Life Is in the Transitions

“Transitions are coming. Be prepared!” Bruce Feiler reminds us that life is full of surprises, and our response to change defines our path.

1. Storytelling is a rescue rope during crises

Storytelling allows individuals to process challenging experiences, creating meaning and structure amid chaos. Bruce Feiler discovered this truth while grappling with his own crises—a deadly cancer diagnosis and his father’s depression and suicide attempts. These upheavals left them feeling lost, their life stories shattered, and their sense of purpose diminished.

When Feiler began interviewing his father and documenting his childhood memories, regrets, and joys, it revitalized his father’s will to live. Similarly, Feiler gained insights into his own struggles through these conversations. He recognized that framing life changes as components of an evolving narrative helped restore control to a seemingly out-of-control existence.

Through the Life Story Project, Feiler interviewed 225 people with diverse backgrounds, all of whom faced major life changes. Time and again, storytelling emerged as a powerful tool to help people reclaim their narrative and craft renewed purpose. A shared realization shone through—many don’t know how to weave upheaval into their life story, leading to confusion and stagnation.

Examples

• Feiler's father found solace and renewed purpose by crafting his autobiography.
• People interviewed for the Life Story Project used storytelling to process losses like divorce and illness.
• A veteran redefined his post-war identity by expressing his struggles through creative journaling.

2. Life doesn't follow a straight line

Most people assume life moves in predictable phases, progressing linearly toward goals like marriage, career success, and retirement. This mindset, deeply rooted in historical and cultural beliefs, can be misleading and limiting.

Historically, life was viewed cyclically, shaped by seasons and recurring rituals. Over millennia, influenced by religious texts and industrial scheduling, a linear model dominated: youth, adulthood, old age. Yet, today's experiences, like fluctuating career paths and familial shifts, reveal that life is anything but orderly or predictable.

Recognizing and embracing life as nonlinear empowers us to accept its twists and turns. Feiler argues for abandoning outdated assumptions and embracing flexibility. A modern example is the broad age range of new parents or the shifting timelines of "midlife crises," proving that societal scripts no longer apply to everyone's journey.

Examples

• A teenager and a 40-year-old both navigate first-time parenthood, defying typical timelines.
• Career restarts, like midlife career changes, exemplify nonlinear progress.
• A man reevaluates life decades after an assumed career peak, signaling times for renewal always vary.

3. Disruptions touch every part of life

Disruptive life changes, or "disruptors," manifest across multiple domains—body, love, work, identity, and beliefs. They are inevitable and affect everyone.

Physical changes may include chronic illness or drastic weight shifts. Love disruptions could involve divorce or caring for an aging parent. Work instability, a norm in today's world, sees people shifting jobs frequently, often exploring dramatically different fields. Changes in identity or belief systems, like reevaluating gender or religion, also alter life trajectories.

On average, people experience 36 disruptors over a lifetime. While many recalibrate without issue, some disruptions shake core foundations, demanding greater attention and adaptation.

Examples

• A woman nearly dies from sudden liver failure, altering her health outlook forever.
• A writer leaves journalism to become a mortician, emphasizing career flexibility.
• Shifts in faith lead individuals to embrace or discard longstanding beliefs.

4. Transformative disruptions are "Lifequakes"

"Lifequakes" are major transitions that completely reshape how we see ourselves and our lives. They might come as shocks, like divorce or a layoff, or voluntary decisions, like leaving a high-powered job to chase a new passion.

Feiler explains that while some people quickly adapt, others see lifequakes as opportunities to reconsider their ambitions and values. Often, these events come as a "pile-up" of multiple issues, deepening their impact.

How we interpret these situations determines their influence. A cancer diagnosis, for example, can lead to despair or, alternatively, to a reframing of life priorities. Feiler emphasizes that the meaning assigned to events matters most.

Examples

• A woman abandoned corporate life after overhearing gossip and became a hypnotherapist.
• Positive "quakes" like a new home can still overwhelm due to their disruptive character.
• A combined layoff and marital crisis created cascading life changes for one project participant.

