Talking to Crazy

“Why do we sometimes act irrationally, and what can we do when faced with this craziness, whether it stems from others or ourselves?”

1. Everyone has their "crazy" moments

We all occasionally act irrationally, doing or saying things that seem outrageous in hindsight. This behavior isn’t confined to people with diagnosed mental conditions; it happens to everyone. Acknowledging our own moments of irrationality is the first step toward managing them and empathizing with others when they lose control.

Rational adults aren’t immune to emotional outbursts. These episodes of “crazy” can manifest in ways such as refusing to listen to reason, acting against one’s self-interest, or distorting reality. Recognizing that these feelings are normal can help prevent shame or denial and pave the way for better communication.

Understanding our emotional triggers is vital. For instance, if you react poorly when your honesty is questioned, knowing this preemptively allows you to redirect the response when disputes arise. Similarly, identifying these triggers in others can prevent escalating conflicts.

Examples

• Realizing that snapping at a loved one after a long day is not uncommon helps contextualize the outburst.
• Recognizing that a boss repeatedly interrupting meetings might be driven by a personal underlying stress or trigger.
• Noticing how you, yourself, mentally shut down when criticized allows better preparation for future encounters.

2. Identifying triggers to help empathize

When someone lashes out or behaves irrationally, there’s usually a deeply rooted reason. Often, these behaviors stem from past experiences, fears, or insecurities. Arguing back is rarely productive. Instead, pinpointing triggers and empathizing can move things forward.

Many people carry emotional baggage from childhood or previous experiences, shaping how they react to stress or confrontation. For example, someone dealing with neglect as a child may react pessimistically no matter how well things are going. Trying to reason with them without addressing their underlying emotions is unlikely to work.

Identifying someone's personal patterns during irrational episodes can be transformative. Empathy, imagining yourself in their situation, can be the bridge that reconnects the person to sanity. The trick is to temporarily put aside your perspective and delve into theirs.

Examples

• A colleague always lashes out when critiqued—realizing such behavior stems from past insecurities rather than current incompetence can shift your response.
• A friend pessimistically rejecting solutions might need acknowledgment of their fear for failure before moving toward solutions.
• Someone ignoring you mid-argument might simply be overwhelmed by memories of being unheard in the past.

3. Avoid power struggles with irrational people

Power struggles often fuel irrational behavior, escalating tension rather than diffusing it. Someone may act out not because they're angry but because they're trying to regain a sense of control. Engaging in the fight only leads to more chaos.

Instead of retaliating or asserting dominance, find ways to collaborate or gracefully give them the control they seem to need. Agreeing with them or deflecting their aggression can calm tensions while clearly setting boundaries helps prevent future conflicts.

Apologizing or preemptively addressing an issue may also diffuse an escalation. If you sense someone is gearing up for conflict, acknowledging their frustrations before they announce them can shift the dynamic entirely.

Examples

• When confronting an angry driver, admitting fault—even humorously—can stop the situation from spiraling.
• Addressing complaints about a barking dog from your neighbors by acknowledging their frustration proactively can prevent larger conflicts.
• Setting clear rules, like hanging up on someone mid-yell, ensures respect without provoking further irrational behavior.

4. Speak to the sane part within the irrational person

Even at their loudest or most irrational moments, people retain a part of their inner calm. The key is engaging with that inner, sane person rather than responding to the craziness on the surface. This approach builds a connection and gives the person space to find clarity.

One way is through distraction. If someone is spiraling, steer the conversation temporarily toward something neutral, like plans for dinner or shared memories. Once their emotional storm subsides, you can revisit the cause of the commotion calmly.

Patience is vital. Words said in anger or irrational states stem from temporary emotional highs. Wait until the person is in a safer state to discuss long-term solutions or clarify misunderstandings.

Examples

• A partner yelling during an argument can be deflected with a mundane question about groceries to shift focus.
• After a friend lashes out, asking calmly afterward whether they truly meant their hurtful statements can lead to resolution.
• Allowing a screaming coworker time to cool off before calmly discussing the issue encourages their saner side to emerge.

