The Art of Influence

“Are you the kind of person people want to follow, or just someone trying to lead?”

1. The Essence of Influence: Focus on Attraction, Not Persuasion

Influence isn't about persuading people to follow you. Instead, it's about becoming the kind of person others are drawn to. Bobby Gold challenges Marcus to consider what makes one person stand out over others with similar qualifications and skills. The answer lies in how one manages perceptions and embodies their authentic self.

Living authentically builds trust and admiration. Influence grows when people perceive you as dependable and genuine. It’s not enough to work hard or develop arguments to convince others. You must cultivate a personality that people naturally respect and want to emulate. This involves being consistent, open, and truthful in all interactions.

By shaping your character into one of honesty and reliability, you inspire others to trust your leadership. It lays the foundation for long-term relationships, whether in business or personal life. Trust and admiration form the bedrock of influence.

Examples

• A manager who leads by example and listens to their team attracts loyalty.
• A salesperson who prioritizes building relationships over pushing products creates more committed clients.
• Leaders like Mahatma Gandhi gained influence not by force but by embodying the values they wished to inspire in others.

2. Build Character First, Then Master Skills

Skills alone won’t make you a great leader. Bobby guided Marcus to list the traits and abilities he admired in leaders. The resulting list revealed that character—honesty, courage, passion—matters more than technical skills. While skills help execute plans effectively, character shapes the moral foundation.

Life experiences build character, offering lessons in resilience, fairness, and empathy. Unlike skills, which can be taught in a workshop, character develops over time through personal growth and deliberate effort. And as Bobby pointed out, the character you project attracts people with similar values and qualities into your life.

However, strong character and skills work best together. Character ensures skills are applied ethically, while skills transform character into actionable results. Together, they create compelling leaders who are admired and consistently followed.

Examples

• A passionate leader inspires their team to adopt the same mindset and energy.
• Someone who values fairness sets the tone for equitable workplace practices.
• Leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. combined deep conviction with clear communication skills to inspire change.

3. Fish, Don’t Hunt: Adopt a Mindset of Patience and Attraction

Hunting may feel proactive, but fishing teaches us patience and attracts what we truly seek. Bobby explains to Marcus that being a "fisher" means crafting an environment and persona that naturally draws others to you. This mindset avoids the aggressive, forceful tactics commonly associated with hunting.

To be a fisherman, believe there’s always more opportunity available. Next, focus your efforts on places and people that show the most interest. Third, develop bait—your personal qualities—that speaks to their unique needs. Finally, adapt your approach to match the preferences of the "fish" you’re aiming to attract.

This philosophy not only nurtures long-term relationships but also positions you as someone people admire and trust. By avoiding manipulative tactics, you instead build a network of genuine connections.

Examples

• A businessperson who engages prospective clients over time builds stronger relationships than one who pressures them for immediate deals.
• A teacher who adapts their teaching style to individual students fosters better learning environments.
• A job seeker who tailors their resume and approach to specific employers is more likely to succeed.

4. Live a Life Guided by Integrity

During a $50-million company acquisition, Bobby called off the deal after witnessing a CFO tell a small lie. This moment revealed the first and most important rule of influence: integrity. Being honest and ethical in all matters builds trust, essential for meaningful relationships.

Lies, no matter how minor, create divisions in your identity and breed doubt in others. By striving to live without lies or deception, you maintain a clear, unified sense of self. This fosters trust, a fundamental component of leadership and influence.

Integrity works like the bait in fishing—it determines whether people will believe in and follow you. Even minor breaches of ethics can undermine your reputation and the trust you worked hard to establish.

Examples

• A leader who admits mistakes rather than blaming others earns respect.
• A company that transparently recalls a faulty product builds long-term credibility.
• Abraham Lincoln, known as "Honest Abe," secured loyalty through his unwavering integrity.

5. A Positive Attitude Attracts Opportunity

Optimism isn't just a feel-good mindset—it’s a magnet for opportunities and relationships. Bobby's baseball coach taught Marcus the transformative power of positivity. By focusing on possibilities rather than problems, leaders uplift themselves and those around them.

