Quick Confidence

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you build, one step at a time.

1. First Impressions Matter – Be Warm, Be Real

First impressions can set the tone for relationships, whether at work or in social settings. The book emphasizes the importance of authenticity when meeting new people. Trying too hard to impress others can backfire, as people are quick to sense insincerity. Instead, focus on being warm, approachable, and genuine. This not only helps you feel more confident but also creates a positive environment for others.

Selena Rezvani introduces the "dog code" as a playful yet effective way to approach first impressions. Like a friendly dog wagging its tail, you should step forward with enthusiasm and openness. This means initiating conversations, smiling, and showing genuine interest in others. Such behavior not only makes you memorable but also helps you combat biases and foster inclusivity.

Body language plays a big role in how others perceive you. Simple actions like turning toward someone, standing up to greet them, or matching their pace while walking can convey warmth and attentiveness. These small gestures can make a big difference in how others respond to you, boosting your confidence in the process.

Examples

• Smiling and making eye contact during a job interview to convey confidence and friendliness.
• Greeting a new colleague by standing up, shaking hands, and asking about their background.
• Initiating a conversation at a networking event by introducing yourself with enthusiasm.

2. Build Confidence by Creating Belonging

Confidence grows when you make others feel included. By fostering a sense of belonging, you not only help others but also reinforce your own self-assurance. Being an ally to others and creating inclusive spaces shows that you’re approachable and collaborative, which leaves a lasting impression.

Creating belonging starts with small actions, like listening actively and valuing others’ input. When you make people feel heard and respected, you build trust and rapport. This, in turn, strengthens your own confidence because you know you’re contributing positively to the group dynamic.

Standing your ground is another key aspect of confidence. While it’s important to be inclusive, you also need to advocate for yourself. Regular one-on-one meetings with your boss, for example, provide a safe space to discuss feedback and assert your needs. This balance of inclusivity and self-advocacy helps you navigate power dynamics with poise.

Examples

• Encouraging a quiet team member to share their ideas during a meeting.
• Scheduling a private meeting with your manager to discuss your career goals and ask for feedback.
• Supporting a new hire by showing them the ropes and making them feel welcome.

3. Stop Overdoing and Learn to Say No

Overcommitting can drain your energy and erode your confidence. Many people fall into the trap of saying yes to everything, hoping to please others or prove their worth. However, this often leads to burnout and a reputation for being unable to set boundaries.

Learning to say no is a powerful way to reclaim your time and energy. It’s okay to disappoint people occasionally – it’s a natural part of life. By setting boundaries, you show that you value your own well-being, which ultimately boosts your confidence.

When saying no, keep your response short and to the point. Avoid over-explaining, as this can make you seem uncertain. Instead, practice being direct and firm. This not only saves time but also reinforces your self-assurance.

Examples

• Declining a last-minute project request by saying, “I’m at capacity right now, but I’d be happy to help next week.”
• Turning down a social invitation when you need rest, without feeling the need to justify your decision.
• Politely refusing to take on a coworker’s tasks by suggesting they seek help from someone else.

4. Tame Overthinking with Simple Techniques

Overthinking can paralyze you and sap your confidence. The book offers practical tools to interrupt spiraling thoughts and regain focus. One such method is the stop-clap technique, where you visualize a stop sign and clap your hands to break the cycle of overthinking.

Another effective tool is box breathing, a technique that involves controlled breathing to calm your mind and body. By focusing on your breath, you can slow your heart rate and bring yourself back to the present moment. This helps you approach challenges with a clearer mind.

These techniques are especially useful in high-pressure situations, like meetings or presentations. By calming your nerves, you can respond with composure and confidence, even when you’re put on the spot.

Examples

• Using the stop-clap method when you catch yourself obsessing over a mistake at work.
• Practicing box breathing before a big presentation to steady your nerves.
• Pausing to take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed during a heated discussion.

5. Handle High-Stakes Moments with Poise

High-stakes situations, like meetings with your boss or important presentations, can be nerve-wracking. The key to handling these moments is preparation and perspective. Remember that everyone, including your boss, is human and has their own insecurities.

