Introduction
In a world where happiness often seems elusive, Stephanie Harrison's "New Happy" offers a fresh perspective on finding true fulfillment. This book challenges conventional wisdom about happiness and presents a new approach based on love, service, and humanity. Harrison's journey from a successful but unhappy professional to someone who discovered genuine joy through unexpected circumstances forms the backbone of this insightful work.
Harrison's story begins in 2013 when, despite having all the trappings of success – a prestigious job, a great apartment, and a promising future – she found herself battling daily panic attacks and overwhelming loneliness. It was an unexpected moment that led her to question her understanding of happiness and embark on a transformative journey.
Moving from New York to San Francisco, Harrison pursued meaningful work and delved into the science of happiness. A pivotal moment came when she met Alex, a man whose zest for life inspired her. When Alex fell mysteriously ill, requiring Harrison's full-time care, she discovered a new definition of happiness grounded in love and service to others.
"New Happy" is not just a personal account but a guide to rethinking happiness and finding lasting fulfillment. It offers practical steps and insights that can help readers transform their lives, even in the face of adversity. Let's dive into the key ideas that form the foundation of Harrison's "New Happy" philosophy.
Rethinking the Meaning of Happiness
At the core of "New Happy" is the idea that we need to reassess our understanding of happiness. Harrison argues that many of us unconsciously adopt society's definition of happiness, which often leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
The Flaws in Society's Definition of Happiness
Society typically equates happiness with achieving perfection, earning more money, and acquiring material possessions. However, research shows that these pursuits often lead to stress and loneliness rather than genuine happiness. The pressure to be perfect, to constantly achieve, and to compete with others creates a cycle of dissatisfaction.
Harrison uses the example of Ebenezer Scrooge from Dickens's "A Christmas Carol" to illustrate this point. Scrooge's pursuit of wealth and success left him isolated and miserable. It was only when he redefined his understanding of happiness – shifting from selfish pursuits to valuing connection and generosity – that he found true joy.
The Power of Personal Definition
Harrison emphasizes that we have the power to redefine our understanding of happiness. She introduces the concept of "Old Happy" – the societal belief that individual success, material wealth, and competition are the keys to happiness. In contrast, "New Happy" focuses on discovering who you are and using your unique gifts to help others.
The author encourages readers to observe when old beliefs about happiness arise – whether it's self-criticism or societal pressures to conform. By acknowledging these thoughts without letting them dictate actions, individuals can create space for a new, more fulfilling definition of happiness.
Small Actions, Big Impact
An important aspect of "New Happy" is the idea that small, consistent actions can lead to significant social change. Harrison argues that by making choices aligned with our true selves and the well-being of others, we can create a world where everyone is valued, connected, and fulfilled. This approach doesn't require radical life changes but rather a shift in perspective and daily choices.
Challenging the Lies About Happiness
Harrison identifies three fundamental lies about happiness that society perpetuates. Understanding and challenging these lies is crucial for finding true fulfillment.
Lie #1: You're Inherently Lacking Something
Society often creates a belief that no matter how much we achieve, we'll never be enough. This leads to constant self-judgment and punishment for perceived shortcomings. Harrison shares the example of Demi Moore, who, despite her monumental success, never felt good enough.
To combat this lie, Harrison introduces a tool called the "Breakup." When you find yourself conflating your self-worth with your actions, break the thought into two parts. For instance, "I forgot Bryan's birthday. I'm such a bad person" becomes "I forgot Bryan's birthday. I'm still worthy as a person." This practice, grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy, helps separate self-worth from actions, promoting unconditional self-acceptance.
Lie #2: Happiness Comes from Achieving Specific Goals
The second lie is that happiness will come once we achieve specific, often extrinsic goals like wealth, popularity, or external validation. Harrison uses the example of tennis champion Andre Agassi, who felt empty upon reaching number one in his field because the goals imposed on him by others didn't fulfill his true needs.
Harrison encourages readers to reflect on their goals and consider which ones genuinely matter to them. She advises focusing on intrinsic goals that fulfill true needs, such as building positive relationships, contributing to the community, and personal growth. These goals bring joy not only when achieved but throughout the process of pursuing them.
Lie #3: We're Separate from Others
The third lie is the belief that we're separate from others. Modern culture often promotes individualism, leading to a sense of isolation. However, Harrison argues that true happiness is deeply connected to our relationships with others. Studies have shown that the happiest people are those most connected to others, while loneliness has detrimental effects on both mental and physical health.
To foster connections, Harrison suggests creating overlaps with the people in our lives. This can be done by looking for others' strengths, finding commonalities, engaging in shared activities, and asking meaningful questions. Understanding that our potential is unlocked through relationships helps us see the value in these connections.