When you choose to focus on the positive, setbacks become lessons. This shift not only helps you adapt but also strengthens relationships with others who are drawn to your hopeful outlook. Effective leaders inspire optimism, motivating teams to achieve their best.

Positivity is a daily decision. Whether you face challenges or celebrate victories, maintaining an upbeat attitude fosters loyalty and opens doors to unexpected opportunities.

Examples

• A CEO who highlights staff achievements during tough times boosts morale.
• A friend who remains hopeful inspires others during crisis situations.
• Leaders like Walt Disney rallied people through setbacks by focusing on creativity and future possibilities.

6. Put Others’ Interests First

Caring about others creates loyal, trusting relationships. At the baseball game, Bobby’s genuine interest in the lives of those working at the stadium exemplifies this principle. By focusing on what matters to them, he earned respect and goodwill.

Strong leaders take the time to understand their team, co-workers, or even clients on a personal level. This means connecting beyond work topics and engaging with what brings others joy. Relationships strengthen when people feel seen and valued.

Genuine concern builds influence naturally. People trust and follow those who consistently show they prioritize others’ needs and goals above their own.

Examples

• A manager who learns about their employees’ lives builds a happier workplace.
• A salesperson who remembers client preferences creates repeat customers.
• Leaders like Mahatma Gandhi championed the interests of oppressed communities and earned unparalleled admiration.

7. Chase Excellence in All You Do

Excellence, not perfection, sets true leaders apart. Bobby’s colleague Paula Diamond explained that being outstanding in all areas—personally and professionally—earns admiration and followership. Excellence requires consistent effort and balance across physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual pursuits.

This commitment inspires others to work harder and reach higher standards. Small habits matter—picking up a scrap of paper, speaking precisely, or showing up on time shapes how people perceive you. Excellence in seemingly minor actions creates a ripple effect.

Striving for excellence isn't about chasing accolades. It’s about setting high standards in work, relationships, and self-care. This holistic approach cultivates a magnetism that draws others to your vision and leadership.

Examples

• A teacher who constantly updates their lesson plans keeps students engaged.
• Steve Jobs focused obsessively on small product details that influenced innovation.
• A family member who prioritizes quality time fosters close, meaningful bonds.

8. Build Trust through Consistency

Consistency builds credibility. People trust you when your words align with your actions over time. Bobby’s lessons often underscore the idea that consistent behavior lays the foundation for lasting relationships and influence.

Leaders remain consistent despite challenges. This reliability assures others that your values and integrity won't crumble under pressure. It builds loyalty and creates a dependable reputation that draws others toward you.

Even small actions repeated consistently—like punctuality or fulfilling promises—strengthen trust.

Examples

• A dependable coworker who always meets deadlines earns their peer's reliance.
• A brand that delivers consistent quality gains lifelong customers.
• Honest politicians like Nelson Mandela stayed true to their beliefs despite hardship, securing global admiration.

9. Patience Paves the Way for Influence

Quick wins rarely build enduring impact. Patience in developing character, skills, and relationships leads to greater success over time. Bobby reminds Marcus that influence grows slowly but steadily when grounded in trust and quality.

Hasty action often comes off as pushy or desperate. Influential people carefully nurture their networks and reputations, letting trust develop naturally. A mindset of patience allows lasting success, guiding others to willingly follow.

Success arises from planting seeds—investing time in meaningful connections and personal growth.

Examples

• A teacher who works patiently with struggling students sees long-term improvement.
• A startup founder building a customer base through relationship-building thrives longer than those focusing on quick profits.
• Leaders like Warren Buffet focus on incremental gains rather than overnight success.

Takeaways

1. Embody integrity daily—every small choice builds or erodes trust.
2. Foster a positive attitude by reframing setbacks as learning opportunities.
3. Dedicate time to understand and connect with others, focusing on their needs.