No Hard Feelings

"Most of us have gotten used to the idea that mixing our emotions with work is somehow taboo. But that’s just a myth." – Liz Fosslien

1. Emotions at work are not a weakness but a strength.

For years, workplaces have perpetuated the idea that emotions should be left at the door. However, emotions are an integral part of being human, and suppressing them can harm both individuals and organizations. A workplace that embraces emotions fosters better communication, stronger relationships, and higher productivity.

Research supports this idea. For instance, Kim Cameron from the University of Michigan found that organizations that discourage compassion and gratitude experience higher turnover rates. Similarly, Barry Staw from Berkeley discovered that employees with rude managers make more mistakes and forget important details. These findings highlight the importance of emotional expression in creating a positive work environment.

Small actions can make a big difference. The Ritz-Carlton’s 10/5 rule, where employees smile and greet others within a certain distance, has been adopted by hospitals to improve both employee and customer satisfaction. Simple gestures like these can transform workplace culture and make employees feel valued.

Examples

• Employees at the Ritz-Carlton use the 10/5 rule to create a welcoming atmosphere.
• Compassionate workplaces experience lower turnover rates, as shown in Kim Cameron’s research.
• Rude management leads to poor decision-making, according to Barry Staw’s study.

2. Leaders should balance vulnerability with reassurance.

Leaders who show vulnerability can inspire trust and connection among their teams. Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, exemplified this when he cried in front of employees during a tough time for the company. His openness made employees feel seen and valued, but he also paired his vulnerability with a clear plan for the future.

While vulnerability is powerful, it must be balanced. Leaders who overshare or express anger can lose authority and demotivate their teams. A University of Amsterdam study found that employees were less willing to work under angry managers, while those with calm leaders experienced reduced stress levels.

The key is to share emotions thoughtfully. Schultz’s tears were followed by a roadmap to recovery, which reassured employees and motivated them to rally behind him. Leaders should aim to be authentic but also provide solutions to challenges, ensuring their teams feel supported rather than overwhelmed.

Examples

• Howard Schultz cried in front of Starbucks employees but also presented a recovery plan.
• Calm managers reduce employee stress by over 30%, according to a University of Amsterdam study.
• Angry leaders demotivate teams, leading to lower productivity.

3. Overworking leads to burnout – care less about work and more about yourself.

Many people equate passion for work with long hours and constant availability. However, this mindset often leads to stress, anxiety, and burnout. Instead, caring a little less about work and prioritizing personal well-being can lead to a healthier, more balanced life.

Taking breaks is essential. Over half of Americans don’t use all their paid vacation days, according to a 2017 MarketWatch article. Encouraging employees to take time off can improve morale and reduce burnout. For example, Boston Consulting Group’s policy of predictable time off gave employees one guaranteed work-free evening per week, leading to happier teams and lower turnover.

Unstructured leisure time is also important. A Duke University study found that rigidly scheduling hobbies can make them feel like chores, reducing their enjoyment. Embracing unproductive time allows people to recharge and return to work with renewed energy.

Examples

• Over 50% of Americans don’t take all their vacation days, leading to burnout.
• Boston Consulting Group’s predictable time off policy improved employee happiness.
• Duke University research shows that overly structured hobbies reduce relaxation.

4. Motivation thrives on control and purpose.

Feeling in control of your work is a major driver of motivation. People value autonomy more than power, as shown in a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. When employees have the freedom to make decisions, they feel more engaged and productive.

Best Buy’s Results-Only Work Environment policy is a great example. Employees were allowed to set their own schedules and eliminate unnecessary tasks. This flexibility boosted morale and productivity, as employees tailored their workdays to fit their needs.

Purpose is another key motivator. At Wharton, cold-callers who met scholarship recipients raised twice as much money as those who didn’t. Connecting with the impact of their work gave them a sense of purpose, which fueled their efforts.

Examples

• Best Buy’s flexible work policy increased productivity and morale.
• Employees value autonomy over power, according to research.
• Wharton cold-callers raised more funds after meeting scholarship recipients.

5. Emotions are valuable tools for decision-making.

We often think of decision-making as a purely rational process, but emotions play a critical role. Gut feelings are your brain’s way of processing past experiences and can provide valuable insights. Ignoring them can lead to poor choices.

