The Montessori Toddler Summary

Why don’t toddlers listen? Perhaps the more important question is: how well are we listening to them?

1. Toddlers Learn Through Self-Mastery

Toddlers approach life much like playing a video game – they experiment, fail, repeat, and master. Their need to push boundaries isn’t out of disobedience but a desire to understand their world. Simone Davies explains that they thrive when allowed to explore at their own speed.

Parents can guide toddlers by setting clear, consistent boundaries. For example, while playing, it’s okay to let them build with blocks repeatedly but intervene if they decide to throw the blocks. This provides a safe space to learn while promoting self-mastery. Allowing children to control the pace of their learning encourages confidence and deep understanding.

An essential element in supporting self-mastery is balancing freedom with structure. Toddlers benefit from frameworks where they can operate freely but safely. For instance, if a child shows an obsession with a single puzzle for weeks, instead of rushing them, support their focus, even if it seems repetitive to you.

Examples

• A toddler pouring water from one cup to another practices hand coordination without realizing it.
• Letting a child choose their outfit (within weather-appropriate options) fosters decision-making.
• Repeating a favorite bedtime story nightly helps them understand rhythm and language.

2. Sensitive Periods Create Opportunities for Growth

During the first six years, toddlers go through "sensitive periods," when their minds are like sponges. These times allow for rapid learning but are specific to what the child is most curious about at the moment. Allowing toddlers to follow their natural interests leads to organic skill-building.

If a toddler shows interest in insects, for example, instead of handing them a biology book, explore tiny creatures in the backyard. Let their curiosity guide the process, and introduce examples like bug-shaped toys or related picture books. This nurtures concentration and a genuine love for learning.

It’s important for parents to avoid rushing these phases. When adults impose timelines, it can discourage natural exploration. Notice what your child gravitates to and gently provide tools or opportunities that align with their passion.

Examples

• Watching a child stack objects isn’t trivial – they’re developing spatial understanding.
• A toddler who enjoys sorting can be encouraged with color-coded toys or activities.
• A fascination with music might lead to improvisational dance time or toy instruments.

3. Activities That Suit Toddlers Fuel Growth

Children love mimicking adult tasks, and toddlers are no exception. Davies emphasizes how giving them manageable responsibilities around the house provides a sense of purpose and belonging. The Montessori approach sees value in even simple chores, like watering plants or sweeping.

Activities should match the toddler's current capabilities. For instance, if a child wants to "help" with cooking, give them soft tasks like stirring batter or sorting utensils. Letting them try builds confidence and shows that what they do matters.

Parents should focus on providing child-sized tools, like small step stools or plastic cups, to empower their children. When tasks feel manageable, children are more likely to engage fully rather than get frustrated.

Examples

• Letting children set a napkin on the table leads to pride in contributing to meals.
• Creating a DIY art station lets toddlers choose when and how to express themselves.
• Organizing their own toys teaches responsibility and aligns with lifelong habits.

4. Create a Toddler-Friendly Home

Home environments tailored to toddler-sized needs work wonders for independence. By creating zones dedicated to specific activities, children feel invited to explore without constant reprimands or restrictions.

Consider a low shelf with a few rotating toys so children can pick something independently. Or designate a corner for drawing with crayons instead of leaving valuable furniture at risk. Toddler-proofing doesn’t mean saying “no” constantly – it means setting up "yes" zones.

When toddlers are given spaces designed with them in mind, like low hooks for hanging their jackets, they’re more likely to step up and feel confident doing tasks on their own.

Examples

• Put cups and dishes in a lower kitchen drawer so kids can fetch their own.
• Use small furniture to encourage independent reading or quiet time.
• Dedicate one room corner to messy art projects for freedom within boundaries.

5. Routine Builds Security

Toddlers thrive on predictability. Their world often feels chaotic to them, and a steady routine provides security. Introducing changes suddenly can upset their learning rhythm or emotional state.

Explaining any upcoming change in advance can ease transitions. For instance, if bedtime will be earlier due to a new school schedule, talk them through it a day prior. This helps toddlers feel less overwhelmed by the unknown.

Ground rules also provide an important framework. Establishing clear rules allows toddlers to grasp the day’s flow, giving them something to rely upon when things feel uncertain.

Examples

• Daily bedtime routines, like a specific story and lullaby, prepare them for sleep.
• Explaining, “We’re leaving in five minutes,” prompts smoother goodbyes.
• Using a picture chart for daily tasks (e.g., brush teeth, pack toys) fosters focus.

6. Redirect Instead of Punishing Misbehavior

Instead of reacting angrily when toddlers misbehave, redirect their energy to something constructive. If a child is throwing blocks, give them soft balls instead. This teaches appropriate outlets for their actions.

Patience is key. Misbehaving isn’t an act of willful defiance – often, it’s frustration or curiosity spilling over. Offer language to describe what they may not yet know how to articulate, like “I see you’re upset. Let’s take a deep breath together.”

This approach strengthens the parent-child bond. Over time, toddlers learn that expressions of emotion are valid but can be addressed respectfully.

Examples

• A child scribbling on walls can be redirected to drawing paper.
• Repetitive toy banging can be redirected to a toy drum or percussion set.
• Running indoors can be funneled into a safe obstacle course.

7. Foster Decision-Making Skills

Guided independence lets toddlers practice decision-making. For example, instead of asking, “What do you want for lunch?” offer two choices: “Would you like an apple or banana?”

This approach avoids overwhelming the child while giving them agency. Closed-ended questions should be replaced with open-ended conversations to boost self-confidence and encourage active thinking.

Parents should exercise restraint, letting toddlers lead when appropriate. Over-directing discourages experimentation and hinders confidence-building.

Examples

• When dressing, ask: “Hat or no hat today?”
• While shopping, involve them by asking, “Do we need apples or oranges?”
• Allow them to pick a bedtime story from two options.

8. Feedback Builds Learning

Davies encourages parents to replace empty praise with meaningful feedback. Instead of, “Good job!” try, “You really focused while drawing that circle!” This helps toddlers grasp their accomplishments.

Specific feedback teaches them why their efforts matter. It allows them to evaluate their work and sharpen their decision-making in future attempts.

Even mistakes present opportunities for positive feedback. If a child spills juice while pouring, focus on their effort: “You tried to pour it all by yourself! Practice will help next time.”

Examples

• “I like how carefully you used the glue stick!”
• “Your red and yellow blocks look great together.”
• “You worked so hard tying those shoelaces.”

9. Accept Toddlers for Who They Are

Toddlers are individuals with distinct personalities. Accepting their quirks and tendencies without forcing conformity fosters a healthy parent-child relationship. If a child is introverted, embrace quiet playtime. If outgoing, appreciate their zest for interaction.

Tantrums, often seen as "bad behavior," are ways toddlers express themselves when words fail. Instead of punishing, work to understand triggers and soothe their frustration.

By guiding toddlers with compassion, parents create trust and a sense of safety, showing the child that they’re valued.

Examples

• Comfort them during a tantrum by saying, “I see you’re upset. I’m here to help.”
• Give a shy child time to warm up in social scenarios, instead of pushing them.
• Allow an energetic child moments to burn energy through active play.

Takeaways

1. Set up safe "yes zones" in your home, where toddlers can explore freely and experiment without constant intervention.
2. Replace generic praise with specific feedback to guide your child's understanding of their achievements.
3. Follow your child's lead during bouts of curiosity or sensitive periods, enhancing their learning journey through natural exploration.