“You are not a quota. You are not a box to check. You are uniquely made, divinely appointed, and wholly enough.”

1. Early Lessons in Embracing Identity

Elaine's journey into understanding her mixed-race identity began as a child. She grew up feeling different, surrounded by predominantly white communities in Newark, California. When tasked to create a collage of her family in preschool, she initially used images of white people like her classmates did, but her mother stepped in to set the record straight. Elaine redid the collage by representing her family accurately: a white father, a black mother, and caramel-brown siblings. This moment became a powerful symbol of learning to celebrate her racial identity with pride.

Her parents played an essential role in fostering confidence in her sense of self. Her mother, determined to break societal norms, consistently reminded Elaine of her worth as a young Black girl. At home, Elaine felt seen and understood, even if the external world treated her differently. This foundation became a critical force shaping her ability to navigate challenges later in life.

The conversation about race started early and continued to evolve. Her mom made it clear through small actions, like displaying the corrected collage or exposing her to Ebony and Essence magazines, that Elaine could love herself for who she was. It wasn’t about blending in but standing out and being true to her roots.

Examples

  • Elaine’s preschool struggle to find images resembling her interracial family.
  • Her mother’s insistence on redoing the collage using magazines that represented Black culture.
  • Growing up in a white-dominated community where her family visually “stood out.”

2. Sparking Ambition through Youthful Creativity

Even as a child, Elaine exhibited entrepreneurial and creative tendencies. In fifth grade, she started a makeshift backyard beauty salon with her best friend, Claudia. Although they didn’t make money, it sparked her drive to be her boss and create tangible results through her creativity.

Her passion for storytelling also began to take shape. Elaine spent countless hours crafting collages from magazine cutouts, combining images and quotes that captured her friendships and dreams. These weren’t just creative pastime projects; unknowingly, she was sharpening the design and layout skills that would later serve her as a magazine editor.

Elaine also loved to perform. As a young girl in the bathtub, she’d pretend to be Barbara Walters or Oprah, interviewing imaginary celebrities like Janet Jackson or Michael Jordan. This early love for storytelling and self-expression hinted at her future in media, where she would channel these same qualities to connect with audiences.

Examples

  • Her collaborative “beauty salon” project with Claudia in a backyard led to her first entrepreneurial experience.
  • The detailed collages she made of her friendships and magazine clippings honed her design eye.
  • Her role-playing as famous TV hosts and stars reflected her early aspiration to entertain and inform.

3. Struggles with Identity in a Shifting Social Climate

Elaine’s sense of belonging was tied to her outward appearance in junior high and high school. She quickly learned that hair wasn’t just hair—it was a statement of identity. Her decision to let her hair be natural at times drew criticism or left her feeling unattractive, especially among boys in predominantly white spaces.

Her social identity adapted depending on her environment. At her mostly white elementary school, she faced feelings of being “less than.” When moving into more diverse junior high, Elaine styled her hair and clothing to mimic the tough, cool vibe embraced by her Mexican peers. Her “chameleon” approach revealed her desire for social acceptance.

Despite these struggles, there were moments when societal pressures collided head-on with inner truths. After the eighth-grade winter ball, where no one asked her to dance, Elaine found solace in her mother, who always reinforced that she was enough. It was a small but crucial reminder in the face of ongoing doubt about her appearance and belonging.

Examples

  • The emotional devastation of finding herself ranked poorly on a boys’ attractiveness list.
  • Changing her physical style to align with her peers, like adopting the trendy Mexican-inspired bun with protruding hair strands.
  • Crying in her mother’s arms after feeling unseen at the winter ball, finding reassurance in her mother’s affirmations.

4. Ride-or-Die Love Overshadowed Ambitions

In high school, Elaine found herself swept up in a romance that redefined love but also derailed her future plans. Her first boyfriend, “First Love,” represented the “bad boy” allure that mass media often romanticized. Elaine, like other young girls, subscribed to the belief that a woman should fiercely stand by her man no matter the turbulence.

Though initially sweet, their relationship turned toxic. First Love’s poor decisions, including drug involvement, led to heated arguments and even dangerous moments. Despite these red flags, Elaine followed him to Sacramento State, sacrificing her dream of attending Stanford.

The relationship ended in disillusionment but gave her unexpected life clarity. She learned to recognize toxic patterns and decided to prioritize her own well-being and future above societal expectations about loyalty in relationships.

Examples

  • First Love’s transition from protective partner to someone drawn into illegal activities.
  • Elaine forfeiting her Stanford ambitions to be closer to him, attending a more modest college instead.
  • The breaking point came when Elaine witnessed his increasingly erratic and violent behavior.

5. Finding Strength through Mentorship

A new chapter began when Elaine met Dr. Michele Foss-Snowden, a biracial professor who profoundly influenced her during college. M. Foss encouraged Elaine to critically analyze mainstream beauty standards and their role in perpetuating white supremacy in media, a revelation that was both liberating and infuriating.

Through these realizations, Elaine started to reclaim her Blackness even more unapologetically. She ditched hair straighteners and wore her natural curls while expanding her social circle to include more Black peers. These steps symbolized a deeper self-acceptance she hadn’t allowed herself to fully embrace before.

This phase of enlightenment inspired Elaine to dream of a career where she could contribute to reshaping the harmful narratives she’d absorbed growing up. She wanted to create platforms where diverse stories could be told authentically and with pride.

Examples

  • M. Foss dissected underrepresentation of Black people in media during Elaine’s classes.
  • Elaine’s bold decision to wear her hair naturally despite societal pressures to conform to white beauty standards.
  • Spending more time forging friendships within her Black community, finding peer support in her identity.

6. A Difficult Internship Revealed Her Passion

Elaine got her first taste of New York City’s cutthroat world during her internship at advertising giant Ogilvy & Nash. As an intern of color among privileged white Ivy League peers, she often felt invisible and unsure. The experience clarified what she didn’t want: working in advertising.

Returning to California with valuable perspective, Elaine gained clarity on her true interests. She realized she wanted to work in magazines, driven by her childhood passion for collages and storytelling. Encouraged by her mentor, she began to position herself for this dream industry.

Elaine’s persistence paid off when she combined her creative skills to apply for Essence with a handmade mock-up of a pitch. This creative flair soon caught the attention of Harriette Cole of Ebony magazine, who would play a transformational role in Elaine’s career.

Examples

  • Feeling out of place among Ivy League interns at Ogilvy made her question her professional path.
  • Reconnecting with her childhood love for editorial collages offered direction.
  • Harriette Cole, mentor and icon, created a life-changing introduction to the magazine world.

7. Climbing to New Heights at Ebony

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Takeaways

  1. Celebrate your uniqueness by reframing challenges as tools for self-growth.
  2. Take professional risks, staying open to unexpected opportunities.
  3. Listen to both your ambitions and your intuition when navigating relationships and career paths.

Books like More Than Enough