How to Human

What would happen if we decided to be fully human, connect with those around us, and set ourselves and others free from societal chains?

1. Humanity Is Off Course, but Correctable

Our collective humanity has veered away from its innate goodness due to global challenges like pandemics, political struggles, and social upheaval. Whittaker likens our journey to that of a plane frequently going off course but continuously making adjustments to reach its destination.

He argues that small shifts in our daily actions and perspectives can realign us with our authentic selves. We don’t need a massive overhaul of who we are; a few degrees of course correction can bring us back to kindness and compassion. The first step is acknowledging that this journey begins within us.

To regain our path, we need to reawaken our instincts for helping, connecting, and understanding others. Whittaker insists that these instincts reside in every person, no matter how far removed they may seem from empathy or compassion.

Examples

• The disruptions of the pandemic exposed how disconnected we are but also highlighted our potential for mutual care.
• Social movements often remind us of humanity's inherent call to justice and equality.
• Individual acts of kindness, such as reconnecting with an estranged friend, show our ability to course correct.

2. To Be Human Is to Be True to Yourself

Being your best self starts with understanding who you truly are. Whittaker uses Jesus not as an exclusively religious figure but as a universal example of someone who lived authentically and compassionately.

Understanding “you” requires peeling back layers of trauma, opinions, and societal expectations. Whittaker suggests reflective practices like journaling, engaging in nature, or seeking therapy to gain clarity about personal beliefs and truths.

When joy becomes your barometer, it signals alignment with your genuine self. Whittaker encourages identifying moments when you’ve experienced pure joy to guide your recalibration.

Examples

• Jesus standing firm in his identity, defying societal judgment with compassion and conviction.
• Journaling daily to uncover hidden beliefs and desires.
• Rediscovering joy by doing activities that made you feel alive as a child, such as dancing or painting.

3. Compassion Is Hardwired into Us

Compassion isn’t just an admirable quality – it’s part of our human wiring. However, societal conditioning often tells us to reserve our compassion for those who look, think, or act like us.

Whittaker explores how children naturally display compassion without regard for differences. As adults, this impulse is numbed by biases and judgments, but re-engaging with our compassion enables us to connect deeper with others.

True compassion calls for understanding others’ struggles and offering appropriate support, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable for us.

Examples

• Biblical stories like Jesus pardoning the adulteress show compassion overriding rigid societal rules.
• Observations of cross-racial compassion in children highlight its innate nature.
• Unexpected acts of altruism, like helping a stranger in need, bring us closer to this human instinct.

4. Seeing Others Goes Beyond Surface Interactions

Acknowledging someone’s humanity requires more than greeting them politely. Whittaker urges us to “get in the chariot” with others – connecting deeply even with individuals very different from us.

Referencing a Biblical story of Phillip and the Ethiopian official, Whittaker demonstrates that meaningful exchange arises when we engage deeply with another’s perspective. Seeing someone means actively listening and seeking to understand them.

Even if we don’t fully agree with or personally like someone, recognizing their shared humanity fosters deeper empathy and community.

Examples

• Phillip helping the Ethiopian official interpret scripture despite cultural and racial differences.
• Listening intently to a friend’s struggles rather than offering immediate solutions.
• Taking time to learn about a co-worker’s cultural background to build understanding.

5. Touch Is a Path to Connection and Freedom

Physical touch, when consensual, is a powerful tool for emotional bonds and healing. Whittaker notes how touch builds trust, communicates comfort, and fosters connection.

Research backs this idea. Physical affection from caregivers in childhood is linked to greater emotional resilience. Similarly, people isolated from touch, like during quarantines, experience loss and emotional instability.

Touch reminds us of our shared human vulnerability while offering a unique way to connect beyond words.

Examples

• The documented emotional scarring of monkeys deprived of their mothers’ touch.
• Pandemic quarantine stories highlighting how much people craved simple hugs.
• The intimate reassurance provided by comforting gestures like a pat on the back.

6. Empathy Requires Putting Yourself in Someone Else’s Shoes

Empathy calls for feeling what another person feels, which can be uncomfortable yet profoundly necessary. Sympathy looks at another’s pain from outside, but empathy joins them in their emotional experience.

While it can be draining, practicing empathy eases others’ burdens and validates their feelings. Whittaker describes it as freeing others to acknowledge and process their emotions while feeling less alone.

Engaging empathetically also nurtures your emotional maturity, reinforcing your capacity to connect and build trust.

Examples

• Sitting beside a grieving friend not with words but silent companionship.
• Walking alongside someone struggling with addiction to remind them they’re not alone.
• Feeling the frustration alongside a colleague rather than dismissing their struggles.

7. You Don’t Have to Agree with Everyone to See Their Worth

Whittaker clarifies that respecting someone’s humanity doesn’t mean agreeing with all their views or actions. It’s about separating the person from their beliefs and recognizing their inherent dignity.

This approach fosters healthier interactions and reduces polarization in divisive social or political issues.

Engaging with someone respectfully, even when you disagree, reduces resistance and paves the way for sincere dialogue and greater understanding.

Examples

• Civil debates that focus on ideas without descending into personal attacks.
• Sharing a meal with someone of differing political ideology while discussing family values.
• Choosing to listen to rather than argue with a colleague holding opposing opinions.

8. Freeing Others Frees Yourself, Too

When we help others embrace their own humanity, we inadvertently enrich our own. This mutual liberation often comes from deep listening, empathy, or compassion.

Whittaker emphasizes that a chain reaction unfolds when one person acts humanely: others feel inspired to reciprocate. Freeing someone emotionally strengthens the bonds of community and humanity.

The benefits come full circle as assisting someone else often results in clearer perspective on your own relationships and struggles.

Examples

• Supporting a friend’s career ambition reinforces your own confidence in taking risks.
• Forgiving someone offers closure for both parties involved.
• Encouraging your child to follow their passions reignites your interest in neglected hobbies.

9. Start Small: The Power of Tiny Actions

Course corrections don’t demand grand gestures. Whittaker highlights the beauty of small, intentional actions that accumulate into broader positive change.

Simple habits, like daily affirmations or mindful interactions, can transform relationships and internal perspectives over time.

Consistent efforts yield gradual but meaningful adjustments to living with deeper compassion and connection.

Examples

• Practicing daily gratitude by texting someone one kind sentence.
• Smiling at strangers to create small ripples of positivity.
• Offering a helping hand to a neighbor even in mundane ways, like carrying groceries.

Takeaways

1. Spend time with yourself regularly to uncover your authentic thoughts and joy triggers.
2. Seek deeper connections by truly listening to and understanding those around you without superficial judgments.
3. Perform one small act daily—of compassion, touch, or encouragement—to nudge yourself toward better human practice.