Rachel Hollis's "Girl, Wash Your Face" is a powerful wake-up call for women who have been living with self-doubt, insecurity, and unfulfilled dreams. This book is part self-help guide, part personal memoir, and entirely motivational. Hollis, a successful entrepreneur, and lifestyle guru, shares her own experiences and struggles to inspire readers to take control of their lives and pursue their dreams with unwavering determination.
The book's central premise is that many women are held back by lies they tell themselves – lies about their worth, their capabilities, and their potential. Hollis systematically addresses these lies, offering practical advice and personal anecdotes to help readers overcome these self-imposed limitations. Her approach is direct, often humorous, and always encouraging, making the book feel like a conversation with a supportive friend.
Key Ideas
1. Stop Breaking Promises to Yourself
One of the most damaging habits we can develop is consistently breaking promises to ourselves. Hollis illustrates this point by asking readers to imagine a friend who constantly cancels plans or fails to follow through on commitments. Most of us would quickly become frustrated with such a friend, yet we often treat ourselves this way without realizing the harm it causes.
When we make a commitment to ourselves – whether it's to exercise regularly, learn a new skill, or start a diet – and then fail to follow through, we're essentially telling ourselves that our goals and aspirations aren't important. This pattern of behavior erodes our self-trust and makes it increasingly difficult to believe in our ability to achieve our goals.
Hollis encourages readers to start small and build up their self-trust gradually. Instead of making grand, sweeping promises that may be difficult to keep, she suggests setting realistic, achievable goals. For example, if you want to run a half marathon, don't start by promising yourself you'll run every day. Instead, commit to running one mile a day, four times a week. As you consistently meet these smaller goals, you'll build confidence in your ability to keep promises to yourself.
The key is to treat commitments to yourself with the same seriousness you would treat promises made to others. By doing so, you'll not only accomplish more but also develop a stronger sense of self-respect and self-reliance.
2. Don't Take No for an Answer When It Comes to Your Dreams
Hollis attributes much of her success to her unwavering refusal to accept "no" as an answer when it comes to pursuing her dreams. She shares her own experience of trying to publish her first novel, which was repeatedly rejected by publishers who insisted she needed to add more explicit content to make it marketable. Instead of compromising her vision or giving up, Hollis chose to self-publish the book, which went on to sell over 100,000 copies.
This anecdote illustrates a crucial point: often, the biggest obstacles to our dreams are the opinions and doubts of others. Whether it's parents discouraging us from applying to a prestigious university or a boss telling us we're not cut out for our dream job, it's easy to let these external voices shape our beliefs about what's possible.
Hollis encourages readers to develop a thick skin when it comes to pursuing their goals. She emphasizes that success often requires persistence in the face of repeated rejections or setbacks. It's important to remember that even highly successful individuals faced numerous obstacles on their path to achievement.
Another key point Hollis makes is the importance of patience. Many people give up on their dreams because they don't see immediate results. However, significant achievements often take time. She cites examples like Julia Child, who took a decade to write her groundbreaking cookbook, and James Cameron, who spent 15 years creating the blockbuster film "Avatar." These examples serve as reminders that great things often require sustained effort over long periods.
The takeaway is clear: if you truly believe in your dreams, don't let anyone else's doubts or rejections deter you. Stay focused on your goals, be patient, and keep pushing forward, no matter how many times you hear "no."
3. Don't Settle for a Boring Sex Life
Hollis tackles the often-taboo subject of sex with refreshing honesty and openness. She shares her own journey from sexual inexperience and dissatisfaction to a fulfilling and exciting sex life, offering practical advice for women who may be struggling in this area.
One of the key points Hollis makes is the importance of body acceptance. She acknowledges that many women struggle with negative body image, which can significantly impact their ability to enjoy sex. Hollis encourages readers to practice positive self-talk and to remember that their partners are likely far more excited about the prospect of intimacy than they are concerned about perceived physical flaws.
Another crucial aspect Hollis emphasizes is the importance of prioritizing female pleasure. She argues that too many women view their own orgasm as optional or secondary, when in fact it should be a central focus of sexual activity. Hollis suggests making a commitment to never having sex without achieving orgasm, noting that this approach can lead to more open communication with partners and a more satisfying sex life overall.
To jumpstart a stagnant sex life, Hollis proposes a bold challenge: commit to having sex every day for a month. While this may seem daunting, she argues that it creates opportunities for experimentation and can help build a positive habit of regular intimacy. Surprisingly, she found that having more frequent sex actually increased her and her husband's desire for intimacy.
The overarching message is that a fulfilling sex life is an important part of overall well-being and happiness. Women shouldn't settle for mediocre or unsatisfying sexual experiences but should instead take an active role in pursuing and creating the sex life they desire.
