Love People, Use Things

"Love people and use things because the opposite never works." This book challenges our materialistic tendencies and explores how less "stuff" can lead to better lives.

1. Excessive Consumerism Can Steal Your Happiness

Many believe possessions bring happiness, but the story of the Kirkendolls shows otherwise. Their cluttered lives, filled with expensive goods, left them tired and disconnected from true joy. The turning point occurred after a massive house fire, wiping out their belongings and revealing the freedom of letting go.

Materialism thrives in a culture that associates self-worth with possessions. People pursue fleeting pleasures through purchases, leading to cluttered homes, growing debt, and misplaced priorities. This pattern can suffocate creativity and overshadow relationships.

Breaking away starts with recognizing the real cost of our possessions. The Kirkendolls found that decluttering, though difficult, opened space for a better life. Reflecting on what you own not only declutters your home but also helps you rediscover your priorities and values.

Examples

• The Kirkendolls felt overwhelmed and disconnected until a fire forced them to embrace minimalism.
• Studies show the average American has over $16,000 in credit card debt due to compulsive buying.
• Sorting possessions into essential, useful, and junk piles can help create mental clarity.

2. Simplified Living Forces Honest Self-Reflection

Joshua Fields Millburn discovered that material comfort couldn't erase dissatisfaction. Although he had financial success, his crumbling marriage revealed deeper issues he was avoiding by living a lie.

Simplifying life brings both physical decluttering and mental clarity. Facing hidden truths, such as unhealthy relationships or habits, can be difficult yet necessary for genuine change. Often, the lies people tell themselves are remnants of denial that perpetuate stagnation.

Acknowledging these truths clears the path for personal growth. When Millburn confronted his unhappy marriage, he ultimately made changes that aligned with his values, leading him toward a happier life with greater authenticity.

Examples

• Millburn overlooked the growing emotional distance in his marriage until forced to deal with it.
• Many avoid tough truths by creating false narratives, such as pretending debts are under control.
• Simplifying possessions mirrors the mental process of shedding dishonesty and addressing problems.

3. Mindfulness Makes Small Joys Big Again

Embracing mindfulness helps you savor life’s simple pleasures. Rob Bell and Sam Harris, though polar opposites on faith, both promote being present in the moment. This shift in perspective reveals joy in everyday things often overlooked.

Excess consumption keeps people trapped in a cycle of craving bigger, faster, or newer things. Minimalism disrupts this loop, allowing space to appreciate daily experiences, like enjoying a good meal or walking outdoors.

Mindful living also translates to healthier choices. Instead of rushing meals or snacking on junk, slowing down to savor food enhances emotional and physical well-being. This practice redirects focus back to quality over quantity.

Examples

• Bell and Harris agree that happiness stems from enjoying the present moment, despite differing worldviews.
• Walking mindfully to the store or truly tasting your morning coffee can break the spell of distraction.
• Adopting mindful eating leads to better diets and reconnects you with the experience of food.

4. Identifying Values Creates a Compass for Decisions

Decisions driven by external influences like ads or trends often lead to regret. Understanding your values simplifies choices and helps build a more meaningful life.

Core values fall into categories like foundational (health, relationships), structural (personal qualities), and surface (interests, hobbies). Recognizing which values matter most ensures your decisions align with what’s truly significant, whether in career moves or daily habits.

By identifying his values, Millburn shifted from prioritizing image and possessions to focusing on relationships and purpose. This self-aware approach offers clarity and reduces stress when making choices.

Examples

• 79% of people engage in “drunk shopping,” driven by social and emotional triggers, not true needs.
• Viewing potential jobs through the lens of health and family values clarifies the best fit.
• Sorting between foundational, structural, and imaginary values eliminates unnecessary pressure.

5. Money Management is Key to Freedom

Debt often traps people in stressful cycles, as seen in Millburn’s younger days when he owned luxury cars but had 14 maxed-out credit cards. Accumulating debt not only weighs you down but limits independence.