The Interconnected Nature of True Happiness
Harrison challenges the traditional view of human needs, as represented by Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid. She argues that this model reinforces several misconceptions about happiness and self-actualization.
Redefining Self-Actualization
Contrary to popular interpretation, Harrison points out that Maslow described self-actualization not as reaching external achievements like fame, power, and wealth, but as pursuing actions authentically motivated by one's true inner self. This perspective aligns more closely with the "New Happy" philosophy.
The Importance of Helping Others
A key aspect of "New Happy" is the recognition that helping others is essential for true happiness. Harrison explains that it's not only a need like sleep or food but also makes us feel good, reduces stress, and enhances our well-being. Helping others activates the same part of the brain that responds to food or sex, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters.
The Challenge of Asking for Help
Harrison addresses the difficulty many people face in asking for help, influenced by the cultural belief that needing help makes one unworthy. She uses the example of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps to illustrate that even highly successful individuals struggle with this. Harrison encourages readers to recognize that everyone needs help and that asking for it can actually give others the joy of helping.
Three Key Shifts for a Better World
To incorporate the "New Happy" philosophy into daily life, Harrison suggests making three key shifts:
- Ask yourself, "How can I help?" and look for ways to contribute.
- Recognize "Who helped me?" and appreciate the support you receive.
- Observe "Where are others helping?" and gather evidence of the good in the world.
These shifts can transform one's perspective from seeing the world as a competition to recognizing it as a web of connections where good abounds and everyone can play a part.
Discovering and Using Your Unique Gifts
A central tenet of "New Happy" is the idea that everyone has unique gifts that, when discovered and used, lead to true fulfillment and positive impact on the world.
Types of Gifts
Harrison categorizes gifts into three types:
- Humanity gifts: The way you express your good, loving nature.
- Talent gifts: What excites and interests you, leading to flow states.
- Wisdom gifts: Insights gained from your life experiences.
Uncovering Your Gifts
To discover your humanity gifts, Harrison suggests generating love within yourself and asking, "What's the next right loving action?" For talent gifts, she advises looking for moments of curiosity and excitement, and finding activities that facilitate flow states. Wisdom gifts can be uncovered by reflecting on your life story, accomplishments, difficulties, and connections with others.
Using Your Gifts
Harrison emphasizes that using your gifts not only enhances your own well-being but also creates a positive impact on those around you. She encourages readers to find ways to incorporate their gifts into their daily lives, whether in their current jobs or by exploring new opportunities.
Seeing the World Through New Eyes
The final section of "New Happy" focuses on broadening one's perspective and understanding one's place in the world.
The Overview Effect
Harrison introduces the concept of the "overview effect," experienced by astronauts who see Earth from space. This perspective highlights our interconnectedness and the need to use our unique gifts to contribute to the world's well-being.
Broadening Identity
To connect with the world and serve it, Harrison suggests broadening one's identity beyond the individual level. She encourages readers to see themselves as part of the human community and to recognize how much the world contributes to their survival and well-being.
Redefining Success
Harrison challenges readers to redefine success not as winning or accumulating wealth, fame, and power, but as using one's gifts to make a positive impact. She provides practical advice on how to integrate unique talents and strengths into daily tasks, even within current jobs.
Claiming Your Place in the Community
The book emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and taking responsibility for the communities we belong to. Harrison argues that people within communities are often best equipped to address local challenges and encourages readers to look for areas where happiness is lacking and find ways to address those issues.
Addressing Global Issues
While acknowledging that no one person can solve the world's problems alone, Harrison encourages readers to identify global issues they're passionate about and think about how they can use their gifts to help. She draws lessons from inspiring figures, emphasizing the importance of being oneself, using gifts innovatively, challenging the status quo, fighting for what is right, maintaining hope through action, embracing challenges, and starting small while dreaming big.
Conclusion
"New Happy" by Stephanie Harrison offers a transformative approach to happiness, challenging conventional wisdom and providing practical strategies for finding lasting fulfillment. The book's core message is that true happiness isn't found in external achievements but in our approach to life and relationships.
Harrison's "New Happy" philosophy emphasizes that we are enough as we are and that using our unique gifts to help others not only benefits them but also enhances our own well-being. By redefining success, broadening our identity, and recognizing our interconnectedness with others and the world, we can find a deeper, more meaningful happiness.
The book encourages readers to make small but significant changes in their daily lives, from challenging negative self-talk to looking for ways to contribute to their communities. It reminds us that even small acts of kindness can lead to significant social change and that our happiness is deeply connected to our relationships with others.
Ultimately, "New Happy" provides a roadmap for those seeking a more fulfilling life. It shows that by embracing a new perspective on happiness – one rooted in love, service, and humanity – we can not only find personal joy but also contribute to creating a better world for all.