“How much of yourself are you willing to give up for family, and how much are you willing to fight for your own identity?”
1. Tara's Childhood Was Rooted in Isolation and Survival
Tara Westover grew up on an isolated farm in Idaho, with no formal education or exposure to the world outside her immediate family. Her father, Gene, rejected public schooling, labeling it as government brainwashing. As a result, Tara and her siblings were left to learn only what their parents taught them, which lacked structure and left large gaps in their understanding.
Her father further deepened the family’s isolation by instilling fear of the outside world. He prepared for end-of-the-world scenarios referred to as the "Days of Abomination." Stockpiling food, weapons, and survival gear became a family activity. This pervasive paranoia shaped Tara's early worldview, where survival and loyalty to the family were paramount.
Despite the lack of conventional education, Tara learned practical skills such as bottling peaches and working in the family junkyard, but she sensed early on that her life was not typical. Her grandmother offered a chance at schooling and a different life by inviting Tara to live with her, but Tara’s loyalty kept her rooted at home.
Examples
- Not having an official birth certificate meant the state had no record of Tara’s existence.
- Gene encouraged the family to prepare for Y2K by stockpiling food and digging an emergency bunker.
- Tara’s grandmother urged her to leave, offering education opportunities, but she stayed to avoid betraying her family.
2. Education Became a Self-Taught Struggle
Without formal schooling, Tara and her siblings relied on scraps of books and self-driven effort for their education. By the age of ten, she began exploring subjects like the Book of Mormon and essays on faith and sacrifice. Her brother Tyler, who left for college, inspired Tara's dreams of a future beyond the farm.
However, her father disapproved of higher education, seeing it as unpractical and corrupting. Tara, undeterred, secretly nurtured a desire for learning. She began teaching herself by using old textbooks and occasional trips to the local library, piecing together an education through sheer determination.
When she decided to take the ACT to apply for college, Tara faced another steep hill to climb. Her limited math skills meant months of studying algebra and fractions on her own. With persistence and guidance from Tyler, she improved her score and gained admission to Brigham Young University (BYU).
Examples
- Tyler’s example of leaving for college planted the idea that education could change destiny.
- Tara initially scored low on the ACT but pushed herself to study harder, eventually meeting her goal.
- Her history of sporadic “homeschooling” left her so unprepared that basic concepts were foreign to her.
3. The Transition to College Exposed Her to a New World
Arriving at BYU, Tara was shocked by the cultural and educational gap between herself and her peers. Simple matters, like roommates wearing casual clothes labeled "Juicy," felt scandalous based on her strict Mormon upbringing. Class discussions often left her feeling behind, as concepts like the "Holocaust" were entirely new to her.
Navigating urban life in Provo, Utah, proved equally challenging. Tara struggled to use public transportation and felt overwhelmed by the constant noise and crowds. These daily encounters reinforced her sense of separation from the world her classmates inhabited.
Yet Tara was determined to succeed. Despite failing her early exams, her work ethic and growing confidence helped her improve. Discovering libraries and textbooks filled with unfamiliar ideas was exhilarating and fueled her hunger for knowledge. She quickly learned to ask questions and push through her discomfort.
Examples
- Tara’s ignorance of major historical events, like the Holocaust, embarrassed her during class discussions.
- She struggled with city life and even took the wrong bus on her first day.
- Despite difficulties, she worked hard and earned almost straight As by the end of her first semester.
4. Her Family’s Values Clashed With the Wider World
As Tara's education progressed, the fundamental clash between her family's beliefs and the broader world became more evident. Her Psychology 101 class introduced her to the concept of bipolar disorder, and she quickly recognized her father’s erratic and extreme behavior in the symptoms described.
Gene's paranoid delusions and refusal to engage with conventional medicine or education were rooted in his religious extremism. Tara began to understand how these beliefs had shaped her family’s dysfunction, including their denial of physical abuse. Shawn, her violent brother, had repeatedly attacked her under the guise of protecting her morality.
Realizing the toxic environment of her upbringing filled Tara with anger but also clarified her separation from her family's belief system. Her acceptance of this division came when her father nearly died in a workplace explosion but still refused medical treatment, instead relying on spiritual and herbal remedies.
Examples
- Reading about bipolar disorder explained her father’s paranoia, grandiosity, and mood swings.
- Shawn physically abused Tara while accusing her of being immodest or immoral.
- Gene’s refusal of hospital care after a severe burn highlighted his detachment from reality.
5. Cambridge University Marked a New Beginning
Encouraged by her professors, Tara applied for a study-abroad program at Cambridge University, England. Her acceptance shattered any lingering doubts about her academic abilities, and Cambridge became a transformative experience, offering her a sense of belonging for the first time.
