Smart Girls Screw Up Too

"Are you stuck in a life devoid of joy and fulfillment? It’s time to learn how to climb out of the downside and into the upside.”

1. Understand Your Current State to Map a Way Forward

Before making a positive change, it’s vital to acknowledge where you are and what led you there. Bella Zanesco suggests that self-awareness is the first step to transformation. Start by identifying specific problems in your life and reflecting on how you feel daily. Then visualize how you want to feel in the future—this gap is where your work begins.

Writing things down can make your feelings and issues more concrete. This exercise sets a clear foundation for growth by making you aware of what needs to change and what emotions you wish to cultivate. Reflecting on a past turning point can also reveal when things started to head in the wrong direction. Revisiting those moments can help you reconnect with old dreams or desires.

Some people may hesitate, thinking self-reflection is selfish or indulgent. Zanesco reminds readers that we all have needs and that tending to those needs is essential, not optional. Neglecting them only leads to more unhappiness and disconnection.

Examples

• Writing down feelings of sadness and replacing them with a future vision of energy and creativity.
• Tracing dissatisfaction back to a summer job that turned into a dead-end career.
• Reconnecting with the hobbies or aspirations that once brought joy.

2. Shift Your Core Beliefs to Change How You See the World

Positive change begins with what you believe about life and yourself. Zanesco emphasizes that our emotions guide our behaviors, which then become habits that shape our reality. If we view the world through a pessimistic lens, we are more likely to notice and dwell on negativity.

Instead, adopting positive beliefs can shift your focus toward moments of kindness, generosity, and beauty. This shift isn’t about blind optimism; it’s about balance. Recognizing both the good and bad in the world, but deliberately focusing on the good, can alter your experiences and productivity.

Reflecting on past trauma or negativity might help you unearth the roots of your gloom. It takes courage, but this process can move you toward adopting a brighter outlook and committing to new, uplifting goals.

Examples

• Choosing to notice acts of kindness in the community instead of fixating on bad news stories.
• Recalling a traumatic event, like getting fired, that led to feelings of worthlessness, and working to rewrite that narrative.
• Writing a hypothetical eulogy to clarify personal values and future goals.

3. Incorporate Yoga for Both Mental and Physical Balance

Yoga isn’t just a trendy exercise—it’s a transformative tool for aligning your mind and body. Many people live with an overactive sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for stress responses. Yoga calms this system and activates the parasympathetic nervous system instead.

The vagus nerve, running from brain to gut, plays a key role in managing stress and promoting calmness. Yoga supports this nerve by aligning posture and reducing tension. Improved alignment lets calming signals flow freely through the body, reducing anxiety and boosting happiness.

Regular yoga doesn’t just improve mood; it supports long-term mental health. If you’ve ever suffered from bad posture due to computer use, yoga can also be a free and restorative remedy. It’s a small lifestyle change with significant benefits.

Examples

• Practicing deep-breathing yoga postures to combat anxiety.
• Trying yoga for posture alignment after years of office work.
• Noticing an improved mood after a 15-minute morning yoga routine.

4. Gut Health is a Cornerstone of Emotional Wellness

Zanesco found that her IBS diagnosis went hand-in-hand with feelings of depression and anxiety. She highlights the gut’s role in producing serotonin, which influences mood. A balanced gut supports mental health, while poor gut health can lead to low serotonin and feelings of sadness.

Foods that support a healthy gut can make a world of difference. Eating fiber, probiotics, and anti-inflammatory ingredients can help your gut process nutrients effectively. A vibrant gut leads to better mental clarity and decision-making as well.

Life is about listening to these internal systems. Ignoring gut health or symptoms of discomfort can hold us back emotionally. By paying attention and making healthy dietary changes, you naturally nurture both body and mind.

Examples

• Adding spinach, kimchi, and almonds to weekly meals for probiotics.
• Avoiding sugar and processed foods that strain the gut’s balance.
• Using turmeric and ginger as natural anti-inflammatory ingredients.

