In today's interconnected world, our personal and professional networks play an increasingly important role in our lives. Yet for many people, the idea of "networking" conjures up images of awkward small talk at corporate events or collecting business cards from strangers. In her book "Social Chemistry", Marissa King argues that effective networking doesn't have to be a chore. When done authentically, networking is about building meaningful relationships and connections that can enrich our lives in countless ways.
King, a professor of organizational behavior at Yale School of Management, draws on extensive research to explain the science behind social networks and provide practical strategies for becoming a better networker. She introduces three main networking styles - expansionist, broker, and convenor - and shows how understanding your natural style can help you leverage your strengths and overcome weaknesses.
Throughout the book, King emphasizes that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to networking. The key is to develop a style that feels authentic to you while also pushing yourself to grow. By learning to create and nurture connections more effectively, you can tap into the power of networks to achieve your goals and live a richer, more fulfilling life.
The Importance of Networks
Vernon Jordan's story illustrates just how powerful networks can be in shaping our lives and careers. As a young Black man in 1960s Georgia, Jordan faced discrimination that cost him a promising internship. But through a connection he made as a driver, he went on to become a successful executive, civil rights leader, and one of the most well-connected people in America.
Jordan's ability to form and leverage connections propelled him to heights he may never have reached otherwise. His network now includes former presidents, celebrities, and corporate leaders. He sits on multiple executive boards and has been described as the quickest path between any two Fortune 500 companies.
While not everyone will achieve Jordan's level of connectedness, his story demonstrates the doors that can open when we learn to network effectively. Our connections can provide support, introduce new opportunities, offer diverse perspectives, and so much more. Given the outsized role relationships play in our lives, it's surprising we don't invest more time and energy into cultivating our networks.
Reframing How We Think About Networking
For many people, the word "networking" has negative connotations. It brings to mind forced interactions and transactional relationships focused solely on personal gain. But King argues that this view misses the point of what authentic networking should be.
True networking isn't about treating people as assets or commodities to be exploited. It's about finding common ground, facilitating new relationships, and maintaining existing ones. A skilled networker focuses not just on what they can get from others, but also on what they can give.
When we reframe networking in this way, it becomes less of a chore and more of an opportunity for genuine connection. By approaching networking with curiosity and generosity, we can build relationships that are mutually beneficial and personally rewarding.
Understanding Your Networking Style
One of the key insights King offers is that people tend to fall into one of three main networking styles:
- Expansionist
- Broker
- Convenor
Understanding which style comes most naturally to you can help you become a more effective networker. Let's explore each of these styles in more detail:
The Expansionist
Expansionists excel at making new connections quickly and easily. They're the people who seem to know everyone at a conference or party. Key traits of expansionists include:
- Comfort approaching strangers and starting conversations
- Large address books full of contacts
- Networks where most contacts don't know each other
- Skill at forging spontaneous ties
If you're an expansionist, you likely have an impressive breadth of connections. However, you may struggle to maintain deep relationships with all your contacts.
The Broker
Brokers have diverse networks spanning different social and professional circles. They excel at bringing people together and facilitating new connections. Characteristics of brokers include:
- Networks with contacts from varied backgrounds and expertise
- Natural talent for introducing people who can benefit from knowing each other
- Tendency to be creative and open-minded
- Skill at operating in different social contexts
As a broker, you likely spark innovation through the diverse connections you facilitate. But you may need to work at maintaining relationships over time.
The Convenor
Convenors create closely interconnected networks built on trust and intimacy. Their key contacts tend to know and interact with each other as well. Traits of convenors include:
- Networks centered around a core group of close friends/contacts
- Skill at deepening existing relationships
- Tendency to operate mainly within a few key social circles
- High levels of trust within their network
If you're a convenor, you likely have strong, reliable relationships. But you may miss out on the benefits of weak ties and diverse connections.
King emphasizes that no one style is inherently better than the others. Each has its own strengths and limitations. The key is recognizing your natural tendencies so you can leverage your strengths while also pushing yourself to grow.
Balancing Quality and Quantity in Your Network
When it comes to building an effective network, both the quality and quantity of your connections matter. But how do you strike the right balance?
The Importance of Strong Ties
Our closest relationships - what network researchers call strong ties - provide essential benefits like emotional support, trusted advice, and reliable help in times of need. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that the average person only has the cognitive capacity to maintain about 150 stable relationships, with just 2-5 truly intimate connections.
These strong ties form the core of our social world. They're the people we'd call in an emergency or catch up with over coffee without hesitation. While limited in number, these relationships deliver consistent benefits and form the foundation of our support system.
