Untrue

Introduction

In her groundbreaking book "Untrue," Wednesday Martin challenges long-held beliefs about women's sexuality and monogamy. Drawing on research from various fields including anthropology, primatology, and psychology, Martin presents a compelling case that women are not naturally inclined towards monogamy as society often assumes. Instead, she argues that female sexual autonomy and desire for multiple partners have been suppressed by cultural norms and societal structures.

Martin takes readers on a journey through history, science, and contemporary society to unravel the complex web of misconceptions surrounding female sexuality. She explores how these ideas have shaped our understanding of relationships, fidelity, and women's roles in society. By presenting evidence that contradicts common assumptions, Martin invites readers to reconsider their views on female sexuality and the nature of monogamy.

The Myth of Female Monogamy

One of the central themes in "Untrue" is challenging the widely held belief that women are inherently more monogamous than men. Martin argues that this idea is not based on biological facts but rather on societal constructs and expectations.

Women's Infidelity Rates

Contrary to popular belief, research shows that women cheat at rates similar to men. Martin cites several studies that support this claim:

1. A 1993 study at the University of Cambridge found that men and women had nearly equal rates of infidelity.
2. A more recent online survey by The Kinsey Institute revealed similar results, showing that women are just as likely to be unfaithful as men.

These findings challenge the notion that men are naturally prone to cheating while women are inherently faithful. Martin suggests that the societal shock and judgment surrounding female infidelity stem from deeply ingrained cultural beliefs rather than biological realities.

Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships

Martin also addresses the misconception that women's sexual desire naturally thrives in long-term, monogamous relationships. She presents evidence showing that women's libido often decreases in committed partnerships:

1. A 2017 survey published in the British Medical Journal found that women living with partners or in relationships longer than a year were twice as likely as men to lose interest in sex.
2. Research indicates that women's sexual desire tends to decline more rapidly than men's in long-term relationships.

These findings contradict the idea that women are naturally suited for monogamy and suggest that their sexual needs may be more complex than traditionally believed.

The Female Body and Sexual Pleasure

Martin delves into the anatomy of the female body to further challenge the notion of innate female monogamy. She argues that the physical characteristics of women's sexual organs suggest a design for intense and varied sexual experiences.

The Clitoris and Female Orgasm

The author highlights several features of female anatomy that point to a capacity for significant sexual pleasure:

1. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings in its tip, making it far more sensitive than the penis.
2. Women can experience multiple orgasms in a short period, unlike men who typically require a refractory period.
3. Female orgasms take longer to achieve (up to 20 minutes on average), which Martin suggests might encourage seeking multiple partners to satisfy sexual needs.

The Cervix and Sperm Competition

Martin also discusses how the female reproductive system seems designed for encounters with multiple partners:

1. The cervix filters and analyzes sperm, separating stronger specimens from weaker ones.
2. This sperm selection process would only be necessary if women regularly had sex with different partners.

These biological features challenge the idea that women are naturally inclined towards monogamy and instead suggest a capacity for diverse sexual experiences.

Male Anatomy and Non-Monogamy

Interestingly, Martin also examines male anatomy to support her argument about female non-monogamy. She compares human males to other primates to draw insights about our evolutionary history:

1. Human males have relatively large testicles compared to body size, similar to promiscuous primates like bonobos and chimpanzees.
2. Larger testicles produce more sperm, which is advantageous when competing with other males' sperm inside the female reproductive tract.
3. The final spurts of male ejaculation contain a spermicide-like substance, possibly to eliminate rival sperm.

These features suggest that human males evolved in an environment where females had multiple sexual partners, further challenging the notion of natural female monogamy.

Female Sexual Fluidity and Adventurousness

Martin explores research showing that women tend to be more sexually fluid and open to diverse experiences than men. This flexibility in sexual orientation and behavior contradicts the idea of women being naturally monogamous.

Sexual Orientation Fluidity

The author cites several studies demonstrating women's sexual fluidity:

1. Dr. Lisa Diamond's 20-year study found that women's sexual orientation didn't restrict their attractions, with straight women sometimes experiencing attraction to other women.
2. Dr. Meredith Chivers' research showed that straight women were aroused by various sexual scenarios, including same-sex encounters, while men's responses were more limited.

Cross-Cultural Examples of Female Sexual Diversity

Martin provides examples from different cultures that showcase women's sexual adventurousness:

1. The Skirt Club in London and other cities offers events for straight and bi-curious women to explore same-sex fantasies.
2. In Lesotho, a tradition exists where heterosexual married women have long-term female friends who are also sexual partners.
3. In Suriname, the term "Mati" refers to women who have both male and female sexual partners, sometimes simultaneously.

