Boy Erased Summary

What would you do if your family’s love became dependent on you rejecting who you truly are?

1. Homosexuality was treated as an "addiction" by the ex-gay movement

Garrard Conley grew up in a tightly-knit fundamentalist Christian community that labeled homosexuality as a sinful, almost demonic behavior that ought to be “fixed.” When Conley entered the Love in Action program at 19, he found they categorized homosexuality not just as a sin but as an addiction comparable to alcoholism. The program urged participants to "recover" through a specific 12-step process.

This process drew heavily on language typically associated with addiction recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. Participants were told that homosexual behavior stemmed from a moral and spiritual emptiness filled by sinful temptations. They were encouraged to reject their desires and replace this void with devotion to God. Conley and others were made to confess their so-called failings, submit to public shame, and commit to what the program called a “Godly life.”

The movement’s perspective was rooted in fear-mongering: Love in Action’s materials explicitly grouped homosexuality with pedophilia and bestiality. Before beginning the program, Conley read the organization's dire warnings that a "gay lifestyle" would lead to moral and physical ruin. This foundation of fear shaped the entire experience, embedding shame while dismantling participants' sense of identity.

Examples

• Love in Action repeatedly compared homosexuality to harmful addictions like gambling and alcoholism.
• The program leader stated that filling the "void" of homosexuality required relying on God instead of intimacy with others.
• Participants had to follow rigid steps meant to mirror recovery frameworks, emphasizing conformity over self-exploration.

2. The destruction of personal identity was a central practice

The program focused on erasing anything that did not align with its narrow views of masculinity and femininity. Upon arrival, participants were stripped of clothing, accessories, and even personal writings that didn’t fit the program's ideals of traditional gender roles. This assault on identity pushed Conley and others to abandon self-expression.

Men were forbidden from wearing jewelry or tank tops, which were deemed too "provocative" or effeminate. Women had their appearance and grooming policed, needing to shave their legs and armpits to meet "proper" feminine standards. Conley’s notebook, a source of personal creativity and solace, was confiscated because the stories he wrote didn't align with ultra-masculine norms. Even hobbies perceived as unconventional—like enjoying classical music— were framed as evidence of moral corruption.

The policing didn’t stop at appearances or possessions. Love in Action discouraged interest in anything mystical or secular, from yoga to fantasy games. Participants were instructed to center their lives around the Bible and reject any cultural influences outside the program's rigid framework.

Examples

• Conley’s short stories were labeled sinful, with pages torn out, because of their "feminine" perspectives.
• Female participants were forced to adhere to grooming processes like shaving, supposedly reflecting "appropriate femininity."
• Even harmless cultural pursuits, including the appreciation of classical music, were treated as corruptive and unchristian.

3. Many participants felt forced into “treatment”

Love in Action preyed on participants’ fears of abandonment or exile. Most of those in the program came from deeply religious Southern communities where being openly gay often meant severing ties with loved ones. This pressure left participants with what often felt like no option but to try and “change.”

Conley himself was given a horrifying choice: seek "treatment” or lose access to his education, as his parents refused to fund his college tuition unless he underwent conversion therapy. Others in the program recounted similar ultimatums from their families, often being threatened with homelessness or lifelong disconnection if they didn’t comply. Some families sent their children to the center against their will while they were still minors, legally unable to leave.

The fear-mongering went beyond familial rejection. Many participants had been convinced by their communities that homosexuality equated to a life of sin and early death. Media portrayals of gay men as AIDS victims further perpetuated these beliefs, creating a culture of shame that participants had internalized before they even entered the program.

Examples

• Conley entered the program under threat of losing his college tuition and family connections.
• Some minors attended involuntarily, trapped by their parents’ decisions.
• Societal fears, such as AIDS epidemics in media, convinced participants that being gay meant inevitable ruin.

4. The program exacerbated trauma, sometimes with deadly consequences

Many participants entered Love in Action carrying significant emotional wounds, often caused by homophobia in their communities and families. Rather than helping to heal this trauma, the program intensified it, often with devastating outcomes.

