In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, many of us yearn for guidance on how to navigate life's challenges and find meaning in our existence. Jordan B. Peterson's "12 Rules For Life" offers a set of practical principles to help us do just that. Drawing from a wide range of sources, including psychology, philosophy, mythology, and personal experience, Peterson presents a compelling roadmap for living a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
This book is not a quick fix or a set of easy solutions. Instead, it challenges readers to confront the complexities of human nature and the world around us. Peterson argues that life is inherently difficult and filled with suffering, but that doesn't mean we should give up or despair. On the contrary, he believes that by accepting responsibility for our lives and striving to improve ourselves and our circumstances, we can find profound meaning and satisfaction.
The 12 rules Peterson outlines are not arbitrary commandments, but rather distilled wisdom gleaned from years of clinical practice, academic research, and deep reflection on the human condition. Each rule is explored in depth, with Peterson weaving together personal anecdotes, scientific studies, literary references, and philosophical insights to illustrate his points.
As we delve into these rules, we'll explore how to build confidence, cultivate meaningful relationships, raise responsible children, pursue worthwhile goals, and confront the challenges of existence with courage and integrity. Peterson's approach is both practical and profound, offering concrete advice while also encouraging readers to grapple with life's big questions.
So, let's embark on this journey through Peterson's 12 rules, exploring how we can stand up straight, treat ourselves with care, choose our friends wisely, and ultimately find purpose and meaning in a complex world.
Rule 1: Stand up straight with your shoulders back
Peterson begins his book with a surprising comparison between humans and lobsters. While it might seem odd to draw parallels between our complex human societies and the world of crustaceans, Peterson uses this analogy to illustrate a fundamental truth about social hierarchies and the importance of confidence.
In the world of lobsters, dominance hierarchies are established through physical confrontations. The winners of these battles experience a boost in serotonin levels, which makes them more agile and upright in their posture. The losers, on the other hand, experience a decrease in serotonin and tend to adopt a more submissive, curled-up posture. This physical manifestation of their status influences future confrontations, as the more upright lobsters appear larger and more intimidating.
Peterson argues that similar dynamics play out in human societies. While our hierarchies are more complex and based on various factors beyond physical dominance, the principle remains: how we carry ourselves can significantly impact our social standing and overall well-being.
The author emphasizes that our posture is not just a reflection of our internal state but can also influence it. By consciously adopting a more upright and confident posture, we can actually begin to feel more confident and capable. This, in turn, can lead to positive feedback loops in our interactions with others and our environment.
Peterson isn't suggesting that we can solve all our problems simply by standing up straight. However, he argues that this physical act can be a powerful first step in changing our mindset and how we approach life's challenges. By presenting ourselves to the world with confidence, we're more likely to be treated with respect and to feel more capable of handling whatever comes our way.
This rule also touches on the broader theme of taking responsibility for our own lives. Instead of viewing ourselves as helpless victims of circumstance, Peterson encourages us to recognize our agency and take action to improve our situation, starting with something as simple as our posture.
It's important to note that Peterson isn't advocating for aggressive dominance or trying to climb to the top of every social hierarchy. Rather, he's suggesting that by presenting ourselves with dignity and self-respect, we can navigate social interactions more effectively and feel more empowered in our daily lives.
The idea of "standing up straight with your shoulders back" is both literal and metaphorical. It's about facing the world with courage and confidence, even when we feel uncertain or afraid. It's about refusing to be cowed by life's challenges and instead meeting them head-on with a sense of self-assurance.
This rule sets the tone for the rest of the book, emphasizing the power of small, deliberate actions in shaping our lives and our interactions with the world around us. By starting with something as fundamental as our posture, Peterson suggests that we can begin to make positive changes that ripple out into all areas of our lives.
Rule 2: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
In this rule, Peterson addresses a curious phenomenon: many people tend to take better care of their pets or loved ones than they do of themselves. He uses the example of people who diligently give prescribed medication to their dogs but often neglect to take their own prescriptions. This leads to an important question: why do we often treat ourselves with less care and consideration than we would others?
