In his book "Live Free," DeVon Franklin offers a transformative approach to living a more authentic and liberated life by examining and reshaping our expectations. This insightful guide delves into the often overlooked power of expectations and how they shape our personal, cultural, relational, and professional experiences.
Introduction
We all carry expectations - silent demands that dictate how we should live, behave, and even dream. These expectations often come from various sources: society, family, culture, and even ourselves. But how many of these expectations truly align with who we are and what we want from life?
Franklin's book challenges readers to take a closer look at these expectations and provides a roadmap for breaking free from the invisible chains that hold us back. It's not about abandoning all expectations, but rather about consciously choosing which ones to keep and which to let go.
The Power of Self-Imposed Expectations
One of the key ideas Franklin explores is the impact of expectations we set for ourselves. These self-imposed expectations are like software programs running in the background of our lives, often without our conscious awareness.
Identifying and Releasing Unhelpful Expectations
The first step in this journey is to identify which expectations are truly serving us and which are holding us back. Many of these expectations are deeply ingrained, programmed into us from childhood or absorbed from our environment. Franklin encourages readers to be brave in letting go of expectations that don't align with their authentic selves, even if it means risking disappointing others.
Setting New, Authentic Expectations
Once we've cleared out the clutter of unhelpful expectations, we can begin to set new ones that truly resonate with who we are. These should be expectations that spark joy and foster our authentic selves. It's about prioritizing self-care and authenticity over living up to others' expectations.
Grounding Expectations in Reality
Franklin emphasizes the importance of examining the expectations we choose to keep. Are they realistic, or are they fantastical ideals sold to us by popular culture and social media? He warns against the dangers of comparisons and unrealistic standards, which often lead to disappointment and frustration.
Instead, he suggests focusing on what's within our control - our own actions and attitudes. By shifting our expectations to things we can influence, like the effort we put in and our present moment happiness, we can find more satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives.
Communicating Expectations Clearly
An often overlooked aspect of managing expectations is communicating them clearly to others. Franklin reminds us that the people in our lives aren't mind readers. By expressing our expectations clearly, we give others the opportunity to meet them or to have an honest conversation about what's realistic.
At the same time, it's crucial to respect that others have their own paths and may not always be able to meet our expectations. Learning to handle disappointment gracefully and to say no when necessary are important skills in this process.
Navigating Cultural Expectations
Franklin dedicates a significant portion of the book to exploring how cultural expectations shape our lives and how we can navigate them more authentically.
Choosing Your Own Path
Cultural expectations can feel like a well-worn path that we're expected to follow. However, Franklin encourages readers to recognize that they have the freedom to choose their own way. This doesn't mean rejecting all cultural norms, but rather examining them carefully and deciding which ones truly resonate with our authentic selves.
Respecting Culture While Forging Your Own Path
It's possible to respect your cultural heritage while still carving out your own unique path within it. Franklin suggests that by doing so, we might even inspire others to embrace their authentic selves within their cultural contexts.
Reassessing Faith Expectations
For many, faith is an integral part of their cultural landscape. Franklin addresses the expectations we often place on our faith and on a higher power. He suggests that when prayers seem to go unanswered, it's an opportunity to reassess our expectations rather than question our faith.
Instead of seeing obstacles as barriers, Franklin encourages readers to view them as part of the journey towards blessings. He emphasizes that faith is a partnership that requires both belief and action on our part.
Managing Expectations in Relationships
Relationships are often a breeding ground for unspoken expectations, which can lead to disappointment and resentment. Franklin offers valuable insights on how to navigate these waters more effectively.
The Danger of Unspoken Expectations
Many relationship conflicts arise from expectations that were never communicated. Franklin points out the unfairness of holding someone accountable for expectations they were never made aware of. He encourages readers to have the courage to voice their needs and desires, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Clear Communication is Key
Instead of assuming our partners can read our minds, Franklin advocates for clear, heartfelt conversations about expectations. This involves not only expressing what we need but also asking if our partner can meet us there. Only after agreement can we hold them accountable.
