Insight

“True self-awareness is about understanding both how you see yourself and how others see you—without losing confidence in the process.”

1. The Two Types of Self-Awareness: Internal and External

Self-awareness consists of two dimensions: internal, which refers to understanding one’s thoughts, emotions, values, and behaviors; and external, which is about knowing how others perceive you. While these two types might seem connected, research shows that they are unrelated. For example, a person may possess deep self-reflection internally yet remain blind to how they come across to others.

Studies reveal that people with high levels of both internal and external self-awareness tend to make better decisions and build stronger relationships. These individuals are more innovative, emotionally balanced, and effective in their personal and professional lives. The payoff is not just understanding oneself but aligning that understanding with how others view you.

Achieving self-awareness requires examining seven aspects: values, passions, aspirations, fit within environments, behavioral patterns, reactions to situations, and personal impact on others. Each element allows for a deeper grasp, from understanding your core beliefs to recognizing the emotional ripples you create around you.

Examples

• A leader who understands their values and consistently embodies them through action.
• An employee assessing which workplace culture best aligns with their strengths.
• An artist reflecting not only on their process but how their art speaks to audiences.

2. Inner Barriers: The Three Blind Spots of Knowledge, Emotion, and Behavior

People often carry blind spots that block their self-awareness. Knowledge blindness arises when we evaluate our skills or traits based on general assumptions rather than hard evidence. This leads to inaccurate self-assessment. Emotional blindness is the inability to recognize and articulate our feelings in the moment, impacting our decisions and relationships.

Behavior blindness occurs when we misjudge how our actions come across to others, as in thinking a presentation went terribly when feedback shows it was appreciated. Fixating on subjective, immediate impressions skews a full understanding of behavior and impact.

While introspection can begin to close these gaps, societal influences like the "cult of self" further distort personal growth. A growing obsession with uniqueness may inflate egos, leaving people to interpret their value in exaggerated terms, hindering constructive self-assessment.

Examples

• Mistakenly believing you are amazing at negotiations without checking results.
• A manager misreading employees' dissatisfaction due to emotional unawareness.
• A parent focusing on making themselves seem special through their children, ignoring real needs.

3. Introspection: The Right and Wrong Approach

Self-reflection doesn’t inherently lead to better understanding. In fact, asking ourselves “Why?” rather than “What?” invites our brain to provide lazy, oversimplified answers. Instead of uncovering truth, this can strengthen inaccurate narratives or reinforce insecurities.

A healthier practice is asking “What?” questions that promote exploration. For instance, instead of pondering, “Why am I always anxious at meetings?” try asking, “What about this situation makes me uneasy, and what can I do differently next time?” This approach directs attention toward patterns of thought and behavior instead of unproductive blame.

Lastly, differentiate helpful introspection from rumination. Excessive dwelling on negative thoughts—rumination—traps us in cycles of doubt and hinders progress. Introspection should aim to recognize patterns and apply learnings to future actions, not dwell endlessly on causing self-reproach.

Examples

• Swapping “Why didn’t this project succeed?” for “What could improve the outcome next time?”
• Naming emotions during stress to disarm anxiety rather than fueling it.
• Avoiding repetitive thoughts when reflecting on a breakup or professional setback.

4. Mindfulness Practices to Boost Internal Self-Awareness

Mindfulness emphasizes observing thoughts and emotions without judgment. One effective method is reframing, which involves finding a broader perspective, such as turning a perceived failure into a learning opportunity for growth and redirection.

Another approach is comparing and contrasting. This involves identifying patterns by reflecting on how current circumstances resemble—or differ from—past experiences. Tracking emotional and behavioral consistencies can reveal underlying tendencies or predictability in your reactions.

Daily reflections, where an individual briefly reviews what went well and what could improve, foster repeated mindfulness. This simple habit builds a baseline for growth by reinforcing awareness of successes and areas needing adjustment.

Examples

• Turning job loss into a chance to pursue exciting, previously ignored opportunities.
• Recognizing a tendency to feel restless after two years in jobs and adjusting plans for future career moves.
• Journaling each evening about daily wins and setbacks for clarity.