5. Career Fulfillment Comes from Passion, Not Just Paychecks

Zanesco explains that many people get stuck in an unfulfilling “shadow career”—a job that pays but doesn’t ignite purpose or joy. When work feels lifeless, it’s time to question whether money is worth the emotional toll.

Those who pursue their passions—whether full-time or as a side hustle—often find deeper satisfaction. To find a passion, start by exploring your curiosities. Write down what excites you or brainstorm how you’d like to help others. Then take small steps to bring these interests to life.

Before making drastic changes, prepare financially for a possible transition. Whether starting a new job or launching a business, having savings or a backup plan ensures you can focus on your passion patiently and effectively.

Examples

• Using a full-time job to fund an art project or passion like scuba diving.
• Reaching out to a friend in a desired field for mentorship or guidance.
• Building a 12-month financial reserve before launching a new career path.

6. Creativity Unlocks Growth and Self-Discovery

Leisure is more than relaxation—it’s a chance to reconnect and recharge. Zanesco found dance to be her outlet, but any creative hobby can help you relieve stress and process emotions. With no competitive element, creativity becomes a space for personal reflection.

Activities like dance can also interrupt harmful thought patterns. By focusing on the rhythm, you free your mind from anxieties and give yourself time to breathe. In moments of creativity, surprising feelings or insights may surface.

Spending time in this judgment-free zone opens doors to emotional breakthroughs. For Zanesco, a dance class prompted reflection on her relationship with her mother, leading her to prioritize her loved ones more thoughtfully.

Examples

• Joining a local photography club to inspire creative energy.
• Taking a drawing class purely for personal enjoyment.
• Exploring an old passion, such as knitting or cooking, without judgment.

7. Treat Your Body with Respect by Honoring Natural Cycles

Synthetic hormones like those in birth control pills can sometimes interfere with emotional balance. By switching to natural methods like the Fertility Awareness Method, Zanesco learned to work with her body rather than against it.

Understanding her own cycle helped her plan for times of higher energy, like ovulation. This knowledge gave her a sense of empowerment and control over her emotional and physical well-being. Adopting this method required a healthier diet and consistent exercise to avoid discomfort.

This change may not be for everyone, but listening to your body and adopting healthier habits often yields greater emotional health overall.

Examples

• Tracking symptoms throughout a menstrual cycle to find patterns.
• Increasing exercise to combat irregularities after lifestyle changes.
• Learning about natural birth control methods through research or workshops.

8. Choose Supportive People to Build Your Confidence

Your social circle has a huge impact on your mindset. Surrounding yourself with positive people can uplift your efforts and bolster self-esteem. Zanesco recommends cultivating relationships with six key personalities: Catalysts, Players, Nurturers, Inspirers, Challengers, and Lovers.

Each role helps in distinct ways. The Challenger pushes you to grow, while the Nurturer offers comfort. Your inner circle doesn’t need to provide every type of support, but having a mix ensures balance.

Strong relationships can serve as a foundation for better emotional health, stronger motivation, and greater resilience against setbacks.

Examples

• Identifying a friend who lifts your spirits during tough times.
• Seeking out a mentor who helps you discover new opportunities.
• Leaning on a family member for unconditional love and guidance.

9. Love Yourself First Before Seeking a Partner

Many settle for mediocre relationships, believing “true love” is out of reach. However, Zanesco argues that the key to finding love starts with self-love. By working on yourself first, you become the kind of person ready for a healthy relationship.

This includes understanding what you want in a partner and being willing to take your time. Relationships are not about completing each other, but about mutual inspiration and respect. Rushing or “settling” often leads to dissatisfaction or burnout.

By finding someone equally head-over-heels for you, you ensure a relationship grounded in authenticity and joy.

Examples

• Taking six months to focus on self-improvement before dating.
• Creating a list of qualities to seek in a partner.
• Ending relationships with people who don’t value or inspire you.

Takeaways

1. Begin journaling about what makes you unhappy, listing your feelings, and setting a positive vision for the future.
2. Make time for creative hobbies or activities that are purely for personal enjoyment and self-reflection.
3. Spend more time in nature and less time in draining environments like shopping malls or on social media.