How to Meet Your Self Summary

“Who are you when no one is watching? Discover your authentic self, break free from habits, and finally live a life that feels true to you.”

1. Wake Up: Recognize Autopilot Living

Many people go through life stuck on autopilot, unaware of their unconscious habits and behaviors. This was the author’s experience as she realized she was simply going through the motions without engaging with her true self. Just as Nicole LePera had her “wake-up” moment, recognizing this state is the first step toward change.

The unconscious habits we follow are often formed through past experiences and continue to control our reactions without our knowing. For instance, snapping at loved ones or disengaging from work might seem natural, but these are often automatic behaviors of an unconscious “habit self.” Breaking out of this cycle starts with awareness.

LePera suggests practicing small exercises to become conscious. Even something as simple as noticing your thoughts or sensations in the present moment can help you reclaim control of your mind and actions. This newfound awareness enables you to see your behaviors as just habits—not as a reflection of your authentic self.

Examples

• Realizing you’re scrolling on your phone instead of being present with family.
• Noticing tension in your shoulders when deadlines approach.
• Recognizing that an argument with a partner stemmed from habit, not actual frustration.

2. Turn Off Autopilot Through Consciousness Check-Ins

Becoming conscious doesn’t require a profound spiritual experience; it can be as simple as pausing to notice where your thoughts are. A daily consciousness check-in allows you to stop, reflect, and step out of habitual reactions.

When on autopilot, you might scarf down meals without enjoying the taste or rush through tasks without appreciating the process. Reconnecting through small intentional practices can add depth and presence to each day. LePera emphasizes slowing down to savor life’s everyday moments, like feeling the warm water during a shower or the first sips of coffee in the morning.

Set aside time throughout the day to ask yourself, “What am I doing, and where is my attention?” These frequent, mindful pauses create space to reshape how you respond to life. With time, these moments of consciousness promote understanding and rewiring of your brain, utilizing its natural neuroplasticity for positive change.

Examples

• Tuning into the texture and taste of your breakfast rather than eating while checking emails.
• Interrupting negative thought spirals by focusing on your breath.
• Observing your steps during a walk rather than letting your mind wander.

3. Hear Your Body Speak

Your body constantly sends signals, but many ignore these messages when stuck on autopilot. Checking in with your physical self helps identify if you’re running on high alert or neglecting wellness needs caused by stress or habits.

LePera highlights the importance of observing sensations such as shallow breathing or physical exhaustion. These might indicate an overactive nervous system rooted in unaddressed stress or trauma. Becoming aware of these patterns enables you to break cycles keeping you anxious or fatigued.

Simple techniques, like practicing the physiological sigh (a double inhale through the nose followed by a slow exhale), can restore calm and balance to your nervous system. This practice not only alleviates stress but also reconnects you to your body’s inherent wisdom.

Examples

• Feeling relief after taking three long, deep breaths during a tense moment.
• Realizing chest tightness often accompanies deadlines, signaling the need for rest.
• Noticing that calm environments (e.g., nature walks) relax your breathing patterns.

4. Emotions Are Navigators, Not Enemies

Emotions are not nuisances; they are signals from your body designed to help you navigate the world. Learning to identify and interpret emotions is essential to reconnecting with your true self.

LePera explains that emotions start as physiological sensations—like a quickened heart rate—which your subconscious translates into feelings such as fear or anger. Rather than ignoring or suppressing these signals, you can practice observing them with curiosity. This allows you to address emotions constructively rather than letting them overwhelm you.

A journaling practice, like a daily feeling diary, can help you identify patterns in how emotions manifest in your body. Understanding these patterns makes it easier to respond to situations calmly and intentionally instead of reacting impulsively.

Examples

• Recognizing increased heart rate as a sign of anxiety before public speaking.
• Observing that anger first emerges as a tightening jaw or clenched fists.
• Identifying common triggers for sadness, like specific memories or movies.

5. Get Curious About Emotional Patterns

Certain emotions may dominate our lives based on past experiences and unresolved feelings. By examining these patterns, you can take control of your emotional responses and heal long-standing wounds.

For instance, if anger often bubbles up when disagreement occurs, looking into the root cause—a fear of rejection or a desire for control—could shift your reaction. Writing about these recurring feelings or using visualization exercises can help uncover your emotional tendencies and challenge them.

This process also deepens your relationship with your emotions. It ensures you’re not avoiding or fighting feelings but instead learning how they can inform and guide your actions more effectively.

Examples

• Tracking how often frustration arises during family conversations.
• Discovering sadness becomes more frequent at the start of winter.
• Revisiting a childhood memory tied to current fears of failure.

6. The Journey to the Authentic Self Takes Layers

Meeting your authentic self is not an end goal; it’s a lifelong unfolding process. LePera compares this discovery to peeling an onion, where each layer brings you closer to who you truly are underneath life’s conditioning.

Your authentic self is the wise and loving part of you unclouded by societal expectations or learned behaviors. Returning to this state requires quiet solitude and moments of self-reflection, which allow you to listen to your inner guidance.

Spending time identifying activities that spark “flow state”—a zone where time feels irrelevant and you feel alive—helps you reconnect with a truer version of yourself.

Examples

• Finding joy in dancing alone in your home without judgment.
• Losing track of time while painting or gardening.
• Feeling completely present during a lake-side meditation session.

7. Make Space for Silence and Solitude

Reconnecting with your intuitive and authentic mind requires moments of stillness. Silence acts as the gateway to hearing your inner voice, yet it requires practice in today’s busy, noise-filled life.

LePera encourages small steps, like sitting in silence for five minutes a day or observing how the mind quiets during manual tasks like washing dishes. These exercises allow you to bypass external distractions and connect with the wisdom of your authentic self.

As you cultivate these moments, you’ll find clarity in decisions and a deeper understanding of your feelings, desires, and priorities.

Examples

• Meditating for five minutes each morning to practice sitting with stillness.
• Engaging in a “silent walk” without music or podcasts to accompany you.
• Performing household chores mindfully, noticing any reflective insights.

8. Redefine Your Living Space as a Reflection of You

Your outer environment can reflect or block your authentic self. By creating a space that resonates with who you are, you make it easier to connect with your inner self.

LePera suggests making changes to your home that align with your personal values and tastes, like incorporating art or colors that bring you joy. By intentionally surrounding yourself with things that feel authentic, you invite more self-awareness and create a nourishing atmosphere.

This attention to your space confirms that every element of your life can work in harmony with who you are becoming.

Examples

• Redecorating a room with calming colors that you feel drawn to.
• Displaying framed family photos or quotes that inspire you.
• Removing clutter that feels chaotic or out of place.

9. Creativity Unlocks Authentic Expression

Engaging in creative activities can reveal parts of yourself hidden under years of routine and obligation. Creative expression—be it painting, writing, or another form—allows you to explore your emotions and desires freely.

LePera recommends practices such as stream-of-consciousness journaling, where you write down all your thoughts without editing or censoring them. This type of exploration can surprise you with insights about your deeper fears or joys.

The act of creating itself often feels like stepping into your authentic self, as it keeps you present and connected with what you find meaningful in life.

Examples

• Writing freely for ten minutes and unearthing hidden emotions about work.
• Sketching abstract art during moments of stress to calm the mind.
• Baking a new recipe just for the joy of experimenting and tasting.

Takeaways

1. Practice daily consciousness check-ins to reclaim your awareness through small pauses.
2. Dedicate a few moments daily to silence and sitting with your thoughts to strengthen your connection to your inner voice.
3. Use creative exercises—like free writing or painting—to explore emotions and rediscover your joy without judgment.