To Have Or To Be? Summary

“What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost?” Transform your life by shifting from a mindset of accumulation to one of self-fulfillment and connection.

1. The Cost of Consuming for Happiness

The constant pursuit of material goods is keeping us overwhelmed, disillusioned, and unsatisfied. Despite the promises of happiness from endless consumption, it has failed to deliver true contentment. Instead, this mindset fosters anxiety and depression.

A culture of "more-is-better" makes people compare and compete, perpetually chasing an unattainable life of abundance and status. This keeps individuals stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction where no amount of possessions or accomplishments can fill the void. Moreover, the focus on materialism contributes to societal issues like wealth inequality and exploitation.

On a larger scale, a consumerist attitude can cause dangerous consequences such as societal polarization and even war. Greed woven into the fabric of our systems fuels global conflict as nations battle over resources. Shifting the focus from consumption to fulfillment could provide a solution.

Examples

• Rising rates of anxiety and depression in Western countries correlate with consumer-driven societies.
• Historical greed-driven wars such as World War I resulted from the pursuit of land and resources.
• Wealth consolidation among the 1% leaves staggering levels of inequality, leading to unrest.

2. Having vs. Being: Two Modes of Life

Human experience can be boiled down to two contrasting modes: having and being. The "having" mode defines life in terms of accumulation—possessions, status, or even people and opinions as things to own. By contrast, the "being" mode values authentic connection and self-expression.

Under the having mindset, people associate their worth with external possessions, treating even relationships as commodities owned or controlled. Opinions also harden into objects one cannot relinquish, creating a barrier to growth and understanding. This approach turns life into a rigid structure focused on maintaining and amassing.

Switching to the being mode shifts the focus toward connection, change, and self-expression. In this way, relationships become cooperative rather than possessive, fostering mutual joy and depth. By celebrating authenticity over accumulation, individuals find richness in experiences rather than things.

Examples

• People saying "I have a boyfriend" or "I have children," framing relationships as possessions.
• Clinging to opinions as unchangeable facets of identity creates division and closed-mindedness.
• The Buddha emphasized being over craving possessions for spiritual enlightenment and peace.

3. Selfishness Stems from a Having Mindset

By focusing on self-serving goals, societies built on the having mindset encourage selfish behaviors among leaders and citizens alike. Leaders prioritize their own gains—financial or political—over the needs of the public. Meanwhile, citizens disengage from collective wellbeing, focusing only on their private interests.

Corporate leaders cutting jobs while maintaining personal bonuses and politicians catering to wealthy donors exemplify the results of selfish leadership. Similarly, everyday people may ignore pressing societal issues since these don't immediately affect them, exacerbating inequality and injustice.

This attitude divides society into "exploiters" and "exploited," causing rifts that can lead only to conflict or revolution. A shift toward being could create a more equitable, interconnected world where resources and responsibilities are shared.

Examples

• CEOs keeping private jets while laying off thousands of employees.
• Politicians enacting corporate-friendly policies harmful to the environment or public wellbeing.
• Workers ignoring systemic issues in favor of protecting their immediate comforts.

4. Humanity’s Strained Relationship with Nature

Industrialism has shifted humanity’s perspective on nature from one of respect to one of exploitation. Where we once worked alongside nature’s rhythms, we now aim to dominate and extract as much as possible from it, endangering both the planet and ourselves.

Large-scale exploitation of natural resources like air, water, and forests has resulted in ecological disasters. But nature often "fights back," as evidenced by climate change-driven phenomena such as increasing natural disasters and food shortages. Mass overconsumption leaves humanity facing dire environmental consequences.

A return to a respectful coexistence with nature requires a drastic ideological shift. By embracing the being mindset and limiting consumption, we can begin to heal the damage industrialism has done to our planet.

Examples

• Deforestation leads to loss of oxygen, animal habitats, and global warming.
• Climate-induced changes like hurricanes and droughts harm agricultural economies and human safety.
• The Industrial Revolution marked humanity’s shift toward dominating rather than cherishing nature.

