We all have a hidden superpower that we were born with but may have forgotten how to use effectively: the power of influence. In her book "Influence is Your Superpower", author Zoe Chance explores how we can reclaim and harness this innate ability to create positive change in our lives and the world around us.
As babies and young children, we instinctively used influence to get our needs met - crying to be fed or comforted, charming adults with our cuteness, or negotiating for what we wanted. But as we grew up, many of us lost touch with these natural influencing skills. We were taught to be nice, to share, and to put others first. While these are admirable qualities, we weren't shown how to balance them with effectively advocating for ourselves and our ideas.
The good news is that influence, when wielded thoughtfully and ethically, can be a transformative force for good. It allows us to manifest positive outcomes not just for ourselves, but for others as well. Influence gives us the ability to create meaningful change, launch movements, touch hearts, and change minds.
In this book, Chance provides science-based strategies and practical techniques to help readers rediscover and strengthen their influencing superpowers. She draws on research from psychology, behavioral economics, and neuroscience to explain how the human mind works and how we can work with these natural tendencies rather than against them. Through engaging stories and examples, she illustrates how small shifts in how we communicate and frame our ideas can lead to dramatically better results.
Whether you want to be more persuasive at work, create social impact, or simply get better at asking for what you want in life, learning to wield influence skillfully is key. This book will teach you how to do just that - not through manipulation or coercion, but by understanding human nature and appealing to people's intrinsic motivations. By the end, you'll have a toolkit of ethical influencing strategies to help you create win-win outcomes and positive change.
Understanding How People Think
To effectively influence others, we first need to understand how the human mind works. Chance explains that contrary to popular belief, we don't spend most of our time engaged in logical, analytical thinking. Instead, we have two primary modes of thought processing:
The Gator Brain
The first mode is what Chance calls the "Gator Brain", named after the alligator's tiny brain that relies mostly on instinct and learned reflexes. Our Gator Brain is our default mode - it's quick, efficient, and operates largely on autopilot. It handles routine tasks and decisions without much conscious thought, conserving our mental energy.
When we're doing habitual activities like driving a familiar route or scrolling through social media, we're in Gator Brain mode. It's also active when we make snap judgments or react emotionally to something.
The Judge Brain
The second mode is the "Judge Brain". This is our more complex, analytical thinking system that we use for tasks requiring focus and deliberation. When we're solving a difficult problem, weighing pros and cons, or learning a new skill, we're engaging our Judge Brain.
Most people assume the Judge Brain does most of our cognitive work. But in reality, we operate far more frequently in Gator mode. The Gator Brain is actually our default setting and serves as a gatekeeper - nothing even gets sent to the Judge Brain for deeper processing without the Gator Brain's approval first.
Implications for Influence
Understanding these two modes of thinking has important implications for how we try to influence others:
Appeal to the Gator Brain first. Since the Gator Brain acts as a gatekeeper, we need to get past it before we can engage someone's Judge Brain. This means making things simple, appealing, and easy to grasp quickly.
Conserve mental energy. The Gator Brain is inherently "lazy" - it wants to conserve energy. So the easier we can make it for someone to say yes or take action, the more likely they are to do so.
Leverage instincts and habits. The Gator Brain relies heavily on instinct and learned patterns. If we can tap into existing habits or natural human tendencies, we're more likely to be successful.
Timing matters. The Gator Brain is more receptive at certain times than others. Choosing the right moment to make a request or proposal can dramatically impact the results.
Chance provides a great example of appealing to the Gator Brain with Domino's "Anyware" campaign. To overtake Pizza Hut as the world's largest pizza delivery company, Domino's made ordering a pizza as simple as texting a pizza emoji. This played perfectly to the Gator Brain's desire for simplicity and ease. As a result, Domino's saw a 10% increase in sales that quarter and became the #1 pizza delivery company just three years later.
The key lesson is that when we're trying to influence others, we shouldn't overcomplicate things or rely solely on logical arguments. Instead, we should look for ways to make our proposals graspable, our calls-to-action simple, and our desired outcomes easy to achieve. By working with the brain's natural tendencies rather than against them, we can dramatically increase our chances of success.
The Power of Asking
One of the simplest yet most underutilized influencing tactics is simply asking for what you want. Many of us hesitate to make direct requests, fearing rejection or coming across as pushy. But Chance argues that we dramatically underestimate how often people are willing to say yes if we just ask.
She shares the story of Jia Jiang, who embarked on "100 Days of Rejection Therapy" to overcome his fear of hearing "no". Each day, he made an outlandish request to a stranger, fully expecting to be turned down. To his surprise, many people said yes - including a Krispy Kreme employee who created a custom Olympic rings donut arrangement for him in just 15 minutes, free of charge.
Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Our reluctance to ask often stems from a fear of rejection. We worry that "no" is a personal rebuke rather than simply an answer to a specific request. To get more comfortable with asking, Chance suggests:
Practice saying no yourself. Spend a day politely declining every request that doesn't appeal to you. Notice how it feels and that saying no doesn't mean you're rejecting the person entirely.
Reframe rejection. A "no" isn't a permanent judgment of your worth. It's just information about that particular request at that particular time.
Expose yourself to rejection. Like Jia Jiang, you can desensitize yourself to hearing "no" by making low-stakes requests regularly.
Focus on the potential upside. Remember that if you don't ask, the answer is always no. But if you do ask, you at least have a chance of getting what you want.
Asking Effectively
While simply asking is powerful, how you ask can greatly impact your success rate. Chance offers several strategies for making more effective requests:
Choose the right timing. Ask when the person is likely to be in a receptive mood and not rushed or stressed.
Eliminate diminishing language. Avoid phrases like "I was just wondering..." or "Would it be possible..." that weaken your request.
Remove qualifiers. Words like "kind of", "sort of", and "more or less" dilute your message.
Minimize use of "I". Excessive self-reference can make the listener focus on you rather than the request itself.
Start big. Ask for more than you actually need or want. This gives you room to negotiate down and makes your real request seem more reasonable in comparison.
Use the "magic question". For significant requests, ask "What would it take for [your desired outcome] to happen?" This invites collaboration and problem-solving.
By incorporating these techniques, you can dramatically increase your influence simply by being willing to ask for what you want. Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So start asking - you might be surprised by how often the answer is yes.
The Art of Framing
How you present an idea or request can be just as important as the content itself. Framing is the art of packaging your message in a way that resonates with your audience and increases the likelihood of a positive response. Chance explores several powerful framing techniques:
1. Monumental Framing
This approach emphasizes the significance, urgency, or excitement of your proposition. It taps into people's desire to be part of something important or groundbreaking.
Example: When Steve Jobs was trying to recruit John Sculley from PepsiCo to become Apple's CEO, he famously asked: "Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life? Or do you want to come with me and change the world?" This monumental framing recast the decision from a career move to a chance to make history.
2. Manageable Framing
While monumental framing can inspire, manageable framing motivates action by making things feel doable. When tasks seem overwhelming, people often avoid them altogether. Breaking things down into smaller, achievable steps can drive progress.
Example: A study by Australia's Commonwealth Bank found that credit card users paid off their debts 12% faster when their statements were divided into categories and they were encouraged to pay off one category at a time. This made the overall debt feel more manageable.
3. Mysterious Framing
Our brains are naturally drawn to novelty and curiosity. Framing something as mysterious or intriguing can capture attention and motivate engagement. This is why clickbait headlines like "You'll never believe what happened next..." are so effective (though be careful not to overpromise and underdeliver).
Example: The success of Marie Kondo's book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" can be partly attributed to its title that combines all three frames - "life-changing" is monumental, "magic" is mysterious, and "tidying up" feels manageable.
Choosing the Right Frame
The most effective frame depends on your audience and objective. Consider:
- Who are you trying to influence? What motivates them?
- What objections or hesitations might they have?
- What aspect of your proposition is most likely to resonate?
You can also combine frames for maximum impact. For instance, you might frame a new project as both monumentally important for the company's future (monumental frame) and broken down into achievable milestones (manageable frame).
Reframing Existing Ideas
Framing isn't just for new proposals. You can often gain traction for existing ideas by reframing them. For example:
- A chore → An act of love for your family
- A tedious task → A chance to develop a valuable skill
- A setback → An opportunity to learn and grow
By thoughtfully framing (or reframing) your ideas, you can significantly increase their appeal and your chances of influencing others successfully.
Anticipating and Addressing Resistance
No matter how well you frame your ideas or requests, you're likely to encounter some resistance. Rather than seeing objections as roadblocks, Chance encourages us to view them as opportunities for deeper engagement and problem-solving. She likens effective influence to the martial art of Aikido, where you redirect your opponent's energy rather than meeting force with force.
Strategies for Handling Resistance
- Anticipate objections: Try to predict potential concerns or hesitations before you make your pitch. This allows you to address them proactively or adjust your approach.
Example: When launching Beyond Meat, CEO Ethan Brown anticipated resistance from meat-eaters who might feel judged or deprived. Instead of focusing on giving up meat, he framed the product as an enhanced option (hence the name "Beyond") and partnered with fast food chains to show it could be just as tasty and indulgent as regular meat.
