More, Please Summary

How do childhood influences and societal pressures shape our relationship with food and our bodies, and how can we break free to find self-acceptance?

1. The lasting effects of maternal influences

Our earliest relationships, especially with our mothers, shape how we perceive our bodies and food. Emma reflects on her mother’s quiet but firm grip on the standards of beauty and diet culture. Her mother didn’t explicitly enforce these ideals, but subtle gestures and remarks left an indelible mark on Emma’s self-awareness.

Emma recalls finding an old picture of her mother as a young woman, radiating beauty with striking features. Instead of inspiring admiration, it sparked a wave of self-doubt. Comparing herself to her mother's beauty, Emma interpreted it as an unattainable standard, igniting insecurities about her own appearance. This dynamic exemplified how unspoken expectations can mold our self-perception.

Emma also shares moments of bonding with her family over shared dissatisfaction with their bodies. Conversations about weight, dieting, and guilt-filled eating often became habitual and unintentionally reinforced problematic beliefs. Through these experiences, Emma sheds light on how beauty standards were passed down and intertwined with familial connection.

Examples

• Emma’s mom subtly raised an eyebrow or threw a glance when Emma reached for food.
• Finding vintage photos of her mother left Emma questioning her own looks.
• Visiting her mom’s home often involved complaints about food and weight as part of their routine.

2. Diets as a measure of worth

From her teenage years, Emma saw dieting as a symbol of discipline and value, starting with her enrollment in Weight Watchers at age twelve. She paid for it with her babysitting earnings, illustrating her commitment to achieving societal ideals.

She became engrossed in the mechanics of diets – counting calories, memorizing point systems, and associating food with guilt. The fleeting victories of lost pounds occasionally brought external validation, from romantic advances to compliments that fueled her quest. But this pursuit deepened her struggles with food and how she defined herself.

Over time, Emma recognized that dieting wasn’t just about numbers on the scale – it subtly dictated her self-esteem and identity. She came to see how many people, like herself, get locked into cycles of shame and unrealistic expectations when equating weight loss with value.

Examples

• At 12, she started Weight Watchers and meticulously followed its point system.
• Losing weight brought her more attention from potential romantic interests.
• Her target weight constantly shifted as dissatisfaction remained rooted.

3. The body image paradox in queer spaces

Emma sought belonging within the queer community, hoping it would free her from mainstream beauty ideals. However, the same pressures to look a certain way infiltrated those spaces, leaving her feeling alienated even in areas meant for acceptance.

Living and working in Brooklyn’s media scene, Emma experienced these compounded pressures firsthand. Office environments, coupled with her insecurities, led her to view herself critically. Even queer spaces that theoretically celebrated diversity didn’t fully escape mainstream ideas of attractiveness, leaving Emma largely disillusioned.

Despite this, moments of connection in the workplace and the world of fashion helped her see the value of promoting inclusivity. Through working on content that portrayed a wider range of body images, she began to chip away at her internalized beliefs.

Examples

• Working at Vogue brought constant comparisons to polished, stylish colleagues.
• A failed date often spiraled into binges as she sought solace in comfort food.
• Collaborating on body-positive projects helped her feel uplifted.

4. Redefining the role of movement

Emma’s relationship with exercise was initially tied to weight loss. She saw working out as a means to shrink herself, which only deepened her negative associations with physical activity. Over time, however, she reframed this approach and sought enjoyable, mindful movement instead.

Running became a transformative activity, allowing Emma to move for her own happiness instead of punishment. Swimming and yoga also offered opportunities for gentler, more loving engagement with her body, helping her realize she didn’t need to treat exercise as a chore.

She also discovered how finding the right trainer or community could reshape her attitude toward fitness. Being supported by individuals who shared her experiences allowed her to feel more capable and less judged during her journey.

Examples

• She enjoyed slow jogs, finding them calming and grounding.
• Yoga introduced her to movement that prioritized gentleness rather than exertion.
• A trainer who shared her body type helped her feel understood and accepted.

