Words Can Change Your Brain Summary

Your words can shape thoughts, build trust, and pave the way for meaningful connections—but only if used with intent and care.

1. Calm Your Mind Before Connecting

Effective communication starts long before words are spoken. A stressed or chaotic mind leads to poor interactions. Preparing mentally by relaxing and calming down allows you to engage positively.

When you're stressed, conversations can go downhill quickly. Calming techniques, like deep breathing, can prepare your mind for better discussions. Science supports this; simple breathing exercises activate brain areas tied to mood and social awareness.
Being present is another essential step. By focusing on the here and now through mindfulness, you listen and respond thoughtfully. Wandering thoughts often lead to disinterest or frustration in conversations.
Inner silence is equally important. Practicing focus—such as listening intently to a resonating sound—reduces mental clutter. This helps you stay attuned to conversations without unnecessary mental distractions.

Examples

• Deep breathing before an office meeting to reset your mood.
• Practicing mindfulness techniques to avoid interruptions during family discussions.
• Using guided mental silence exercises to prepare for a big presentation.

2. Cultivate a Positive Mindset

Words rooted in negativity affect more than emotions—they can alter your brain chemistry and hinder effective dialogue. Optimism, however, creates room for trust and cooperation.

Negativity increases stress hormones in all parties, disrupting trust and memory retention. Long-term negativity can even affect cognitive skills and deepen biases.
Visualizing positive outcomes with someone before interacting fosters happier exchanges. Purdue University research concluded that optimistic thinkers had better conversational results.
Professor Barbara Fredrickson emphasized the "three-to-one rule": counter one negative thought with three affirming ones to improve interactions. For tougher conversations, aim for five positives to balance emotions.

Examples

• Creating a habit of thinking positively about your teammates before tough work discussions.
• Recalling three things you appreciate about someone before approaching a sensitive subject.
• Using visualization techniques to feel confident about an upcoming performance review.

3. Anchor Your Communication in Core Values

Your values guide not just your decisions but also your conversations. When you align your discussions with these values, exchanges become more genuine and grounded.

Values help us navigate murky situations, offering an internal compass. Taking time to reflect on your values—like kindness or integrity—ensures more thoughtful communication.
Shared values between people promote stronger understanding and collaboration. When open about your values in dialogue, you encourage others to reciprocate.
Research shows that focusing on personal values helps reduce stress during conflicts. Knowing what you stand for empowers you to discuss even difficult topics calmly.

Examples

• Reflecting on values like respect to communicate better during disagreements.
• Sharing values about teamwork to establish trust among colleagues.
• Using personal belief in honesty to guide heart-to-heart conversations.

4. Non-Verbal Communication Speaks Volumes

Your facial expressions and gestures can either reinforce your message or create confusion. They make up a large part of what others perceive in conversations.

There are over 10,000 facial expressions, each carrying subtle meanings. Being in tune with your expressions fosters clarity in your interactions.
A gentle Mona Lisa-like smile, fueled by happy thoughts, conveys openness and empathy. This authentic expression makes people feel at ease and more willing to connect.
Body language plays a big role. Noticing crossed arms, averted gazes, or fidgeting tells you if someone feels uncomfortable or disengaged.

Examples

• Smiling genuinely to set a warm tone during an initial meeting.
• Observing body language to know if a friend feels upset without speaking.
• Using open hand gestures during speeches to emphasize welcoming energy.

5. Warm Tones Create Easier Conversations

The tone you adopt when speaking can draw people in or push them away. Warmth in your voice encourages others to listen and respond openly.

A caring tone conveys empathy and sincerity. Lowering your pitch can make you appear understanding, as studies on oncologists have proven.
Leading with appreciation can steer conversations toward positivity. Compliments based on genuine observations create trust and disarm potential defensiveness.
Tone mismatch is highly confusing. If words and tone conflict—like an angry phrase spoken warmly—listeners may lose confidence in your message.

Examples

• Using a kinder tone when discussing issues with your child.
• Starting a conversation with a team member by crediting their effort.
• Avoiding harsh tones even when relaying hard feedback to employees.

6. Keep It Short, Sweet, and Slow

Effective communication thrives on clarity and simplicity. Limiting how much you say and delivering your message slowly ensures it gets across without overwhelming the listener.

Your brain can only process about four bits of information at a time. Speaking briefly (no more than 30 seconds) allows your words to stick. Long-winded explanations are rarely effective.
Speaking slowly conveys confidence and helps others digest what you're saying. It also calms the flow of dialogue, reducing misunderstandings.
Giving listeners breaks after key ideas lets them reflect or ask questions. This builds understanding in any exchange, whether casual or formal.

Examples

• Pausing briefly after introducing a new point in a meeting.
• Practicing slower speech during lectures to ensure students follow along.
• Limiting sharing to core facts when helping someone understand a process.

7. Listen Like You Mean It

Listening is more than hearing words; it’s about deeply understanding the person speaking. True listening strengthens bonds and shows respect.

Deep listening involves focusing entirely on the speaker, avoiding mental distractions. Pay attention to their vocal tone, word choice, and expressions.
Refraining from interruptions fosters trust. If you absolutely need to speak, apologize and affirm their importance first.
Responding thoughtfully to what’s been said keeps conversations flowing naturally. Shifting subjects mid-discussion can alienate the speaker.

Examples

• Closing your laptop to show undivided attention during a conversation.
• Apologizing for interrupting and encouraging a friend to continue sharing.
• Actively summarizing what someone says to confirm understanding.

8. Praise Empoweringly

Expressions of gratitude and acknowledgment act as conversational icebreakers. They uplift spirits and create goodwill, even during difficult discussions.

Leading with appreciation warms up interactions. Observing something you've admired about the listener, and stating it, strengthens your connection.
Ending a conversation on a complimentary note ensures a lasting positive impression. It shows respect and care for the person involved.
Meaningful praise is genuine, not generic; it must resonate with something you admire personally about the person.

Examples

• Thanking a colleague for their hard work before providing constructive criticism.
• Complimenting a friend’s thoughtfulness after a long discussion.
• Recognizing your partner’s effort during a challenging time via kind words.

9. Match Your Words with Actions

Consistency between words, tone, and actions solidifies trust. People respond best to communicators who practice what they say.

Misalignment between verbal communication and body language confuses listeners. A warm tone with dismissive gestures won’t inspire confidence.
Public speakers and comedians often combine relatable words and expressive gestures to captivate their audience. Imitating this alignment strengthens engagement.
Matching tone and words conveys authenticity, bringing greater respect and understanding in each interaction.

Examples

• Nodding supportively while agreeing in discussions.
• Using enthusiastic gestures when praising someone’s achievements.
• Avoiding folded arms during professional introductions to appear approachable.

Takeaways

1. Practice breathing exercises to center yourself before meaningful conversations.
2. When preparing for a discussion, visualize positive outcomes and recall your values to anchor calmness.
3. Focus on offering compliments and pauses while also learning to deeply listen to others.