For example, a 2007 study in the Academy of Management Journal found that investors who felt strong emotions made better decisions than those who didn’t. Emotions can highlight what truly matters to us, helping us make choices aligned with our values.

To use emotions effectively, distinguish between relevant and irrelevant feelings. For instance, regret about a missed opportunity can guide future decisions, while hunger during a job interview is irrelevant. Writing down your emotions can help you separate the useful ones from the distractions.

Examples

• Investors with strong emotions made better decisions, according to a 2007 study.
• Gut feelings reflect your brain’s processing of past experiences.
• Writing down emotions helps identify which ones are relevant to your decisions.

6. Psychological safety boosts team performance.

Teams perform best when members feel safe to share ideas without fear of judgment. Google’s analysis of 200 teams found that psychological safety was the most important factor in team success. It fosters open communication, creativity, and collaboration.

When teams lack psychological safety, performance suffers. In a simulation, doctors who were treated rudely made serious mistakes, such as misdiagnosing patients. This shows how a hostile environment can hinder even highly skilled professionals.

Leaders can create psychological safety by encouraging diverse ideas and reducing pressure. Techniques like bad idea brainstorming or anonymous idea submissions can help team members feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts.

Examples

• Google found that psychological safety was the top predictor of team success.
• Rude treatment in a medical simulation led to critical errors.
• Bad idea brainstorming encourages open communication in teams.

7. Honest communication prevents workplace conflicts.

Many people avoid difficult conversations at work, fearing awkwardness or confrontation. However, open communication is essential for resolving misunderstandings and building trust. A simple framework like “When you do that, I feel this” can help express emotions without escalating tensions.

For example, one of the authors resolved a conflict with a colleague by asking why he spoke slowly. It turned out he was trying to avoid sounding unprepared, not being condescending. This conversation cleared up the misunderstanding and improved their working relationship.

Digital communication also requires careful attention. Misunderstandings are common in emails and texts, so emotionally proofreading messages and using emojis when appropriate can help convey tone and intent.

Examples

• The “When you do that, I feel this” framework fosters productive conversations.
• Misunderstandings can be resolved by asking clarifying questions.
• Emojis can prevent misinterpretations in digital communication.

8. Small gestures create a sense of belonging.

Feeling like you belong at work is essential for happiness and retention. Simple actions, like a warm welcome on a new hire’s first day, can make a big difference. Google found that employees who received a warm welcome were more productive nine months later.

IDEO, a design consultancy, takes this further by personalizing onboarding experiences. New hires receive a pack of their favorite snacks on their first day, based on a pre-employment survey. These small touches show employees that they are valued as individuals.

Belonging reduces turnover and fosters loyalty. A 2017 New York Times article identified a lack of belonging as one of the top predictors of employee turnover, emphasizing the importance of creating a welcoming environment.

Examples

• Google’s warm welcomes boost productivity for new hires.
• IDEO personalizes onboarding with thoughtful gestures.
• A lack of belonging is a major predictor of turnover, according to the New York Times.

9. Embracing emotions leads to a richer work life.

Suppressing emotions at work can lead to dissatisfaction and missed opportunities for connection. By acknowledging and expressing emotions, employees and leaders can create a more fulfilling and productive workplace.

For example, the Ritz-Carlton’s 10/5 rule and Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz’s vulnerability both demonstrate how emotional expression can strengthen workplace culture. These practices show that emotions are not a liability but a valuable asset.

When emotions are embraced, workplaces become more human. Employees feel seen, heard, and valued, leading to stronger relationships and better outcomes for everyone involved.

Examples

• The Ritz-Carlton’s 10/5 rule fosters positive interactions.
• Howard Schultz’s vulnerability inspired Starbucks employees.
• Expressing emotions creates a more human workplace culture.

Takeaways

1. Use the “When you do that, I feel this” framework to address workplace conflicts calmly and constructively.
2. Encourage psychological safety in teams by starting meetings with bad idea brainstorming or anonymous idea submissions.
3. Take time off and embrace unstructured leisure activities to recharge and prevent burnout.