Understanding your boss’s preferences can help you navigate these interactions more effectively. Pay attention to what they respond positively to and what frustrates them. This knowledge can guide your approach and make conversations smoother.

When you’re put on the spot, take a moment to pause and organize your thoughts. Buying yourself a few seconds can make a big difference in how you respond. This simple act of composure can boost your confidence and leave a positive impression.

Examples

• Preparing for a meeting by reviewing your boss’s past feedback and tailoring your presentation accordingly.
• Pausing to collect your thoughts when asked a tough question during a meeting.
• Observing your boss’s body language to gauge their mood and adjust your approach.

6. Navigate Toxic Workplaces with Grounding Techniques

Toxic workplaces can erode your confidence, but there are ways to protect yourself. Grounding techniques, like using a touchstone or practicing progressive muscle relaxation, can help you stay calm and focused in challenging environments.

A touchstone is a small object that you can hold to center yourself during stressful moments. Progressive muscle relaxation involves tensing and releasing different muscle groups to release tension and regain a sense of control.

Writing can also be a powerful outlet for stress. By jotting down your frustrations in a notebook, you can clear your mind and let go of negative emotions. These practices can help you maintain your confidence, even in difficult situations.

Examples

• Holding a smooth rock in your hand during a tense meeting to stay grounded.
• Practicing progressive muscle relaxation at your desk after a stressful interaction with a coworker.
• Writing down your thoughts in a journal to process your emotions and move forward.

7. Avoid Gossip and Build Positive Relationships

Gossip and negativity can poison workplace relationships and undermine your confidence. Instead of engaging in these behaviors, focus on building supportive connections with your colleagues.

Being an ally to others, especially newcomers, can create a positive atmosphere and strengthen your own sense of belonging. When you help others feel valued, you reinforce your own confidence and contribute to a healthier work environment.

Embracing failure as a learning opportunity is another way to foster positivity. When you view mistakes as stepping stones to growth, you create a culture of resilience and self-assurance.

Examples

• Welcoming a new team member by inviting them to lunch and introducing them to others.
• Refusing to participate in office gossip and redirecting the conversation to something constructive.
• Sharing a story about a past failure and what you learned from it during a team meeting.

8. Set Clear Goals and Keep Promises to Yourself

Confidence comes from knowing where you’re headed and taking consistent steps toward your goals. Break your goals into small, manageable tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed. This approach makes progress more achievable and keeps you motivated.

Writing down your goals and commitments can help you stay focused. Place your list somewhere visible as a daily reminder of what you’re working toward. Sharing your goals with a trusted friend or mentor can also provide accountability and encouragement.

Keeping promises to yourself is just as important as keeping them to others. When you follow through on your commitments, you build trust in your own abilities and reinforce your confidence.

Examples

• Breaking a big project into smaller tasks and tackling one each day.
• Writing your goals on a sticky note and placing it on your computer monitor.
• Telling a friend about your goal to exercise three times a week and asking them to check in with you.

9. Boost Confidence by Mentoring Others

Mentoring is a powerful way to build your confidence while helping others. Sharing your knowledge and experience can remind you of how far you’ve come and reinforce your self-belief.

As a mentor, you can encourage your mentee to take risks and pursue their goals. This not only helps them grow but also strengthens your own leadership skills and sense of purpose.

Investing in others creates a ripple effect of positivity and confidence. By empowering others, you contribute to a culture of support and collaboration, which benefits everyone involved.

Examples

• Offering to mentor a junior colleague and sharing tips for navigating workplace challenges.
• Encouraging your mentee to take on a new project and supporting them through the process.
• Reflecting on your own growth as you guide someone else on their journey.

Takeaways

1. Practice saying no and setting boundaries to protect your time and energy.
2. Use grounding techniques like box breathing and progressive muscle relaxation to stay calm under pressure.
3. Build confidence by mentoring others and creating a positive, inclusive environment.