Taking control of finances starts with honest assessments of spending habits. Building an emergency fund, paying off debts strategically, and starting investments form steps toward financial security and emotional relief.

Debt-free living creates flexibility, whether for family emergencies, pursuing passions, or saving for early retirement. Less financial pressure also strengthens relationships and creative outlets, fostering overall happiness.

Examples

• Millburn’s debt from overspending on cars became unmanageable, blocking true freedom.
• Nearly 44% of Americans spend more than they earn, compounding financial stress.
• Budgeting and investing in mutual funds slowly build stable, long-term wealth.

6. Digital Detox Can Revive Creativity

Technology often distracts from meaningful activities. Phones, apps, and endless social media scrolling eat into time and energy that could be used creatively.

By implementing a “digital declutter,” you eliminate unnecessary distractions and rediscover focus. Cal Newport’s 30-day detox method reignites the drive for analog activities, such as writing or hands-on hobbies, allowing people to reconnect with forgotten talents.

When you step back from constant notifications and entertainment, your mind has room for curiosity and problem-solving. Creative energy returns, even for projects you may have abandoned long ago.

Examples

• Studies show people check their phones 150 times daily, hampering deep focus.
• A 30-day break from social media uncovers time for creativity like drawing or journaling.
• Focusing on analog projects shifts attention to productive rather than passive activities.

7. Prioritize Relationships Over Things

Minimalism emphasizes connections over possessions. Relationships aren’t limited to partners; meaningful bonds include family, colleagues, and even casual acquaintances. The ability to nurture these connections creates lasting satisfaction.

A meaningful first date sparked the bond between Millburn and his wife, Rebecca. Vulnerability and respect formed the foundation of this and similar empowering relationships, where trust and shared values matter most.

Toxic relationships drain energy and should be reexamined. Cutting off harmful connections isn’t unkind – it leaves space for growth and for investing in people who genuinely add to your life.

Examples

• Millburn and Rebecca's quirky date illustrated the importance of vulnerability.
• Shared values, like mutual trust, can draw coworkers or friends closer over time.
• Letting go of toxic people frees time and emotional energy for healthier relationships.

8. Conscious Choices Lead to Fulfillment

Mindless decision-making often leads people into cycles of stress and dissatisfaction. Simplifying life means owning your choices and aligning them with what matters most.

This shift begins with recognizing patterns of impulsivity, such as excessive spending or saying yes to unnecessary obligations. Creating room for thoughtful, intentional living allows you to pursue fulfilling goals.

This approach also means learning to say no – to clutter, distractions, and obligations that don’t serve you. Simplification builds a foundation for saying yes to opportunities that align with your values.

Examples

• Reflecting on impulsive buys can uncover emotional patterns behind consumption.
• Saying no to unnecessary commitments can allow time to explore personal goals.
• Aligning everyday tasks to core values creates a sense of direction and purpose.

9. Embracing Vulnerability Enhances Relationships

Vulnerability isn’t weakness – it’s essential for trust and deeper human connections. Removing the masks we wear with others enables authenticity and fosters understanding.

Millburn and Rebecca’s first date highlighted the power of vulnerability in forming bonds. Embracing vulnerability lets you show your true self, creating the opportunity for real connection.

Building trust takes time, and respecting boundaries is part of the process. Yet, when vulnerability is reciprocated, relationships strengthen and feel genuine – whether romantic, platonic, or professional.

Examples

• Opening up emotionally can break through surface-level interactions.
• Honest communication fosters closeness with friends and spouses alike.
• Vulnerability combined with patience leads to a trusting connection.

Takeaways

1. Declutter both your space and schedule to focus on what truly matters, starting with sorting possessions into "essential" and "nonessential" piles.
2. Challenge yourself to a 30-day digital detox to reignite your creative and personal endeavors.
3. Regularly revisit your values to ensure that your decisions align with your goals for genuine happiness and fulfillment.