WOLFPACK Summary

“Women aren’t the competition; they’re your wolf pack. Together, you can rewrite the rules."

1. Redefining the Tale of Little Red Riding Hood

Abby Wambach challenges the traditional cautionary tale where Little Red Riding Hood is warned to follow the rules. Instead, she encourages women to embrace their inner wolf and venture off the beaten path to discover true empowerment. Wambach highlights that society often imposes boundaries on women, teaching them to conform and fear stepping beyond their comfort zones.

Her own life proved this narrative wrong. As a teenager, she followed societal conventions by dating boys, despite feeling something was missing. It was only when she fell in love with another woman that she understood the value of breaking away from expectations. This breakthrough was her first step toward rejecting norms and embracing authenticity.

Wambach also credits trailblazing women in sports who defied the norm and made professional soccer viable for women. Thanks to their relentless efforts, such as securing Title IX and creating professional leagues, Wambach and others could build careers. She urges all women to abandon outdated rules, step into their power, and join their wolf pack.

Examples

• Title IX legislation opened doors for women athletes, ensuring gender equality in education and sports.
• Early female soccer pioneers fought for fair wages and professional leagues.
• Wambach’s decision to embrace her authentic self led to personal growth and success.

2. Gratitude Shouldn’t Replace Justice

While gratitude is a positive emotion, Wambach argues that it shouldn’t stop women from demanding fairness. After retiring, she recalls standing onstage with male athletes Kobe Bryant and Peyton Manning, realizing that despite equal dedication, their futures were secure while she faced financial uncertainty.

This story highlights systemic inequality. Female athletes, even champions, rarely receive the financial support their male counterparts enjoy. For instance, while male FIFA World Cup winners earned $38 million in 2018, their female counterparts in 2015 received just $2 million.

In broader society, women continue earning significantly less than men. Wambach encourages women to move beyond gratitude for being included and unapologetically demand equal treatment. By doing so, they challenge the norms that perpetuate wage gaps and unequal opportunities.

Examples

• Male FIFA winners earned nearly 20 times more than female champions.
• Professional female athletes must plan their post-retirement careers, while many male athletes retire comfortably.
• In 2018, women in the U.S. earned only 81% of men’s wages.

3. Failing is Fuel for Growth

Wambach learned to embrace failure by observing her idols on the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team. During her youth, she noticed a locker room photo from a game the team had lost. When she later joined the team, she learned that failure wasn’t viewed as shameful but as fuel to grow stronger.

This mindset proved transformational. Instead of avoiding risks or fearing imperfection, Wambach adopted a growth mentality. Women often feel pressured to meet impossibly high standards, and societal expectations make them more prone to self-doubt after failures. Men, historically allowed to lead despite their flaws, rarely grapple with this issue.

Wambach believes women should redefine failure as a stepping stone rather than a setback. Just as the soccer team used it to fuel their Olympic gold medal win the following year, women can use it to thrive in competitive arenas.

Examples

• The soccer team displayed their defeat photo to push themselves harder.
• Historical male leaders succeeded despite glaring imperfections.
• Wambach reframed failures as lessons to build future wins.

4. Celebrate Each Other’s Wins

On the soccer pitch, Wambach had a habit of pointing to her teammates each time she scored a goal, acknowledging their role in her success. She draws on this habit as a metaphor for life, stressing the importance of recognizing the critical contributions of others.

Society often pits women against one another, making them believe they are competitors for a limited pool of recognition and opportunities. However, Wambach disputes this notion of scarcity, likening female power to an endlessly flowing fountain. When women support and cheer for each other, everyone wins.

Celebrating others’ victories doesn’t diminish one’s own self-worth; instead, it strengthens collective power. Wambach suggests that by building each other up, women can construct a shared table of opportunities rather than scramble for place settings at an unequal patriarchal one.

Examples

• Wambach pointed to fellow players to acknowledge her team’s support.
• Women often perceive success as limited, perpetuating unnecessary competition.
• Collective celebration fosters stronger bonds and greater potential for empowerment.

