For Small Creatures Such as We Summary

What if instead of seeking ancient dogma to guide our acts of meaning, we shaped rituals ourselves, rooted in our humanity and awe for the cosmos?

1. The Miracle of Existence

Acknowledging the remote odds of existence brings a sense of wonder and gratitude. Every human life is the result of countless chance events—specific encounters across generations, wars survived, disasters avoided, and unlikely unions of DNA. It’s an astonishing reminder of how improbable and precious life truly is.

Each person’s genetic makeup is unique, shaped over thousands of generations. Sasha Sagan illustrates this beautifully with her grandparents’ chance meeting on a New York train. Her grandmother, who hadn’t finished reading a page Harry was turning, placed her hand on his arm, inadvertently sparking a love story that eventually led to Sasha’s birth.

Different cultures reinforce this sense of wonder through various traditions to welcome new life. Ceremonies like baptisms, Chinese 100-day feasts, and tree-planting rituals symbolize hope for a new generation while honoring the improbable marvel of existence.

Examples

• The chance encounter of Sasha’s grandparents on the E train in 1938.
• Chinese families hosting celebratory feasts when babies reach 100 days.
• Balkan and Jamaican communities planting trees or seeds to honor new life.

2. Creating Daily Rituals Strengthens Our Bonds

Everyday rituals can be the glue that binds relationships and brings stability to our lives. These routines, though simple, help instill a sense of order and belonging in the midst of chaos.

Sagan describes how her husband Jon brings her coffee each morning—a gesture as small as it is meaningful. This act provides her with a moment of reflection, gratitude, and connection. Meanwhile, one quirky ritual of theirs involves singing the alphabet song weekly to honor their love and playfulness, inspired by advice from a taxi driver.

Beyond personal routines, social rituals help foster community. Sagan started a Ladies Dining Society, turning casual gatherings into a cherished tradition where friends connected and supported each other in meaningful ways.

Examples

• Sagan's husband delivering coffee daily, sparking gratitude and wonder.
• A quirky ritual of singing the alphabet song weekly as a marital tradition.
• The formation of the Ladies Dining Society in New York and its expansion across cities.

3. The Changing Seasons Reflect Life’s Cycles

Seasonal changes symbolize the cycle of life, reminding us of renewal, growth, and inevitable decay. Celebrating these transitions allows us to reconnect with nature and accept impermanence.

Earth’s 23.4-degree tilt creates the seasons, anchoring many human rituals across different cultures. Spring, for instance, is often associated with fertility and resurrection—Easter, Passover, and Japan’s Kanamara Matsuri all celebrate life’s renewal as winter ends.

Autumn and winter bring introspection, marked by traditions like Samhain, Día de los Muertos, and Halloween, which help people face mortality while cherishing life. Even as winter solstice brings the darkest nights, rituals like lighting menorahs or decorating Christmas trees are affirmations of hope for light and renewal.

Examples

• Easter and Passover celebrating rebirth in spring.
• Día de los Muertos honoring ancestors during fall.
• Winter solstice rituals embracing the return of light and warmth.

4. Apologies and Growth Go Hand in Hand

While admitting mistakes is difficult, rituals of atonement and reconciliation strengthen relationships and lighten emotional burdens. These practices are not just moral but deeply human.

From formal settings like confessing sins in churches or 12-step programs in Alcoholics Anonymous, to informal moments of reflection within families, atonement rituals promote healing. Sagan recalls apologizing to her husband Jon over a small argument. Their mutual apology became a simple ritual, solidifying their bond.

This need for accountability appears in diverse traditions. Indigenous tribes’ practices of confessing to medicine men, or Jewish rituals during Yom Kippur, show the universal importance of owning up to our actions for personal and communal harmony.

Examples

• Sagan and Jon creating a reconciliation ritual during minor disagreements.
• Yom Kippur encouraging Jews to seek forgiveness and repair relationships.
• Indigenous practices of confession viewed as vital for health and social balance.

5. Birthdays Link Us to the Cosmos

Annual celebrations like birthdays reconnect us with the universe and remind us of our connection to the passage of time. They show us how far we’ve traveled in another Earth orbit, sparking joy even amid life’s challenges.