The Power of Weak Ties
Beyond our inner circle lie weak ties - acquaintances, old classmates, former colleagues, and others we interact with occasionally. While these connections may seem less important, they can actually provide unique value.
Weak ties expose us to new information, opportunities, and perspectives outside our usual social circles. They're often the source of unexpected benefits, like job leads or creative collaborations. And because there's less obligation involved, weak ties can deliver these benefits without the same level of reciprocity required by strong ties.
Finding Your Ideal Mix
The ratio of strong to weak ties in your network will depend partly on your natural networking style:
- Expansionists tend to have many weak ties but fewer strong connections
- Brokers maintain a core group of strong ties while also cultivating weak ties across diverse contexts
- Convenors focus most of their energy on deepening a smaller number of strong ties
There's no perfect formula, but a well-rounded network generally includes both types of connections. Strong ties provide stability and support, while weak ties offer novelty and opportunity. By understanding the value of each, you can intentionally shape your network to align with your needs and goals.
A Deeper Look at Convenor Networks
To understand how convenor networks function, let's look at an unexpected example: Hollywood A-listers.
A study comparing the networks of A-list, B-list, and C-list celebrities found that what set the A-listers apart was their tendency to have tightly interconnected networks of strong ties. In other words, many top celebrities are convenors.
Trust as the Foundation
Convenor networks are built on a foundation of trust, intimacy, and exclusivity. Several factors contribute to the high levels of trust in these networks:
Interconnectedness: Because most people in the network know each other, there's an implicit vetting process. If you're "in," you must be trustworthy to some degree.
Vulnerability: The trust within the network allows people to be vulnerable with each other, sharing intimate details and weaknesses. This vulnerability, in turn, deepens trust.
Network closure: There are social checks and balances that determine who's allowed in and who stays in. Those who don't align with the network's values can be pushed out, creating an environment where trust can flourish.
Benefits of Convenor Networks
The structure of convenor networks offers several advantages:
- High bandwidth: Because connections are mostly strong ties, people are more willing to invest significant time and effort to help each other.
- Insider access: In professional settings, convenors can often access complex insider information through their trusted network.
- Emotional support: The intimacy of these networks provides a strong emotional safety net.
Potential Drawbacks
However, convenor networks also have some limitations:
- Homogeneity: The exclusivity and strong social norms can lead to networks that lack diversity in perspectives and experiences.
- Nepotism: The trust within the network can sometimes lead to favoritism or unfair advantages.
- Limited reach: By focusing primarily on strong ties, convenors may miss out on the benefits of weak ties and broader connections.
Understanding these dynamics can help convenors leverage the strengths of their networks while also being aware of potential blind spots.
How Brokers Bridge Diverse Worlds
Brokers play a unique and valuable role in social networks by connecting people across different groups and contexts. Let's explore how they operate using the example of renowned chef Ferran Adrià.
The Broker's Approach to Innovation
Adrià is widely regarded as one of the world's greatest chefs, known for his innovative approach to cuisine. But while he has a reputation as a lone genius, Adrià credits much of his success to collaboration and diverse inspiration.
At his famous restaurant El Bulli, Adrià fostered a collaborative kitchen environment. But he didn't stop there - he also sought inspiration from fields as varied as physics and architecture. This ability to bring together diverse perspectives is a hallmark of the broker networking style.
Characteristics of Successful Brokers
Several traits contribute to brokers' effectiveness in bridging different worlds:
High self-monitoring: Brokers are adept at adjusting their self-presentation based on social context. This allows them to connect authentically with people from various backgrounds.
Social adaptability: They quickly pick up on social cues and can code-switch, adapting their language and mannerisms to fit different groups.
Tailored communication: Brokers excel at adjusting their message to resonate with different audiences, increasing their persuasiveness and ability to facilitate connections.
The Power of Diverse Connections
By bringing together people from different fields or backgrounds, brokers often catalyze innovation and creative problem-solving. A Harvard study of research papers found that those presenting the most innovative ideas were more likely to be authored by diverse teams - exactly the kind of collaborations brokers excel at facilitating.
Navigating Potential Pitfalls
While brokers' ability to adapt to different contexts is a strength, it can also be a weakness if not managed carefully. There's a fine line between being adaptable and being perceived as inauthentic or self-serving. Successful brokers must balance their chameleon-like qualities with a core of authenticity to build lasting trust across their diverse networks.
The Expansive Reach of Expansionists
Expansionists stand out for the sheer size of their networks. While the average person has about 600 people in their network, expansionists often fall into the category of "superconnectors" - those with networks of 6,000 or more.
The Benefits of Popularity
Having a large network comes with numerous advantages:
- Career success: Studies show that even decades after high school, people who were more popular as teens tend to earn higher salaries.
