Introduction
In his groundbreaking book "You Can Negotiate Anything," Herb Cohen presents a compelling case for the importance of negotiation skills in our daily lives. Cohen argues that negotiation is not just a skill reserved for high-stakes business deals or diplomatic relations, but a fundamental aspect of human interaction that we engage in constantly, often without even realizing it.
The book sets out to demystify the negotiation process, offering readers practical insights and strategies to improve their negotiation skills. Cohen's approach is based on the premise that most things in life are negotiable, and that by understanding the principles of effective negotiation, we can achieve better outcomes in both our personal and professional lives.
The Ubiquity of Negotiation
One of the key ideas Cohen emphasizes is that negotiation is everywhere. From convincing your child to eat their vegetables to asking for a raise at work, life is filled with situations where we attempt to influence others' behavior or decisions. Cohen argues that recognizing these everyday interactions as negotiations is the first step towards improving our skills in this area.
Consider, for example, a typical day:
- You might negotiate with your spouse about who will do the dishes
- You could bargain with a coworker over project responsibilities
- You may haggle with a street vendor over the price of a souvenir
By viewing these interactions through the lens of negotiation, we can approach them more strategically and increase our chances of achieving favorable outcomes.
The Negotiability of Everything
Another fundamental principle Cohen introduces is that almost everything is negotiable. This idea challenges the common assumption that certain prices, rules, or situations are fixed and unchangeable. Cohen encourages readers to question these assumptions and explore the potential for negotiation in unexpected places.
For instance, many people assume that prices in department stores are non-negotiable. However, Cohen suggests that even these seemingly fixed prices can often be negotiated, especially for big-ticket items like appliances or furniture. The key is knowing how to approach the negotiation and who to speak with.
Similarly, Cohen points out that even institutions known for their inflexibility, such as the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), are often open to negotiation. While you can't negotiate the tax laws themselves, you can often negotiate payment plans or settlements if you're unable to pay your full tax bill.
The author illustrates this point with a personal anecdote about negotiating a hotel room in Mexico. When told there were no rooms available, Cohen asked to speak to the manager and inquired if they would have a room for the President of Mexico. When the manager confirmed they would, Cohen simply stated that since the President wasn't coming, he would take that room. This clever approach demonstrates how thinking creatively and speaking to the right person can open up negotiation possibilities where none seemed to exist.
The Decision to Negotiate
While Cohen encourages readers to recognize negotiation opportunities, he also acknowledges that not every situation warrants negotiation. He suggests considering three factors when deciding whether to negotiate:
- Your comfort level with negotiating in that particular situation
- Whether negotiation is likely to result in your needs being met
- Whether the potential benefit is worth the time and effort involved
By evaluating these factors, you can make informed decisions about when to engage in negotiation and when to accept things as they are.
Avoiding Soviet-Style Negotiation
Cohen dedicates a significant portion of the book to discussing different negotiation styles, with particular emphasis on what he calls "Soviet-style" negotiation. This approach, named after the tactics often employed by Soviet negotiators during the Cold War, is characterized by a win-lose mentality and aggressive, uncompromising tactics.
Soviet-style negotiators typically:
- Take extreme initial positions
- Make minimal concessions
- Use negotiators with limited authority
- Employ emotional tactics like bullying or crying
Cohen uses the example of Soviet negotiators trying to purchase land on Long Island for their embassy's recreational use. They initially offered $125,000 for a property worth $420,000. When the seller dropped the price to $360,000, the Soviets saw this as a sign of weakness and only raised their offer to $133,000. This illustrates the minimal concessions typical of this negotiation style.
While these tactics can be effective in certain situations, Cohen generally advises against using them. They often lead to damaged relationships and missed opportunities for mutually beneficial outcomes. Instead, he recommends a more collaborative approach to negotiation.
Win-Win Negotiation
In contrast to the Soviet style, Cohen advocates for a win-win approach to negotiation. This style focuses on finding solutions that benefit all parties involved, rather than viewing negotiation as a zero-sum game where one party's gain is always the other's loss.
The key to win-win negotiation is understanding that different parties often have different needs and priorities. By identifying these underlying needs, rather than focusing solely on stated demands, it's often possible to find solutions that satisfy everyone.
