In a world that often feels off-course, Carlos Whittaker's "How to Human" offers a refreshing perspective on reconnecting with our true selves and others. This book serves as a guide to help us navigate the complexities of modern life and return to our inherent human instincts for compassion, connection, and authenticity.
Introduction
Imagine a plane that's off course for 90% of its journey, yet still manages to reach its destination through constant small adjustments. This analogy sets the stage for Whittaker's central argument: humanity has veered slightly off track, but we can course-correct with minor changes in our approach to life and relationships.
Recent global events, from the COVID-19 pandemic to political upheavals, have left many feeling disconnected and uncertain. However, Whittaker asserts that we all possess innate instincts for kindness, empathy, and self-improvement. The key lies in rediscovering and nurturing these qualities.
Being Human: Embracing Your True Self
Finding Your Authentic Self
Whittaker introduces the concept of "being human" by encouraging readers to look within themselves. He suggests that we all have an inherent goodness, often buried beneath layers of societal expectations and personal experiences. To uncover this authentic self, he recommends several practices:
Journaling: Spend time writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you gain clarity on your values and desires.
Therapy: Speaking with a professional can provide valuable insights into your behavior patterns and help you work through past traumas.
Nature walks: Allowing your mind to wander while surrounded by nature can lead to profound self-discovery.
Identifying joy: Reflect on moments when you felt pure, childlike joy. These experiences can guide you towards your true passions and purpose.
Learning from Jesus as a Human Role Model
Whittaker uses Jesus as an example of how to be authentically human, regardless of one's religious beliefs. He highlights two key aspects of Jesus' character:
Being true to oneself: Jesus remained steadfast in his beliefs and actions, even in the face of opposition.
Showing compassion: Jesus consistently demonstrated kindness and understanding towards others, particularly those society deemed unworthy.
Reconnecting with Innate Compassion
The author argues that compassion is a natural human instinct, often suppressed by societal norms and prejudices. He points out that children typically show more compassion towards those different from them than adults do. To become more human, we must tap into this innate capacity for compassion and allow it to guide our actions.
Seeing Fellow Humans: Looking Beyond the Surface
Getting in the Chariot
Whittaker introduces the concept of "getting in the chariot" with others, based on a biblical story about Philip and an Ethiopian court official. This metaphor emphasizes the importance of truly engaging with people who are different from us, rather than making superficial judgments based on appearance or background.
To practice this, we should:
- Engage in meaningful conversations with people from diverse backgrounds.
- Listen actively and with genuine curiosity.
- Suspend judgment and preconceived notions.
- Be open to learning from others' experiences and perspectives.
Embracing Differences
The author stresses that we don't need to like or agree with everyone we meet. However, it's crucial to recognize and respect the humanity in all individuals, regardless of our personal feelings towards them. This approach allows us to see people for who they truly are, beyond surface-level characteristics or differences in opinion.
Freeing Those Around Us: Nurturing Human Connections
The Power of Touch
Whittaker explores the profound impact of physical touch on human well-being and connection. He cites various studies and examples to illustrate this point:
Animal studies: Research on baby monkeys deprived of maternal touch shows severe behavioral and emotional consequences.
Human development: Studies indicate that children who receive more physical comfort from their parents tend to become more emotionally stable and independent adults.
COVID-19 isolation: The author references the emotional toll of physical distancing during the pandemic, highlighting the importance of human touch in our lives.
While emphasizing the benefits of touch, Whittaker also stresses the importance of respecting boundaries and ensuring that physical contact is always welcome and appropriate.
Practicing Empathy
Another key aspect of freeing others is through empathy. Whittaker distinguishes between sympathy (feeling for someone) and empathy (feeling with someone). He acknowledges that true empathy can be challenging, as it requires us to share in others' uncomfortable emotions. However, this shared experience can be incredibly freeing for both parties:
- It validates the other person's feelings.
- It helps lighten the emotional burden they're carrying.
- It fosters a deeper connection between individuals.
To practice empathy effectively:
- Listen without judgment.
- Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
- Acknowledge and validate their feelings.
- Offer support without trying to "fix" the situation.
Practical Steps for Becoming a Better Human
Throughout the book, Whittaker offers various actionable strategies for improving our humanity:
Self-reflection: Regularly take time to examine your thoughts, feelings, and actions. This can help you identify areas for growth and reconnect with your authentic self.
Intentional conversations: Seek out opportunities to engage with people who are different from you. Practice active listening and genuine curiosity.
Compassion exercises: Look for ways to show kindness and understanding to others, even in small ways. This could be as simple as offering a smile or holding the door for someone.
Physical connection: When appropriate, incorporate more positive physical touch into your interactions with loved ones, such as hugs or comforting pats on the back.
Empathy practice: When someone shares their struggles with you, focus on feeling with them rather than trying to solve their problems. Validate their emotions and offer your presence as support.
Mindfulness: Pay attention to your surroundings and the people in your life. Notice the humanity in everyone you encounter, even those you may not agree with or like.
Challenging biases: Regularly examine your preconceptions about others and actively work to overcome prejudices or stereotypes you may hold.
Acts of service: Look for opportunities to help others without expecting anything in return. This can help foster a sense of connection and shared humanity.