Peterson delves into the psychological and philosophical reasons behind this self-neglect. He suggests that part of the issue stems from our acute awareness of our own flaws and shortcomings. We know ourselves intimately, including all our mistakes, regrets, and perceived failures. This self-knowledge can lead to feelings of unworthiness or self-loathing, which in turn can result in self-neglect or even self-punishment.
The author draws on the biblical story of Adam and Eve to illustrate this point. In this metaphorical tale, humans gain knowledge of good and evil, becoming self-conscious and aware of their own nakedness (or vulnerability). This self-consciousness can be seen as the root of our tendency to judge ourselves harshly and feel undeserving of care and kindness.
However, Peterson argues that this self-critical tendency, while natural, is ultimately counterproductive. He encourages readers to treat themselves with the same compassion and care they would extend to a loved one. This doesn't mean indulging every whim or avoiding necessary but uncomfortable tasks. Rather, it means making decisions and taking actions that are truly in our best interest, even when they're difficult or unpleasant in the short term.
The author emphasizes that self-care isn't selfish. In fact, by taking good care of ourselves, we become better equipped to care for others and contribute positively to the world around us. Just as we would encourage a friend to eat healthily, exercise regularly, and pursue their goals, we should do the same for ourselves.
Peterson also touches on the idea of balance between order and chaos in this rule. He suggests that trying to eliminate all "bad" or chaotic elements from our lives is futile and potentially harmful. Instead, we should strive for a healthy balance, recognizing that some degree of challenge and unpredictability is necessary for growth and meaning.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Prioritizing self-care activities like regular exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep.
- Setting and pursuing personal goals that align with our values and long-term well-being.
- Practicing self-compassion when we make mistakes or face setbacks.
- Seeking help or support when needed, just as we would encourage a friend to do.
- Making time for activities that bring us joy and fulfillment, not just productivity.
By treating ourselves with the same care and consideration we would offer to someone we're responsible for helping, we can cultivate a healthier relationship with ourselves and, by extension, with the world around us. This self-care isn't about selfishness or narcissism, but about recognizing our own worth and taking responsibility for our own well-being.
Ultimately, this rule encourages us to be as kind and supportive to ourselves as we would be to a dear friend or loved one. By doing so, we not only improve our own lives but also become better equipped to positively impact the lives of others.
Rule 3: Make friends with people who want the best for you
In this rule, Peterson emphasizes the profound impact that our social circles can have on our personal growth and overall well-being. He argues that the company we keep plays a crucial role in shaping our attitudes, behaviors, and life trajectories.
The author begins by sharing a personal anecdote about a childhood friend who never left their small hometown. Over the years, Peterson observed how his friend's potential was gradually eroded by the influence of a group of underachievers. This story serves as a stark illustration of how the wrong companions can hold us back and even contribute to a downward spiral in our lives.
Peterson extends this observation to various contexts, including workplace dynamics. He points out that contrary to common belief, putting a low-performing employee in a team of high achievers doesn't necessarily lead to improvement. Instead, there's a risk that the negative habits and attitudes might spread, bringing down the performance of the entire group.
The key message here is that we should be selective about the people we surround ourselves with. This isn't about being elitist or abandoning those who are struggling. Rather, it's about recognizing the power of positive influence and seeking out relationships that encourage growth and improvement.
So, what does it mean to make friends with people who want the best for you? Peterson suggests looking for these qualities:
They challenge you to be better: Good friends don't just agree with everything you say or do. They're willing to offer constructive criticism and push you to improve.
They celebrate your successes: True friends are genuinely happy for your achievements and don't feel threatened by your growth.
They support you during tough times: While they won't enable destructive behavior, they'll be there to offer support and encouragement when you're facing challenges.
They have their own goals and ambitions: Surrounding yourself with people who are also striving to improve can be motivating and inspiring.
They're honest with you: Good friends will tell you the truth, even when it's uncomfortable, because they care about your well-being.
Peterson emphasizes that this rule works both ways. While we should seek out positive influences, we should also strive to be that positive influence for others. This creates a virtuous cycle of mutual growth and support.
The author also touches on the idea of reciprocity in friendships. He suggests that good friendships involve a balance of giving and receiving support. If you're always the one giving or always the one receiving, it might be a sign of an imbalanced relationship.