Cohen illustrates this with a family vacation planning scenario:
- The spouse wants to go to Texas
- The son wants to go to the Rocky Mountains
- You want to go to the Great Lakes
At first glance, these desires seem incompatible. However, by digging deeper into each person's underlying needs, a solution emerges:
- The spouse actually just wants a warm place with tennis facilities
- The son wants to see mountains
- You want a lake for swimming and snorkeling
With this understanding, the family might find that a resort in Colorado meets everyone's needs, resolving the apparent impasse.
The Role of Trust in Negotiation
Cohen emphasizes that trust is crucial for successful win-win negotiation. Without trust, parties are unlikely to share their true needs and make concessions. Building trust can involve:
- Establishing a relationship before the negotiation begins
- Highlighting shared goals during the negotiation
- Demonstrating reliability by following through on commitments
By fostering an atmosphere of trust, negotiators can create an environment where collaborative problem-solving is possible.
Sources of Power in Negotiation
A significant portion of the book is devoted to exploring the various sources of power in negotiation. Cohen argues that power in negotiation comes from many sources, not just from obvious factors like wealth or position.
Some sources of power in negotiation include:
Reward/Punishment Power: The ability to provide benefits or impose costs on the other party. For example, a boss has the power to assign desirable or undesirable tasks to an employee.
Alternatives: Having good alternatives strengthens your negotiating position. If you're buying a car and can easily go to another dealership, you're in a stronger position than if you're desperate to buy that specific car today.
Precedent: Being able to point to similar situations where your desired outcome was achieved can be powerful. "My brother got a discount on this same fridge" is an example of using precedent.
Expertise: Demonstrating knowledge about the subject of negotiation can give you credibility and influence.
Legitimacy: Official rules, policies, or documents can be a source of power. A store's "No Refunds" sign is an attempt to use the power of legitimacy.
Commitment: Getting the other side invested in the negotiation can be a source of power. A salesperson who spends hours showing you products has more incentive to make a deal.
Time and Deadlines: Having more time or a later deadline than your counterpart can be advantageous.
Cohen emphasizes that the perception of power is often more important than actual power. If you believe you have power in a negotiation, and the other party believes it too, you effectively do have that power, regardless of the reality.
Making It Hard to Say No
One strategy Cohen discusses is the importance of making it difficult for the other party to say no to your proposals. This involves getting the other side invested in the negotiation process.
For example, in the scenario of buying a fridge, you might:
- Ask the salesperson to show you every model in the store
- Ask detailed technical questions, requiring them to look up information
- Come back another day with a friend and repeat the process
After investing so much time in you, the salesperson will be more inclined to offer a discount to close the sale.
However, Cohen also warns that skilled negotiators may use this tactic against you. For instance, a car salesperson might try to get your whole family excited about a particular car, making it harder for you to walk away without buying. To counter this, it's important to maintain a united front with your team and stay focused on your original goals.
The Role of Information in Negotiation
Cohen dedicates considerable attention to the importance of information in negotiation. He argues that the party with more relevant information often has a significant advantage.
Gathering information involves:
Starting the negotiation process early: Many people think of negotiation as a discrete event, but Cohen argues it's a process that begins long before you sit down at the table. For example, before negotiating a raise, you might research salary ranges for your position, understand your company's financial situation, and learn about your boss's negotiation style.
Asking questions during the negotiation: Don't be afraid to ask for clarification or more details. Some negotiators even play dumb to encourage the other side to reveal more information.
Paying attention to how information is revealed: When you or the other party makes concessions, you're also revealing information about your true limits and priorities.
Cohen also discusses the strategic sharing of information. While it's often necessary to share some information to move negotiations forward, it's important to consider what information to share and how to share it. For example, if you're selling a house and reveal that you need to move quickly for a new job, you've just weakened your negotiating position.
The Impact of Deadlines
Time, particularly in the form of deadlines, plays a crucial role in negotiations. Cohen observes that most progress in negotiations tends to happen as deadlines approach. This is similar to how students often complete their assignments just before they're due.
The party with the more flexible deadline often has an advantage. If you're negotiating a contract and can walk away at any time, while the other party needs to close the deal by the end of the week, you're in a stronger position.
Cohen illustrates this with a personal story about negotiating a deal in Japan. His hosts insisted on showing him Japanese culture for most of his two-week trip, only starting serious negotiations on the last day. Feeling pressured by his impending departure, Cohen made concessions he might not have otherwise made.
