It's On Me

Are you truly living, or just existing? Break free from the distractions and disconnection to reclaim your authentic self.

1. Understanding Self-Loss

Self-loss happens when our outer lives no longer align with our inner truths. It's the state of feeling disconnected from one's genuine self. This disconnection breeds consequences like unprocessed emotions, physical neglect, one-sided relationships, and ambiguous life values.

In today's world, distractions are abundant. People often resort to suppressing emotions or seeking external validation instead of looking inward. For instance, someone might compulsively scroll on social media or overcommit at work, avoiding the discomfort of self-reflection. But ignoring inner needs widens the gap between one's external persona and internal essence.

Reclaiming your authenticity begins with awareness. The metaphor of a "burning room" illustrates how neglecting signs of disconnection can consume your sense of self. To escape the flames, you must acknowledge the threat, take responsibility for your actions, and rebuild alignment.

Examples

• Frequently prioritizing work emails over personal relationships.
• Avoiding feeling sadness by binge-watching television.
• Choosing external admiration over genuine self-satisfaction.

2. Essentialism vs. Existentialism

The self has long been explored through essentialism and existentialism. Essentialism suggests that individuals have a defined essence they must uncover. Existentialism, however, proposes that actions and choices shape one's essence.

Existentialism offers a dynamic perspective: you first exist, and only through intentional choices and experiences, you define your being. Authenticity comes from embracing this freedom and constructing a self through mindful action, even in the face of discomfort.

While existential freedom can feel daunting, it also offers an opportunity to rebuild purpose through difficult times. Life's challenges, even moments of despair, invite you to reassess and create new meaning with every choice you make.

Examples

• Choosing to pursue art over a high-paying job, despite societal expectations.
• Adopting new values after surviving a near-death experience.
• Letting go of toxic relationships to rebuild personal freedom.

3. Reclaiming Space in Your Life

Space allows for self-discovery and authentic living. It refers to disrupting routines and opening yourself up to new perspectives. Without space, we default to old patterns and roles that no longer serve us.

Travel, as in the case of Nina, is one way to create space. A new environment forces you to confront what's unfamiliar, helping you step away from rigid expectations. Decluttering—whether physical belongings or harmful habits and beliefs—can also release your attachment to outdated versions of yourself. This makes room for emotional growth and self-reconnection.

Once you've made space, you're better equipped to identify what truly nurtures or limits you. This ongoing reflection helps you align your habits and environment with your current values and aspirations.

Examples

• Donating old clothes tied to memories of an unhappy past.
• Taking a break from relationships that feel draining.
• Journaling to evaluate persistent emotional patterns.

4. Reconnecting With Your Body

Modern living often separates the mind and body, but rediscovering your physical form is a path to authenticity. Ignoring your body leads to estrangement, while active engagement builds a deeper sense of connection.

Authentic movement practices, where you move freely without judgment, allow you to release tension and listen to your body. Intentional breathing exercises—where you consciously observe your breath—can also ground you in the present and highlight your body's wisdom.

By reconnecting physically, you restore presence and vitality, and recognize the body as a companion on your journey toward self-awareness.

Examples

• Creating a daily routine to stretch or free dance without fear of judgment.
• Practicing deep breathing to relieve anxiety before a major presentation.
• Walking barefoot outside to physically reconnect with nature.

5. Embracing Emotions, Not Avoiding Them

Many suppress emotions due to societal messages that feelings are unimportant or weak. But emotions serve as the compass for what matters in life. Rather than resisting feelings, it's more effective to observe them with curiosity.

Neuroscience reveals that an emotion naturally lasts only about 90 seconds. But negative thought patterns or suppression can prolong emotional distress. Identifying secondary feelings alongside stronger emotions helps provide clarity and defuse intensity.

By viewing emotions as guides, you can better understand how joy, excitement, or despair highlight your values and priorities.

Examples

• Journaling emotions after a conflict to identify what truly upset you.
• Recognizing that anger at a partner may also include fear of rejection.
• Celebrating small achievements to amplify positive emotions.

6. Choices Build Your True Self

Every choice you make shapes your identity. From an existential standpoint, you're continuously crafting who you are. The act of choosing amplifies personal agency and empowers authenticity.

Failure to take responsibility for choices often results in living on autopilot. However, mindfulness in daily decisions, even small ones like choosing how to spend an evening, fosters growth. Active choices anchor you, offering freedom and alignment with your deepest values.

Living authentically hinges on prioritizing who you are over external expectations. It's a daily practice, reinforced through the freedom of choosing meaning and authenticity.

Examples

• Opting for a hobby that brings joy over social media scrolling.
• Declining an unnecessary project to focus on mental health.
• Choosing direct communication in difficult conversations.

7. Letting Go Enables Growth

Holding onto old roles, items, or habits can hinder transformation. Letting go opens paths for new opportunities and aligns actions with your current self.

Decluttering—both materially and emotionally—helps create the space to revise self-perceptions. Releasing toxic patterns or relationships prevents external influences from dictating inner truths. This act of letting go might feel difficult but is essential to rediscovering what's genuinely important.

Through simplicity, you uncover clarity, growth, and room to integrate current aspirations with everyday living.

Examples

• Ending a friendship that's marked by constant negativity.
• Donating childhood trophies to focus on present accomplishments.
• Saying no to commitments that no longer excite you.

8. Moving From Disconnection to Presence

The modern world fosters distraction. Constant busyness and screen time lead to mental clutter and estrangement. Restoring presence requires intentional breaks from distractions.

Practices like authentic movement or mindful breathing strengthen physical and emotional presence. Similarly, reflecting on actions regularly—perhaps at the end of the day—helps align daily tasks with long-term meaning. Moment-to-moment mindfulness is not only enriching but also restores connection with life as it unfolds.

Engaging with life in this embodied way nurtures not only presence but a more vibrant, connected self.

Examples

• Turning off devices during meals to savor every bite.
• Meditating daily to slow down racing thoughts.
• Listening actively during conversations instead of preparing responses.

9. Purpose Evolves With You

Purpose is dynamic, not static. Life events and personal discoveries create shifts in what's meaningful. Authentic living comes from actively redefining purpose as you evolve.

Having emotional clarity and self-awareness makes it easier to spot changes in values. Recognizing these shifts and courageously realigning life's direction keeps you aligned with your true self.

Ultimately, crafting your purpose over time ensures it reflects your authentic identity, not societal expectations or outdated roles.

Examples

• Transitioning careers after realizing current work no longer fulfills you.
• Volunteering to explore causes that resonate with present beliefs.
• Reflecting on life goals after the loss of a loved one.

Takeaways

1. Dedicate a weekly session to self-reflection using journaling or quiet introspection to reconnect with your choices and emotions.
2. Practice mindfulness techniques daily, such as intentional breathing or movement, to foster a deeper connection with yourself.
3. Commit to decluttering—mentally, emotionally, and physically—by releasing one thought pattern, item, or habit holding you back each week.