Gratitude: Cultivate appreciation for the people in your life and the positive aspects of your human experience.
Continuous learning: Stay open to new ideas and perspectives. Seek out information that challenges your existing beliefs and helps you grow as a person.
The Ripple Effect of Human Connection
As we implement these practices in our lives, Whittaker suggests that we can create a positive ripple effect in our communities and beyond. By becoming more authentically human ourselves, we inspire and empower others to do the same. This collective shift towards greater compassion, understanding, and connection has the potential to address many of the challenges facing our society today.
Overcoming Obstacles to Human Connection
While the book presents an optimistic view of human nature, it also acknowledges the challenges we face in truly connecting with others:
Fear of vulnerability: Opening ourselves up to genuine connection can feel risky, especially if we've been hurt in the past.
Busy lifestyles: The fast pace of modern life often leaves little time for deep, meaningful interactions.
Technology: While digital tools can facilitate connection, they can also create barriers to authentic human interaction.
Social divisions: Political, cultural, and ideological differences can make it difficult to see the humanity in those with opposing views.
To overcome these obstacles, Whittaker encourages readers to:
- Start small and practice regularly.
- Be patient with yourself and others.
- Embrace discomfort as a sign of growth.
- Seek out supportive communities that value authentic human connection.
The Role of Forgiveness in Human Connection
An important aspect of becoming more human is learning to forgive, both ourselves and others. Whittaker explores the transformative power of forgiveness:
- It frees us from the burden of resentment and anger.
- It allows us to see the humanity in those who have hurt us.
- It creates space for healing and growth in relationships.
To practice forgiveness:
- Acknowledge the hurt you've experienced.
- Choose to let go of the desire for revenge or punishment.
- Seek to understand the other person's perspective, even if you don't agree with their actions.
- Focus on your own healing and growth, rather than waiting for an apology or change in the other person.
The Importance of Self-Care in Being Human
While much of the book focuses on connecting with others, Whittaker also emphasizes the importance of self-care in maintaining our humanity. He argues that we can't truly connect with others if we're neglecting our own well-being. Some self-care practices he recommends include:
- Setting healthy boundaries in relationships.
- Taking time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
- Prioritizing physical health through exercise, nutrition, and adequate sleep.
- Seeking professional help when needed, such as therapy or counseling.
- Practicing self-compassion and treating yourself with the same kindness you extend to others.
The Role of Community in Human Connection
Whittaker explores the vital role that community plays in nurturing our humanity. He suggests that we all need a sense of belonging and connection to thrive. Some ways to cultivate community include:
- Joining groups or organizations aligned with your values and interests.
- Volunteering for causes you care about.
- Participating in local events and activities.
- Creating or joining support groups for shared experiences or challenges.
- Fostering a sense of community within your workplace or neighborhood.
Embracing Diversity and Inclusion
A crucial aspect of becoming more human is learning to embrace and celebrate diversity. Whittaker encourages readers to:
- Seek out diverse perspectives and experiences.
- Challenge your own biases and assumptions.
- Advocate for inclusion and equality in your spheres of influence.
- Learn about different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.
- Stand up against discrimination and prejudice when you encounter it.
The Power of Storytelling in Human Connection
Throughout the book, Whittaker emphasizes the importance of sharing our stories and listening to others' experiences. He suggests that storytelling is a powerful tool for fostering empathy and understanding. To harness this power:
- Practice vulnerability by sharing your own experiences and emotions.
- Listen attentively when others share their stories.
- Look for common threads and shared experiences in diverse narratives.
- Use storytelling to challenge stereotypes and broaden perspectives.
Cultivating Hope and Resilience
In the face of global challenges and personal setbacks, Whittaker stresses the importance of maintaining hope and building resilience. He argues that these qualities are essential to our humanity and our ability to connect with others. To cultivate hope and resilience:
- Focus on what you can control and influence.
- Celebrate small victories and progress.
- Surround yourself with supportive, positive people.
- Practice gratitude for the good things in your life.
- Learn from setbacks and view challenges as opportunities for growth.
The Ongoing Journey of Being Human
Whittaker concludes by reminding readers that becoming more human is an ongoing process, not a destination. He encourages us to:
- Be patient with ourselves and others as we grow and learn.
- Celebrate progress, no matter how small.
- Stay committed to the practice of being human, even when it's challenging.
- Share our experiences and insights with others to inspire and encourage them on their own journeys.
Final Thoughts: A Call to Action
"How to Human" serves as both a guide and a call to action for readers to reconnect with their innate humanity and foster deeper connections with others. By embracing our authentic selves, truly seeing and engaging with those around us, and working to free others through empathy and compassion, we can collectively nudge humanity back towards a path of greater understanding and kindness.
Whittaker's message is clear: while we don't need to like or agree with everyone, recognizing the shared humanity in all people is crucial for personal growth and societal progress. Through small, intentional actions and a commitment to continuous improvement, we can each play a part in creating a more compassionate and connected world.
As you reflect on the insights from this book, consider how you can incorporate these principles into your daily life. What small steps can you take today to be more authentically human, to truly see those around you, and to free others through empathy and understanding? Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to practice being human and to contribute to the positive transformation of our world, one connection at a time.