How Children Succeed Summary

What if success in children isn't just about their IQ, but also about their grit and resilience?

1. Traumatic Experiences Can Shape a Lifetime

Research shows that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) have long-lasting impacts. Traumas like abuse, neglect, or parental separation can profoundly affect a child’s emotional and physical health, even into adulthood. High ACE scores are often linked to behavioral difficulties, poor concentration, and even bullying tendencies.

The effects of ACEs aren't confined to childhood. Among juvenile detainees, 84% had experienced at least two significant traumas, and most had gone through six or more. This strong link between childhood difficulties and later delinquency highlights the importance of addressing these issues early.

ACE-related struggles extend to adulthood, where long-term health problems are common. Adults with high ACE scores are more prone to risky behaviors like smoking and drug abuse. Even if risky habits are avoided, these individuals face higher risks for conditions such as heart disease and other chronic illnesses.

Examples

• ACE questionnaires gauge childhood trauma to link it to adult outcomes.
• Juvenile detention studies reveal connections between traumas and delinquency.
• High ACE scores correlate with chronic diseases and high-risk behavior later in life.

2. Children Are Especially Affected by Stress

Stress impacts everyone but hits children harder. Their immature brains, especially the prefrontal cortex, cannot manage chronic stress effectively. Persistent stress can diminish impulse control, increasing risky behaviors.

The HPA axis controls the body’s stress responses, releasing hormones during stressful events. While this evolved to handle short-term threats in nature, modern chronic stressors like financial issues or family instability trigger prolonged activation, causing harm to young bodies and minds.

Adolescents suffering from stress are more likely to engage in life-altering risky behaviors such as dropping out of school, substance abuse, or dangerous driving. Since young people lack developed capacities for self-regulation, the negative impacts of stress at their age are deeply troubling.

Examples

• The prefrontal cortex weakens under chronic stress, reducing impulse control.
• Stress hormones meant for short-term threats harm children under prolonged stress.
• Teens overwhelmed by stress are more likely to make risky life-altering decisions.

3. Loving Parenting Can Offset Stress

Good parenting plays an important role in reducing stress effects. Attentive and nurturing caregivers create a secure attachment, which acts as a protective buffer against physiological stress, even in adverse situations.

Studies confirm that children with attentive mothers show reduced stress hormone levels, which can shield them from the negative effects of their environments. A secure attachment builds self-confidence and resilience, enabling a child to deal with challenges better.

Beyond childhood, these secure attachments influence outcomes like school completion and social success. Interventions like parent-child therapy can help build this healthy bond in at-risk families, mitigating trauma’s effects.

Examples

• Children with attentive parents show fewer physiological signs of stress.
• Secure attachment encourages exploration and self-reliance during childhood.
• Parent-child psychotherapy strengthens bonds, reducing trauma impacts.

4. More Than Intelligence Drives Success

Traditionally, it was believed that cognitive abilities were the strongest predictor of a child's future success. This resulted in a boom in early education tools like Baby Einstein videos. However, research suggests non-cognitive traits, often referred to as character, might play an equally significant role.

Non-cognitive traits include grit, curiosity, and self-discipline. A study on high school graduates revealed that perseverance mattered more than raw intelligence in achieving life success. Similarly, a preschool program showed that, while initial cognitive boosts disappeared, non-cognitive skills endured and helped participants thrive long-term.

These character-related traits empower children to manage obstacles, adapt, and effectively work toward their goals.

Examples

• High perseverance, not IQ, helped high school graduates succeed.
• Preschool graduates excelled long-term due to enhanced non-cognitive skills.
• Grit and curiosity were found essential for navigating real-world challenges.

5. Grit, Conscientiousness, and Self-Discipline Help Predict Future Success

Traits such as perseverance (or grit), conscientiousness, and self-discipline improve life outcomes. Often, dedication to a long-term goal outweighs IQ or other starting advantages.

