The Opposite of Spoiled

How can we teach our children to value what they have and grow into kind, balanced adults in today’s materialistic world?

1. Money Talk Isn’t Spoiling

Talking about money doesn’t make kids spoiled – ignoring money might. Many parents fear that focusing on money will turn their children into materialistic individuals. However, studies show that kids who learn about money early develop traits like curiosity, thrift, generosity, and patience. Being spoiled is more about lack of responsibilities, indulgence, and over-attention than it is about actual wealth. Educating kids about money can counter these traits.

A transparent approach can break societal taboos around discussing money with children. For instance, a family can share conversations about budgeting for a vacation or choosing between different expenses to show their kids real-world applications of money. Dialogues like these foster responsibility and thoughtful decision-making.

Parents often hesitate because they think wealth disparities will confuse kids or cause discomfort. But addressing their natural questions — and explaining concepts of saving, sharing, and spending — can actually demystify money and make children more empathetic.

Examples

• Teaching the value of saving by opening a small piggy bank account for kids.
• Leveraging real conversations like shopping to explain money’s role.
• Children learning patience by saving toward an expensive toy over time.

2. Answer Curiously, Not Cautiously

When children ask questions like “Are we rich?” it’s an opportunity for dialogue, not embarrassment. Curiosity about money is natural, especially when kids notice differences between families. Instead of brushing these questions off, parents should ask, "Why do you want to know?" This opens pathways to honest discussions, catering to their curiosity.

Understanding the intention behind children's questions is essential. For example, “Are we rich?” might stem from observing a classmate struggling to buy lunch or a desire to help a friend in need. By clarifying their motivations, parents can guide the conversation constructively.

Next, honesty is crucial. Offering an age-appropriate and truthful answer helps children build a realistic understanding of money. Explaining your earnings or family priorities within reason demonstrates openness while teaching judgment and financial principles.

Examples

• Discussing family finances when kids show interest, rather than withholding information.
• Using real-life examples like groceries to educate about costs.
• Providing honest perspectives on expensive desires instead of outright saying "we can't afford it."

3. Budgets Start With Allowances

Allowances teach children the importance of balancing their resources. Giving kids money to manage empowers them to make decisions, learn from mistakes, and budget smarter. Start as soon as they’re old enough to count. A simple weekly amount lays the groundwork for financial skills.

However, it’s important to detach allowances from household chores. Chores help children understand responsibilities within a family and shouldn’t link to monetary gain. Explain that parents don’t get paid to clean, so children shouldn’t either — it’s about doing what needs to be done as part of a team.

Allow kids to spend their allowances as they wish, even if they make mistakes. Spending too much on snacks or toys helps them learn budgeting naturally. Over time, regularly raising the allowance teaches them to grow their responsibility.

Examples

• A weekly allowance of $1 to $2 for young kids to teach money basics.
• Discussions about needs versus wants to help kids prioritize expenses.
• Allowing mistakes, like overspending on candy, to learn budgeting consequences.

4. Waiting: The Antidote to Materialism

Patience is a key to countering consumerism. Teaching kids to wait for desires rather than fulfilling every want immediately helps them grow into more thoughtful individuals. Quick gratification causes kids to equate possessions with happiness while undermining their ability to practice restraint.

Adopt the "30th percentile" rule to balance teaching patience without isolating children socially. This means your kids don’t get everything first but aren’t left entirely out - eventually, they too will receive new gadgets or items their peers have. Practicing waiting makes the eventual gift more special and appreciated.

Parents may feel pressure to keep up with kids’ peers to prevent bullying or isolation. But by moderating how often you say “yes,” children learn to prioritize and appreciate what they own instead of always wanting the next thing.

Examples

• Telling children they’ll have to wait until their birthday for a significant toy.
• Discussing whether to save up for a video game instead of buying snacks.
• Explaining why family spends money on necessities before entertainment.

5. Kids Need Jobs to Understand Effort

Encouraging children to work instills the value of effort and responsibility. When kids take on age-appropriate tasks — from babysitting to community projects — they gain vital life skills like reliability, punctuality, and independence.

Jobs also teach kids how hard-earned money differs from free handouts, making them more conscious spenders. They’re less likely to waste their earnings on trivial pursuits when they’ve felt the effort that goes into earning.

At home, assigning additional responsibilities — like organizing a room for an agreed-upon small reward — fosters the same habits as formal work. Whether in professional settings or one-off tasks, experience builds both confidence and a practical sense of money's worth.

Examples

• A teenager babysitting and saving their earnings toward a personal goal.
• Assigning a child the task of managing the family dinner table setup weekly.
• Suggesting age-appropriate entrepreneurship like running a lemonade stand.

6. Generosity Begins at Home

Teaching generosity builds compassionate, socially conscious adults. Parents who model and inspire giving raise children who understand the importance of sharing resources or helping those less fortunate.

Even small acts create big learning moments. For example, crafting "giving bags" with essentials for homeless individuals, like one parent did, turned abstract conversations about empathy into direct actions for her kids. Meaningful participation fosters thoughtfulness and gratitude.

Placing kids in situations where they see privilege starkly, such as volunteering at homeless shelters, also broadens their perspectives. These real-world interactions show kids the power of giving while reducing entitlement.

Examples

• Volunteering at a local food bank as a family to promote active compassion.
• Donating a small portion of a child’s allowance to charity as a habit.
• Discussing global inequality through small practices like discussing clean water access.

Takeaways

1. Involve your children in conversations about money, explaining everyday financial choices and showing what things cost.
2. Encourage your children to manage their own money starting with a simple weekly allowance, and help them distinguish wants from needs.
3. Foster gratitude and empathy by emphasizing generosity and exposing children to less fortunate circumstances as teaching moments.