It's important to note that Peterson isn't advocating for abandoning friends who are going through tough times. Rather, he's encouraging us to be mindful of the overall direction and impact of our relationships. Are your friends generally supportive of your growth and well-being, even if they're currently struggling themselves? Or do they consistently drag you down or hold you back from pursuing your goals?
Implementing this rule might involve some difficult decisions. It could mean distancing yourself from long-time friends whose influence has become negative. It might require seeking out new social circles that align more closely with your values and aspirations. While these changes can be challenging, Peterson argues that they're crucial for personal growth and fulfillment.
The author also touches on the broader societal implications of this principle. He suggests that communities and societies thrive when individuals support each other's growth and success. By cultivating positive relationships on a personal level, we contribute to a broader culture of mutual support and improvement.
In essence, this rule is about recognizing the profound influence that our social environment has on our lives. By consciously choosing to surround ourselves with people who genuinely want the best for us, we create a supportive ecosystem for our own growth and development. This, in turn, enables us to become better versions of ourselves and to have a more positive impact on the world around us.
Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
In this rule, Peterson addresses the common human tendency to measure our worth and progress against others. He argues that while some degree of social comparison is natural and can even be motivating, excessive comparison to others often leads to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and a loss of personal direction.
The author begins by acknowledging the reality of our interconnected, global world. Thanks to technology and social media, we're constantly exposed to the achievements and highlight reels of others. This can make it seem like there's always someone doing better than us, no matter what field or aspect of life we consider.
Peterson points out that this constant comparison can be detrimental in several ways:
It often leads to black-and-white thinking: We tend to see ourselves as either successful or failures based on how we stack up against others, ignoring the nuances and complexities of personal growth.
It can cause us to lose sight of our own progress: When we're focused on how we measure up to others, we might fail to notice the small but significant improvements we're making in our own lives.
It can lead to a narrow focus: We might fixate on one area where we feel we're falling short, neglecting other important aspects of our lives where we might be doing well.
It can be demotivating: Constantly feeling like we're falling short compared to others can lead to a sense of hopelessness and a desire to give up.
Instead of this external comparison, Peterson advocates for an internal, temporal comparison. In other words, he suggests that we should measure our progress against our past selves rather than against other people.
This approach has several advantages:
It's more accurate: We have a much clearer understanding of our own circumstances, challenges, and starting points than we do of others'.
It's more controllable: While we can't control how others perform, we can control our own actions and efforts.
It's more motivating: Seeing our own progress, even if it's small, can be incredibly encouraging and can spur us on to further improvement.
It's more holistic: By focusing on our own journey, we're more likely to consider multiple aspects of our lives rather than fixating on one area where others seem to be excelling.
Peterson emphasizes that this doesn't mean we should never look to others for inspiration or guidance. Learning from others' successes and strategies can be valuable. However, the key is to use this information as inspiration for our own growth rather than as a stick to beat ourselves with.
The author also touches on the importance of setting appropriate goals. He suggests that we should aim for goals that are challenging but achievable. If we're always winning, it might be a sign that we're not pushing ourselves enough. On the other hand, if we're constantly failing, our goals might be unrealistic or we might need to break them down into smaller, more manageable steps.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Keeping a journal to track personal progress over time.
- Regularly reflecting on how we've improved compared to our past selves.
- Setting personal benchmarks rather than comparing ourselves to industry or social standards.
- Celebrating small victories and improvements, even if they seem insignificant compared to others' achievements.
- Using others' success as inspiration for what's possible, rather than as a measure of our own worth.
Peterson also discusses the idea of "aiming high" in this context. He suggests that while we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, we should still strive for meaningful improvement. This means setting goals that push us out of our comfort zone and require real effort to achieve.
The author acknowledges that this approach requires honesty and self-awareness. It's easy to deceive ourselves about our progress or lack thereof. This is why he emphasizes the importance of concrete, measurable goals and regular self-assessment.
Ultimately, this rule is about taking control of our own narrative. Instead of letting our sense of worth be determined by how we stack up against others, we're encouraged to focus on our own journey of growth and improvement. By doing so, we can cultivate a sense of progress and purpose that's grounded in our own experiences and efforts, rather than in fleeting comparisons to others.