- Workplace perks: Employees with large networks often perform better and receive more benefits at work.
- Compounding growth: Due to what scientists call "preferential attachment," popular people tend to become even more popular over time. If someone has twice as many connections as another person, they're also twice as likely to attract new connections.
How Expansionists Build Their Networks
Several factors contribute to expansionists' ability to create such large networks:
Skilled at one-on-one connections: They excel at forging individual relationships, often in a short amount of time.
Nonverbal awareness: Expansionists are typically adept at reading and responding to nonverbal cues.
Energetic communication: While not necessarily extroverted, they tend to be competent and enthusiastic communicators.
Prosocial behavior: Many expansionists engage in altruistic activities, donating time and resources to causes they believe in.
The Tradeoffs of Large Networks
While expansionists enjoy many benefits from their broad reach, there are also potential downsides:
- Fewer close relationships: Ironically, people with very large networks often report having proportionally fewer close, non-family relationships compared to those with smaller networks.
- Limited bandwidth: With so many connections, expansionists may struggle to invest deeply in individual relationships or causes.
- Mostly weak ties: The sheer size of their networks means expansionists tend to have a higher proportion of weak ties compared to strong ties.
Understanding these tradeoffs can help expansionists be more intentional about cultivating depth alongside breadth in their relationships.
Adapting Your Networking Style
While everyone has a natural networking style, it's possible - and often beneficial - to borrow strategies from other styles. Here are some ways to adapt your approach:
Adjust for Life Stages
Different networking styles may be more advantageous at different points in your life:
- Early career: Expansionist tactics can be helpful for recent graduates looking to broaden their professional networks and find job opportunities.
- Mid-career: This is often an ideal time to act as a broker, leveraging your established connections to facilitate valuable introductions across different spheres.
- Later career: Convenor strategies may become more important as you focus on deepening key relationships and mentoring others.
Oscillate Between Styles
Brokers and convenors can benefit from alternating between periods of cultivating strong ties and periods of brokering new connections. This allows for both network growth and relationship deepening.
Leverage Dormant Ties
Don't neglect old connections just because you've fallen out of touch. Rekindling these "dormant ties" can provide fresh perspectives and opportunities, often with a foundation of pre-existing trust.
Expand Your Comfort Zone
Push yourself to adopt tactics from styles different from your own:
- If you're a convenor, challenge yourself to make new connections outside your usual circles.
- If you're an expansionist, focus on deepening some of your weak ties into stronger relationships.
- If you're a broker, consider ways to bring your diverse contacts together more often, fostering interconnections within your network.
Remember, there's no one "right" way to network. The goal is to find an approach that feels authentic to you while also pushing you to grow and maximize the benefits of your connections.
Mastering the Art of Connection
While managing your overall network is important, the foundation of any network is individual connections. Learning to form, maintain, and deepen one-on-one relationships is a crucial skill for effective networking.
Creating New Connections
Here are some strategies for sparking connections with new acquaintances:
Give full attention: In face-to-face interactions, put away your phone and focus fully on the other person. Studies show that even the presence of a phone can impair our ability to connect.
Make eye contact: Appropriate eye contact signals attentiveness and can increase perceptions of likability and trustworthiness. Aim for about three seconds of eye contact at a time to avoid coming across as too intense.
Ask good questions: People enjoy talking about themselves. Create opportunities for them to do so by asking thoughtful questions, especially follow-up questions that show genuine interest.
Practice active listening: Really tune in to what the other person is saying instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. This helps build rapport and understanding.
Find common ground: Look for shared interests or experiences that can serve as a foundation for connection.
Nurturing Existing Relationships
Once you've made a connection, consider these tips for maintaining and strengthening the relationship:
Follow up: After meeting someone new, reach out within a few days to reinforce the connection.
Be consistent: Regular, even if brief, interactions help keep relationships alive.
Offer value: Look for ways to help or support your connections without expecting anything in return.
Show appreciation: Express gratitude for the ways others contribute to your life.
Be vulnerable: Sharing your own challenges or uncertainties can deepen trust and intimacy in relationships.
Celebrate successes: Acknowledge and share in the joys and accomplishments of those in your network.
Overcoming Connection Challenges
Even with these strategies, creating and nurturing connections isn't always easy. Here are some common challenges and how to address them:
Social anxiety: Start small by setting achievable social goals. Practice self-compassion and remember that most people are more focused on themselves than on judging you.
Limited time: Prioritize your most important relationships and look for ways to combine socializing with other activities (e.g., exercising together or meeting over lunch).
Geographic distance: Leverage technology to stay in touch through video calls, social media, or messaging apps. When possible, plan in-person meetups to reinforce the connection.
