, productivity and collaboration suffer. Relationships built on open expression allow individuals to be heard and seen, which fosters unity.

When employees are too fearful to share their concerns, organizations suffer. This fear often stems from a hierarchical mindset where honesty is discouraged. For instance, employees might avoid offering feedback to high-ranking managers because they fear retaliation or disapproval.

The consequences of poor communication can be dire. Consider the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, where lower-level workers hesitated to report equipment issues to higher-ups. This disaster showcases how withholding information due to fear can lead to irreversible damage.

Examples

• Sports teams succeed when players share timely and honest feedback, like yelling "I'm open!" during a game.
• In hierarchical workplaces, employees often fail to notify their bosses about flawed company strategies out of fear.
• The Deepwater Horizon disaster happened partly because workers were discouraged from sharing concerns.

2. Asking Builds Trust and Respect

Effective leaders understand the value of asking questions instead of issuing orders. Humble inquiry helps leaders engage with their teams, making them feel valued and fostering communication.

When roles are defined by authority, team members may feel compelled to follow instructions even when they know better. Instead, leaders should adopt an attitude of humility and collaborative questioning. This approach builds trust and ensures that everyone's input is considered.

For example, during a relay race, asking "Which hand do you prefer for the baton?" demonstrates trust. Leaders who rely on their team's preferences make wiser decisions and enable better performance.

Examples

• Asking "In which hand should I place the baton?" allows for individual adjustments during a relay handoff.
• A department chair tackled high call charges by asking professors how to solve the problem rather than issuing demands.
• Humble inquiry leads employees to voluntarily admit mistakes, like making personal calls on company time.

3. Sincere Inquiry Builds Authentic Relationships

Many types of questions exist, but those rooted in sincerity reveal genuine interest. Showing care and respect helps build connections while encouraging others to speak openly.

When leaders show genuine concern, body language and tone matter as much as words. For instance, Digital Equipment Corporation's founder, Ken Olsen, walked around asking employees, “What are you working on?” This simple, sincere question engaged employees and fostered innovation.

However, in some situations, leaders may need to delve deeper to extract specific insights. Still, such diagnostic inquiry must emerge from a place of humility to avoid making the other person feel tested or interrogated.

Examples

• Ken Olsen's question, "What are you working on?" earned him the admiration of thousands of employees.
• Asking a friend, "Why did it make you feel that way?" shows care and curiosity about their emotions.
• Tone and posture during a conversation can reflect true sincerity, allowing meaningful bonding.

4. Conversations Can Be Guided Humbly

Sometimes conversations need a gentle push in a specific direction. Confrontational and process-driven inquiries help leaders achieve this while staying respectful and open.

For example, suppose a meeting leaves attendees visibly uncomfortable. A leader may follow up by asking, "Do you think they were squirming because they felt unsure?" This method, known as confrontational inquiry, frames a direct observation as a thoughtful question.

If a conversation seems strained, leaders should shift to a process-oriented approach. For example, asking, "Am I being too personal?" acknowledges the other person's comfort, fostering trust and understanding.

Examples

• Framing observations as questions ensures colleagues don't feel challenged.
• Asking if a discussion is "moving in the right direction" monitors comfort and productivity.
• Seeking dialogue clarity like “Have I offended you?” addresses discomfort directly.

5. Task-Oriented Mindsets Block Connections

Workplace cultures focused solely on task completion often discourage authentic communication. Prioritizing performance over collaboration diminishes trust and openness.

For instance, managers in a "do-and-tell" system assign tasks without room for feedback. This style encourages performance over relationships, leaving team members feeling undervalued and unheard. Worse, those at the top perpetuate a tradition of issuing orders instead of engaging in shared decision-making.

Organizations should celebrate curiosity and collaboration over “telling.” Doing so not only improves morale but also prevents critical oversights that arise from one-sided decision-making.

Examples

• Employees fear that asking managers for guidance may seem weak.
• Workplace cultures reward “task finishers” instead of inclusive communicators.
• Management students described promotions as 'permission to dictate,' showcasing a flawed attitude.

6. Status Obsession Hinders Team Dynamics

Our obsession with rank and hierarchy sets up barriers between individuals. Within these barriers, true communication cannot flourish.

We readily determine where others stand in the social pecking order and adjust our behavior accordingly. For instance, professors may act relaxed around students but turn deferential when speaking to Nobel laureates. The disparity in tone stems not from real differences but status-driven presumptions.

This mindset affects power dynamics within organizations. Managers tend to respect only those above them while disregarding subordinates. Conversely, employees show more deference to bosses than peers or juniors.

Examples

• A professor smiled graciously for student photos but showed awe toward a Nobel laureate.
• Sales associates are overly polite to customers, who often do not reciprocate.
• Tailors receive respect from customers for their specialized skills, revealing situational humility.

7. Admitting Vulnerability Strengthens Teams

Strong communication begins when individuals feel safe to express themselves openly. For leaders, sharing personal details can break the ice, encouraging others to let their guard down.

Hiding emotions or avoiding active participation stifles relationships. Leaders can model openness by revealing something personal, like a hobby or a memorable experience. This simple act encourages team members to open up, fostering camaraderie.

For example, talking about one’s passion for karaoke might encourage others to relate their own interests, cultivating mutual respect and understanding.

Examples

• Sharing personal interests invites reciprocal openness.
• Opening conversations with a relatable story makes teammates feel involved.
• Director Edgar H. Schein recounts how an honest admission can de-escalate conflicts.

8. Assumptions Wreck Conversations

Jumping to conclusions prevents meaningful dialogue. Our biases often cloud our judgments and interactions with others.

For instance, a father shouted at his daughter for “interrupting” his study session, not realizing she was bringing him coffee. A single clarifying question, like “What’s wrong?” could have avoided unnecessary conflict.

Leaders should ask questions before reacting. Taking a humble approach not only prevents misunderstandings but also strengthens important relationships.

Examples

• Asking “What’s happening?” might prevent unwarranted outbursts.
• Incorrect assumptions often sour interpersonal dynamics.
• Active listening resolves simple conflicts far more effectively than overreacting.

9. Humble Communication is a Skill Worth Building

The way we communicate reflects how much we value relationships. Leaders must prioritize respectful, meaningful exchanges, avoiding the temptation of “telling” over “asking.”

This approach goes beyond fostering workplace harmony; it also limits harmful consequences like low motivation or project misalignment. By acknowledging everyone’s contributions, leaders inspire loyalty and improve collaboration.

Practicing intentional, humble dialogue leads to long-lasting team growth and success.

Examples

• Employees feel valued when leaders prioritize their input.
• Listening sincerely brings stronger team cohesion.
• Intentional questions inspire creativity and accountability.

Takeaways

1. Encourage open communication by asking inclusive and respectful questions.
2. Self-disclose a little about your personal likes to help your team build trust.
3. Pause before reacting; ask for clarification to avoid false assumptions.