Crying in H Mart Summary

“How do you grieve a mother who made you, shaped you, and showed love through the food on your plate?”

1. The Emotional Connection Between Food and Love

For Michelle Zauner, food wasn’t just sustenance; it was a language of love shared between her and her mother, Chongmi. In her family, preferences in meals were remembered and celebrated, creating an unspoken bond. Chongmi demonstrated her affection by ensuring her daughter always had her favorite dishes—expressing care through meticulous preparation and attention.

Zauner reflects how food became central to her sense of identity and cultural heritage. From pungent kimchi to tender gyeranjjim, these meals were a thread back to her mother’s world. Later, when Chongmi passed away, the food became a bittersweet reminder, a comfort that brought her mother back to life in those fleeting moments.

Michelle’s connection to food transcended personal nostalgia. Visiting H Mart became an emotional and cultural trip for her. Surrounded by shelves stacked with seaweed and packets of ppeongtwigi, she found herself overwhelmed by the very sense-memory that triggered that grief—and the love within it.

Examples

• Chongmi prepared custom meals tailored to everyone’s preferences, like extra noodles or less spice.
• Michelle’s first bold food gesture was eating raw octopus in Seoul to win her family’s approval.
• After her mother passed, Michelle spent time at H Mart weeping over snacks that evoked her childhood.

2. Growing Up Korean-American: A Journey of Dual Identities

Michelle Zauner often felt caught between her Korean heritage and her American upbringing. With a mother who stressed discipline and cultural pride and a father from Philadelphia, finding identity was no small task. Her childhood was a constant negotiation between two distinct cultural worlds.

Chongmi emphasized the importance of tradition. For instance, her mother rewarded her "Korean-ness" through approval when Michelle embraced foods her peers might have found unusual. On the other hand, Michelle's life outside her home was filled with typical American teenage angst, from rebellion to self-discovery. This duality often created conflict but also shaped her personality.

As Michelle matured, she began to realize the significance of her Korean roots. Whether through food, music, or connecting with her maternal family in Seoul, each of these ties helped her reclaim a part of herself. Losing her mother only amplified her desire to embrace this heritage fully.

Examples

• Her mother praised her for eating pungent Korean leftovers at night, proving she was "a real Korean."
• Michelle discovered a role model in Karen O, a mixed-race musician who defied stereotypes.
• In Seoul, she bonded with her emos (aunts) and halmoni (grandmother), rediscovering family traditions.

3. The Transformation of Teenage Rebellion

As a teenager, Michelle clashed fiercely with her mother, testing boundaries and challenging authority. Their relationship was defined by the push and pull of love and frustration. She often felt that her mother’s strict discipline left her isolated and misunderstood.

Michelle’s need for independence led her to seek solace in music, where she found an outlet for her emotions. Music became her refuge during tumultuous years when staying on her mother’s good side felt impossible. However, this rebellious phase reached its lowest point when physical fights erupted, and she left home in anger.

Yet, distance eventually led to healing. Whether through care packages filled with ramen and rice or shared apologies, their love found its way back. This phase of Michelle’s life teaches how conflict, though painful, paved the way for greater understanding.

Examples

• During high school, Michelle rebelled against house rules, even getting into public fights with her mother.
• She found solace by pouring her emotions into songwriting and performing locally.
• A dramatic physical confrontation just before college left lingering emotional scars.

4. Caregiving Through Crisis

Chongmi’s cancer diagnosis marked a profound shift in Michelle's life. Determined to be the perfect daughter and care for her mother, Michelle returned home, shelving her own aspirations. She assumed the role of caretaker, valiantly attempting to ease her mother’s suffering.

Despite her efforts, the reality of caregiving was grueling. From cleaning up vomit after chemotherapy to preparing dishes that her mother could barely eat, Michelle quickly understood how cancer stripped away control. The pink bucket she emptied every day became a symbol of her dedication and helplessness in the face of illness.

These moments brought mother and daughter closer, even when they couldn’t fix everything. Cooking dishes like gyeranjjim became Michelle’s way to recreate moments of love for her mother, echoing everything Chongmi had once done for her.

Examples

• Michelle quit her jobs and moved home to tend to her mother’s needs full-time.
• She fought exhaustion to cook comforting yet digestible meals, like Korean custards.
• The pink bucket became emblematic of both the indignities of illness and the depth of Michelle’s unconditional care.

5. Music as a Path to Healing

Music was both an escape and a compass for Michelle as she dealt with her grief. After her mother’s death, she poured everything into creating the album Psychopomp. This period of creativity allowed her to process the overwhelming emotions she had suppressed while caregiving.

The songs she wrote in her parents’ cabin carried the rawness of love, loss, and longing. The creative process reminded her of her younger, rebellious years when music was a lifeline, connecting her to identity and purpose.

Michelle's late breakthrough in music, achieved with her band Japanese Breakfast, became her ultimate form of tribute. Carrying her mother’s image on the cover of Psychopomp, music became an immortal vessel for Chongmi’s presence in her life and work.

Examples

• Michelle composed the album Psychopomp in a secluded cabin right after her mother’s passing.
• Japanese Breakfast’s success included sharing the stage with Mitski and touring globally.
• Seeing her mother’s face on CD covers in Seoul gave her a sense of bittersweet pride.

6. Love Amid Loss

Through Chongmi’s illness and passing, Michelle’s love life flourished. Her boyfriend, Peter, became her rock, driving through the night to comfort her after her mother’s diagnosis. Their bond grew stronger as Peter supported Michelle through emotional upheavals.

In a moment of urgency, they planned their wedding so Chongmi could be part of it. The event became not just a union of two people but also a gift to Chongmi—a chance for her to witness love and legacy in action.

Their wedding became a symbol of life amidst death, showing how love can persist in the toughest times. Peter’s unwavering support grounded Michelle as she faced the sorrow of losing her mother.

Examples

• Peter’s steadfastness during late-night drives and tough decisions showcased his commitment.
• The wedding allowed her sick mother to share one last important life milestone.
• Chongmi’s joy at the wedding contrasted with her failing health, offering comfort to all.

7. Rediscovering Cultural Bonds

Michelle’s return to Korea after her mother’s passing marked a rediscovery of cultural roots. Revisiting places Chongmi loved reconnected her to her mother’s essence. These experiences provided her with new ways to celebrate Chongmi’s life and lineage.

The final days of her Seoul tour felt like a poetic full-circle moment. Her mother’s influence extended beyond personal memory as fans embraced Korean culture through her music.

Combining food, music, and family visits, Michelle created a bridge that honored both who her mother was and her own evolving identity.

Examples

• A seafood feast with extended family underscored the legacy Chongmi left behind.
• Returning to the places Chongmi had wanted to visit symbolized completing the journey.
• Performing in Seoul made Michelle feel her mother’s spirit celebrating alongside her.

Takeaways

1. Visit cultural landmarks like H Mart or explore cherished cultural foods to connect deeply with your roots.
2. Let creative outlets, like music or art, become a space for grieving and self-expression.
3. Plan meaningful events or gestures for loved ones to celebrate life even during difficult times.