Fear Less

Can fear evolve from being a crippling force in your life to serving as a catalyst for growth and fulfillment? Pippa Grange shows how to shift our relationship with fear to live more freely and authentically.

1. Recognize societal myths that cultivate unnecessary fear

Society often ingrains harmful myths that fuel our deepest fears, especially the fear of failure. From a young age, we’re taught that life is a race, and the only way to thrive is by outperforming others. Hollywood perpetuates this idea with stories of adrenaline-fueled heroes succeeding under immense pressure.

Contrary to popular belief, fear isn’t the motivator society portrays it to be. Rather than propelling us to success, fear shackles us. Competition-driven myths can make us feel inadequate, constantly comparing ourselves to others. These myths fail to emphasize collaboration, creativity, and adaptability as the actual keys to success.

By embracing failure as a natural step in growth, we can unlearn these myths. Failure pushes us to reassess situations, change directions, and grow in unexpected pathways. Letting go of harmful societal competitions allows us to redefine success on our own terms.

Examples

• The "survival of the fittest" mindset, which disregards adaptability's role in advancement.
• Hollywood tropes like Jason Bourne's triumph under pressure, glorifying fear's role as a motivator.
• Successful individuals who thrive through teamwork rather than crushing competitors.

2. Understand fear as a biological response

Fear is deeply wired into our brains to protect us from immediate threats. The amygdala triggers a fight-or-flight response the moment danger is detected, a response that ensured human survival during earlier eras of predation and scarcity.

Modern life, however, often misfires this ancient system. Our brains can’t differentiate between real, life-threatening events and lesser stressors like traffic jams or a critical email. This constant triggering damages our decision-making abilities, lowering IQ and critical reasoning in tense moments.

These physiological reactions extend into our emotional and social spheres. Chronic fear pushes us into risk aversion, defensiveness, and even xenophobia, heightening distrust toward anything unfamiliar. Recognizing these responses as an evolutionary leftover allows us to take proactive control of our reactions.

Examples

• Feeling panic from a simple phrase like "bad news" on a phone call.
• Physical symptoms of fear like sweating, pounding heart, or nausea during public speaking.
• Adrenaline-fueled poor decision-making in arguments or tight situations.

3. Use preparation techniques to navigate fear

Being prepared in moments of fear can significantly lessen its grip on us. Free diver William Trubridge, who dives to ocean depths without equipment, demonstrates this. His preparation rituals such as mantras and rationalizing risks allow him to remain calm under immense pressure.

Practical techniques, like breathing exercises or repeating affirmations, train your mind to focus on the present, keeping panic at bay. Distraction, such as music or conversation, can also help during acute moments of anxiety.

Rationalization, however, works especially well. By logically breaking down the perceived threat, fear’s hold diminishes. For instance, understanding the rarity of plane crashes can help a nervous flier gain perspective. Training in these techniques equips you for difficulties ahead, much like professional athletes control performance anxiety.

Examples

• Trubridge’s mantras like “nerves aren’t real” or “now is all” during dives.
• Preemptive rehearsals for a speech or flight to diminish nervousness.
• Positive affirmations countering thoughts like “I can’t handle this.”

4. Acknowledge and confront hidden fears

Some fears run quietly beneath the surface, manifesting as shame, jealousy, or other emotional struggles. Left unchecked, these fears isolate us and stifle our happiness. For instance, Jake, a closeted athlete, unknowingly let his fear dominate his life until it led to loneliness and severed relationships.

Acknowledging the fear is the first crucial step. Through therapy, Jake visualized his fear as a protective grizzly bear guarding his heart. It wasn’t until he confronted this ‘bear’ that he understood he could face and lessen its control.

Naming your fear helps bring clarity. Many hidden fears center on rejection, failure, or pain. Once recognized, they no longer remain all-powerful; instead, we can begin to take steps to let them go.

Examples

• Jake’s therapy session where he visualized his fear as a bear.
• Realizations of being stymied by an unspoken fear of inadequacy at work.
• Acknowledging fear of rejection behind tendencies to shut others out emotionally.

5. Change your internal narrative to weaken fear

We tend to anchor fears to stories we tell ourselves. For example, “I’ll always be the odd one out,” or “I’m not good enough.” These stories reinforce limiting beliefs and add to our anxieties. Changing these stories opens us up to new possibilities.