4. Embrace the Chaos of Family Life
For mothers juggling careers, children, and household responsibilities, life can often feel overwhelmingly chaotic. Hollis argues that trying to control this chaos is not only futile but can lead to increased stress and feelings of failure. Instead, she advocates for embracing the unpredictable nature of family life.
Hollis shares personal anecdotes of chaotic moments in her own family life, including a particularly stressful incident during the process of becoming certified as foster parents. She emphasizes the importance of being able to laugh at these situations, even when they seem overwhelming in the moment. Finding humor in the chaos can help reduce stress and create positive memories out of challenging situations.
Another key piece of advice Hollis offers is to accept help when it's offered. She uses the analogy of a drowning man refusing help because he's waiting for God to save him, only to learn in heaven that God had sent the help he refused. In the same way, Hollis argues that we often refuse assistance from others out of pride or a misguided sense of self-reliance. Whether it's a family member offering to watch the kids or a spouse volunteering to help with household chores, accepting help can significantly reduce stress and make the chaos more manageable.
The overall message is that perfection in family life is an unattainable goal. Instead of striving for an impossible ideal, embracing the messy reality of family life can lead to greater happiness and less stress. By learning to laugh at the chaos and accept help when it's offered, mothers can navigate the challenges of family life with greater ease and enjoyment.
5. Don't Let Your Weight Define You
Hollis addresses the sensitive topic of weight and body image with a balanced approach that emphasizes health over appearance. She acknowledges the pervasive nature of body image issues in modern society, particularly for women, but argues against simply accepting an unhealthy lifestyle.
While Hollis firmly believes in self-love and acceptance, she also advocates for taking care of one's body as a form of respect for the gift of life. She emphasizes that the goal shouldn't be to achieve an unrealistic body type or to look perfect in a bikini, but rather to be healthy enough to engage in physical activities without undue strain.
Hollis offers practical advice for those looking to improve their health and lose weight. She emphasizes the basic principle of calorie deficit – consuming fewer calories than you burn – as the fundamental key to weight loss. However, she also recognizes the challenges of implementing lifestyle changes and offers two key tips to help:
Edit your social media: Hollis suggests unfollowing accounts that promote unrealistic body standards or make you feel bad about yourself. Curating a more positive social media feed can help reduce anxiety and negative self-talk.
Prepare in advance: To make healthy choices easier, Hollis recommends preparing healthy snacks at the beginning of the week and laying out exercise clothes the night before a planned workout. These small steps can remove barriers to making healthier choices.
The overall message is that while weight shouldn't define a person's worth, taking care of one's health is an important form of self-respect. By focusing on health rather than appearance and making small, manageable changes, it's possible to improve one's relationship with food and body image.
6. Embrace Diversity for a Richer Life
Hollis shares her personal journey from a sheltered, homogeneous upbringing to embracing and celebrating diversity. She emphasizes the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone and engaging with people who have different backgrounds, beliefs, and experiences.
Through her own experiences, including her friendship with a woman from a very different background, Hollis illustrates how diversity can enrich our lives. She describes how this friendship has helped her grow as a person, challenging her unconscious biases and broadening her perspective. At the same time, she emphasizes that these relationships aren't just about personal growth – they're also about forming genuine connections and having fun together.
Hollis encourages readers to actively seek out diversity in their lives. She shares how she and her husband made a conscious decision to change churches when they realized their previous congregation didn't reflect the diverse community they wanted to be part of. This anecdote serves as an example of how we can make intentional choices to diversify our social circles and experiences.
The benefits of embracing diversity, according to Hollis, are manifold. It helps us grow as individuals, challenges our preconceptions, and makes our lives more interesting and fulfilling. She likens life to a book, pointing out how boring it would be if all the characters were the same.
The key takeaway is that stepping out of our comfort zones and embracing diversity isn't just about being politically correct – it's about enriching our own lives and becoming better, more empathetic individuals. By seeking out and valuing diverse perspectives and experiences, we can create a more interesting, fulfilling, and productive life for ourselves.
7. Visualize Your Dreams to Stay Focused
Hollis emphasizes the power of visualization as a tool for achieving goals and staying motivated. She shares personal anecdotes to illustrate how having a clear, tangible vision of what you want can help keep you focused and driven, even when facing obstacles or setbacks.
One particularly effective story she shares is about her desire for a Louis Vuitton Speedy purse when she was just starting out in her career. At the time, the thousand-dollar purse was far beyond her means, but it represented everything she aspired to – success, style, and financial stability. Hollis made a promise to herself that she would buy the bag when she first billed a client $10,000 for her consulting services.
This specific, tangible goal became a powerful motivator for Hollis. Every time she faced a challenging work situation or felt discouraged, the thought of that purse kept her going. It took years of gradually increasing her rates and building her business, but when she finally received that $10,000 check, she immediately went to buy the purse. The pride she felt in that moment was about much more than just owning a luxury item – it was about achieving a goal she had worked towards for years.