- Acknowledge and articulate resistance: When you sense pushback, don't ignore it. Instead, verbalize what you think the person might be thinking or feeling. This shows empathy and often disarms the objection.
Example: "You might be thinking I'm too inexperienced for this role" or "I understand this is a significant investment we're asking for."
- Ask permission to ask: Instead of launching directly into a request, ask if it's okay to discuss the topic. This gives the person a sense of control and makes them more receptive.
Example: Rather than saying "Can I have a raise?", try "Would it be alright if we discussed my compensation this week?"
- Affirm freedom of choice: Explicitly stating that the person is free to say no can paradoxically make them more likely to say yes. It removes the feeling of pressure or coercion.
Example: "Feel free to say no if this doesn't work for you" or "I completely understand if now isn't the right time."
- Invite collaboration: Instead of presenting a take-it-or-leave-it proposition, ask what it would take to make your request possible. This turns the conversation from a yes/no decision to a problem-solving exercise.
Example: "What would need to happen for us to implement this new system?"
- Offer options: Giving people choices, even if limited, can increase their sense of autonomy and make them more likely to engage positively.
Example: Instead of asking "Can you meet on Tuesday?", try "Would Tuesday or Thursday work better for you?"
The Importance of Listening
Effectively addressing resistance isn't just about having the right comebacks or counterarguments. It's crucial to genuinely listen and understand the other person's perspective. Often, what seems like resistance is actually a request for more information, a need for reassurance, or an expression of an underlying concern.
By listening actively and asking clarifying questions, you can often find common ground or creative solutions that address both your goals and their concerns. This collaborative approach not only helps overcome immediate objections but also builds stronger, more trusting relationships in the long run.
Remember, the goal of influence isn't to steamroll over others' concerns or manipulate them into doing what you want. It's about finding mutually beneficial outcomes and creating positive change. By anticipating and thoughtfully addressing resistance, you can turn potential obstacles into opportunities for deeper understanding and more robust solutions.
The Power of Social Proof
Humans are inherently social creatures, and we often look to others to guide our behavior and decisions. This tendency, known as social proof, can be a powerful tool for influence when used ethically and effectively.
Understanding Social Proof
Social proof is the psychological phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior for a given situation. It's why we're more likely to try a restaurant with a long line outside, or why online reviews can make or break a product's success.
Chance explains that social proof is especially powerful in situations where:
- We're uncertain about what to do
- The people we're observing seem similar to us
- We see many other people taking the same action
Leveraging Social Proof Ethically
While social proof can be misused for manipulation, it can also be a force for positive change when applied thoughtfully. Here are some ways to ethically leverage social proof:
Highlight positive trends: If many people are already adopting a beneficial behavior, make this visible. For example, hotels that inform guests that most other guests reuse their towels see higher towel reuse rates.
Show social support: When asking for donations or volunteers, mention others who have already contributed. This not only provides social proof but also creates a sense of momentum.
Use testimonials and case studies: Real stories from people who have benefited from your product, service, or idea can be incredibly persuasive.
Create visible symbols of participation: Buttons, badges, or social media frames that show support for a cause can encourage others to join in.
Leverage influencers and thought leaders: Partnering with respected figures in your industry or community can lend credibility and encourage others to follow suit.
Overcoming Negative Social Proof
Sometimes, social proof can work against our goals, especially if the current norm is not the behavior we want to encourage. In these cases, Chance suggests:
Focus on the positive minority: Instead of saying "80% of people don't recycle", say "20% of people always recycle, and that number is growing every day!"
Use dynamic norms: Highlight changing trends rather than static states. For example, "More people than ever are choosing to reduce their meat consumption" is more motivating than "Most people eat meat every day."
Appeal to identity: Frame the desired behavior as something that aligns with how people see themselves or want to be seen. For instance, "Be the kind of person who makes a difference" can be more effective than "Join the 5% who volunteer."
The Bandwagon Effect
A related concept to social proof is the bandwagon effect - the tendency for people to adopt certain behaviors or beliefs because many other people do the same. While this can sometimes lead to herd mentality, it can also be harnessed for positive change.
For example, when trying to encourage energy conservation, telling people that their neighbors are saving energy (and showing how they compare) has been shown to be more effective than appeals to save money or help the environment.
Social Proof in the Digital Age
The internet and social media have amplified the power of social proof. Online reviews, follower counts, and viral content all tap into our tendency to look to others for guidance. This can be both a challenge (as misinformation can spread quickly) and an opportunity (as positive messages can reach wide audiences).