These examples illustrate that women's sexuality is often more fluid and diverse than traditional notions of monogamy suggest.

Lessons from Our Primate Relatives

Martin turns to our closest non-human relatives to gain insights into human sexuality. By studying primates, researchers have uncovered behaviors that challenge the idea of natural monogamy in females.

Rhesus Macaque Monkeys

Dr. Kim Wallen's research on rhesus macaques, with whom we share about 93% of our DNA, revealed interesting findings:

1. When given more space and freedom, female monkeys actively sought out and demanded sex from males.
2. Female monkeys showed a preference for variety, becoming less interested in sex with familiar males but regaining enthusiasm when new males were introduced.

These observations suggest that female primates, including humans, may naturally seek sexual variety rather than monogamy.

Bonobos

Martin also discusses bonobos, our closest primate relatives sharing almost 99% of our DNA:

1. Bonobos are known for their highly sexual behavior, with both males and females mating multiple times a day with various partners.
2. They engage in both opposite-sex and same-sex sexual activities, showing a high degree of sexual fluidity.

The sexual behavior of bonobos further challenges the notion that humans, especially women, are naturally monogamous.

The Historical Roots of Female Monogamy

To understand how the idea of female monogamy became so entrenched in society, Martin examines historical shifts in human civilization. She argues that the concept of monogamy, particularly for women, is closely tied to the development of agriculture and property ownership.

The Shift from Hunter-Gatherer Societies

Martin describes how early human societies differed from our current understanding of relationships:

1. In hunter-gatherer communities, monogamous relationships were rare.
2. Men and women lived in loose communities, had multiple sexual partners, and raised children collectively.

The Agricultural Revolution

The author identifies the rise of agriculture as a pivotal moment in shaping gender roles and ideas about monogamy:

1. The invention of the plow led to a division of labor, with men doing the physically demanding farm work and women taking care of children and the home.
2. This shift resulted in women being valued less than men due to their reduced contribution to food production.

Property and Inheritance

As farming communities settled and accumulated resources, new concepts emerged that further reinforced monogamy:

1. The ideas of property ownership and inheritance became important.
2. Concerns about leaving property to legitimate heirs led to stricter control over women's sexuality.
3. Moral beliefs, literature, and laws began to warn against female infidelity, particularly in relation to inheritance issues.

Martin argues that these historical developments, rather than biological imperatives, are the true origins of the expectation of female monogamy.

Enforcing Monogamy: Punishment and Social Pressure

Throughout history, various mechanisms have been used to enforce monogamy, particularly for women. Martin explores how punishment and social pressure have played crucial roles in suppressing female sexuality and promoting the idea of natural monogamy.

Historical Punishments

The author provides examples of how adulterous women were severely punished in the past:

1. In ancient Greece, women caught cheating might be forced to wear see-through tunics in public or be paraded through the streets with their lovers.
2. These harsh punishments were designed to deter women from being unfaithful and to reinforce the importance of monogamy.

Modern Consequences of Infidelity

While public humiliation may be less common today, Martin argues that women still face significant consequences for infidelity:

1. Women are more likely to be divorced for cheating than men. A 2000 review in England and Wales found that 29% of divorced men cited adultery as the reason, compared to 21% of divorced women.
2. Divorced women are three times more likely to fall into poverty than divorced men, according to a 2008 study.

These modern repercussions continue to reinforce the expectation of female monogamy by making the costs of infidelity higher for women.

Social Pressure and Respectability

Martin also explores how social expectations and the concept of respectability influence women's sexual behavior:

1. African American women face unique pressures due to historical hypersexualization in media and society.
2. Within their communities, they're often expected to be models of respectability to counter negative stereotypes.
3. Outside their communities, they may face disrespect and assumptions about their sexual availability.

These social pressures create additional barriers for women to express their sexuality freely and challenge monogamous norms.

The Impact of Sexual Suppression

Martin argues that the suppression of female sexuality and the enforcement of monogamy have had far-reaching consequences for women and society as a whole.

Personal and Psychological Effects

The author suggests that denying women's natural sexual desires can lead to various issues:

1. Feelings of shame or guilt about sexual thoughts and desires
2. Difficulty in expressing sexual needs within relationships
3. Lower overall sexual satisfaction and fulfillment

Relationship Dynamics

The belief in natural female monogamy can also affect relationship dynamics:

1. It may create unrealistic expectations for women's sexual behavior in long-term relationships.
2. Men might feel threatened or inadequate when faced with evidence of their partner's sexual desires for others.
3. Couples may struggle to communicate openly about sexual needs and fantasies.

