How to Do the Work Summary

What if healing lies in our ability to harness the mind-body connection, rewrite our stories, and reclaim our power?

1. Awakening Amid Oatmeal: Recognizing the Burnout

Dr. Nicole LePera found herself stuck in a cycle of exhaustion, chronic health issues, and emotional disconnection. Though her life seemed perfect from the outside, her struggles revealed otherwise. It was in that moment of breaking down, crying over a bowl of oatmeal, that she realized something had to change.

The burnout stemmed from an intense lifestyle. Her professional achievements as a psychologist hadn’t shielded her from emotional fatigue or physical stress. What she came to understand was that the traditional medical approach she relied on was too limited. Physicians targeted the symptoms, not the holistic interplay between her mind, body, and spirit.

This moment set LePera on a transformative journey. She started incorporating daily exercise, a nutrient-rich diet, meditation, and healing her childhood wounds. Though difficult, this overhaul in her life led her to share her methods on Instagram, where her story resonated with millions, sparking the global SelfHealing movement.

Examples

• Crying over oatmeal became the turning point that made her confront her burnout.
• Her initial lack of mind-body connection highlighted the ineffectiveness of traditional psychology alone.
• The success of her personal changes inspired over three million followers online.

2. The Mind-Body Connection: It’s More Powerful Than You Think

The placebo effect shows how belief can dramatically improve physical conditions, underscoring how connected the mind and body truly are. Yet, for centuries, the two have been treated as separate domains.

Dr. LePera highlights that the human body responds to environmental factors, even altering how genes express themselves. This is the field of epigenetics. Poor sleep, a stressful life, or a bad diet can trigger these responses, influencing both physical and mental health. Conversely, positive changes have the power to reverse negative outcomes.

Treating illnesses holistically acknowledges the interconnectedness of all systems in the body. Instead of focusing on temporary relief, SelfHealing encourages building habits that improve sleep, food choices, and physical activity, all leading to long-term wellness.

Examples

• Experiments show sugar pills prompt positive changes when people believe they’re real medicine.
• Epigenetics demonstrates external factors turn genes “on” or “off.”
• Improving gut health by cutting out processed foods can alleviate mental health issues like anxiety.

3. Awareness: The Power of Noticing Your Thoughts

Most people operate on autopilot, unaware of how their thoughts shape their beliefs and actions. Jessica, about to marry her partner, alternated wildly between love and disdain without realizing her thoughts created this tension.

When you become aware of what’s happening in your mind, you gain a choice: Do you accept the thoughts or challenge them? Meditation, mindfulness, and being present are ways to break free from the subconscious loops controlling much of your day.

As Jessica practiced yoga, she started noticing her mental patterns. Recognizing old fears helped her understand the root of her relationship doubts. By addressing those fears, she felt more balanced. This practice of stepping back and observing is the first step toward healing.

Examples

• Brain scans show only 5% of our day involves conscious thinking.
• Jessica’s yoga practice helped her identify hidden fears about commitment.
• Small acts like taking a mindful walk interrupt the subconscious cycle.

4. Unpacking Childhood Trauma Shapes Adult Behavior

Dr. LePera recalls feeling disconnected throughout her childhood, dissociation being her coping mechanism. Though her family appeared content, beneath the surface were unresolved tensions and unacknowledged feelings.

Trauma doesn’t always appear as overt abuse; emotional neglect, boundary violations, or chaotic family environments leave lasting scars. Children absorb parents’ fears and coping styles, leading them to suppress feelings or struggle with personal identity later in life.

Healing requires identifying these early wounds. It’s tough to revisit this pain, but confronting it rewires how you respond to the world, allowing you to move forward with clarity and strength.

Examples

• The author’s dissociation stemmed from emotional neglect, despite a “normal” home.
• Growing up with boundary-crossing parents leaves children feeling unseen.
• Processing suppressed childhood feelings can lead to emotional resilience.