When using digital platforms for influence, consider:
- Showcasing user-generated content
- Highlighting engagement metrics (likes, shares, comments)
- Featuring customer reviews prominently
- Using social media to create a sense of community around your idea or brand
By understanding and thoughtfully applying the principles of social proof, you can significantly enhance your ability to influence others and create positive change. Remember, the goal is not to manipulate, but to show people that others like them are already embracing beneficial ideas or behaviors.
The Importance of Reciprocity
One of the most powerful principles of influence is reciprocity - the human tendency to want to give back when we receive something. This deep-seated social norm exists across cultures and can be a highly effective tool for ethical influence when used thoughtfully.
Understanding Reciprocity
Chance explains that reciprocity is hardwired into human nature as a survival mechanism. In early human societies, sharing resources and returning favors ensured the group's overall survival. Today, this instinct manifests as a strong feeling of obligation when someone does something for us, even if we didn't ask for it.
Key aspects of reciprocity:
- It's automatic: We often feel compelled to reciprocate without consciously deciding to do so.
- It can be disproportionate: A small favor can inspire a much larger return gesture.
- It works with intangibles: Information, attention, and emotional support can all trigger reciprocity.
Ethical Application of Reciprocity
While reciprocity can be misused for manipulation, it can also be a powerful force for creating mutually beneficial relationships and positive outcomes. Here are some ethical ways to leverage reciprocity:
Give first: Offer value, help, or resources without expecting immediate return. This creates goodwill and often leads to reciprocation down the line.
Personalize your giving: Tailored, thoughtful gestures are more likely to inspire reciprocity than generic ones.
Make it unexpected: Surprise gifts or favors often have a stronger reciprocal effect than expected ones.
Highlight your contributions: Gently remind people of what you've done for them, especially if it might not be obvious.
Be genuine: Authentic desire to help is more likely to inspire true reciprocity than calculated giving.
Examples of Reciprocity in Action
The Hare Krishna Society significantly increased donations by first giving people a flower, creating a sense of obligation.
Restaurants that give a small gift with the bill (like a mint) see increased tips, with personalized gifts (like two mints per person) having an even stronger effect.
Content marketing, where businesses provide free valuable information, often leads to increased customer loyalty and sales.
Zappos' exceptional customer service, including surprise upgrades to overnight shipping, inspires strong customer loyalty and word-of-mouth recommendations.
Navigating the Complexities of Reciprocity
While reciprocity is a powerful tool, it's important to use it ethically and be aware of its nuances:
Don't keep score: Reciprocity works best when it's not explicitly transactional. Focus on building overall positive relationships rather than tit-for-tat exchanges.
Be prepared for delayed reciprocation: Sometimes the return may come much later or in an unexpected form.
Respect boundaries: If someone clearly communicates they don't want or can't reciprocate, respect that and don't push.
Be aware of cultural differences: The norms and expectations around reciprocity can vary significantly between cultures.
Don't use reciprocity to pressure: The goal is to create positive mutual benefit, not to make people feel obligated or manipulated.
Building a Culture of Reciprocity
On a broader scale, fostering a culture of reciprocity within an organization or community can create a positive cycle of mutual support and collaboration. This can lead to increased trust, better teamwork, and more innovative problem-solving.
To encourage this:
- Model reciprocal behavior as a leader
- Recognize and celebrate acts of reciprocity
- Create systems that make it easy for people to help each other
- Encourage cross-departmental collaboration and knowledge sharing
By understanding and thoughtfully applying the principle of reciprocity, you can not only increase your personal influence but also contribute to building more positive, collaborative relationships and communities. Remember, the most powerful form of reciprocity comes from a genuine desire to give and help others, not from a calculated attempt to get something in return.
The Role of Emotion in Influence
While we often think of influence as a primarily logical process, Chance emphasizes that emotion plays a crucial role in decision-making and behavior change. Understanding and effectively engaging with emotions - both our own and others' - is key to becoming a more influential person.
The Emotional Brain
Neuroscience has shown that emotions are not separate from rational thought, but an integral part of our decision-making process. In fact, people with damage to the emotional centers of their brains struggle to make even simple decisions, despite their logical reasoning abilities remaining intact.
Chance explains that our emotions often act as a shortcut, helping our Gator Brain quickly evaluate situations and determine appropriate responses. This is why emotional appeals can be so powerful - they speak directly to our instinctive decision-making system.
Emotional Intelligence and Influence
Developing emotional intelligence - the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and those of others - is crucial for effective influence. This involves:
Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotional states and how they affect your behavior and decisions.