This approach not only leads to greater personal satisfaction but also allows us to appreciate and celebrate the successes of others without feeling diminished by them. It encourages a mindset of continuous improvement and personal responsibility, which can lead to more sustainable and meaningful progress in the long run.
Rule 5: Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
In this rule, Peterson addresses the challenging and often controversial topic of parenting. He argues that one of the most important responsibilities of parents is to help their children become well-adjusted, likable adults who can function effectively in society.
The author begins by acknowledging the natural aggression and boundary-pushing tendencies of children. He points out that, contrary to some popular beliefs, children are not born as blank slates or naturally peaceful beings. Instead, they come into the world with a range of instincts and behaviors, some of which need to be tempered and guided for successful social integration.
Peterson emphasizes that it's the parents' duty to socialize their children effectively. This involves setting clear boundaries, enforcing rules consistently, and teaching children how to interact positively with others. He argues that failing to do so not only makes life difficult for the parents but also sets the child up for future social and personal struggles.
The title of this rule might seem harsh at first glance, but Peterson explains that it's about more than just the parents' personal preferences. When a child behaves in ways that make their parents dislike them, it's often a sign that their behavior would be unacceptable to society at large. By addressing these behaviors early, parents can help their children develop the social skills and self-control necessary for success in life.
Peterson offers several key principles for effective parenting:
Limit the rules: Having too many rules can lead to constant frustration and conflict. Instead, focus on a few key principles that cover the most important aspects of behavior.
Use minimum necessary force: Discipline should be consistent and clear, but not excessive. The goal is to discourage misbehavior effectively, not to punish harshly.
Come in pairs: Both parents (when possible) should be involved in setting and enforcing rules to prevent children from playing one parent against the other.
Understand normal child development: Recognize what behaviors are appropriate for different ages and stages of development.
Don't shelter children from negative consequences: Allow children to experience the natural results of their actions (within safe limits) to help them learn cause and effect.
The author also addresses the common fear among parents of being too strict or damaging their children's self-esteem. He argues that children actually benefit from clear boundaries and consistent discipline, as it helps them feel secure and understand how to navigate the world.
Peterson emphasizes that the goal of parenting is not to be your child's friend, but to prepare them for the realities of adult life. This means sometimes being the "bad guy" in the short term for the child's long-term benefit.
He also touches on the importance of teaching children to delay gratification and deal with frustration. These skills, he argues, are crucial for success in adult life and are best learned in childhood under the guidance of loving parents.
The author acknowledges that parenting is a challenging and often thankless task. However, he stresses its crucial importance not just for individual families, but for society as a whole. Well-socialized children grow into adults who can contribute positively to their communities and navigate complex social situations effectively.
Peterson also discusses the balance between nurturing and discipline in parenting. While it's important to set boundaries and enforce rules, it's equally important to provide love, support, and encouragement. Children need to feel secure in their parents' love even as they learn to navigate the rules and expectations of their family and society.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Consistently enforcing bedtimes and other daily routines.
- Teaching children to share and take turns.
- Not tolerating rudeness or disrespect, even when it's inconvenient to address.
- Encouraging children to take responsibility for age-appropriate tasks.
- Modeling the behavior you want to see in your children.
The author also touches on the importance of allowing children to take risks and face challenges within safe limits. This helps them develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and confidence in their abilities.
Ultimately, this rule is about taking the long view in parenting. It's about recognizing that short-term discomfort (both for the parent and the child) in enforcing rules and addressing misbehavior can lead to long-term benefits in terms of the child's social skills, self-control, and overall well-being.
By raising children who are well-behaved and socially adept, parents not only make their own lives easier but also contribute to creating a more harmonious and functional society. This rule underscores the profound responsibility that comes with parenting and the far-reaching impact that effective child-rearing can have.
Rule 6: Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
In this rule, Peterson addresses the human tendency to blame external factors for our problems and dissatisfaction with life. He argues that before we point fingers at society, government, or other people, we should first take a hard look at our own lives and take responsibility for putting our own affairs in order.
The author begins by acknowledging the very real suffering and injustice that exist in the world. He doesn't deny that life can be cruel and unfair. However, he argues that responding to this reality with bitterness, resentment, or a desire for revenge is ultimately self-destructive and doesn't improve the situation.