Diverse backgrounds: Approach differences with curiosity and openness. Focus on finding common human experiences even when superficial details may differ.
Remember, creating meaningful connections is a skill that can be developed with practice. By approaching each interaction with genuine interest and empathy, you can gradually become more comfortable and adept at building relationships.
The Far-Reaching Power of Networks
One of the most fascinating aspects of human networks is how they connect us across vast distances, both geographically and socially. This phenomenon is captured in the famous "six degrees of separation" theory.
The Small World Experiment
In 1967, researcher Stanley Milgram conducted an experiment to test how connected people really are. He gave 300 people in the US a packet meant for a specific stockbroker in Boston. Participants could only pass the packet to someone they knew on a first-name basis.
Surprisingly, the packets reached their target after passing through an average of just 5.2 intermediaries. This experiment, dubbed "The Small World Problem," suggested that we're all much more closely connected than we might think.
How Human Networks Bridge the World
With roughly 7.7 billion people on Earth, how do our networks manage to create such short paths between individuals? The answer lies in the unique structure of human social networks.
Our networks combine elements of both ordered and random connections:
- Ordered connections: These are the predictable links based on family, geography, profession, etc.
- Random connections: These are the "wild card" connections we make through chance encounters or unusual circumstances.
Researchers Duncan Watts and Steven Strogatz call this hybrid structure the "small world network." In this model, densely connected groups are linked to other such groups by occasional random connections. This combination of local clustering and long-range links is what allows information and influence to spread so efficiently across large populations.
The Role of Different Networking Styles
Each networking style plays a part in creating this small world structure:
- Convenors create the tightly-knit local clusters.
- Brokers form the bridges between different clusters.
- Expansionists help information spread quickly across multiple groups.
Together, these different approaches to networking create a social fabric that's both locally dense and globally connected.
Leveraging the Power of Your Extended Network
Understanding the far-reaching nature of human networks can change how you approach networking:
Recognize the potential: Your network likely extends much further than you realize. Don't be afraid to reach out beyond your immediate connections.
Embrace weak ties: Those casual acquaintances might be the key to unlocking entirely new social circles or opportunities.
Think globally: In today's interconnected world, your next big opportunity could come from anywhere. Be open to connections across geographic and cultural boundaries.
Pay it forward: When you help connect others, you strengthen the overall network and increase the likelihood that you'll benefit from similar introductions in the future.
Be patient: Sometimes the value of a connection isn't immediately apparent. Nurture relationships for their own sake, knowing that benefits may emerge in unexpected ways down the line.
By recognizing the expansive reach of your network, you can more fully tap into its potential to enrich your life and help you achieve your goals.
Conclusion: The Chemistry of Connection
As we've explored throughout this summary, effective networking is about much more than collecting business cards or growing your LinkedIn connections. It's about understanding the science of human relationships and learning to create meaningful connections that enrich our lives and expand our possibilities.
By recognizing your natural networking style - whether you're an expansionist, broker, or convenor - you can leverage your strengths while also pushing yourself to grow. Each style offers unique advantages, and by borrowing strategies from other approaches, you can create a more well-rounded and effective network.
Remember that a balanced network includes both strong and weak ties. Your closest relationships provide essential support and intimacy, while more casual connections offer access to new information and opportunities. By intentionally cultivating both types of relationships, you create a network that's both deeply supportive and broadly influential.
Most importantly, approach networking with authenticity and generosity. Focus on creating genuine connections and finding ways to add value to others' lives. When you shift your mindset from "what can I get?" to "how can I contribute?", networking becomes less of a chore and more of an opportunity for mutual growth and enrichment.
Developing your networking skills is a lifelong journey. Each new connection is an opportunity to practice and refine your approach. Be patient with yourself as you work to overcome challenges like social anxiety or time constraints. Remember that even small steps - like asking a thoughtful follow-up question or reaching out to an old acquaintance - can have a big impact over time.
Finally, never underestimate the power of your extended network. In our interconnected world, you're likely only a few degrees of separation away from the people, information, or opportunities that could transform your life. By cultivating a diverse and far-reaching network, you expand your horizons and increase your potential for success and fulfillment.
As Marissa King demonstrates in "Social Chemistry," the science of networking offers powerful insights into how we can build more meaningful and effective relationships. By applying these principles in our personal and professional lives, we can create networks that not only serve our individual goals but also contribute to a more connected and collaborative world.
So the next time you have the opportunity to make a new connection or strengthen an existing one, remember: you're not just networking, you're engaging in the fascinating chemistry of human relationships. Approach each interaction with curiosity, empathy, and openness, and watch as your network - and your life - flourish in ways you never imagined possible.