Examples of this change are transformative. In Nima, Ghana, flipping the town’s name to “AMIN NIMA” created a hopeful new identity for residents in a struggling town. The shift encouraged seeing their home as a vibrant community rather than a poor slum.

Reframing your own self-perception, like acknowledging actions driven by fear, helps release its hold. Therapy or introspection work can be effective tools to rewrite these mental scripts, aligning them with empowering truths.

Examples

• A social enterprise in Nima, Ghana, redefining its impoverished identity with a new name.
• Transforming personal shadow stories like “I’ll fail if I try” to “Failures shape success.”
• Admitting fear-based behaviors like trying to “blend in” at work to avoid judgment.

6. Find motivation through purpose or surrender

Purpose provides a guiding force that helps drive us through fear. Khalida Popal, who campaigned for women’s soccer rights under the Taliban, used both her fear and passion to fuel change. Her sense of mission outweighed the risks she faced.

If purpose isn’t clear to you yet, surrendering can be an alternate path. Surrendering is about accepting that we can’t control everything. It might be faith in God, fate, or even something playful like a lucky charm. Surrender not only helps alleviate fear’s grip but aligns us with broader outcomes.

The Lancaster pilots in WWII offer a powerful example. Carrying family keepsakes or tokens provided them with the mental strength to weather dangerous missions. Belief in something beyond their effort helped relieve fear’s relentless pressure.

Examples

• Khalida Popal’s fearless push for Afghan women to play sports publicly.
• Religious faith or rituals helping individuals release the need for total control.
• Bomber pilots relying on lucky charms for emotional stability under fire.

7. Accept struggle as a growth opportunity

Pain and difficulty are inevitable parts of life. Embracing this reality, as Romantic poet John Keats suggested, helps us transform suffering into learning moments that shape our souls and intelligence.

Repressing these experiences can lead to a mental build-up akin to emotional clutter. Over time, unexamined emotions create toxicity in our minds and relationships. Facing fear, on the other hand, allows for growth.

While challenges are unavoidable, they also connect us more deeply with others. Jake found this through accepting his sexuality and forging honest relationships. Being vulnerable creates bonds and replaces fear with meaningful connections.

Examples

• Keats’ quote on suffering being essential to forming a soul.
• Acknowledging emotional repression as inner clutter that piles over time.
• Jake’s newfound freedom and intimacy after coming out to his family.

8. Strengthen your relationships to battle fear

We’re inherently social, and a sense of belonging can be one of the strongest antidotes to fear. Authentic connections, fostered through vulnerability, help us feel secure and supported when facing life’s challenges.

Jake discovered this when he finally opened up about his hidden fears and found love and reassurance from friends and family. Letting others in allows us to share emotional burdens instead of carrying them alone.

Make an effort to deepen your relationships by listening and speaking from a place of authenticity. This not only strengthens bonds but also builds mutual courage to face life’s uncertainties.

Examples

• Jake’s family embracing him after he opened up about his sexuality.
• Close friendships serving as anchors during job losses or health scares.
• Sharing fears with a partner and finding comfort in mutual support.

9. Fear doesn’t have to control you

We often view fear as an unconquerable force, but this doesn’t have to be our reality. Tools like preparation, self-reflection, and purpose all contribute to diminishing fear’s dominance. These practices replace instinctive reactions with conscious responses that align with our values.

Changing your relationship with fear takes practice. You might start small, facing minor challenges with mindfulness before tackling larger fears. Each step builds resilience and shrinks fear’s grip on your decisions.

Overcoming fear doesn’t mean eradicating it entirely. Fear can remain natural and necessary but serve as a signal of areas for growth rather than a barrier.

Examples

• Breaking large fears into manageable steps for incremental progress.
• Using mantras like “Gratitude for this opportunity” to reframe scary situations.
• Viewing fear as a learning opportunity instead of a threat.

Takeaways

1. Develop a mantra or breathing exercise you can rely on during anxious moments, like repeating a calming phrase or counting breaths.
2. Journal about the fears you notice daily, and assign them a “story” such as “fear of rejection” to work on debunking limiting beliefs.
3. Talk to someone you trust about a hidden fear or anxiety—sharing it diminishes its power.