5. Anchors of Having Keep Us Trapped

The having mindset leaves us exposed to three levels of dissatisfaction. First, tying identity to possessions creates insecurities, as everything we "have" can be lost. Second, constant comparison pits individuals against one another in an unwinnable race for status and approval. Third, people seek fleeting happiness from superficial pleasures that cannot provide lasting joy.

Conversely, awareness of the having mindset’s pitfalls can lead to transformation. Recognizing the limits of acquiring and choosing to focus inward allows for a path toward sustainable satisfaction and peace.

Being grounded in traits like love, reason, and creativity empowers individuals to find meaning regardless of their circumstances. Instead of chasing short-term thrills, individuals can nurture self-confidence and deeper, longer-lasting joy.

Examples

• Social media fuels constant comparison, leaving users feeling inadequate relative to influencers.
• Temporary excitement from shopping or trips fades quickly, often leaving emptiness.
• Self-assured individuals who embrace authenticity inspire others and live with greater contentment.

6. Reshaping Society for Collective Wellbeing

A society rooted in the being mindset requires redefining core values. This means redefining productivity, relationships, and even time. Productivity shifts from industry-driven busyness to actions reflective of inner purpose. Relationships grow from manipulation and objectification to connection.

By reshaping our culture, humans can live more harmoniously, free from the constant need to prove or acquire. A collective understanding of time evolves as people stop rushing toward "more" and begin appreciating balance in their daily lives.

This collective shift would minimize consumerism and material inequality, focusing on human fulfillment as the ultimate goal.

Examples

• Rethinking productivity to include creative pursuits like art or learning over constant work.
• Prioritizing genuine friendships over shallow popularity or influence.
• Appreciating restful evenings instead of seeking hyperproductivity.

7. Fear of Change Hinders Forward Motion

Society’s fear of change remains the biggest obstacle to transformation. People cling to comfort, even at great cost. Like Arthur Koestler, who stayed in an unsafe villa during wartime, many sacrifice the chance for betterment to avoid stepping into unfamiliar territory.

This avoidance extends to refusing systemic changes necessary for societal health. Despite facing environmental collapse and inequality, the inertia of the status quo often holds.

Facing these fears is vital. Instead of staying passive, individuals must choose to act for the benefit of all, transcending personal discomfort in favor of future stability and fulfillment.

Examples

• Resistance to reducing fossil fuel use persists despite obvious environmental dangers.
• Afraid of financial instability, governments often delay investments in renewable energy.
• Historical inertia around civil rights often delayed necessary progress, such as desegregation.

8. Small Changes Build Momentum

For meaningful societal shifts, people must first make changes on a personal level. Adjusting priorities, small habits, and ways of thinking can ripple outward.

When individuals stop idolizing material success, they begin redefining happiness for themselves and others. Communities then embrace values centered on contribution over competition.

Encouragingly, even small changes in mindset—whether in environmental consciousness, generosity, or honest living—create a system marked by growth rather than despair.

Examples

• A person who focuses on hobbies over income sparks joy for others around them.
• Recycling movements start slow but often lead communities toward broader environmental action.
• Local initiatives providing shared gardening space inspire connection and ecology over profit.

9. Collective Action Can Overcome Challenges

A new society cannot form overnight; it requires the involvement of governments, institutions, and individuals working together. Participatory democracy—where citizens actively engage in policymaking—provides a way to overcome top-down stagnation.

Governments can form committees to reevaluate consumerist motivations and harmful policies to ensure a focus on society’s collective good. However, ordinary people remain the cornerstone, as grassroots movements drive much of cultural change.

Through shared accountability and commitment to transformative ideals, societies can embrace being over having, creating healthier environments for future generations.

Examples

• Participatory committees in regions like Scandinavia have created more equitable social policies.
• Grassroots movements like Fridays for Future demonstrate public will for ecological awareness.
• Community-driven budgeting ensures local participants shape resource allocations based on shared goals.

Takeaways

1. Reflect on your purchasing habits: Ask whether each item you're considering aligns with your values or just fills a fleeting want.
2. Replace comparison with curiosity: Instead of envying others, learn their stories, and see how experiences, not objects, shape fulfillment.
3. Start one community project: Whether reviving a local park or forming a discussion group, effort spent bettering your community fosters the being mindset.