You Can Negotiate Anything

Most things in the world can be negotiated, so you should learn to do it well.

1. Life is a constant negotiation

Negotiation isn't limited to contract discussions or major deals; it shows up in everyday life. From convincing your child to do their chores to getting a discount at a store, negotiation is about influencing others to achieve your goals. Understanding how to negotiate effectively can make life smoother and outcomes better.

In any situation requiring a change in someone else's behavior, you are essentially negotiating. For example, asking your manager for a raise involves demonstrating your value and aligning it with their interests. Knowing how to persuade while staying confident can lead to favorable results without conflict.

Even traditionally rigid organizations like the IRS offer room for negotiation. This reinforces the idea that negotiation isn't just about formal settings; it’s a skill anyone can use anywhere to work towards a more favorable scenario.

Examples

• Persuading a child to eat their vegetables by offering dessert as a reward
• Requesting an upgrade at a fully booked hotel by reasoning calmly and escalating to a manager
• Successfully contesting a speeding ticket by tactfully presenting your case to the officer or judge

2. Beware the "win-at-all-costs" mentality

Some negotiators treat the process like a battlefield, aiming for total victory rather than mutual agreement. This approach can lead to unrealistic demands and unproductive discussions, often making compromise impossible.

Soviet-style negotiators exemplify the "win-at-all-costs" approach. They might take extreme stances, make small concessions, or use pressure tactics to intimidate their counterpart. For instance, offering only $133,000 for land worth $420,000 showcases inflexibility and a desire to dominate rather than cooperate.

Emotional tactics such as crying or walking out are also battle-like moves to gain leverage. While this may work temporarily, it often breaks trust and damages future opportunities. The best way to handle such negotiators is to set firm boundaries and remain composed.

Examples

• A vendor refusing to lower their price despite excessive haggling
• A partner intentionally crying during a disagreement over finances to gain sympathy
• A car salesperson using ultimatums like "the offer expires today" to rush buyers into decisions

3. Collaboration creates win-win solutions

Negotiation doesn't have to be a zero-sum game where one side's gain is the other's loss. By identifying everyone's underlying needs, you can uncover creative solutions that benefit all participants.

Instead of focusing solely on spoken demands, try to uncover hidden motivations. For example, a family’s vacation dispute over Texas, the Rockies, and the Great Lakes was resolved by finding a Colorado resort that provided lakes, mountains, warmth, and entertainment for all. By looking beyond surface preferences, harmony becomes achievable.

Building trust is the cornerstone of collaborative deals. People are more likely to open up about their needs and compromise when they feel confident in the other party's intentions. This trust can be established over time or by emphasizing shared objectives within discussions.

Examples

• Finding a vacation spot that satisfies everyone’s unique desires
• Resolving an employee’s demand for higher pay by offering flexible work hours instead
• Harmonizing competing priorities in a business deal for mutual profit

4. Power is in perception

In negotiations, power isn’t just about tangible authority but also about how it’s perceived. Understanding both your own power and how others see you can change the course of discussions.

A key form of power lies in alternatives. If you can walk away from a deal to pursue other options, you hold a strong advantage. For example, comparing prices at different stores when buying a fridge creates leverage over salespeople. However, if you need that fridge immediately, your bargaining power diminishes significantly.

Other sources of power include expertise, precedent, and legitimacy. Claiming expertise or referencing past deals can bolster your position. However, printed rules or immovable policies can feel intimidating unless you push to bypass lower-level enforcers and reach decision-makers.

Examples

• Using the power of alternatives when choosing between competing products
• Quoting a similar case to justify a discount at a store
• Challenging a “no discounts” policy by escalating to a manager

5. Invest time to leave your opponent invested

The longer someone is involved in a negotiation, the less likely they are to walk away. This psychological commitment can work to your advantage when seeking concessions.

Imagine a scenario in which you repeatedly return to a store, asking extensive questions about a refrigerator. Each visit consumes the salesperson's time and effort. By the third visit, they're more likely to offer a discount to close the deal and avoid further investment.

Conversely, the tactic can work against you. A skilled negotiator may engage your family or team emotionally, making it harder for you to back out. Always ensure everyone on your side aligns with shared goals to avoid split commitments.

Examples

• Repeatedly visiting a car dealership for test drives and features discussions
• A salesperson charming your spouse into liking a product to secure a sale
• A real estate agent patiently showcasing dozens of properties to build commitment

6. The flow of information changes outcomes

The way you gather and share information can significantly shape the results of a negotiation. The more you know about the other party's needs and constraints, the better positioned you are.

Preparation is vital. Before negotiating a raise, research salary budgets and observe how leadership typically handles such discussions. Posing thoughtful questions can also reveal your counterpart’s priorities without giving away your position.

Be careful when sharing information. For example, making large concessions immediately shows desperation and signals where you’re willing to go. Instead, small, calculated steps can maintain control and leave room for higher gains later.

Examples

• Asking exploratory questions during a negotiation to gather more facts
• Preparing by researching a company’s policies before salary discussions
• Gradually increasing an offer to avoid appearing too eager

7. Deadlines are not set in stone

Deadlines often drive urgency but aren't always as fixed as they seem. Understanding how timing affects your counterpart gives you an edge.

As deadlines approach, people tend to make bigger sacrifices to close the deal. For instance, during his trip to Japan, the author was boxed into an unfavorable contract because last-minute negotiations occurred as he rushed to catch a flight.

However, deadlines can also work to your favor. If your timeline is flexible, you can pressure the other side into concessions by simply waiting until they're up against their own time limit.

Examples

• Refusing to accept a landlord’s short notice for a rent increase
• Seeing sellers lower prices near the end of sales cycles
• Taking advantage of last-minute travel deals due to airlines filling empty seats

8. Create positive personal connections

Being likeable can sway negotiations in your favor. Whether through warmth or vulnerability, making the encounter personal creates empathy and opens doors.

Imagine being pulled over for speeding. Acting defensively might escalate the situation, while playing the part of a lost, stressed tourist could result in just a warning. Similarly, in professional settings, being approachable can lead to long-term collaboration over rigid transactional relationships.

However, being antagonistic can create lifelong adversaries. Publicly embarrassing a counterpart causes them to lose face, often cementing their resistance. Even small mistakes like rudeness can sabotage deals or partnerships.

Examples

• Diffusing a tense parking dispute by apologizing and offering a joke
• Gaining jury sympathy in court through relatable storytelling
• Building rapport with a tough client over shared hobbies or humor

9. Trust is key to mutual satisfaction

Trust underpins effective communication and collaboration in negotiations. Without it, sharing honest needs or goals becomes risky. Building it through transparency allows better compromises and long-term partnerships.

Trust is earned by demonstrating good faith and reliability over time. Highlighting shared objectives also fosters connections. For instance, in a work discussion about bonuses, showing loyalty to team success helps align priorities and creates a fair outcome.

Without trust, paranoia replaces cooperation, turning negotiations adversarial and inefficient.

Examples

• Making small early concessions to signal good intentions during a sale
• Revealing honest budget constraints to avoid wasting time
• Demonstrating reliability by keeping promises in long-term business dealings

Takeaways

1. Prepare thoroughly for every negotiation by researching needs, constraints, and potential alternatives.
2. Build trust and rapport to encourage open communication and collaborative solutions.
3. Set clear goals and limits before any negotiation to stay focused and avoid losing control.