Societal Impact

On a broader scale, Martin argues that the myth of female monogamy has contributed to:

1. Perpetuation of gender inequalities and double standards
2. Limitations on women's personal and professional choices
3. Reinforcement of patriarchal power structures

By challenging these long-held beliefs, Martin hopes to pave the way for more honest discussions about sexuality and relationships.

The Benefits of Acknowledging Female Sexual Autonomy

Throughout "Untrue," Martin makes a case for recognizing and embracing women's sexual autonomy. She argues that doing so can lead to numerous benefits for individuals, relationships, and society.

Personal Empowerment

Acknowledging women's diverse sexual desires can lead to:

1. Increased self-awareness and self-acceptance
2. Greater confidence in expressing sexual needs and boundaries
3. Improved overall well-being and life satisfaction

Healthier Relationships

Martin suggests that honest conversations about sexual desires can strengthen partnerships:

1. Better communication between partners about sexual needs and expectations
2. Reduced feelings of shame or guilt associated with sexual thoughts
3. Opportunities for couples to explore new ways of relating to each other

Societal Progress

On a broader scale, challenging the myth of female monogamy can contribute to:

1. More equitable treatment of women in personal and professional spheres
2. Reduced stigma surrounding diverse relationship structures and sexual preferences
3. A more nuanced understanding of human sexuality and relationships

The Role of Science in Challenging Myths

Martin emphasizes the importance of scientific research in debunking long-held beliefs about female sexuality. She argues that ongoing studies in various fields are crucial for developing a more accurate understanding of human sexual behavior.

Interdisciplinary Approach

The author draws on research from multiple disciplines to support her arguments:

1. Anthropology: Studying diverse cultures and historical practices
2. Primatology: Observing the sexual behavior of our closest animal relatives
3. Psychology: Examining human sexual desires, attitudes, and behaviors
4. Biology: Investigating the physical characteristics of human sexual anatomy

By combining insights from these fields, Martin presents a comprehensive challenge to traditional notions of female sexuality.

The Importance of Ongoing Research

Martin stresses the need for continued scientific inquiry into human sexuality:

1. To further challenge outdated beliefs and stereotypes
2. To develop a more nuanced understanding of sexual diversity
3. To inform policies and practices related to relationships and sexual health

She argues that embracing scientific findings, even when they contradict long-held beliefs, is essential for progress in understanding human sexuality.

Rethinking Relationships and Fidelity

In light of the evidence presented, Martin encourages readers to reconsider their views on relationships and fidelity. She suggests that acknowledging the complexity of human sexuality can lead to more honest and fulfilling partnerships.

Expanding Definitions of Fidelity

The author proposes that fidelity need not be solely defined by sexual exclusivity:

1. Emotional fidelity and commitment can exist independently of sexual monogamy.
2. Couples can negotiate their own definitions of fidelity based on mutual understanding and respect.

Exploring Alternative Relationship Structures

Martin discusses various non-traditional relationship models that some couples find fulfilling:

1. Open relationships: Partners agree to have sexual relationships outside the primary partnership
2. Polyamory: Maintaining multiple romantic and sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved
3. Monogamish relationships: Primarily monogamous with occasional agreed-upon exceptions

While these structures may not be suitable for everyone, Martin argues that they demonstrate the diversity of human relationships and the potential for alternatives to strict monogamy.

Communication and Honesty

Regardless of the chosen relationship structure, Martin emphasizes the importance of open communication:

1. Discussing sexual desires, fantasies, and boundaries with partners
2. Being honest about attractions to others, even within monogamous relationships
3. Regularly checking in with partners about relationship satisfaction and needs

Conclusion: Embracing Sexual Diversity

In "Untrue," Wednesday Martin presents a compelling case for reconsidering our beliefs about female sexuality and monogamy. By examining scientific evidence, historical context, and cultural examples, she challenges the notion that women are naturally inclined towards monogamy and sexual passivity.

Martin argues that acknowledging the diversity of female sexual desires and experiences can lead to more fulfilling relationships, greater personal empowerment, and a more equitable society. She encourages readers to question long-held assumptions and to embrace a more nuanced understanding of human sexuality.

Ultimately, "Untrue" invites us to move beyond simplistic notions of female sexuality and to recognize the complex, varied nature of human sexual behavior. By doing so, Martin suggests we can create a world that is more accepting of sexual diversity and more supportive of individual autonomy and fulfillment.

As society continues to evolve, the ideas presented in "Untrue" offer a foundation for more open, honest discussions about sexuality, relationships, and the nature of human desire. While challenging deeply ingrained beliefs can be uncomfortable, Martin argues that it is necessary for personal growth and societal progress. By embracing the truths revealed through scientific inquiry and cultural observation, we can work towards a more inclusive and understanding approach to human sexuality in all its diverse forms.