12 Rules For Life

"Stand up straight with your shoulders back." This simple yet powerful advice from Jordan B. Peterson sets the tone for a guide that helps us navigate the chaos of life with meaning, responsibility, and resilience.

1. Confidence Begins with Posture

Our physical posture reflects and influences our mental state. Peterson draws a parallel between humans and lobsters, showing how posture impacts our place in social hierarchies. Lobsters that win fights stand tall and upright, while defeated ones curl up, signaling submission. Similarly, humans who carry themselves with confidence are more likely to succeed in social and professional settings.

Good posture not only affects how others perceive us but also how we perceive ourselves. Standing tall can boost serotonin levels, which are linked to feelings of well-being and confidence. This creates a positive feedback loop, where confidence leads to success, and success reinforces confidence. Conversely, slouching can perpetuate feelings of defeat and low self-esteem.

Peterson emphasizes that adopting a confident posture is a small but effective step toward improving your life. It signals to the world—and to yourself—that you are ready to face challenges head-on.

Examples

• Lobsters with upright postures intimidate rivals and secure better shelter.
• Confident body language in humans often leads to better first impressions in job interviews.
• Depressed individuals who improve their posture report feeling more optimistic.

2. Treat Yourself Like Someone You Care About

Many people neglect their own well-being while going to great lengths to care for others. Peterson argues that this stems from self-loathing and a belief that we are unworthy of care. However, he suggests that we should treat ourselves with the same compassion and responsibility we show to loved ones.

This idea ties into the story of Adam and Eve, where humanity's flaws are highlighted. Peterson reframes this narrative, suggesting that imperfection is universal and not a reason to deny ourselves care. Instead of striving for unattainable perfection, we should aim for balance and self-respect.

Caring for yourself means doing what is best for you, not just what feels good in the moment. It involves setting meaningful goals, maintaining healthy habits, and being kind to yourself when you fall short.

Examples

• People are more likely to fill prescriptions for their pets than for themselves.
• Eastern philosophies like Yin-Yang emphasize balance between light and dark, order and chaos.
• Parents teach children to brush their teeth, even when the children resist, because it’s in their best interest.

3. Choose Friends Who Want the Best for You

The people we surround ourselves with have a profound impact on our lives. Peterson warns against keeping toxic friends who drag us down and advises seeking out those who support and uplift us. True friends challenge us to grow and hold us accountable when we stray from our values.

Toxic relationships often stem from a desire to avoid loneliness or from misplaced loyalty. However, staying in such relationships can lead to stagnation or even regression. Peterson shares a personal story of a childhood friend whose life deteriorated due to negative influences, highlighting the importance of choosing companions wisely.

Supportive friendships are mutually beneficial. They encourage personal growth and foster a sense of community, making life’s challenges more manageable.

Examples

• A childhood friend of Peterson’s fell into bad habits due to negative peer influence.
• Studies show that underperforming employees can lower the productivity of an entire team.
• Positive peer groups in college helped Peterson and his friends achieve academic and personal success.

4. Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday

In a world connected by the internet, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. Peterson advises against this, as it often leads to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, he suggests measuring your progress against your past self.

Self-comparison can distort reality, making us focus on one area of life while ignoring others. For example, you might feel like a failure at work but overlook improvements in your personal relationships. By focusing on your own growth, you can set realistic goals and celebrate small victories.

This approach fosters a mindset of continuous improvement. It encourages you to take risks and challenge yourself, knowing that progress, not perfection, is the goal.

Examples

• A person might feel unsuccessful at work but fail to notice their improved family life.
• Athletes track personal bests rather than comparing themselves to world records.
• Regular self-reflection helps identify areas for growth and celebrate achievements.

5. Raise Responsible and Kind Children

Parenting is one of life’s greatest responsibilities. Peterson argues that it’s not enough to be a child’s friend; parents must teach their children to be responsible, kind, and well-adjusted adults. This involves setting clear boundaries and enforcing them with fair consequences.

Children naturally test limits to understand the world around them. Without firm guidance, they may grow up without a sense of accountability or respect for others. Peterson suggests limiting rules to a few essential ones, using minimal force for discipline, and presenting a united front as parents.