5. The power of food memories

During the pandemic, Emma began a practice of reflecting on positive food memories – moments that highlighted joy and connection rather than shame. This exercise reshaped her understanding of food as a comforting ritual instead of an arena of guilt.

Recollections of indulgent childhood treats and homemade meals reminded her that food could be about pleasure, love, and care. Writing these memories became a tool for healing, reinforcing new ways to perceive food as a neutral or positive force.

This shift in mindset allowed her to gradually move away from the binaries of bingeing and restriction, and into a balanced way of nourishing herself. These joyful memories became a key part of her recovery process.

Examples

• Reminiscing about Rockaway hot dogs and her mother’s shepherd’s pie.
• Making a list of foods tied to happy moments during quarantine.
• Experimenting with cooking creatively to celebrate the act of eating.

6. Understanding generational patterns

Emma emphasizes how societal ideals of beauty are passed down generationally, often without conscious intent. Her mother, raised during a time of rigid beauty standards and extreme dieting, unintentionally carried these pressures into her parenting.

Recognizing these patterns allowed Emma to approach her struggles with compassion for her mother and herself. These generational influences highlighted the broader cultural forces at play, framing her struggle as part of a bigger story rather than personal failure.

By acknowledging the historical context of her mother’s struggles, Emma could begin untangling her issues with food and body image, giving herself room to heal without placing blame.

Examples

• Growing up during decades dominated by fads like SlimFast left an impression on Emma’s mom.
• Diet-friendly snacks from the early 2000s were staples in her household.
• Her aunt and mother bonded over shared frustrations with diets, perpetuating patterns.

7. Shifting self-worth away from numbers

Emma’s journey taught her that self-worth isn’t tied to numbers on a scale or a size label. While the world often associates thinness with success and self-control, Emma worked to redefine her value.

She shares how losing weight didn’t solve her emotional struggles or bring the happiness she expected. Recognizing this disconnect allowed Emma to see herself beyond measurements, reconnecting with her intrinsic self-worth.

This mental shift formed the foundation for her recovery. It’s a transition from defining herself by external standards to leaning into self-compassion and individuality.

Examples

• Despite weight loss, Emma continued to battle insecurity.
• Losing weight didn’t shield her from self-doubt in dates or professional settings.
• Learning self-compassion became a central focus of recovery.

8. Accepting setbacks as growth opportunities

Recovery, Emma found, isn’t linear. While she made progress, moments of relapse were inevitable. Instead of despairing, she began to view setbacks as opportunities to learn, practice patience, and become more resilient.

To aid her recovery, Emma developed a network of supportive friends and professionals who could help her through challenging periods. She also refined tools like journaling and mindfulness to process her struggles and regain balance.

Emma’s story encourages embracing imperfections, a reminder that growth happens through both successes and obstacles.

Examples

• A binge during a stressful period led her to write reflective journal entries.
• Conversations with a supportive network helped her reframe troubling moments.
• She developed tools to address old mental habits without judgment.

9. Building a joyful, balanced life

Through years of reflection and effort, Emma found a peaceful middle ground where food was no longer an enemy or obsession. Her journey reminds readers that balance is possible when approached with kindness and patience.

She describes savoring the beauty of cooking and eating with others, finding happiness in movement, and appreciating her body as it is. These small, consistent acts of self-care reinforced her newfound balance.

This transformation stands as a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with food or body image issues, showing the possibility of living authentically and joyfully.

Examples

• Sitting with friends and enjoying meals became a celebration of connection.
• Daily movement, from swimming to running, brought her more ease and peace.
• Savoring the taste of fresh fruit helped her appreciate small, mindful joys.

Takeaways

1. Begin listing joyful food memories to reframe your relationship with eating into something positive and connected.
2. Try finding physical activities you genuinely enjoy, focusing on movement that uplifts rather than punishes your body.
3. Recognize and reflect on how generational or cultural influences have shaped your self-perception, and actively challenge unhelpful beliefs.