The Daily Dad

Your children are always watching you from the back seat. Let them see the right thing.

1. Lead by Example Every Day

Children learn by observing their parents. It’s not just about what you say; it’s about what you do. If you emphasize the importance of honesty but then lie to get out of a parking ticket, children notice the contradiction. Your actions form the groundwork for their personal code of behavior.

Daily activities, like driving, offer constant opportunities to show integrity. Even in difficult moments, your ability to make ethical choices is what sticks with your child and shapes how they make future decisions. Philosophers like Socrates believed that actions, more than words, are what leave a meaningful legacy, and this principle applies profoundly to parenting.

When your child misbehaves or acts out, reconsider how they’ve learned those behaviors. Often, these tendencies reflect what they’ve subconsciously picked up from you. Addressing these moments gives you a chance to model better conduct and teach lifelong lessons.

Examples

• Leaving the supermarket without returning your cart teaches a lack of responsibility.
• Swearing at another driver sends a message about losing temper easily.
• Keeping promises, even small ones, teaches reliability and trustworthiness.

2. Love Without Conditions

Children should never question your love. Express it openly and often, both in words and actions, regardless of their successes or failures. Parental love isn’t a reward to bestow when they meet certain criteria; it’s a constant that grounds them emotionally.

Lack of demonstrated love can leave a permanent void. Bruce Springsteen’s strained relationship with his father left him searching for validation well into adulthood, despite achieving fame. This need for unconditional love illustrates its central role in a child’s development.

Saying “I love you” is not repetitive or excessive—it’s affirming. Your child should hear these words so frequently that they never doubt their truth. Their sense of worth shouldn’t depend on winning your praise but instead come from the unshakable foundation of your affection.

Examples

• Saying "I love you" daily, even when parting briefly.
• Showing interest in their hobbies to reinforce their worth.
• Comforting them after mistakes instead of criticizing.

3. Make Family Your Main Priority

Every parent faces the challenge of balancing work, hobbies, and family. Prioritizing family doesn’t just mean being there when it’s convenient—it means making sacrifices for their presence. Your presence signals that they come first.

Queen Elizabeth II, despite the immense demands of her rulership, restructured critical meetings to ensure she never missed bathtime with her children. This small gesture underlined what mattered most to her: family moments that couldn’t be rescheduled.

Family memories are built in seemingly ordinary moments—a bedtime story, a shared dinner, or cheering from the sidelines. These are what children carry forward into adulthood. Ensuring they remember your care takes intentionality and consistency.

Examples

• Skipping late-night meetings to attend school events.
• Preparing family dinners despite a busy day.
• Turning off your phone for dedicated family time.

4. Practice Patience in Tough Moments

Parenting regularly tests patience. When children make mistakes or act out, it’s easy to react impulsively. However, how you behave in these moments sets a critical example for managing emotions.

Maintaining composure gives your child a sense of security and teaches them emotional regulation. French author Pamela Druckerman’s “pause” technique can transform your reactions. Rather than immediately leaping in when your child falls or struggles, giving them space to process enables growth.

This approach allows children to develop independence and resilience. The next time they’re upset, your calm might even mirror back through their behavior. Being patient doesn’t just help your child—it makes you a more mindful, controlled parent.

Examples

• Pausing before responding to tantrums to avoid escalation.
• Letting them solve small problems themselves, like tying a shoelace.
• Taking deep breaths before correcting them after a mistake.

5. Build Their Character Every Day

Character shapes who children grow to be. Beyond talent or intelligence, a strong moral foundation equips them for life. Teaching them to take responsibility for their actions is a good starting point.

Like the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team cleaning their locker room after games, instill habits of discipline and respect in your child. Assign practical consequences for misbehavior, such as tidying their room or helping the family. These tasks teach responsibility and accountability.

Encourage self-improvement and resilience through challenges. Though unpopular in the moment, these efforts mold a stronger character. Children who learn these lessons early are better prepared for adulthood’s realities.

Examples

• Giving them daily chores, like washing dishes or sweeping.
• Encouraging them to volunteer in the community.
• Rewarding persistence rather than only results.

6. Nurture Their Unique Gifts

Each child has their own strengths and interests. Your role is to provide opportunities and guidance, but ultimately, let them carve out their own path. Forcing your expectations may hinder their personal potential.

In ancient Greece, Lycurgus demonstrated that nurture influences outcomes. Similarly, exposing children to various activities helps them discover their passions. Whether it’s art, sports, or academics, support their individual inclinations without judgment.

Shame has no place in parenthood. Making fun of their likes or discouraging their dreams diminishes their self-confidence. Celebrate their differences—it’s through this freedom that they blossom into their best selves.

Examples

• Enrolling them in different after-school programs to explore options.
• Showing genuine enthusiasm for their unique hobbies.
• Avoiding comments that belittle their interests.

7. Embrace Curiosity as a Superpower

Curiosity fuels growth. By instilling intellectual curiosity in your child, you arm them with a tool that enriches their experiences and strengthens their problem-solving abilities.

Basketball coach Pete Carril emphasized the value of intelligence over power. Encouraging your child to ask questions and explore the world prepares them to think critically and adapt to challenges.

Books are excellent gateways to curiosity. Selling the idea of reading begins with modeling it yourself. By surrounding them with literature and discussing what you read together, you cultivate a deep and lasting love of discovery.

Examples

• Taking them to the library weekly for new books.
• Discussing the themes of a story you both read.
• Asking “why” questions to stimulate their thinking.

8. Teach Them the Weight of Words

What you say matters. Words can heal or harm, inspire or discourage. Speak to your children in ways that build trust, respect, and confidence.

Mistakes are teachable moments. Instead of harsh critique, use affirming language that guides improvement. When specific praise or commentary is needed, frame it constructively rather than negatively.

Harbor this habit in every interaction. It not only strengthens bonds but also teaches them to approach others with kindness and empathy, reflecting your example in their relationships.

Examples

• Saying, “You worked so hard on that project” instead of focusing on flaws.
• Avoiding comparisons between siblings.
• Using calming phrases when conflicts arise.

9. Be Present

Modern life pulls us in countless directions, but true presence is a gift only you can offer your child. Be there in the literal sense, and fully engage during those moments.

When distracted, children notice. They remember whether you listened intently or stared at a screen. Make your time together intentional, even during small daily tasks.

Creating traditions or routines can root your relationship in shared experiences. Presence isn’t grand gestures but small, consistent behaviors showing you’re fully invested in them.

Examples

• Turning your phone off during meals together.
• Sharing a bedtime ritual that’s meaningful.
• Attending their interests, like watching their games or recitals.

Takeaways

1. Regularly evaluate your actions through your child’s eyes—be the example you want them to emulate.
2. Tell your children “I love you” every day, and reinforce your affection with supportive attention.
3. Commit uninterrupted time to your family schedule every week, creating tangible memories that last.