Peterson uses examples of individuals who have faced extreme hardship and suffering, yet chose to respond in ways that were constructive rather than destructive. He particularly highlights the story of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, a Russian writer who was imprisoned in a Soviet gulag and later diagnosed with cancer. Despite these immense challenges, Solzhenitsyn didn't give in to despair or blame the world for his misfortunes. Instead, he used his experiences to create powerful literature that exposed the realities of the Soviet system and contributed to its eventual downfall.
The core message of this rule is that we have more control over our lives than we often realize or want to admit. While we can't control everything that happens to us, we can control our response to these events and take responsibility for improving our own circumstances.
Peterson suggests a process for setting our house in order:
Identify what's bothering you: Be specific about the problems in your life.
Start small: Don't try to fix everything at once. Begin with manageable tasks that you can accomplish.
Take responsibility: Instead of blaming others or circumstances, ask yourself what you can do to improve the situation.
Make incremental improvements: Focus on making small, consistent changes rather than trying to transform your life overnight.
Expand your sphere of influence: As you get your personal life in order, you can start to have a positive impact on your immediate environment and eventually on broader society.
The author emphasizes that this process isn't about achieving perfection. Rather, it's about continually working to improve our lives and taking responsibility for our own well-being.
Peterson argues that by focusing on setting our own house in order, we not only improve our own lives but also become better equipped to make positive changes in the world around us. He suggests that people who have their own lives well-organized are more likely to be effective in addressing larger societal issues.
This rule also touches on the idea of personal integrity. Peterson suggests that we're more likely to be taken seriously and have a positive influence on others if we're living in accordance with our own principles and effectively managing our own lives.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Regularly assessing different areas of your life (health, relationships, career, finances) and identifying areas for improvement.
- Setting specific, achievable goals for personal growth and development.
- Taking responsibility for your mistakes and learning from them rather than blaming others.
- Addressing personal habits or behaviors that may be holding you back.
- Seeking help or support when needed, but not using this as an excuse for inaction.
Peterson also discusses the psychological benefits of taking this approach. By focusing on what we can control and taking action to improve our lives, we can increase our sense of self-efficacy and reduce feelings of helplessness or victimhood.
The author acknowledges that this rule can be challenging to implement, especially for those who have faced significant trauma or injustice. However, he argues that taking responsibility for our lives, even in small ways, can be a powerful tool for healing and personal growth.
This rule doesn't mean that we should never criticize societal problems or work for broader change. Rather, it suggests that our critiques and efforts will be more effective if we've first put our own lives in order. By doing so, we lead by example and gain the credibility and skills necessary to make a positive impact on the world around us.
Ultimately, this rule is about empowerment. It encourages us to focus on what we can control and to take active steps to improve our lives, rather than feeling helpless in the face of life's challenges. By setting our house in order, we not only improve our own circumstances but also become better equipped to contribute positively to our communities and the world at large.
Rule 7: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
In this rule, Peterson delves into the importance of seeking meaning in life rather than just pursuing immediate pleasures or short-term gains. He argues that while the pursuit of happiness is a common life goal, it's often fleeting and unsatisfying in the long run. Instead, he suggests that we should strive for a sense of purpose and meaning, which can provide a deeper and more lasting sense of fulfillment.
The author begins by discussing the concept of sacrifice, which he sees as central to the pursuit of meaning. He draws on various mythological and religious traditions to illustrate how the idea of sacrificing something valuable in the present for future gain has been a fundamental human concept throughout history.
Peterson argues that meaningful pursuits often require us to delay gratification and endure short-term discomfort for long-term benefits. This could involve studying hard for a degree, putting in extra hours at work to advance in a career, or making personal sacrifices for the well-being of loved ones.
The author contrasts this approach with what he calls "expedient" behavior - actions that provide immediate pleasure or relief but don't contribute to long-term well-being or growth. He suggests that while such behavior might feel good in the moment, it often leads to emptiness and dissatisfaction over time.
Key aspects of pursuing meaning, according to Peterson, include:
Setting worthwhile goals: Choose objectives that align with your values and contribute to your personal growth or the well-being of others.