Studies on grit showed that college students with lower standard scores but high grit achieved better academic results. Similarly, conscientiousness predicts job productivity and financial achievement. Iconic studies, like the marshmallow experiment, demonstrated self-control’s power, with more disciplined children achieving higher SAT scores and better life outcomes.

These traits provide children with the tools to stay focused, work diligently, and avoid impulsive decisions, all of which enhance their ability to succeed.

Examples

• Grit enabled students with low test scores to achieve high academic performance.
• High schoolers with conscientiousness showed greater financial success later.
• Children resisting the marshmallow became healthier, wealthier, and more stable adults.

6. Character Traits Can Be Taught

Programs focusing on character development, like those implemented at KIPP Academy, aim to cultivate strengths such as resilience, optimism, and zest. While prior efforts focusing on "honesty" and "respect" didn’t yield results, newer approaches adopted actionable techniques.

For example, KIPP introduced a seven-character strength framework, which included self-regulation and enthusiasm for life. These qualities were engrained through constant reminders in classrooms and innovative methods like tracking "character point averages."

Though still ongoing, programs that emphasize real-world applicability of character strengths appear effective, as seen in doubling of college graduation rates among KIPP students.

Examples

• KIPP emphasized seven traits like optimism through engaging classroom messages.
• Hallway posters and motivational slogans reinforced desired traits for students.
• KIPP doubled alumni college graduation rates with its program modifications.

7. Affluent Families Show Weaknesses of Overprotection

While disadvantaged families face obvious struggles, wealthier families unintentionally pose other challenges for their kids. Affluent parents can enforce high achievement expectations without providing emotional support.

This pressure often leads to issues like anxiety, depression, and substance abuse among children. Helicopter parenting can also disrupt independence, leaving children ill-prepared to handle setbacks. Fear of failure often follows children from such backgrounds into adulthood, steering them towards “safe” career paths.

Examples highlight that even privileged backgrounds require balanced and thoughtful parenting approaches to foster well-rounded development.

Examples

• Parenting with high demands and little affection breeds anxiety in wealthy children.
• Affluent teens face higher risks of depression and substance abuse.
• Helicopter parenting leads to fragile self-confidence and risk avoidance.

8. Mistakes Are Valuable Learning Tools

To build resilience, children need to use mistakes as learning opportunities. This philosophy is evident at IS 318, a public school excelling in chess, where students openly critique their moves and strategize improvement.

Reviewing error-focused lessons teaches flexibility and planning. Teachers like Elizabeth Spiegel separate mistakes from an individual’s identity, reassuring students that failure doesn’t define them. Training in this mindset fosters persistence instead of discouragement.

By addressing mistakes as opportunities, children can develop both emotional resilience and practical problem-solving skills that serve them beyond childhood.

Examples

• Elizabeth Spiegel’s chess lessons teach children to openly examine errors.
• Separating mistakes from self-worth helps students recover after losses.
• Adjusting lessons based on feedback improves long-term resilience and strategy.

9. Optimistic Thinking Can Be Cultivated

How we interpret setbacks influences our ability to move forward. Optimists see failure as temporary and situational, while pessimists internalize it as personal and permanent. Teaching optimistic thinking to children can foster healthier responses to problems.

Programs focusing on optimism, as seen in character-building efforts at KIPP and IS 318, emphasize the idea that mistakes enable improvement. Children learn to attribute setbacks to factors they can manage – a mindset essential for overcoming future challenges.

By adopting this outlook, children gain the confidence and flexibility to face adversity without being overwhelmed by it.

Examples

• Martin Seligman’s research links optimism to long-term success.
• IS 318 teaches chess students to interpret missteps constructively.
• KIPP integrates optimism into character-building programs, boosting outcomes.

Takeaways

1. Help children confront failure directly by examining what went wrong and exploring better future strategies.
2. Develop emotional resilience in children by teaching them to reframe mistakes as temporary, external, and learning experiences.
3. Focus on non-cognitive skills like perseverance, conscientiousness, and self-discipline by incorporating real-life habits and practices in daily routines.