5. Free Yourself by Disarming Survival Mode

Trauma can keep the body stuck in a state of heightened alertness. While this “fight, flight, or freeze” mode once protected ancestors in physical danger, it becomes harmful when your brain sees threats everywhere in daily life.

Chronic stress releases cortisol, making relationships harder and judgment clouded. You can rewire this response by consciously calming your body. Practices like slow breathing, regular exercise, or yoga re-train the nervous system to feel safe.

More than calming your brain, food also plays a role. An inflammatory diet high in processed foods affects gut health, which in turn impacts your stress levels. Dr. LePera advocates small lifestyle shifts that help the brain regulate itself naturally.

Examples

• Deep belly breathing tells the brain there’s no danger.
• All-natural diets reduce inflammation tied to mental health issues.
• Sleep promotes cellular repair, lowering chronic stress markers.

6. Reparenting Yourself to Change Beliefs

Core negative beliefs, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve love,” often stem from childhood experiences. These become deeply ingrained, influencing relationships, careers, and emotional well-being for years.

Reparenting addresses this by revisiting your inner child. When parents provide inconsistent or harmful care, children internalize those dynamics. But through consistent self-care, setting routines, and talking kindly to yourself, you can “reparent” in a way that empowers.

Engaging with one’s inner child helps you undo negative self-images. Showing your younger self compassion shifts perceptions of worth, allowing you to treat yourself and others with love and understanding.

Examples

• Children internalize feelings of abandonment from emotionally distant parents.
• Reimagining parental warmth helps repair attachment wounds.
• Following through on commitments to yourself builds inner trust.

7. Setting Boundaries Improves All Your Relationships

Loving relationships thrive when boundaries are respected. Susan, who grew up with an overbearing mother, felt walked over by friends and family as an adult. By prioritizing herself, she regained a sense of control.

Healthy boundaries ensure you’re giving out of genuine intent, not guilt or obligation. Whether it’s protecting private time, deciding how you’re touched, or making personal choices, maintaining these limits avoids resentment.

Setting boundaries is difficult, especially with loved ones who react poorly to change. Yet, when done delicately and in emotionally neutral moments, boundaries improve relationships by fostering mutual respect.

Examples

• Physical autonomy, like choosing how to be touched, is a form of self-respect.
• Time wasted on others’ demands drains mental energy.
• Emotionally enmeshed families pressure children to suppress individuality.

8. Transform Your Circle to Find Peace

Healing yourself naturally changes the people around you. Trauma bonds, rooted in shared emotional wounds, might feel comfortable, but they echo dysfunction. SelfHealing helps break these cycles and attract healthier relationships.

When Dr. LePera distanced herself from family to heal her traumas, she feared losing connection. However, this temporary separation allowed her to rebuild healthier dynamics. Surrounding herself with calm, supportive people improved all areas of her life.

Change begins with you. As your internal emotional regulation strengthens, it sets the tone for others. This ripple effect makes your environment healthier and fosters truly loving communities.

Examples

• Dr. LePera repaired family ties after establishing boundaries.
• Breaking trauma bonds prevents old cycles from continuing.
• Calm, loving connections inspire similar behavior in others.

9. Small Changes Unlock Transformational Growth

Change feels overwhelming, but dramatic overhauls aren’t required. Focusing on one small daily habit, like drinking water or going on a walk, achieves self-trust. With time, new habits build momentum for bigger shifts.

Dr. LePera emphasizes patience. Lasting change takes gradual rewiring of the brain. Rather than perfection, consistency plants the seeds of transformation, leading to cumulative benefits for mental and physical harmony.

Start where you feel able. With practice, each honest commitment to self-care sets you on the path to balance and wholeness.

Examples

• Committing to only five minutes of meditation builds consistency.
• Small actions, like journaling thoughts, can improve mood long-term.
• Starting simple builds confidence to tackle bigger changes later.

Takeaways

1. Start a daily mindfulness practice, whether a short meditation, journaling session, or walk.
2. Begin reparenting yourself by setting one boundary or making a small self-care promise.
3. Assess what relationships nourish you and which cause stress; prioritize healthy connections.