Taking responsibility: Embrace the challenges that come with pursuing meaningful goals rather than avoiding difficulty.
Delaying gratification: Be willing to forgo immediate pleasures for the sake of long-term fulfillment.
Contributing to society: Find ways to use your skills and efforts to benefit others and make a positive impact.
Facing adversity: View obstacles as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to give up.
Peterson uses the metaphor of the lotus flower to illustrate this concept. The lotus begins its life at the bottom of a murky pond and must struggle through the mud and water to reach the surface, where it can finally bloom. This journey, though difficult, is what gives the flower its beauty and significance.
The author acknowledges that pursuing meaning isn't always easy. It often involves facing our fears, stepping out of our comfort zones, and enduring periods of uncertainty or discomfort. However, he argues that this struggle is precisely what gives life its depth and richness.
Peterson also discusses the relationship between meaning and responsibility. He suggests that by taking on meaningful responsibilities - whether in our personal relationships, our work, or our communities - we give our lives purpose and direction.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Identifying your core values and aligning your actions with them.
- Setting long-term goals that require effort and perseverance.
- Volunteering or finding ways to contribute to your community.
- Pursuing education or skill development, even when it's challenging.
- Building and maintaining meaningful relationships, which often require sacrifice and compromise.
The author also touches on the idea of "being all you can be" - not in a perfectionist sense, but in terms of striving to reach your potential and make the most of your abilities. He argues that this pursuit, while often difficult, is ultimately more satisfying than settling for an easy but unfulfilling life.
Peterson warns against the dangers of nihilism - the belief that life is meaningless. He argues that this perspective, while tempting in the face of life's difficulties, ultimately leads to despair and destructive behavior. Instead, he encourages readers to actively create meaning in their lives through their choices and actions.
The author also discusses the role of suffering in a meaningful life. While he doesn't glorify suffering, he suggests that facing and overcoming challenges is often what gives life its depth and significance. He argues that a life without any struggle or difficulty would ultimately feel shallow and unsatisfying.
Ultimately, this rule is about choosing the path of growth and meaning over the path of least resistance. It's about recognizing that while pursuing meaning might be more challenging in the short term, it leads to a richer, more satisfying life in the long run.
By encouraging us to look beyond immediate gratification and consider the broader impact of our choices, Peterson challenges us to live more intentionally and purposefully. This approach not only benefits us as individuals but also contributes to the betterment of society as a whole, as more people strive to make meaningful contributions to the world around them.
Rule 8: Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie
In this rule, Peterson emphasizes the critical importance of honesty, not just in our interactions with others, but also in our relationship with ourselves. He argues that truthfulness is fundamental to living a meaningful and ethical life, and that lying - even seemingly small or harmless lies - can have far-reaching negative consequences.
The author begins by acknowledging that absolute truth can be elusive and that our perceptions are often limited or biased. However, he stresses that this doesn't absolve us of the responsibility to be as truthful as possible in our words and actions.
Peterson discusses several reasons why telling the truth is crucial:
Building trust: Honesty is the foundation of all meaningful relationships, whether personal or professional.
Simplifying life: Telling the truth eliminates the need to keep track of lies and maintain false narratives.
Personal growth: Facing the truth about ourselves and our situations is necessary for genuine improvement and development.
Ethical living: Truthfulness is a core component of integrity and moral behavior.
Societal stability: A society built on honesty and trust functions more effectively than one riddled with deception.
The author also delves into the concept of "life-lies" - the false narratives we tell ourselves to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. These could be about our relationships, our careers, our abilities, or our circumstances. Peterson argues that while these lies might provide temporary comfort, they ultimately hold us back from growth and genuine fulfillment.
He uses the example of a person who dreams of retiring to a beach in Mexico, constantly telling themselves and others that this is their goal, even as circumstances make it increasingly unrealistic. Instead of adjusting their plans or working towards more achievable goals, they cling to this life-lie, which prevents them from making meaningful progress in their life.
Peterson emphasizes that being truthful doesn't mean being brutally blunt or insensitive. It's possible - and often necessary - to be both honest and tactful. The key is to strive for accuracy and authenticity in our communications and our self-perception.