5. Lifequakes force reflection on life's core values

When upheaval strikes, it forces individuals to reconsider what truly matters. Feiler identifies essential drivers of meaning in life, which he calls the "ABC of meaning": autonomy, belonging, and cause.

For some, autonomy—independence and personal freedom—is paramount. For others, belonging to a group or striving for a mission fuels happiness. Lifequakes often dismantle prior sources of meaning, leaving room for growth through redefinition.

This concept invites shifts. People sidelined from their careers due to injury or circumstance frequently discover new passions, often benefiting others.

Examples

• A ballerina injured herself and transitioned to life coaching, helping others.
• A mother chose a career over sole homemaking when she realized she desired more autonomy.
• A country musician left music to become a preacher, aligning his work with spiritual causes.

6. Our response shapes disruptions

Crises may be beyond our control, but our reactions shape their long-term impact. Feiler stresses the power of agency when responding to upheaval.

He highlights acceptance as a key first step. Instead of denying change, embracing reality promotes problem-solving. It's equally vital to hold space for associated emotions like grief, sadness, or fear, allowing for growth without completely discarding the past.

Accepting the need for transitions enables clearer forward-thinking. Notably, it shifts focus from "Why did this happen?" to "Now what?"

Examples

• A woman with migraines found relief after leaving a toxic job instead of denying her unhappiness.
• Bruce's cancer journey taught him the strength in accepting uncertainty over clinging to false security.
• Veterans processing trauma illustrate how reframing circumstances offers hope.

7. Rituals ease letting go

When stepping into a new phase of life, marking the occasion helps release the past and embrace something new. Rituals provide necessary closure.

These acts can range from physical gestures, like covering an old tattoo, to community events, such as parties symbolizing a chapter's conclusion. Objects imbued with meaning often serve as anchors during transitions, like boots recalling a troubled period still full of lessons.

Rituals bring structure to emotional complexities, helping individuals say goodbye to the life they're leaving behind while welcoming transformation.

Examples

• A man cherishes boots from his military days to honor, yet move past, a difficult identity phase.
• Celebrating the end of cancer treatment through small rituals symbolized closure.
• A couple invented rituals to mourn their stillborn child in the absence of formal traditions.

8. Transitions include messy, uncertain middles

Major life changes follow a common pattern, with a messy and disorienting phase midway. This stage involves being lost as old identities fade without newer ones completely emerging.

This middle stage mirrors mythology and religion wherein protagonists face the unknown, yet emerge transformed. Embracing this uncertainty creates room for growth and self-reinvention.

Individuals navigate this stage through routines like journaling or adventurous exploration and experimentation. Whether structured or freeform, practices during this phase help ground and prepare for a new beginning.

Examples

• People pursuing self-discovery through international travel during crises.
• Instances of journaling helping individuals process dramatic life shifts.
• Purposefully engaging with new experiences—different jobs, hobbies, or lifestyles—promotes change.

9. Creativity fuels new beginnings

Creativity often becomes the bridge to a new life chapter. Feiler highlights how expressing oneself, whether through art, cooking, or writing, promotes healing and forward movement.

Writing, in particular, provides an outlet to process life's changes. Research shows that people who journal during crises recover faster than those who don't because organizing thoughts into stories aids emotional release and decision-making.

This creative outlet enables individuals to reclaim agency during turbulent times and imagine better futures, embracing transitions as opportunities for discovery.

Examples

• Henri Matisse’s artistic rebirth through paper cutouts after illness.
• A soldier’s recovery journey involved painting and writing poetry to channel his feelings.
• Job-seekers who journaled post-layoff found new jobs more quickly than those who didn’t write.

Takeaways

1. Create personal rituals for life changes to symbolically let go of the past and accept new beginnings.
2. Embrace creative outlets—painting, writing, or cooking—to aid transitions and offer space for emotional processing.
3. Focus on small daily wins, such as manageable accomplishments, to stay grounded during major life shifts.