Let's Talk

Feedback is not about giving advice; it’s about empowering and engaging others to grow and succeed.

1. Understand the Core Types of Feedback: Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation

Effective feedback starts when you recognize the type of conversation you're having. Each type of feedback—appreciation, coaching, and evaluation—serves a distinct purpose. Appreciation shows employees they’re valued, coaching helps them improve, and evaluation clarifies where they stand. Identifying which type your team member needs ensures your feedback hits the mark.

Appreciation builds relationships and acknowledges the efforts of employees. This kind of feedback works best when shared directly after an achievement, giving it emotional weight and reinforcing good behavior. Coaching, by contrast, focuses on growth by addressing specific areas for improvement and providing strategies for tackling similar situations in the future. Lastly, evaluations provide a status update, letting someone know if they're meeting expectations or landing that promotion they’re working for.

The problem arises when these are mixed up. If an employee is expecting coaching but receives evaluation, it can generate frustration and confusion. On the flip side, blending evaluation with coaching can make the critique lose its constructive edge. Being clear on what you want to achieve turns feedback into a powerful tool for connection and progress.

Examples

• Praising an employee immediately after they deliver an excellent presentation ensures the appreciation feels authentic and timely.
• Offering coaching insights to an employee who mishandled answering questions after a meeting can help them improve their communication skills.
• Discussing ranking on a sales team explicitly during a performance review provides clarity without mixing it with casual suggestions.

2. Approach Feedback with an Open, Compassionate Mindset

Before giving feedback, examine your mindset. Delivering your thoughts with empathy and flexibility encourages trust and dialogue. Trust plays a central role in making your advice meaningful and actionable.

Avoid memorized scripts—they narrow your focus and alienate the other person. In feedback, always align yourself with the employee, not the problem. Framing the situation as a shared challenge underscores that you’re on their side. Additionally, remind yourself that people are capable of change. Labeling someone’s behavior instead of their identity creates opportunities for growth and diminishes defensiveness.

For example, instead of saying, “You’re bad at deadlines,” describe the behavior: “I noticed the last report was late. Prompt submissions help keep the team aligned.” Words like this show belief in your employee’s potential. Staying genuine and connected to their unique strengths builds a pathway for improvement.

Examples

• Preparing for a feedback session without a script fosters organic conversation and active listening.
• Saying to a tardy employee, “Let’s figure out what’s affecting your timing,” makes it a shared problem, avoiding blame.
• Acknowledging behaviors (e.g., "I noticed hesitation during the meeting") instead of attacking personality reduces resistance.

3. Share Your Good Intentions Clearly

Employees need to know that you’re rooting for their success. Expressing this explicitly might seem unnecessary, but it can ease their nerves and foster a collaborative relationship. Being open about your motivations helps them see you as an ally, not just a critic.

Research on the phenomenon of “don’t shoot the messenger” shows that people appreciate when others announce their helpful intentions before sharing potentially tough news. This doesn't mean sugarcoating criticism, but framing it as part of a shared goal. Acknowledging your employee's concerns can also bridge gaps. Relating advice to their personal or professional goals ensures feedback feels valued and relevant.

For example, telling an employee, “I want to improve your presentation so the whole team sees you shine,” builds trust instantly. Highlighting your motivation ties the feedback to their potential success, reducing tension and promoting openness.

Examples

• Prefacing tough feedback with, “I’m here to help you succeed,” connects your intentions with their needs.
• Adding, “I understand how being the newest team member is challenging,” validates their feelings.
• Affirming, “We’ll work on making your ideas heard in meetings,” builds encouragement.

4. Listen with Empathy, Not Judgment

Listening is often undervalued in the feedback process, but it’s essential for creating meaningful dialogue. Good listening sets the stage for understanding and resolving any underlying issues.

Relational listening—focusing on the person’s perspective rather than judging their actions—is key. This approach reduces stress and fosters a safe environment for honest conversation. Validating their emotions is also critical. It doesn’t mean agreeing with them but acknowledging how they feel. Doing so creates the foundation for productive feedback exchanges.

For instance, if your employee feels overwhelmed, don’t dismiss it. Say, “I get how managing multiple projects feels tricky.” This acknowledgment shifts tension and opens space for solutions to emerge.

Examples

• Responding to frustration with, “I see why that’s overwhelming,” shows understanding of their challenges.
• Viewing feedback as a two-way street rather than a monologue builds collaboration and trust.
• Reframing from “Here are your mistakes” to “What’s challenging you right now?” deepens engagement.

5. Meaningful Praise Boosts Teamwork

Recognition is a motivational powerhouse, but many workplaces don't provide enough of it. Frequent, thoughtful praise builds energized, engaged teams, creating a ripple of positive work habits.

The most impactful praise highlights "we-strengths"—skills or actions that uplift the entire team. For example, acknowledging how someone facilitates group discussions transforms individual behavior into shared success. Positive reinforcement is especially important for new employees, as it instills confidence and encourages good practices early on.

Managers may worry about losing authority by giving too many compliments, but studies show high-performing teams have a 5-to-1 praise-to-criticism ratio. When employees feel valued, they generate more output that deserves recognition.

Examples

• Highlighting a team member’s collaboration skills ("Your input built alignment during our meeting") underscores their contribution.
• Celebrating a new hire for creative out-of-the-box ideas motivates future innovation.
• Offering frequent acknowledgment reduces turnover and increases enthusiasm.

6. Handle Negative Feedback Privately with a Growth Lens

Negative feedback often triggers stress, especially when poorly delivered. To avoid defensive reactions, frame criticism with the belief that change is possible.

Always address negative performance in private to avoid embarrassment or morale issues. Use a growth mindset—implying skills can improve rather than fixed traits—to offer constructive strategies for development. If the problem is awkward, such as personal hygiene, acknowledge its difficulty, clearly state observations, and collaboratively pursue a solution.

For example, say to an underperforming salesperson, “Here’s where negotiation tripped you up; let’s practice four key techniques to try next time.” This approach lowers stress while offering a clear path forward.

Examples

• Privately discussing a missed deadline avoids public blame and encourages honest dialogue.
• Suggesting, “Let’s brush up on time management together,” communicates trust in change.
• Addressing an uncomfortable issue softly (“This conversation may be a bit tricky”) cuts initial tension.

7. Check In Regularly to Avoid Surprises

Frequent feedback sessions prevent confusion and ensure employees know where they stand. Consistency allows you to address concerns early and celebrate success promptly.

Regular check-ins are especially important for employees facing challenges or new responsibilities. Evaluations should occur often enough that there are no surprises during formal reviews. A brief recap of takeaways during check-ins ensures alignment and strengthens mutual understanding.

For example, if you review a junior team member monthly, they’ll have no surprises about targets or upcoming evaluations, reducing anxiety and fostering growth.

Examples

• Monthly coaching ensures long-term projects stay on course without major delays.
• Quarterly check-ins help track work-life balance for overburdened staff.
• Weekly feedback for new employees helps them adapt quickly and confidently.

Takeaways

1. Always align feedback to the type your employee needs: appreciation, coaching, or evaluation.
2. Start conversations with why you’re on your team’s side and what their growth means to you.
3. Use relational listening to deepen trust and validation during challenging feedback moments.