Conley bore the weight of unspoken pain as a survivor of sexual assault. During his first year of college, he had been raped by a trusted friend, who then revealed his sexuality to his parents. The betrayal and forced outing left Conley emotionally shattered. Love in Action only compounded this trauma with its degrading practices and emotional abuse, such as public confessions and shaming rituals.

Some counselors fostered an environment that encouraged self-hate to such an extreme that participants were driven to breaking points. Reports include John Smid, the program leader, telling one gay man that he’d be better off dead than living openly. Tragically, such rhetoric wasn’t simply a manipulative scare tactic; it contributed to many suicides among former participants.

Examples

• Conley faced compounded layers of pain after being raped and then outed to his family.
• John Smid allegedly encouraged participants to consider suicide rather than embrace gay identities.
• Survivors estimate that 30 people who attended the program later died by suicide.

5. The program lacked bona fide counselors, relying on unqualified staff

Love in Action employed individuals with no professional credentials to act as counselors. For example, Danny Cosby, who led a group attended by Conley, had no training in psychology or therapy. His only qualification was as a recovering alcoholic turned fundamentalist believer that all "addictions" could be cured similarly.

Cosby propagated harmful and nonsensical ideas, such as blaming homosexuality on a lack of male bonding during childhood sports. He equated feelings of attraction with drug reliance, insisting that both afflictions could be overcome through redemption. The lack of oversight or professional standards allowed these damaging methods to persist unchecked.

Rather than fostering understanding, participants were forced into degrading exercises like nightly moral recaps, sharing intimate “sins” with the group in excruciating detail to be publicly critiqued. These practices prioritized shame and control over healing or self-discovery.

Examples

• Cosby held group “therapy,” generally spouting baseless theories on why individuals were gay.
• Sports-filled childhoods were emphasized as "preventive" measures against adult homosexuality.
• Participants were forced into daily confessionals, eroding personal dignity.

6. Love in Action and the broader ex-gay movement fell apart

After years of harming participants, both Love in Action and its parent organization, Exodus International, dissolved. Leaders, including John Smid, admitted the futility of their methods and publicly apologized for their roles in perpetuating harm.

By 2016, the ex-gay movement had little presence left in the United States. Smid, once a staunch advocate for conversion therapy, humbled himself years later by admitting that no program could change sexual orientation. However, the philosophy has unfortunately found resurgence elsewhere, exported to evangelical communities in countries like Uganda.

For survivors like Conley, though, the movement’s collapse came too late. Decades of emotional and psychological damage had already unfolded.

Examples

• John Smid renounced his previous work and publicly acknowledged that sexual orientation cannot be changed.
• Exodus International, the umbrella for Love in Action, shut its doors in defeat.
• The ideology persists in evangelical hot spots outside the U.S., such as Uganda.

7. Many former participants bear lasting emotional scars

Even after he escaped the treatment, Conley found his life weighed down by the damage wrought by Love in Action. Years of shame-based indoctrination left him unable to trust others or develop a healthy sense of intimacy.

Additionally, his faith, once deeply meaningful, became an alien concept. The conditional version of God taught at the program made it impossible for Conley to reconcile love and acceptance with spirituality. Unable to believe in his inherent worth, he felt detached from religion for years.

The strained relationship with his family also persisted. Although his mother offered an overdue apology, Conley and his father maintain limited, fractured communication.

Examples

• Conley wrestled with severe trust issues in relationships for over a decade.
• His faith, once central to his life, dissolved due to theological abuse.
• Family unity remained elusive, scarred by past betrayals and conditional love.

Takeaways

1. Recognize and challenge harmful beliefs if they encourage shame or erase identity; seek safe spaces for healing.
2. Support LGBTQ+ individuals, especially in communities or environments that may subject them to discrimination or pressure.
3. Advocate and stay aware of global LGBTQ+ issues, understanding that harmful practices like conversion therapy still persist in other parts of the world.