Sagan shares how traditions like lighting candles on birthday cakes hark back to Greek practices honoring Artemis, goddess of light and birth. These rituals celebrate survival and gratitude for life.

Even remembrances of loss—like the Yiddish yahrzeit candle tradition to honor deceased loved ones—use light as a symbol of presence and memory, connecting us to both the past and the universe’s vastness.

Examples

• The ritual of lighting birthday candles honoring the Greek goddess Artemis.
• Yahrzeit candles offering comfort in remembrance of loved ones.
• Marking anniversaries of loss with rituals to connect with memories.

6. Weddings as Personal Traditions

Weddings reveal how rituals evolve, blending cultural, historical, and personal elements. They symbolize commitment while offering opportunities to create new traditions.

Sagan and her husband Jon borrowed from various cultures for their wedding, incorporating a Jewish chuppah, a Christian unity candle, and Greek literary references. She also honored her late father, scientist Carl Sagan, by tying his necktie to her bouquet and hosting the wedding near an art installation of his work.

Couples worldwide honor marriage with symbolic acts, from Hungary’s wheat braids symbolizing fertility to Germany’s log-sawing to reflect teamwork. Adapting these ideas can turn weddings into truly personal milestones.

Examples

• Incorporating diverse traditions like Jewish, Christian, and Greek rituals.
• Honoring Carl Sagan through a necktie and a museum location.
• Hungarian, Greek, and German wedding customs representing fertility or unity.

7. The Complexity of Sex Rituals

Sexuality, though natural, remains heavily ritualized across cultures. These traditions often stem from both fear and reverence for its transformative power.

Marriage historically acted as society’s sanction for sex, offering rules for partnerships. Honeymoons themselves originate from months of seclusion to encourage fertility among newlyweds. Yet, other communities like the Oneida in New York actively rejected such norms, embracing communal living and free love.

Innovative traditions continue today. In India’s Muria culture, communal dormitories allow young people to explore sexual agency while learning life skills, proving how sex-related rituals reflect cultural values.

Examples

• The honeymoon tradition created to ensure conception in early marriages.
• The Oneida community's approach to love and shared relationships.
• Muria communal living encouraging sexual exploration within cultural frameworks.

8. Honoring Death to Navigate Grief

Funerary practices give the living a way to process loss while keeping memories alive. Across the world, rituals around death reflect profound respect for the deceased and shared humanity.

Sagan reflects on traditions like Bulgaria’s posters commemorating the dead or Indonesia’s Toraja community keeping mummified loved ones in homes, treating them as ill rather than departed. Such practices offer continuity, bridging life and death.

Covering mirrors in Jewish homes or cleaning graves in certain cultures show how mourning customs are less about religion and more about honoring collective feelings of grief and resilience.

Examples

• Indonesia’s Toraja mummification traditions.
• Annual Bulgarian memorial posters honoring the deceased.
• Actions like cleaning graves to maintain connection with ancestors.

9. Rituals Need Not Be Religious

At their core, rituals are expressions of humanity, not tied to any singular faith. They offer tools to navigate emotions, relationships, and life’s impermanence.

Sagan emphasizes that secular rituals—like a child’s Blossom Day tea party celebrating spring—bring the same meaning and connection as religious ones. What matters is the intention behind them.

By understanding the origins of rituals, individuals can find inspiration to adapt or invent their own, honoring shared human experiences and connecting with the wonder of the world.

Examples

• Inventing Blossom Day to celebrate dogwood blossoms in spring.
• Secular candle-lighting mirroring sacred traditions in remembering loved ones.
• Creating personal family gatherings or summer traditions.

Takeaways

1. Design a thoughtful ritual for your birthdays. Light candles or reflect on your year's achievements and obstacles, anchoring gratitude and growth.
2. Celebrate nature's cycles. Create a spring or autumn tradition with friends or family to reflect on renewal or change.
3. Build small daily rituals. Whether it's breakfast with someone you love or a walk that clears your mind, these moments bring stability and connection.