However, Cohen also advises readers to question the reality of deadlines. Often, deadlines are more flexible than they appear. He suggests carefully considering the consequences of missing a deadline before making concessions based on time pressure.
The Personal Element in Negotiation
Throughout the book, Cohen emphasizes the importance of the personal element in negotiation. He argues that making a personal connection with the other party can significantly influence the outcome of a negotiation.
Strategies for personalizing negotiations include:
Being likable: Simple courtesy and friendliness can go a long way in negotiations. People are more likely to make concessions to someone they like.
Playing weak: In some situations, appearing vulnerable or naive can elicit sympathy and lead to better treatment. Cohen gives the example of playing the lost tourist when pulled over for speeding, rather than being argumentative.
Maintaining a cool demeanor: Staying calm and collected, even in tense negotiations, can help you think clearly and avoid making emotional decisions.
Cohen warns against being obnoxious or offensive, as this can create "visceral enemies" – people who oppose not just your ideas but you as a person. These enemies can cause problems long after the current negotiation is over.
Practical Applications
Throughout the book, Cohen provides numerous examples of how these negotiation principles can be applied in everyday life. Some practical applications include:
Negotiating with service providers: Whether it's your cable company, your landlord, or a contractor, understanding negotiation principles can help you get better deals and resolve disputes more effectively.
Salary negotiations: By preparing thoroughly, understanding your worth, and being willing to discuss options beyond just salary (like benefits or flexible working hours), you can improve your compensation package.
Family disputes: Using win-win negotiation techniques can help resolve conflicts at home, whether it's deciding on household chores or planning family activities.
Customer service issues: When dealing with complaints or seeking refunds, negotiation skills can help you achieve more satisfactory outcomes.
Major purchases: Whether buying a car, a house, or expensive electronics, negotiation skills can save you significant amounts of money.
Ethical Considerations
While Cohen provides many strategies for effective negotiation, he also touches on the ethical aspects of negotiation. He emphasizes the importance of honesty and maintaining your integrity throughout the negotiation process. Lying or using deceptive tactics might provide short-term gains, but can damage your reputation and relationships in the long run.
Cohen also discusses the balance between asserting your own interests and considering the needs of others. While it's important to advocate for yourself, sustainable and satisfying outcomes often come from finding solutions that benefit all parties involved.
Developing Negotiation Skills
Cohen emphasizes that negotiation is a skill that can be developed with practice. He encourages readers to:
Start small: Begin by negotiating in low-stakes situations to build confidence.
Reflect on your experiences: After each negotiation, consider what went well and what could be improved.
Learn from others: Observe skilled negotiators and try to understand their techniques.
Role-play: Practice negotiation scenarios with friends or colleagues to hone your skills.
Stay informed: Keep up with current events and industry trends to have relevant information for negotiations.
Conclusion
"You Can Negotiate Anything" provides a comprehensive overview of negotiation principles and techniques. Cohen's central message is that negotiation is a ubiquitous and essential skill in both personal and professional life. By recognizing negotiation opportunities, understanding the sources of power in negotiation, and applying win-win strategies, readers can improve their outcomes in a wide range of situations.
Key takeaways from the book include:
Most things in life are negotiable if you approach them creatively.
Win-win negotiations are possible and often preferable to adversarial approaches.
Power in negotiations comes from many sources, including information, alternatives, and deadlines.
Effective negotiation involves thorough preparation, strategic information sharing, and careful consideration of timing.
The personal element in negotiation is crucial – being likable and maintaining a cool demeanor can significantly impact outcomes.
Negotiation is a skill that can be developed with practice and reflection.
Cohen's work challenges readers to view the world through a negotiation lens and provides them with the tools to navigate these negotiations more effectively. By mastering the art of negotiation, readers can not only achieve better outcomes for themselves but also contribute to more collaborative and satisfying interactions in all areas of life.
As you finish this book, consider how you might apply these principles in your own life. Whether you're asking for a raise, resolving a dispute with a neighbor, or simply trying to decide where to go for dinner with friends, the skills and strategies outlined in "You Can Negotiate Anything" can help you navigate these situations more effectively. Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to practice and refine your negotiation skills, bringing you one step closer to mastering the art of getting what you want – and helping others get what they want too.