Live Free

Are the expectations you live by truly yours, or are you carrying the weight of someone else’s dreams?

1. Identify and Let Go of Borrowed Expectations

Everyone absorbs unspoken expectations from childhood, family traditions, and societal norms. These silent pressures act as invisible scripts that shape decisions, often without conscious awareness. Holding on to these inherited "shoulds" and "musts" can weigh you down and prevent you from living authentically.

Freedom begins when you identify these hidden scripts and question their relevance. Are you pursuing a career, relationship, or lifestyle because it genuinely resonates with you, or because it aligns with external standards? To truly live freely, you must decide which expectations to release and which to embrace. It’s not about rebelling against all rules but selectively keeping the ones that bring joy and purpose.

Learning to let go often involves disappointing others who’ve placed these expectations on you. But by courageously releasing outdated beliefs, you allow room for expectations that reflect your true self. This process doesn’t happen overnight; it’s an ongoing journey of reevaluation and growth.

Examples

• Dropping a career path chosen by your family to pursue your creative passion.
• Letting go of social media-driven beauty standards and embracing a healthier self-image.
• Choosing joy and authenticity over a "perfect" life that pleases others.

2. Practice Realistic and Self-Aligned Expectations

Unrealistic goals sold by media or perfectionist tendencies can create unnecessary stress and disappointment. Many people fall into the trap of believing that happiness lives in the future, waiting to be unlocked by meeting impossible standards.

Aligning expectations with realism means focusing on what’s within your control—your effort, attitude, and choices. When you shift your focus away from external outcomes and comparisons, you free yourself to find happiness in the present moment. It’s also about recognizing that happiness can be a mindset, not a reward for achieving something.

Review whether your expectations come from curated social media feeds, ads, or popular culture. If they do, recalibrate them to match your unique reality. Embrace self-awareness to nurture authentic progress instead of chasing unattainable ideals.

Examples

• Setting a goal to exercise regularly for mental health rather than trying to meet an impossible fitness image.
• Focusing on learning a new language step by step instead of mastering it in record time.
• Accepting progress in your career even if promotions come slower than expected.

3. Communicate Needs Clearly and Courageously

Expectations often fail because they’re left unspoken, particularly in relationships. People are not mind readers, yet we frequently hold them accountable for failing to meet invisible standards. This gap between expectation and reality creates resentment and frustration.

Clear communication aligns reality with your desires. By voicing your needs and setting boundaries, you cultivate mutual understanding. Sharing your needs can feel vulnerable, but it’s an act of courage that strengthens connections. Equally important is respecting others’ autonomy when you set expectations.

Regularly check in with the people in your life to ensure that everyone’s expectations are heard and respected. This ongoing dialogue helps tweak relationships and ensures growth, cooperation, and fairness.

Examples

• Asking your partner directly to help with household tasks instead of assuming they’ll notice.
• Openly discussing your career goals with your boss to align their priorities with yours.
• Setting boundaries with a friend around personal space and time.

4. Rethink Cultural Norms and Forge Your Path

Cultural traditions and societal norms shape our worldviews, but blind adherence to them can stifle individuality. Often, these expectations guide decisions on careers, marriage, and lifestyles without room for personal reflection.

Acknowledging cultural expectations allows you to assess whether they add value to your life. You can respect traditions while still choosing a path that reflects your self-identity. This balance can create a more fulfilling sense of belonging and authenticity.

Stepping outside cultural norms can feel risky, but it can inspire others to consider their own unique paths. Showing that it’s possible to blend respect for your culture with personal freedom can empower those around you.

Examples

• Choosing to remain single or delay marriage despite familial pressure to settle down.
• Pursuing a career in the arts in a culture that prioritizes medicine or engineering.
• Creating your own holiday rituals to blend cultural heritage with personal meaning.

5. Reshape Expectations Around Faith

Faith often comes with its own set of expectations—both our own and others imposed on us. When prayers go unanswered or life takes unexpected turns, it’s easy to let doubt creep in.

Rather than seeing unmet hopes as failures, consider them an opportunity to build trust in life’s larger plan. Faith isn’t about passive waiting; it’s about active partnership with the divine. Approach obstacles as stepping stones rather than roadblocks, and keep your heart open to unexpected blessings.

This shift in perspective deepens your spiritual journey, transforming it from a checklist of demands into a relationship built on trust and action.

Examples

• Interpreting a delayed career opportunity as time to develop your skills further.
• Finding joy in new experiences after a canceled vacation forced you to stay home.
• Viewing an unanswered prayer as an opportunity to discover other solutions.

6. Break Unrealistic Relationship Expectations

Relationships often fail when unspoken expectations create friction. Assuming your partner will just “know” your needs sets up both parties for disappointment. Successful partnerships thrive on open communication, not unspoken assumptions.

Start by addressing the silent expectations you place on your partner. Replace fantasy ideals with reality by sharing your needs and understanding theirs. Setting shared expectations through meaningful conversations allows relationships to flourish.

Strive for balance by letting go of the urge to control your partner’s behavior. True intimacy comes from appreciating each other’s individuality while growing together.

Examples

• Having a candid discussion about shared responsibilities in marriage.
• Hosting monthly “feedback” moments with your partner to refine relationship dynamics.
• Letting go of perfectionist standards to appreciate your partner’s quirks.

7. Redefine Happiness as Internal, Not External

The myth that other people, accolades, or achievements create happiness often leaves you chasing unattainable goals. Real contentment starts from within.

By taking responsibility for your own joy, you shift the focus from expecting others to complete you. In relationships, career, and personal growth, contribute positively rather than expecting one-sided fulfillment.

When happiness comes from a sense of purpose and authenticity, you reduce disappointment from unrealistic external expectations.

Examples

• Finding joy in gratitude practices rather than validation from others.
• Thriving in a job by focusing on your contribution rather than workplace recognition.
• Creating a satisfying solo vacation rather than waiting for someone to join you.

8. Set Meaningful Career Goals with Flexibility

Careers are framed by employer expectations, but you can still shape your professional journey purposefully. Balancing these dynamics requires clear understanding and proactive goal setting.

Let go of goals that aren’t your own or timelines rooted in comparison. Authentic career goals reflect your talents and aspirations, offering fulfillment instead of burnout or misalignment.

Flexibility allows you to meet changing demands while staying rooted in realistic steps. Progress might feel slow, but focusing on the steps within your control builds momentum.

Examples

• Seeking mentorship to build skills instead of chasing a dream job prematurely.
• Taking a lateral role change to refine expertise before pursuing a promotion.
• Redefining success in a job by the quality of your contributions, not titles.

9. Take Charge of Your Personal Evolution

Living with intention means updating your expectations as you evolve. Every life chapter is an opportunity to realign goals and values.

You are the author of your life story, and it’s never too late to rewrite the narrative. Releasing outdated or inherited expectations clears the path for new, purpose-driven possibilities.

Keep assessing whether the expectations you live by still serve your purpose or need to be replaced with better ones.

Examples

• Reevaluate career goals as your priorities shift from ambition to family focus.
• Adjust expectations in a relationship post-parenthood to reflect growing responsibilities.
• Reinvent personal routines after retirement to nurture new hobbies.

Takeaways

1. Regularly evaluate your expectations across all areas of life to ensure they align with your true values.
2. Communicate your needs openly in relationships and workplaces to avoid misunderstandings and resentment.
3. Focus on self-awareness and authenticity, letting go of societal and cultural pressures that don’t resonate.