Wanting

Introduction

We like to think that our desires are our own - that we want things because they align with our authentic selves or because we've rationally decided they're worth pursuing. But what if most of our desires actually come from imitating others? This is the provocative idea at the heart of Luke Burgis's book "Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life."

Drawing on the work of French philosopher René Girard, Burgis explores how our desires are shaped through a process of imitation called mimesis. Rather than arising spontaneously from within, our wants and goals are often unconsciously copied from models around us - whether friends, celebrities, or societal expectations. This mimetic nature of desire has profound implications for our relationships, careers, consumer behavior, and sense of self.

Through engaging stories and clear explanations, Burgis illuminates how mimetic desire operates in our lives and offers strategies for becoming more intentional about what we want. By understanding the hidden forces shaping our aspirations, we can learn to want better - pursuing more meaningful goals aligned with our deepest values rather than getting caught up in unfulfilling mimetic rivalries.

The Nature of Mimetic Desire

We Imitate Others' Desires

The core insight of mimetic theory is that humans are fundamentally imitative creatures. Just as we learn language by imitating those around us, we also learn what to want by observing and copying others. This process often happens unconsciously - we're not aware that we're adopting desires from external models.

Burgis illustrates this with a personal anecdote about negotiating the sale of his company to Zappos. He found himself desperately trying to impress Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh, even changing his clothing style to match Hsieh's. In the process, Burgis lost sight of his original motivations and goals. This exemplifies how mimetic desire can cause us to forget our authentic wants in favor of imitating a model.

The author argues that nearly all of our desires are mediated through models in this way. We may think we spontaneously want something, but there's almost always an external influence shaping that want. This leads to a kind of "sameness" as people within social groups converge on similar desires and goals.

Models and Mediators of Desire

To understand mimetic desire, it's crucial to recognize the role of models - the people or things that mediate our wants. Models show us what is desirable and worth pursuing. They can be individuals in our lives, celebrities, or even abstract concepts like success or coolness.

Burgis explains that models affect us differently depending on whether they're "external" or "internal" mediators:

• External mediators exist outside our social sphere - think celebrities, historical figures, or people far removed from our daily lives. We know we can't directly compete with them, so they tend to inspire admiration rather than rivalry.

• Internal mediators are within our social world - friends, colleagues, neighbors. Because we can potentially compete with them, internal mediators are more likely to provoke mimetic rivalry and conflict.

Recognizing our models and mediators of desire is a key step in gaining more control over what we want. By naming and examining the influences on our desires, we can start to question whether they truly align with our values.

The Dangers of Mimetic Rivalry

When people share the same models and desires, it often leads to intense rivalry and conflict. The more similar people become in their wants, the more they strive to differentiate themselves - often through destructive competition.

Burgis uses the biblical story of Cain and Abel to illustrate this dynamic. Both brothers wanted God's favor, leading to a rivalry that ended in violence. In the modern world, mimetic rivalries play out constantly in spheres like business, academia, and social media.

Social media platforms are particularly potent engines of mimesis, constantly showing us what others have and want. This fuels comparison, envy, and the adoption of inauthentic desires. Burgis suggests that being aware of these dynamics and occasionally "fasting" from social media can help us maintain a clearer sense of our true wants.

How Mimetic Desire Shapes Our World

Mimesis in Marketing and Business

Businesses often exploit mimetic desire to sell products and services. Burgis shares the example of Edward Bernays, an early PR guru who used doctors as models to promote bacon consumption. By having doctors recommend bacon and eggs for breakfast, Bernays tapped into people's tendency to imitate authoritative models.

In the business world, mimetic forces can drive intense competition and shape entire industries. Burgis recounts how Ferruccio Lamborghini's rivalry with Enzo Ferrari led him to start his own luxury car company. Initially driven by a desire to outdo Ferrari, Lamborghini eventually recognized the dangers of unchecked mimetic rivalry and chose to step back from direct competition.

Mimetic Crises and Scapegoating

When mimetic rivalries spiral out of control, they can lead to full-blown crises in communities or societies. Burgis explains Girard's theory that such crises have historically been resolved through scapegoating - blaming and punishing an individual or group to release collective tensions.

In ancient societies, this often involved ritualized violence against a chosen victim. While modern societies may be less overt, the scapegoating mechanism still operates in various forms - from firing coaches after losing seasons to political scapegoating of minority groups.

Burgis argues that the crucifixion of Jesus represented a turning point in human understanding of scapegoating. By exposing the injustice of the process, it made people more aware of victimization. This has had both positive effects (greater concern for justice) and negative ones (the potential for people to claim victimhood for advantage).

