Social Chemistry

"Your network is your net worth." But how do you build, maintain, and benefit from a network without it feeling forced or fake?

1. Networking Can Be Enjoyable

Networking doesn’t have to feel sleazy or transactional. When done correctly, it’s about creating relationships that enrich everyone involved. It's possible to ditch the awkwardness of business cards and small talk by focusing on authentic connections.

Approaching networking with genuine curiosity and a desire to give as much as you get shifts the experience completely. Rather than viewing people as opportunities or assets, try to discover shared interests that lead to meaningful interactions. This builds a sense of mutual respect and trust without the pressure to "make something happen" immediately.

Think of networking as fostering a garden. Instead of amassing as many plants (people) as possible, focus on nurturing the ones that grow best in your life. The more you tend to these relationships, the more likely you are to collectively produce something of value, time after time.

Examples

• A small but supportive network of friends might lead to opportunities you’ve never imagined through natural conversations.
• Instead of collecting connections on LinkedIn, one deep coffee conversation with a colleague can spark ideas that influence your career.
• Networking like this mimics the way beloved community mentors gain respect and influence by helping others, without keeping score.

2. Know Your Networking Style

Everyone networks differently, and there's no "one-size-fits-all" approach. Identifying whether you’re an expansionist, broker, or convenor can help you work with your natural tendencies.

Expansionists thrive in making many connections quickly, often meeting new people at every opportunity. Brokers stand out by being bridges between dissimilar groups, creating connections that wouldn’t happen naturally. Convenors, on the other hand, build tight-knit groups where everyone in their circle likely knows one another.

Each style has its strengths and weaknesses. An expansionist might struggle with maintaining deeper relationships, while a convenor’s close-knit group might become limiting without fresh perspectives. The goal is to understand your style and play to its strengths, while borrowing tactics from others to round out your network.

Examples

• An expansionist might feel at home joining large conferences but could benefit from slowing down and fostering intimacy in selected connections.
• A convenor might have all their university friends deeply connected but could struggle to mingle beyond those circles.
• A broker bridges the allure of innovation, connecting their tech enthusiast friends with their artist connections to create something unexpected.

3. Blend Quality and Quantity Connections

Both strong ties (close friends or colleagues) and weak ties (acquaintances or casual connections) offer distinct advantages. Maintaining a mix of both forms a durable and rewarding network.

Strong ties provide trust, emotional support, and reliable resources when you need help. Weak ties, however, can often unlock surprising opportunities because they tend to expose you to different people and ideas. The balance between nurturing old bonds and forging new ones is critical for both personal growth and professional success.

Allocating time between the two types of connections can depend on how you like to network. Expansionists will lean toward lots of weak ties, while convenors lean toward stronger ties. Brokers usually keep a foot in both worlds.

Examples

• A college friend (strong tie) may be trustworthy enough to call for advice when you're job hunting.
• A former coworker (weak tie) may surprise you by recommending you for an opportunity without your prompting.
• The coffee shop barista (weak tie) might one day introduce you to someone influential they know.

4. Trust Is the Core of Convenor Networks

Convenors rely on trust and exclusivity to build strong, interconnected networks. They work to make sure their key connections also know and trust one another deeply.

This interconnectedness fosters an environment of shared values and mutual reliance. People in a convenor’s network often feel comfortable revealing vulnerabilities and sharing personal stories, which strengthens bonds further. Convenors also rely on something called "network closure" – mechanisms to keep members accountable and remove people who don't align with the group’s values.

The challenge for convenors is balancing their tight-knit trust network with opportunities for diversity. Without new perspectives, networks can become too homogeneous.

Examples

• George Clooney’s inner circle of Hollywood friends reflects his role as a convenor, enabling strong collaboration and mutual trust.
• A convenor in a workplace might consistently host team-building events to keep colleagues close.
• Curating “closed” alumni networks offers a trusted space where members can collectively support one another.

5. Brokers Spark Connections Across Boundaries

Brokers thrive by connecting people from different networks or backgrounds, creating opportunities for innovation and collaboration. Their ability to bridge gaps makes them creative catalysts.