Effective parenting prepares children to navigate the complexities of life. It teaches them to balance their natural instincts with societal expectations, fostering independence and empathy.

Examples

• Limiting rules to essentials like “don’t hit” reduces frustration in children.
• A disappointed look can sometimes be more effective than harsh punishment.
• Unified parenting prevents children from exploiting inconsistencies between parents.

6. Take Responsibility for Your Life

Life is full of suffering and injustice, but blaming others or the world only perpetuates misery. Peterson urges readers to take responsibility for their own lives, even in the face of adversity. This mindset empowers individuals to create meaning and improve their circumstances.

He shares the story of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who endured imprisonment in a Soviet gulag yet chose to write a book that exposed the system’s cruelty. By taking responsibility for his role in supporting the regime, Solzhenitsyn transformed his suffering into a force for good.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean ignoring systemic issues; it means focusing on what you can control. This proactive approach leads to personal growth and a sense of purpose.

Examples

• Solzhenitsyn wrote The Gulag Archipelago while imprisoned, influencing global perceptions of communism.
• Tolstoy’s essay “A Confession” explores responses to life’s absurdity, including taking action despite suffering.
• People who focus on self-improvement often find greater satisfaction than those who dwell on external injustices.

7. Seek Meaning Over Immediate Pleasure

Modern life offers countless distractions and instant gratifications, but Peterson argues that true fulfillment comes from pursuing meaningful goals. Sacrifice is often necessary to achieve these goals, as it allows us to invest in a better future.

The story of the monkey with its hand stuck in a cookie jar illustrates the dangers of clinging to short-term rewards. Letting go of immediate pleasures can free us to pursue deeper, more lasting satisfaction. This principle is echoed in religious and philosophical traditions that emphasize the value of sacrifice.

Peterson encourages readers to think of life as a journey toward the light, like a lotus flower rising from the mud. By enduring hardships and making sacrifices, we can achieve personal growth and contribute to the greater good.

Examples

• Tribes in ancient times stored food for winter, sacrificing immediate consumption for survival.
• The Bible frames life’s suffering as a sacrifice for the joys of the afterlife.
• The lotus flower symbolizes growth through adversity, blossoming after rising from the mud.

8. Be Honest, Even When It’s Hard

Lying to ourselves and others is a common way to avoid discomfort, but it often leads to greater problems. Peterson emphasizes the importance of living truthfully, even when the truth is painful. Honesty fosters growth and helps us align our actions with our values.

Life-lies, as described by psychologist Alfred Adler, are delusions we create to justify poorly thought-out goals. These lies can trap us in unfulfilling situations and prevent us from adapting to new realities. By confronting the truth, we can reassess our goals and make meaningful changes.

Peterson warns that dishonesty can lead to destructive outcomes, both personally and socially. Living truthfully requires courage but ultimately leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Examples

• A person clinging to an unrealistic retirement dream may ignore signs that it’s unachievable.
• Lucifer’s fall in Paradise Lost illustrates the dangers of pride and self-deception.
• Honest self-reflection helps individuals identify and correct life-lies.

9. Listen to Learn, Not to Win

Conversations are opportunities for growth, but they often devolve into competitions. Peterson advises approaching discussions with an open mind, assuming you have something to learn from the other person. This mindset fosters understanding and mutual respect.

Socrates exemplified this approach, famously claiming that his wisdom came from knowing he knew nothing. Genuine conversations, like internal dialogues, help us explore different perspectives and refine our ideas. Listening actively and summarizing the other person’s points can improve communication and deepen connections.

By prioritizing learning over winning, we can build stronger relationships and expand our understanding of the world.

Examples

• Socrates’ method of questioning encouraged critical thinking and self-awareness.
• Children discussing risky ideas, like playing on a roof, often reach safer conclusions through dialogue.
• Summarizing others’ points in conversations ensures clarity and mutual understanding.

Takeaways

1. Stand tall and adopt confident body language to improve your mindset and interactions.
2. Regularly reflect on your progress and set realistic goals based on your past achievements.
3. Approach conversations with curiosity, listening to learn rather than to argue.