5. Learn to Claim Your Power

As a young athlete, Wambach once hesitated to showcase her full talent, fearing her peers’ resentment. Seeing soccer legend Michelle Akers unapologetically dominate her youth team reframed Wambach’s understanding of leadership and confidence.

Akers demanded the ball and won the match single-handedly, showing Wambach the power of embracing one’s abilities. Wambach learned that holding back does a disservice not just to oneself but also to one’s team. Women, often taught to “dim their light,” need to replace humility with rightful self-assurance.

This lesson taught Wambach to bring her full self into every game, challenge, and opportunity, unapologetically claiming her place and leading others in the process.

Examples

• Akers scored four consecutive goals, embodying focus and fearlessness.
• Wambach realized that holding back was limiting her potential.
• Unleashing full potential inspires others to step up as well.

6. Vulnerability is Leadership

Pia Sundhage, the national team’s new coach, redefined leadership by singing a Bob Dylan song to her stunned players. Through this act, she demonstrated that being vulnerable and authentic opens doors to stronger connections and collaboration.

Previously, the team had operated under top-down leadership, with senior players calling the shots. Sundhage’s approach encouraged everyone to contribute ideas. This new, inclusive environment turned players into co-leaders at every level.

Wambach sees Sundhage’s leadership as a model for all teams – leadership doesn’t have to mean domination. It can mean humility, shared responsibility, and openness to listening.

Examples

• Sundhage’s unique leadership style inspired democratic team decision-making.
• Inclusive leadership allowed junior players like Alex Morgan to advise seniors.
• Sharing vulnerabilities fostered trust and creativity among teammates.

7. Build a Wolf Pack

Wambach attributes her career success to her wolf pack, a circle of trusted women who offered encouragement, solidarity, and strength both on and off the field. For example, even after retiring, she struggled to exercise alone without the camaraderie of her team.

She believes that every woman needs her own wolf pack for the challenges life presents. Isolation is a common experience for women – whether it’s the single mother at a playground or the token woman breaking barriers in corporate spaces. By gathering a supportive group of women, any woman can weather life’s storms.

Wambach emphasizes taking the first step: build connections, reach out to others, and weave supportive, unbreakable bonds that make challenges easier to bear and victories sweeter to share.

Examples

• Wambach struggled to re-engage in exercise post-retirement without her teammates.
• The pack dynamic offered collective strength during high-stress moments like the World Cup.
• Stories from women inspired by her Barnard speech reflected a hunger for community.

8. Scarcity is a Myth

One of the most harmful ideas society perpetuates is that female success is a limited commodity. Women are often pitted against each other in unhealthy competition, striving for the few crumbs of recognition or opportunity offered by patriarchal systems.

Wambach advocates rejecting this mindset. Instead, women must lift each other up and redefine power as infinite. Cooperation and celebration dismantle these false limits.

By reframing empowerment as additive rather than subtractive, Wambach envisions building a world where women welcome and reward each other’s achievements.

Examples

• Women are taught to compete for workplace promotion slots, yet solidarity creates more opportunities.
• Celebrations like pointing out teammates reminded Wambach to value others’ roles in her wins.
• Reframing power as limitless strengthens collective abilities.

9. Leadership is Everywhere

You don’t have to occupy high-status roles to lead. Leadership can be as simple as supporting others, offering guidance, or creating possibilities for improvement where you are. Wambach recognizes everyday leadership, from cheering her child at a game to caring for family.

She emphasizes that leadership is about setting the tone, offering your strengths, and lifting others. Whether in personal relationships or professional spaces, everyone has room to lead.

Instead of waiting for permission, Wambach urges women to claim this role wherever they stand.

Examples

• Effective leaders like Sundhage involve and empower their teams.
• Wambach demonstrates leadership by choosing to mentor others post-retirement.
• Personal leadership can manifest in family dynamics, workplace initiatives, or community actions.

Takeaways

1. Support your wolf pack by lifting others – celebrate their successes and share their burdens.
2. Don’t fear imperfection. Use every failure as an opportunity to grow and strengthen your resolve.
3. Lead from wherever you stand. Leadership begins when you step into your own potential and support those around you.