Regular Relationship Check-ins
Franklin suggests regular "relationship checkups" where partners can exchange feedback, listen to understand (not just to respond), and grow together. This ongoing communication helps keep both partners on the same page and allows for adjustments as needs and circumstances change.
Intimacy and Expectations
When it comes to intimacy, Franklin emphasizes the importance of open, vulnerable conversations about sexual needs. If these conversations feel too challenging, he recommends seeking help from a counselor.
Embracing Your Partner's True Self
Franklin warns against trying to control or change our partners to meet our expectations. Instead, he encourages embracing our partners for who they truly are, quirks and all. This acceptance is far more likely to lead to a fulfilling relationship than trying to mold someone into our ideal.
Happiness Starts Within
A key point Franklin makes is that happiness is an "inside job." We shouldn't expect our partners to be the source of our happiness. Instead, we should focus on contributing to each other's happiness, which creates a more balanced and joyful relationship.
Expectations for Singles
For those who are single, Franklin advises letting go of societal pressures and past disappointments. He encourages embracing this time as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. By cultivating self-love and care, we prepare ourselves for healthier future relationships.
When new love does come along, Franklin emphasizes the importance of clear communication about core values, boundaries, and truths. He advises against compromising just to be with someone, stressing that relationship success comes from finding a partner who aligns with our values and dreams.
Professional Expectations
The workplace is a unique environment when it comes to expectations, and Franklin offers valuable guidance on navigating this terrain.
Understanding the Employee-Employer Dynamic
Franklin reminds readers that in a professional setting, we've agreed to meet our employer's expectations in exchange for compensation. Before setting our own expectations for career advancement, it's crucial to ensure we're meeting our current obligations.
Exceeding Expectations for Career Advancement
To fast-track career growth, Franklin suggests going beyond merely meeting baseline expectations. This involves being proactive in understanding both stated and unstated expectations, observing closely, asking thorough questions, and reading between the lines to truly grasp your boss's priorities and working style.
Setting Authentic Career Goals
Franklin warns against "fake goals" - those that echo someone else's dreams or stem from unrealistic aspirations. Instead, he encourages setting goals that truly resonate with our authentic selves, that energize and motivate us rather than drain us.
Realistic Goal Setting
When setting career goals, Franklin advises being realistic about timelines and aligning goals with our skills and purpose. He emphasizes the importance of flexibility and maintaining a positive mindset, even when things don't progress as quickly as we'd like.
Focus on the Process
While we can control our present actions, the timeline for achieving our goals isn't always in our hands. Franklin encourages focusing on what we can control - our daily actions, gradual skill-building, and moments of learning that shape us into exceptional professionals.
Listening to Your Inner Voice
If there comes a time when our current job no longer aligns with our career expectations, Franklin advises listening closely to our inner voice. He encourages honest self-reflection about what we truly want from our careers and being brave enough to plan a transition if necessary.
Final Thoughts: Embracing Authentic Expectations
Throughout "Live Free," DeVon Franklin emphasizes that expectations are not inherently limiting - they only become shackles if we allow them to be. When approached mindfully, expectations can provide healthy structure and purposeful direction in our lives.
The key is to examine our expectations critically, release those that don't serve us, and intentionally embrace those that align with our true selves. This process requires courage - the courage to let go of limiting beliefs, to communicate our needs clearly, to set realistic goals, and to stay true to ourselves even when it's challenging.
Franklin's message is ultimately one of empowerment. We have the power to shape our lives by consciously choosing our expectations. By doing so, we can create a life that's more authentic, more fulfilling, and truly free.
The journey to living free through mindful expectation-setting is ongoing. It requires regular self-reflection, open communication, and the willingness to adjust our course as we grow and change. But the reward - a life lived authentically and on our own terms - is well worth the effort.
As we close the pages of "Live Free," we're left with a powerful invitation: to take a closer look at the expectations that guide our lives, to release those that no longer serve us, and to boldly step onto the path of authentic living. The choice is ours, and our authentic path awaits. It's time to walk it boldly.