Mimetic Systems and Artificial Goals

Many of our desires are shaped by what Burgis calls "mimetic systems" - structures that create artificial goals and standards of success. These can be found in education, business, entertainment, and other spheres of life.

The author shares the story of chef Sébastien Bras, who decided to give up his restaurant's Michelin stars. Bras realized the Michelin rating system had become a mimetic trap, forcing him to conform to external standards rather than pursuing his authentic culinary vision.

Similarly, educational systems often create mimetic pressures around grades, test scores, and college admissions - potentially at the expense of genuine learning and growth. Burgis encourages readers to examine the mimetic systems influencing their goals and to consider whether those goals truly align with their values.

Strategies for Healthier Desires

Identifying and Questioning Our Models

A crucial step in gaining control over our desires is to identify the models influencing us. Burgis suggests reflecting on questions like:

• Who do you look to for cues about what to want or how to live?
• Whose success makes you feel envious or threatened?
• What groups or communities shape your aspirations?

By naming our models, we diminish their unconscious power over us. We can then critically examine whether imitating those models aligns with our authentic values and goals.

Cultivating Empathy and Understanding

Empathy is a powerful antidote to destructive mimetic rivalry. By truly understanding others' experiences and motivations, we can maintain our individuality while still connecting deeply.

Burgis recommends practices like sharing "fulfillment stories" - accounts of experiences that brought a sense of genuine satisfaction and meaning. By listening to others' fulfillment stories with empathy, we gain insight into their inner lives without falling into imitation or rivalry.

Focusing on "Thick" Desires

The author distinguishes between "thin" desires (shallow wants for status, money, or objects) and "thick" desires (deeper longings connected to our core values and sense of purpose).

To live more intentionally, Burgis encourages identifying our thickest, most meaningful desire and allowing it to guide our choices. This might involve letting go of lesser wants that don't serve that central purpose. While challenging, this process can lead to greater fulfillment and resistance to harmful mimetic influences.

Choosing Positive Models

We can't eliminate all models of desire from our lives - nor should we try to. Models play an important role in showing us what's possible and worth pursuing. The key is to consciously choose models that inspire us toward meaningful goals aligned with our values.

These models might come from literature, history, our communities, or our own experiences of fulfillment. By orienting ourselves toward positive models, we can set in motion virtuous cycles of desire that lead to personal growth and positive impact on others.

Mimetic Desire in the Digital Age

The Amplification of Mimesis Online

Burgis argues that modern technology, particularly social media, has dramatically intensified mimetic forces in our lives. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook constantly expose us to curated images of others' lives, possessions, and accomplishments. This creates a potent environment for comparison, envy, and the adoption of inauthentic desires.

The author cautions that these platforms are designed to engineer our desires, often in service of advertising and engagement metrics rather than our wellbeing. He encourages readers to be mindful of how their online experiences might be shaping their wants and to consider periodic "fasts" from social media to reconnect with their authentic desires.

The Need for Digital Literacy

Given the pervasive influence of technology on our desires, Burgis emphasizes the importance of developing greater digital literacy. This involves:

1. Understanding how algorithms and design choices on platforms can manipulate our attention and desires.
2. Being aware of how our online behavior might be influencing others' desires.
3. Critically examining the models and mediators we're exposed to online.
4. Creating intentional practices to maintain connection with our deeper values and goals amid digital distractions.

By becoming more conscious consumers and creators of digital content, we can better navigate the mimetic pressures of the online world.

Mimetic Desire in Leadership and Organizations

The Responsibility of Leaders

Burgis argues that leaders have a significant responsibility in shaping the desires of those they influence. He distinguishes between two types of leadership:

1. Immanent leadership: Focused on internal models and short-term goals within the existing system.
2. Transcendent leadership: Oriented toward external, aspirational models that imagine something greater beyond the current paradigm.

The author encourages leaders to strive for transcendent leadership, modeling desires that serve a higher purpose rather than getting caught in mimetic rivalries or chasing arbitrary metrics of success.

Creating Anti-Mimetic Cultures

Organizations can become breeding grounds for unhealthy mimetic dynamics, with employees competing for status or imitating perceived favorites. Burgis offers several strategies for creating more "anti-mimetic" workplace cultures:

1. Establish a clear, meaningful mission that serves as an external point of focus.
2. Encourage the rapid and open sharing of truth to prevent mimetic distortions.
3. Celebrate diverse paths to success rather than promoting a single model of the ideal employee.
4. Create opportunities for employees to share their authentic motivations and sources of fulfillment.

By fostering environments where people feel secure in their individuality, organizations can harness the positive aspects of mimesis while avoiding its destructive potential.