Brokers are usually social chameleons, adapting their language and mannerisms to different crowds. This flexibility allows them to build relationships where others might struggle. However, they run the risk of being seen as surface-level or self-serving if they aren’t careful to maintain trust.

Brokers contribute dynamism to systems. They link the scientist to the local business owner who funds a groundbreaking project, or the author to the community that spreads their work.

Examples

• Ferran Adrià, the chef, tapped physicists for insights to revolutionize recipes, being a true broker.
• A broker might introduce their tech friend to a designer to start a new creative app.
• Freelancers like consultants regularly curate connections between their clients across industries.

6. Expansionists Form Broad, Far-Reaching Networks

While most people interact with about 600 people in their lifetime, expansionists often manage thousands of connections. This quantity gives them unparalleled reach and influence.

Expansionists are gifted at making quick, meaningful first impressions. They have high social energy and frequently engage in altruistic gestures that build goodwill. However, their biggest challenge lies in the depth of their connections – they may struggle to invest as much energy in any one relationship because of the sheer number of people they know.

While expansionists don’t often nurture strong ties like convenors, their many weak ties allow them opportunities that others may never encounter.

Examples

• FDR maintained an address book of over 22,500 contacts, unparalleled even today.
• Social influencers might echo expansionist tendencies with thousands of followers, though few are close friends.
• Expansionists at universities could build connections with professors, colleagues, and guests in quick rotation.

7. Networks Shift With Life Stages

The way we network changes with time. Young adults often benefit most from expansionist efforts, while mid-career professionals might see the greatest success in brokering.

Our evolving needs influence our focus. At the beginning of a career, more weak ties mean broader opportunities. Later, professionals with strong ties may find it easier to achieve leadership. Recognizing this allows people to adapt as they grow, ensuring their network stays relevant.

Adjusting efforts between cultivating existing ties and exploring new ones keeps networks balanced and productive throughout life.

Examples

• Recent grads might focus on meeting new professionals in their field.
• Mid-career employees might unite old college connections with their newer industry acquaintances.
• Senior leaders often leverage decades-built networks for mentorship and guidance.

8. You Can Learn How to Build Effective Connections

Networking isn’t just for the naturally outgoing. Anyone can learn the skills to spark, maintain, and grow relationships.

Practicing simple habits, like maintaining eye contact and asking meaningful questions, goes a long way. People appreciate genuine interest over empty platitudes. Giving someone your undivided attention, even for just a few minutes, creates stronger impressions than scattershot efforts to mix and mingle.

Technology has made connecting easier, but balancing virtual conversations with in-person ones is vital for creating lasting bonds.

Examples

• A good follow-up question like "What excites you most about this project?" deepens rapport.
• Putting your phone down signals focus and respect when conversing with someone.
• Study participants who maintained eye contact were rated better liked by strangers.

9. Your Network Reaches Farther Than You Think

Even if your immediate network feels small, your connections may lead you to global opportunities. The concept of "six degrees of separation" suggests that everyone is connected by just a few intermediaries.

The combination of ordered (family, locality) and random (chance encounters) social ties forms a "small world network," allowing people to be far more interconnected than they realize. Recognizing this inspires us to treat every relationship as a potential bridge to somewhere unexpected.

Your network isn’t just who you know directly; it includes everyone they know, too. And opportunities often come from the most unexpected places.

Examples

• A stockbroker in Boston received letters from strangers via only five intermediaries thanks to a famous experiment.
• Distant relatives or schoolmates encountered at reunions might connect you to opportunities.
• Even brief social interactions, like helping a tourist on the street, create faint yet vast webs of ties.

Takeaways

1. Identify your networking style – convenor, broker, or expansionist – and lean into it while borrowing tactics from other styles.
2. Block regular time to reconnect with weak ties, as these can often lead to the most surprising opportunities.
3. Be fully present in conversations, maintain eye contact, and ask thoughtful follow-up questions to create trust and rapport.