5. Recognizing and addressing manipulation

Manipulative behavior is another form of irrationality. Manipulators exploit others to avoid disappointment or rejection, often because they fear hearing the word "no." Such behaviors are a covert form of craziness that disrupt relationships and communication.

Teenagers, for instance, may cause parental discord to get their way. Adults, too, can stir drama or badmouth others rather than handling rejection directly. Understanding these patterns not only helps identify manipulation but also prevents you from falling into emotional traps.

To address manipulators effectively, use clarity and kindness. Acknowledge their feelings while standing firm against their tactics. Suggest constructive ways of resolving what they’re upset about instead of engaging in their attempts to divide and manipulate.

Examples

• When a friend vents about someone, suggesting a group discussion about the issue prevents triangulation.
• A teenager who plays one parent against the other can be confronted by calmly addressing fears or misunderstandings behind their request.
• A coworker fishing for compliments can be redirected by validating their feelings, but not exaggeratedly.

6. Dealing smartly with narcissists and sarcastic individuals

Some people handle insecurity by bullying, sarcasm, or acting like a know-it-all. Instead of resisting them, sometimes validating their feelings or matching their tone can catch them off guard, defusing the situation.

A know-it-all’s ego can sometimes be soothed with validation, while persistent sarcasm tends to be a defensive shield rather than a genuine attack. Showing that you see through their facade can create an opening for genuine connection.

Matching sarcasm back or boosting a narcissist’s confidence might sound like playing into their tactics, but it often diffuses tension, making real communication possible.

Examples

• Encouraging a narcissist mid-bragging can later allow you to point out how their arrogance alienates others.
• Answering a sarcastic boss with self-deprecating humor can disarm them and shift the dynamic.
• Finding moments to engage oddly confident friends about the stresses behind their behavior allows deeper connection.

7. Maintaining respect during separations

Relationships often end not from specific issues but from an inability to navigate challenges together. Respecting each other and collaborating during even the most difficult moments—like separations—minimizes harm, especially for children.

Keeping children out of a crumbling marriage’s full emotional weight is an act of care. Ultimately, focusing on mutual respect rather than trying to “win” is key when navigating an inevitable separation, especially when children are involved.

Examples

• Parents discussing shared custody amicably without kids witnessing bitter fights.
• Couples consciously refusing snide remarks during separation for their child.
• Remaining cooperative during asset divisions preserves both parties’ dignity.

8. Help speak for people who emotionally shut down

When people disconnect emotionally, it often stems from bottled-up negative feelings. Offering to put their silent thoughts into words can be the key to unlocking communication.

Suppressed negative emotions find ways to surface, so lending someone the language to speak might help those who can’t express themselves. Asking validating questions or sharing assumed inner thoughts can gently lead them out of their silence.

Examples

• A spouse expressing repressed concerns after you voice “Are you worried about XYZ?” offering permission.
• Drawing reserved partners into discussions via patient sentences encouraging repetition.
• Encouraging “non-verbal” loved ones to slowly unpack unspoken thoughts w/o fear.

9. Recognizing true mental illnesses

Finally, true mental illnesses such as depression or personality disorders require intervention beyond personal efforts. Acknowledge when professional help is necessary.

Encourage loved ones with serious conditions toward counseling or medical support. Empathy remains important, but unqualified involvement may prove harmful. Knowing when to step back helps everyone involved.

Examples

• Reaching out for medical stabilization services for someone in a dangerous breakdown.
• Suggesting therapy for recurring personality volatility triggering harmful outbursts.
• Counseling those cyclically battling emotions relapsing illnesses, so applicable services ensure safety routinely.

Takeaways

1. Approach challenging behaviors by searching for underlying emotions rather than simply reacting.
2. Learn to set clear, firm boundaries to protect yourself without stoking conflicts.
3. Recognize and respect when professional help is necessary for issues beyond personal resolution.