Give and Take

Is success driven by taking what you can or giving more than you get? Adam Grant’s 'Give and Take' challenges the traditional belief that selfish actions lead to success, revealing how givers often emerge as the true winners.

Insight 1: Takers Prioritize Personal Gain Over Collective Good

Takers focus on their needs, viewing life as a competitive race where only the strongest prevail. They frequently use self-centered language, such as “I” and “mine,” to underscore their quest for personal wealth, status, or admiration. They believe the pie of resources is limited, so they scramble to secure the largest slice for themselves.

This worldview often leads takers to exploit opportunities and people around them. They see relationships as transactional and only help others if the return far outweighs the cost. That’s why takers tend to excel only in short-term scenarios where they can extract maximum value before moving on.

Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron, exemplifies this behavior. His selfish decisions, including a well-timed stock sell-off before Enron’s collapse, prioritized his wealth over the welfare of 20,000 employees left jobless. While not all takers are corrupt, even celebrated personalities like Michael Jordan adopted philosophies emphasizing self-interest for success.

Examples

• Kenneth Lay’s Enron scandal, prioritizing personal wealth over company stability.
• Michael Jordan’s shift in revenue-sharing views from player to owner.
• Persistent usage of self-serving language by takers in professional settings.

Insight 2: Givers Find Joy in Helping Others Without Expectations

In stark contrast to takers, givers prioritize the success of others and the group. They offer their time, knowledge, and energy generously, often without expecting any direct reward. For givers, the act of assisting others is fulfilling in itself.

Take George Meyer, a writer for 'The Simpsons,' as a shining case. Meyer allowed his colleagues to use his ideas freely because he valued the show’s success more than personal credit. This attitude not only contributed to his professional achievements but also shaped a wildly popular series. Givers understand the value of collaborative growth and believe in abundance – helping one person doesn’t mean losing out themselves.

By working with others selflessly, givers create environments where everyone flourishes, including themselves. Their efforts, rooted in integrity and sincerity, frequently yield satisfaction and lasting success.

Examples

• George Meyer sacrificing credit for the success of 'The Simpsons.'
• Givers giving advice or providing kindness without expecting something back.
• Colleagues benefiting from freely-shared resources or support.

Insight 3: Matchers Balance Reciprocity in Relationships

Matchers aim for fairness in exchanges, striving for equal give-and-take. They represent those who firmly believe in leveling the playing field and ensuring everyone gets their due rewards. In relationships or work environments, matchers ensure partnerships feel equitable for all parties.

Typically, matchers prefer clear agreements. For instance, a matcher might help a colleague, but they anticipate receiving similar support in the future. If they sense an imbalance, they feel disgruntled or taken advantage of. Still, their emphasis remains mutual respect and reciprocal benefit.

This mindset of equal give-and-take makes matchers prolific in environments like Craigslist, where trades are based on fairness. Matchers are the most common personality type, and their practicality allows them to navigate both professional and personal relationships adeptly.

Examples

• Trading expertise with colleagues to ensure fair skills-sharing.
• Using equal exchanges of services on websites like Craigslist.
• Strong discomfort in lopsided relationships or imbalanced interactions.

Insight 4: Behavior Changes Depending on Who Surrounds Us

Our tendency to give, take, or match often depends less on intrinsic traits and more on situational influences. People adapt their interaction style to align with group norms, expectations, or their personal connection to the individuals around them.

For instance, givers may show less generosity in cutthroat environments to avoid exploitation. Conversely, surrounded by generous influences like the community at Freecycle.org, takers often adapt their behavior and offer freely to maintain social harmony. Moreover, shared identity impacts generosity significantly; individuals are far more likely to help those perceived as similar to themselves.

A study of soccer fans illustrated this vividly. When an “injured” runner wore a Manchester United shirt, fans were overwhelmingly willing to help. Yet, assistance dropped significantly when the runner lacked visible team affiliation. These examples underline how individuals actively modify their giving or taking tendencies based on perceived group dynamics.

Examples

• Freecycle.org fostering generous behavior even in takers.
• Soccer fans helping a fellow supporter but ignoring a neutral runner.
• Givers holding back generosity at work for fear of exploitation.

Insight 5: Persistent Takers Face Long-Term Reputational Damage

While takers might win in the short term, their selfish behavior often backfires. Over time, they face reputational harm or “taker tax,” where others refuse to collaborate or engage with them.