Hollis argues that this kind of specific, visual goal is often more effective than broader, more abstract aspirations. While dreaming of being "rich and successful" might feel overwhelming, focusing on a specific item or achievement that represents success can make the goal feel more attainable and provide concrete motivation.
She encourages readers to apply this principle to their own goals. Whether it's fitting into a favorite dress, landing a dream job, or achieving a specific financial milestone, Hollis advises creating a detailed mental image of what achieving that goal will look and feel like. This vivid visualization can serve as a powerful motivator, especially during challenging times.
The key takeaway is that the more clearly you can envision your goals, the more likely you are to achieve them. By creating a tangible representation of success and focusing on it regularly, you can stay motivated and driven on your path to achieving your dreams.
Practical Applications
Throughout the book, Hollis provides numerous practical tips and exercises to help readers apply her advice to their own lives. Here are some key actionable steps:
Make a list of promises you've made to yourself and haven't kept. Choose one to focus on and create a realistic plan to follow through.
Write down your biggest dream or goal. Then, list all the reasons people might say it's impossible. For each reason, write a counterargument or a step you could take to overcome that obstacle.
If you're in a relationship, have an open conversation with your partner about your sex life. Discuss what's working, what isn't, and what you'd like to try. Consider taking up Hollis's challenge of having sex every day for a month.
The next time you face a chaotic family situation, try to find the humor in it. Share the story with a friend, focusing on the absurd or funny aspects.
Take stock of your social media feeds. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself and seek out ones that inspire and motivate you.
Make a list of people in your life. How diverse is your social circle? Identify areas where you could broaden your experiences and interactions with people different from you.
Choose a tangible representation of a goal you're working towards. Create a vivid mental image of achieving that goal and revisit it regularly, especially when you're feeling unmotivated.
Critiques and Limitations
While "Girl, Wash Your Face" has resonated with many readers, it's important to acknowledge some critiques and limitations of the book:
Privilege: Some critics argue that Hollis's advice doesn't adequately acknowledge the systemic barriers and inequalities that many women face. Her pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality may not be realistic for everyone.
Religious undertones: The book has Christian themes and references throughout, which may not resonate with all readers.
Oversimplification: Some of Hollis's advice can come across as oversimplified solutions to complex problems, particularly when it comes to mental health issues like anxiety or depression.
Focus on traditional roles: The book largely assumes a heterosexual, married, mother audience, which may not be inclusive of all women's experiences.
Emphasis on hustle culture: Some readers may find Hollis's emphasis on constant self-improvement and hard work to be exhausting or unrealistic.
Despite these criticisms, many readers find value in Hollis's straightforward advice and motivational tone. It's important for each reader to critically evaluate the advice and apply what works for their individual situation.
Conclusion
"Girl, Wash Your Face" is a rallying cry for women to stop believing the lies they tell themselves and start living the lives they want. Rachel Hollis combines personal anecdotes with practical advice to create a motivational guide that encourages readers to take control of their lives and pursue their dreams with determination.
Key takeaways from the book include:
- Keep the promises you make to yourself to build self-trust and achieve your goals.
- Don't let others' doubts or rejections deter you from pursuing your dreams.
- Take charge of your sex life and prioritize your own pleasure and satisfaction.
- Embrace the chaos of family life rather than trying to control it.
- Focus on health rather than appearance when it comes to body image and weight.
- Seek out diverse experiences and relationships to enrich your life.
- Use visualization techniques to stay motivated and focused on your goals.
Hollis's straightforward, often humorous approach makes the book feel like advice from a supportive friend. While some of her advice may be oversimplified or not applicable to everyone's situation, the overall message of self-empowerment and personal responsibility resonates with many readers.
Ultimately, "Girl, Wash Your Face" encourages women to stop making excuses, take control of their lives, and pursue their dreams with unwavering determination. It's a call to action for anyone who feels stuck or unfulfilled, offering both inspiration and practical steps towards creating a more satisfying and successful life.
The book's central message is that you have the power to shape your own life and happiness. By confronting the lies we tell ourselves, embracing our true potential, and taking consistent action towards our goals, we can create the lives we've always dreamed of living. While the journey may be challenging, Hollis argues that it's infinitely worthwhile – and that every woman has the strength and capability to make it happen.
As you close the book, you're left with a sense of empowerment and possibility. Whether you're struggling with self-doubt, feeling stuck in your career, or simply looking for motivation to pursue your dreams, "Girl, Wash Your Face" offers a potent mix of tough love and encouragement. It's a reminder that while we can't control everything in life, we always have control over our own actions and attitudes – and that's where true transformation begins.
So, as Rachel Hollis would say, it's time to wash your face, shake off the lies you've been telling yourself, and start living the life you truly want. The journey won't always be easy, but with persistence, self-belief, and a willingness to embrace both the challenges and the joys along the way, you have the power to create a life that exceeds your wildest dreams. The only question is: are you ready to take that first step?