Personal Growth and Mimetic Desire

Developing Self-Awareness

A key theme throughout the book is the importance of self-awareness in managing mimetic influences. Burgis encourages readers to regularly reflect on questions like:

• What are my core values and deepest sources of meaning?
• How might my desires be influenced by mimetic pressures?
• Are my goals truly my own, or am I unconsciously imitating others?
• What models am I choosing (consciously or unconsciously) to shape my aspirations?

This ongoing self-examination can help us stay connected to our authentic selves amid the constant pull of mimetic forces.

Cultivating Anti-Mimetic Practices

To counteract the sometimes overwhelming influence of mimesis, Burgis suggests developing regular "anti-mimetic" practices. These might include:

1. Meditation or mindfulness exercises to center oneself.
2. Journaling to explore one's true motivations and desires.
3. Engaging in creative pursuits that express individual vision.
4. Spending time in nature, away from social comparisons.
5. Reading literature that exposes us to diverse perspectives and models.

These practices can help create space for authentic desires to emerge and strengthen our resistance to harmful mimetic influences.

Embracing Healthy Imitation

While much of the book focuses on the dangers of unconscious mimesis, Burgis also acknowledges the positive potential of imitation. He encourages readers to consciously choose models worthy of emulation - people or ideals that inspire us toward meaningful growth and contribution.

This might involve seeking out mentors, studying the lives of admirable historical figures, or immersing oneself in uplifting artistic or spiritual traditions. By intentionally orienting ourselves toward positive models, we can harness the power of mimesis for personal and collective good.

Societal Implications of Mimetic Theory

Rethinking Education

Burgis argues that our educational systems often create mimetic traps, with students competing for grades, test scores, and admissions to prestigious schools. This can come at the expense of genuine curiosity and love of learning.

He suggests reimagining education to focus more on:

1. Helping students discover their authentic interests and motivations.
2. Exposing young people to diverse models of success and fulfillment.
3. Teaching critical thinking skills to examine the sources of one's desires.
4. Encouraging cooperation and complementary strengths rather than uniform competition.

By fostering more anti-mimetic learning environments, we might better prepare students to navigate the complex landscape of desire in adult life.

Addressing Political Polarization

Mimetic theory offers interesting insights into political polarization and conflict. Burgis explores how opposing groups often become more similar in their tactics and rhetoric even as they claim to be fundamentally different.

He suggests that breaking out of mimetic political rivalries might involve:

1. Seeking to understand the deeper desires and fears motivating those with different views.
2. Looking for shared values and goals beneath surface-level disagreements.
3. Elevating leaders who model transcendent rather than immanent desires.
4. Creating spaces for genuine dialogue that go beyond mimetic talking points.

While challenging, applying mimetic insights to our political discourse could potentially help bridge some of our deep divides.

Reimagining Economic Systems

The author also considers how mimetic desire shapes our economic behaviors and systems. He argues that consumer capitalism often exploits and intensifies mimetic wants, leading to unsustainable consumption and dissatisfaction.

Burgis encourages us to imagine alternative economic models that might:

1. Prioritize the fulfillment of authentic human needs over manufactured desires.
2. Measure success in terms of wellbeing and meaningful contribution rather than just financial metrics.
3. Create incentives for cooperation and complementary innovation rather than pure competition.
4. Foster a greater sense of "enough" rather than endless striving for more.

While not offering specific policy prescriptions, the book invites readers to consider how understanding mimetic desire might inform a more humane and sustainable economic future.

Conclusion: Transforming Desire

In the final sections of the book, Burgis emphasizes the need to move from simply engineering desire (as many businesses and technologies do) toward transforming desire. This involves:

1. Reconnecting with our deepest, most authentic wants.
2. Choosing models and mediators that inspire us toward meaningful growth.
3. Cultivating empathy and understanding to break cycles of mimetic rivalry.
4. Creating cultures and systems that support the flourishing of diverse, complementary desires.

The author acknowledges that this is not an easy path. Examining and potentially letting go of long-held desires can be painful. However, he argues that the alternative - remaining unconsciously driven by mimetic forces - ultimately leads to greater suffering and unfulfillment.

By understanding the mimetic nature of desire, we gain the power to want more intentionally. This doesn't mean eliminating all outside influences, but rather choosing our models and mediators with greater care and awareness.

Burgis concludes with a call to action: to reflect deeply on what we truly want, to seek out worthy models of desire, and to become positive mediators for others. In doing so, we can harness the power of mimesis to create more meaningful lives and a more flourishing society.

The insights of mimetic theory offer a provocative lens for examining our own motivations and the forces shaping our culture. While not providing easy answers, "Wanting" equips readers with valuable tools for navigating the complex landscape of human desire in the modern world.