Jonas Salk, who developed the polio vaccine, failed to credit his peers publicly, leading to damaged relationships and exclusion from major scientific honors. In architecture, Frank Lloyd Wright’s habit of exploiting apprentices and prioritizing personal recognition cost him valuable business relationships. Both instances reveal that selfish behavior inevitably takes a toll on long-term success.

By valuing only themselves, takers alienate colleagues and miss collaborative opportunities, ultimately hindering progress. Their short-term gains translate poorly into sustainable achievements.

Examples

• Jonas Salk failing to acknowledge his collaborators’ efforts on the polio vaccine.
• Frank Lloyd Wright making apprentices work without pay or recognition.
• Reputational fallout for high-profile takers over time.

Insight 6: Givers Rise Through Their Focus on Collective Success

Givers often rise to the pinnacle of their professions because their actions benefit more than just themselves. Placing communal goals above self-interest fosters goodwill and trust, both of which are essential for influence and leadership.

Abraham Lincoln, for instance, prioritized the abolition of slavery over personal political gains when he supported another candidate to meet their shared objective. Similarly, Jason Geller of Deloitte proved his dedication to collective success by inventing an information system that benefited the entire company, earning him a leadership promotion.

Their selflessness generates ripple effects, leading peers and organizations to reward their altruistic behavior with loyalty, respect, and opportunities for growth.

Examples

• Abraham Lincoln navigating politics with a greater goal in mind.
• Jason Geller sharing resources for collective benefit at Deloitte.
• Leaders or givers in communities becoming trusted figures.

Insight 7: Givers See and Develop Hidden Potential in Others

Givers stand out in their ability to recognize the potential in others, even when it’s not immediately obvious. They nurture talent early, often uncovering abilities missed by others, and uplift individuals to achieve extraordinary accomplishments.

Stu Inman, a basketball manager, demonstrated this with players like Clyde Drexler, who later became a Hall of Famer. Similarly, professor C. J. Skender personally connected with his students, inspiring over 40 medal-winning CPA takers and influential professionals.

Their knack for seeing possibility benefits multiple people: the individuals they mentor succeed, fostering gratitude and respect, and givers gain the satisfaction of knowing their influence changed lives.

Examples

• Stu Inman identifying underappreciated athletes like Clyde Drexler.
• C. J. Skender mentoring future medalists and high achievers.
• Givers supporting individuals who eventually thrive professionally.

Insight 8: Powerless Communication Builds Stronger Connections

Rather than assertiveness, asking questions or seeking advice (“powerless communication”) can prove surprisingly persuasive. Givers, who are naturally attuned to others’ needs, excel at using this method to build trust, foster collaboration, and create impactful results.

Optician Kildare Escoto, for example, became a top salesperson by prioritizing his customers’ needs over hard sales pitches. Similarly, an employee known as “Annie” used a conversational tone to negotiate jet access with her company, avoiding demands and achieving her goal.

This form of communication highlights openness and empathy, which builds stronger relationships and ensures mutual respect.

Examples

• Kildare Escoto asking meaningful questions to his clients at LensCrafters.
• Annie utilizing advice-seeking to secure continuous work arrangements.
• Collaborative workplace cultures thriving through open dialogues.

Insight 9: Givers Must Protect Themselves from Burnout

Generosity has its limits, and even givers must guard against burnout or exploitation by takers. Observing the tangible impact of their giving recharges their enthusiasm, and employing cautious strategies prevents them from being exploited.

Burnout relief stems from connecting to results, as demonstrated by teacher Conrey Callahan, who found renewed purpose through mentoring aspiring college students. Meanwhile, applying strategies like “generous tit-for-tat,” where kindness is balanced with firm boundaries, helps givers manage unsavory takers.

Sustainable giving requires balance – avoiding overexertion while still feeding a desire to help others.

Examples

• Conrey Callahan witnessing student success to regain energy.
• Givers using generous tit-for-tat strategies with exploitative colleagues.
• Streamlined focus on meaningful tasks preventing burnout at work.

Takeaways

1. Look for ways to help others without obsessing over credit – focus on the shared success instead.
2. Protect your time and energy by balancing generosity with boundaries, fostering resilience.
3. Practice powerless communication daily – asking thoughtful questions can build trust and stronger connections.