Self-regulation: Managing your emotions, especially in high-pressure situations.
Empathy: Recognizing and understanding the emotions of others.
Social skills: Using emotional understanding to build rapport and navigate social situations effectively.
Strategies for Emotional Influence
Tell stories: Narratives engage emotions more effectively than facts and figures alone. Use personal anecdotes or case studies to illustrate your points.
Use vivid imagery: Descriptive language and visual aids can evoke stronger emotional responses.
Appeal to identity: Frame your message in terms of how it aligns with or enhances the person's self-image.
Create emotional contrast: Highlight the difference between the current situation and a desired future state to motivate action.
Leverage positive emotions: While fear can be motivating in some contexts, positive emotions like hope, excitement, and pride are often more effective for long-term influence.
Address underlying emotions: Look beyond surface-level objections to understand and address the emotional root of resistance.
The Power of Emotional Contagion
Emotions can be contagious, spreading from person to person in a phenomenon known as emotional contagion. As an influencer, your own emotional state can significantly impact those around you. Projecting confidence, enthusiasm, and positivity can help create a receptive atmosphere for your ideas.
Balancing Emotion and Logic
While emotion is crucial, it's important to strike a balance with logical arguments. Depending on your audience and context, you may need to lead with emotion to capture attention and create engagement, then follow up with data and reasoned arguments to solidify your case.
Ethical Considerations
Using emotion in influence comes with ethical responsibilities:
Be honest: Don't manipulate emotions with false information or exaggerated claims.
Respect boundaries: Be sensitive to others' emotional states and don't push if someone is clearly uncomfortable.
Use emotion to empower: The goal should be to inspire positive action, not to exploit vulnerabilities.
Be aware of unintended consequences: Strong emotional appeals can sometimes lead to unexpected or extreme reactions.
Developing Emotional Influence Skills
To become more effective at emotional influence:
Practice active listening: Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues to better understand others' emotional states.
Expand your emotional vocabulary: Being able to precisely name emotions helps in recognizing and addressing them.
Use "emotional labeling": Naming the emotions you observe can help defuse tense situations and create connection.
Work on your own emotional regulation: The better you can manage your own emotions, the more effectively you can influence others'.
Seek feedback: Ask trusted friends or colleagues how you come across emotionally and where you might improve.
By understanding the role of emotion in influence and developing your ability to engage with emotions effectively, you can significantly enhance your capacity to create positive change and build meaningful connections with others.
Conclusion: Harnessing Your Influence Superpower
As we've explored throughout this summary, influence is indeed a superpower that we all possess. It's not about manipulation or coercion, but rather about understanding human nature and using that knowledge to create positive outcomes for ourselves and others. By reclaiming and refining our innate ability to influence, we can become more effective in our personal and professional lives, and contribute to meaningful change in the world around us.
Let's recap some of the key ideas we've covered:
Understanding how people think: By recognizing the roles of the Gator Brain and Judge Brain, we can tailor our approach to work with, rather than against, natural cognitive processes.
The power of asking: Simply being willing to make requests can open up surprising opportunities. Overcoming fear of rejection and learning to ask effectively are crucial skills.
The art of framing: How we present our ideas can be just as important as the ideas themselves. Mastering different framing techniques allows us to make our proposals more compelling and actionable.
Anticipating and addressing resistance: By proactively considering potential objections and addressing them thoughtfully, we can turn resistance into collaboration.
Leveraging social proof: Understanding our natural tendency to look to others for guidance allows us to create positive momentum for our ideas.
The importance of reciprocity: Recognizing and ethically applying the human instinct to reciprocate can build strong, mutually beneficial relationships.
The role of emotion in influence: Engaging with emotions - both our own and others' - is crucial for effective influence and decision-making.
As you move forward and apply these principles in your life, remember that true influence is about creating win-win outcomes. It's not about getting your way at all costs, but about finding solutions that benefit everyone involved. The most powerful influencers are those who use their skills to uplift others and create positive change.
Developing your influence skills is an ongoing process. Like any superpower, it requires practice, reflection, and continuous learning. Be patient with yourself as you try out new techniques, and don't be afraid to adjust your approach based on feedback and results.
Finally, remember that with great power comes great responsibility. As you become more skilled at influence, always consider the ethical implications of your actions. Use your superpower to make the world a better place, to bring out the best in others, and to achieve goals that benefit not just yourself, but your community and beyond.
By embracing and developing your innate ability to influence, you're not just enhancing your own life - you're empowering yourself to be a force for positive change in the world. So go forth, use your influence wisely, and unleash your inner superhero!