5. Receiving Feedback Honestly and Effectively

When receiving feedback, emotions can default us into defensive reactions. Instead of shutting down, approach feedback using the 3R model: Receive, Reflect, and Respond. Clarify the comments, assess how they resonate, and decide on actions.

Receiving feedback requires balancing vulnerability with filter mechanisms, especially if the information comes from sources with questionable intent. Reflection involves understanding which feedback pieces align with growth. Lastly, responding means adapting in small, intentional ways rather than overhauling aspects that don’t align with self-awareness.

Sometimes, this process reveals traits difficult to change, like missing subtle social cues. Accepting these aspects while openly communicating them reduces misunderstanding and promotes tolerance.

Examples

• Asking coworkers for examples when they call you “overconfident.”
• Affirming personal skills before reading critiques to maintain focus.
• Accepting limitations like difficulty in identifying sarcasm during conversations.

6. Building Collective Self-Awareness in Teams

Self-awareness can extend beyond individuals into the dynamics of entire teams. Teams succeed when they regularly evaluate their goals, processes, and assumptions about how outsiders perceive them. These reflections help identify gaps and enhance cooperation.

An insightful team doesn’t ignore individual contributions. Assessing what each member brings to the table ensures strengths are fully harnessed. By encouraging honest discussions on what works and what doesn’t, teams build shared understanding and drive toward common objectives.

Clear questions about priorities and performance can guide these efforts. For example, is the team prioritizing efficiency over creativity? Or has any member’s key role gone unrecognized?

Examples

• A work group analyzing how their marketing campaigns resonate with customers.
• Assessing whether meetings are productive or overly repetitive.
• Teams collaborating to see if individual burnout affects collective progress.

7. Role Models and Psychological Safety Foster Team Awareness

Leadership matters immensely when building team self-awareness. Authentic leaders lead by example in acknowledging mistakes and encouraging open dialogues. They actively demonstrate principles, earning trust among teammates.

In addition to leadership, empowering a “psychological safety net” lets team members safely admit failures, share ideas, or express disagreements without worrying about negative consequences. Faults are framed as opportunities rather than liabilities through consistent encouragement.

Creating rituals, like Pixar’s transparent Notes Days, integrates honesty and self-evaluation into workplace culture. Regular checkpoints ensure lessons from success and failures alike are embedded into daily work practices.

Examples

• A manager sharing personal challenges during team debriefs.
• A team member openly asking for help, knowing it won’t result in judgment.
• Company-led initiatives geared toward honest departmental reviews.

8. Handling the Oblivious: From the Stubborn to the Teachable

When dealing with oblivious colleagues or bosses, categorize them to strategize your approach. The “Lost Cause” resists feedback stubbornly, requiring you to focus on managing your reactions instead of altering theirs.

The “Aware Don’t Care” intentionally disregards how their actions affect others. Coping with them may involve finding ways to emotionally disarm harmful tendencies or redirect focus.

By contrast, “Nudgables” are open yet unaware. They improve through subtle feedback given in constructive, non-threatening ways. Talking involves showing their impact objectively, triggering accountability instead of argument.

Examples

• Brushing off irrational boss comments using mental humor techniques.
• Highlighting how team inefficiency worsens due to one oblivious individual.
• Gently pointing a coworker toward improved communication skills.

9. Embracing the Journey Toward Awareness

True self-awareness requires embracing imperfection. Grounding yourself involves identifying what’s changeable and accepting what isn’t. Value lies not in constant progress but in repeated efforts toward better understanding.

Actively questioning assumptions or recognizing the limits society places upon identity builds clarity. Awareness is a continuous, flexible process marked by determination rather than perfectionism.

Remember, self-awareness enriches far more than your personal life; it sets the stage for fruitful collaborations, leadership peace, and resilience amidst unsteady dynamics.

Examples

• Allowing personal growth during setbacks to be gradual yet deliberate.
• Reflecting openly with family/friends over changing views of priorities.
• Letting workplace missteps reinforce self-worth instead of diminish it.

Takeaways

1. Embrace a daily reflection habit—spend five minutes reviewing strengths and areas of improvement to build consistent self-awareness.
2. Expand your feedback circle beyond the usual suspects by seeking insights from unbiased or new sources.
3. Adopt reframing techniques during setbacks; search for opportunities nestled within challenges instead of lingering on loss.