The author also discusses the relationship between truth and meaning. He argues that living truthfully allows us to engage more fully with reality and find genuine purpose in our lives. By contrast, living in denial or deception disconnects us from the world and from ourselves, leading to a sense of emptiness or inauthenticity.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Reflecting on areas of your life where you might be avoiding uncomfortable truths.
- Practicing honesty in small, everyday situations to build the habit of truthfulness.
- Being willing to have difficult but necessary conversations with loved ones.
- Admitting mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions.
- Regularly reassessing your goals and beliefs to ensure they align with reality.
Peterson acknowledges that telling the truth can be challenging and sometimes even painful in the short term. It might involve admitting failures, confronting difficult realities, or risking conflict in relationships. However, he argues that the long-term benefits of truthfulness far outweigh these temporary discomforts.
The author also touches on the idea of "white lies" - small untruths told ostensibly to avoid hurting others' feelings. While these might seem harmless, Peterson suggests that they can still have negative effects, both on our own integrity and on the trust in our relationships. He encourages finding ways to be kind and considerate while still maintaining honesty.
Peterson discusses the concept of "speaking your truth" - expressing your genuine thoughts and feelings, even when they're unpopular or uncomfortable. He argues that this kind of authentic self-expression is crucial for personal growth and for contributing meaningfully to discussions and relationships.
The author also explores the relationship between truth and power. He suggests that speaking truth to power - being willing to express honest opinions even in the face of authority or social pressure - is a crucial aspect of maintaining a free and just society.
Ultimately, this rule is about aligning our words and actions with reality as best we can. It's about having the courage to face uncomfortable truths and the integrity to represent ourselves and our views honestly to the world.
By encouraging truthfulness, Peterson isn't promising an easy life. In fact, he acknowledges that being consistently honest often involves facing challenges and discomfort. However, he argues that this path leads to a life of greater meaning, stronger relationships, and a deeper connection to reality.
This rule challenges us to examine our habits of thought and communication, to confront our tendencies towards self-deception, and to strive for greater authenticity in all areas of our lives. While it may be difficult, Peterson suggests that the pursuit of truth is one of the most worthwhile and meaningful endeavors we can undertake.
Rule 9: Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't
In this rule, Peterson emphasizes the importance of genuine listening and the value of approaching conversations with an open mind. He argues that truly hearing what others have to say, rather than just waiting for our turn to speak, can lead to profound learning experiences and personal growth.
The author begins by pointing out a common flaw in many conversations: people often engage in dialogue not to learn or understand, but to confirm their existing beliefs or to "win" an argument. This approach, he suggests, limits our ability to gain new insights and expand our understanding of the world.
Peterson proposes that we should instead approach conversations with the assumption that the person we're talking to might possess knowledge or insights that we don't. This mindset shift can transform our interactions from competitive debates into collaborative explorations of ideas.
Key aspects of effective listening, according to Peterson, include:
Giving full attention: Focus on what the other person is saying rather than planning your response.
Suspending judgment: Resist the urge to immediately evaluate or criticize what you're hearing.
Asking clarifying questions: Seek to truly understand the other person's perspective before responding.
Considering alternative viewpoints: Be open to the possibility that your own views might be incomplete or incorrect.
Recognizing the value of diverse perspectives: Understand that people with different backgrounds and experiences can offer unique insights.
The author uses the example of the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates, who was renowned for his method of asking probing questions to stimulate critical thinking and illuminate new ideas. Socrates famously claimed that the only thing he knew for certain was that he knew nothing, which allowed him to approach every conversation as an opportunity to learn.
Peterson argues that this kind of intellectual humility is crucial for personal growth and effective communication. By acknowledging that our own knowledge is limited, we open ourselves up to new ideas and perspectives that can enrich our understanding of the world.
The author also discusses the concept of "cognitive dissonance" - the discomfort we feel when confronted with information that challenges our existing beliefs. He suggests that while this feeling can be uncomfortable, it's often a sign that we're encountering valuable new information that could lead to personal growth.
Practical applications of this rule might include:
- Practicing active listening techniques in conversations.
- Seeking out perspectives that differ from your own, especially on topics you feel strongly about