Working under the mentorship of Professor Jonathan Steinberg, an expert on the Holocaust, Tara gained confidence in her research and writing skills. His recognition of her potential validated her journey and encouraged her to pursue further academic achievements. Steinberg’s recommendation helped her secure a scholarship for a doctoral program at Cambridge’s Trinity College.
Despite these achievements, Tara remained grounded in the tension of her personal life. She began to open up about her family background to friends and professors in England, finding comfort in sharing her story while keeping her ties to Idaho alive.
Examples
- Tara was overwhelmed by Cambridge’s historic beauty and scholarly rigor.
- Steinberg praised her essays, marking a breakthrough in her academic confidence.
- Receiving a Gates Cambridge Scholarship solidified her path to becoming a historian.
6. Confronting Family Conflict Took an Emotional Toll
Back in the United States, Tara’s journey for independence clashed with her family's loyalty to their own narratives. Audrey, her sister, revealed that she too had suffered abuse from Shawn. Tara pledged to stand by her sister, but Gene and Faye brushed off their claims as attempts to tear the family apart.
Shawn escalated his threats, openly declaring he would harm or kill Tara and Audrey. Gene’s response was dismissive, demanding "proof" and refusing to investigate further. The family’s denial repeated its toxic cycle, leaving Tara conflicted but resolute in her need for self-preservation.
Ultimately, this dysfunction forced Tara to make the painful choice of distancing herself from her parents. These decisions remained a source of emotional strain, threatening to derail her final academic pursuits at Cambridge.
Examples
- Gene dismissed Shawn’s threats as baseless, undermining Tara and Audrey’s experiences.
- Tara’s breaking point came when Shawn placed a knife in her hands during a family discussion.
- Despite the rift, Tara continued to wrestle with guilt and love for her family.
7. Tara Redefined Her Identity Through Knowledge
Breaking free from her family’s influence, Tara embraced feminism and intellectual inquiry. Concepts of equality, freedom, and individual rights challenged the traditional gender roles she was raised to respect.
Her academic studies also led her to explore Mormonism from an outsider’s perspective. Examining it academically rather than devoutly helped her gain critical distance and reshape her understanding of faith and culture.
While reconnecting with her own voice and values, Tara’s journey highlighted the strength to question one’s upbringing. Education provided her the words and frameworks to articulate emotions and instincts that she'd suppressed for years.
Examples
- Gender equality and feminist texts gave Tara language to express her frustrations with her childhood.
- Academic treatments of Mormonism replaced dogmatic views with historical understanding.
- Tara’s evolving values allowed her to resist her father’s demands for submission.
8. Choosing Independence Had Costs
Tara’s parents made one final attempt to pull her back into their reality, visiting Harvard while demanding she undergo her father’s religious blessing. Tara refused to participate in Gene’s delusional rituals despite the risk of being permanently estranged from her family.
This choice marked a turning point, solidifying her independence but causing immense emotional and mental distress. Tara sank into a breakdown, unable to study or function, as the weight of alienating her family hit hard.
Drawing on her inner strength, Tara ultimately returned to finish her dissertation. She preserved both her academic goals and her sense of self, emerging with a PhD and a life apart from the oppressive grip of her upbringing.
Examples
- Gene’s priesthood blessing demanded Tara renounce her accusations and submit to family control.
- Refusing this final test alienated her from Gene and Faye but freed her from their expectations.
- Tara’s mental health crisis nearly derailed her doctoral journey before she regained focus.
9. Education Became Her Liberation
Tara’s hard-won education transcended academics, becoming the foundation of her personal liberation. Gaining knowledge allowed her to challenge harmful ideologies and question authority figures like her father, who once seemed infallible.
Her path exemplifies the transformative power of education. It not only gave her professional success but also the tools to rebuild her life on her own terms. Through her experiences, she learned that self-discovery often involves standing alone and making sacrifices.
Tara’s story inspires readers to seek their own truths, even when doing so comes with painful costs. The resilience she demonstrates reveals the liberating potential of self-education and independence.
Examples
- Education revealed her father’s mental health issues and family’s psychological patterns.
- Academic milestones like the Gates Cambridge Scholarship underscored her evolution.
- Her refusal to rejoin the family’s narrative was a defining moment of personal freedom.
Takeaways
- Pursue knowledge relentlessly, even if it challenges deeply ingrained beliefs.
- Acknowledge when unhealthy relationships or environments hinder your growth and take steps to set boundaries.
- Embrace self-reflection and seek understanding, as examining your past can help you move forward with clarity.