New Happy

True happiness isn’t found in external achievements; it thrives in love, service, and connection to humanity.

1. Redefining Happiness Beyond Societal Norms

Happiness often feels like a moving target, shaped by societal expectations. Society teaches us that success, wealth, and perfection bring joy. Yet, these ideals often leave people feeling lonely and unsatisfied. Stephanie Harrison challenges readers with this question: what does happiness truly mean to you?

Harrison argues that societal pressures create a false sense of inadequacy. She calls this mindset the "Old Happy," which traps people in a loop of striving for external rewards that fail to provide genuine contentment. Instead, she advocates for the "New Happy," a happiness philosophy based on self-discovery, connection, and generosity. A shift in how we define success can liberate us from unrealistic demands.

For example, Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens's classic tale pivots from material greed to valuing relationships and generosity, finding authentic joy. Similarly, research shows that excessive focus on status leads to stress and unhappiness, while acts of kindness and purpose-driven pursuits yield greater fulfillment.

Examples

• Ebenezer Scrooge’s transformation in A Christmas Carol.
• Studies linking material success with high stress levels.
• Reports that generosity fosters long-term happiness.

2. The Lie of "Not Being Enough"

Modern culture perpetuates a belief that we are incomplete. Advertising and societal pressures push the idea that perfection—whether in career, looks, or personality—is necessary for happiness. This belief causes self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness, disrupting our mental peace.

Harrison introduces "The Breakup," a tool to challenge negative thoughts. By separating a person's self-worth from their actions, they can better combat the lie that they need to "do more" or "be more" to find joy. For instance, a missed deadline doesn’t reflect someone's value—it’s simply a mistake, not a measurement of their worth.

Self-acceptance grows when negative patterns are disrupted. This approach teaches people to counteract self-criticism and foster a belief in their inherent value. By rejecting the "not enough" narrative, happiness becomes attainable in the here and now.

Examples

• Demi Moore's autobiography recounts battling self-worth despite fame.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques for challenging internal criticism.
• Shifting inner dialogue from “I’m unworthy” to “I made a mistake, and that’s okay.”

3. Happiness Doesn't Reside in Goals Alone

Many chase happiness by setting achievement-based goals. Society often equates success with external milestones like wealth, fame, or accolades. However, once these targets are reached, the sense of joy they were supposed to bring often evaporates.

Andre Agassi, a world-class tennis player, felt lost even after achieving top rankings because his goals weren’t personally meaningful. True happiness lies in setting and pursuing intrinsic goals that resonate with personal values. Building strong relationships, pursuing personal growth, and engaging in community work are examples of fulfilling pursuits.

Examining your goals helps reveal whether they align with your inner desires. Pursuing what genuinely matters, rather than adopting society’s script, can lead to a sustained sense of purpose and joy.

Examples

• Andre Agassi’s memoir spoke of emptiness after securing a ##1 ranking.
• Studies show people pursuing personal growth over material gain report increased happiness.
• Volunteer work fulfilling its participants despite no financial gain.

4. Connection Is Key to Joy

Individualism, a core tenet of modern culture, often isolates people. The belief in "doing it alone" makes us lonely, even in a world more connected than ever. In contrast, numerous studies show that happiness arises through meaningful relationships and a sense of belonging.

Harrison highlights actions that foster connection: spending quality time with loved ones, engaging in shared experiences, and asking thoughtful questions to deepen bonds. When we realize our interconnectedness, we prioritize empathy and support, which benefits not just others but also ourselves.

For example, close personal bonds are linked to long, healthy lives. Hosting communal meals can strengthen ties, and working in teams fosters both productivity and emotional satisfaction.

Examples

• Long-term research shows social ties lead to greater life satisfaction.
• Hosting regular dinner gatherings builds connection.
• Collaborative workplaces boost morale and well-being.

5. Maslow’s Pyramid Was Misunderstood

Maslow’s hierarchy is often misinterpreted as isolating individual needs from others. Harrison points out that self-actualization isn't about fame or personal accolades, as commonly perceived. Rather, it's aligning with one's true inner self and contributing positively to the world.

Helping others isn't an optional step to happiness; it's foundational. Acts of service release feel-good chemicals in the brain, creating an experience that parallels the pleasure gained from food or rest. Even small acts—like assisting a stranger—can have significant emotional payoffs.

Embracing this mindset requires seeing the world not as a competition but as a network of support. When we contribute, learn from, and seek guidance from others, happiness flourishes.

Examples

• Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps struggled before seeking help.
• Studies show adults helping others report lower stress levels.
• Simple acts like opening a door or donating time create brain responses similar to eating.

6. Discovering Your Unique Gifts

Everyone holds unique talents, shaped by their experiences, needs, and motivations. These gifts fall into three areas: humanity (love and kindness), talent (skills and interests), and wisdom (lessons from obstacles). Recognizing these gifts is crucial for sustained happiness and self-expression.

For example, Richard Adams discovered his talent for storytelling later in life when he turned bedtime tales into the novel Watership Down. Taking time to reflect on what brings you joy or induces "flow" (a state of immersion) can help uncover talents. Similarly, thinking about obstacles you’ve overcome can reveal wisdom that could inspire others.

When we share our gifts, they multiply. They foster deep connections, create personal fulfillment, and positively impact others’ lives as well.

Examples

• Richard Adams writing Watership Down at age 52.
• Activities that induce "flow" becoming paths to joy.
• Leveraging life lessons to guide others.

7. Understanding Interconnection Through the "Overview Effect"

Astronauts like Edgar Mitchell experience a paradigm shift when viewing Earth from space, realizing the deep interdependence of life. This shift, called the "overview effect," underscores how humanity shares a common responsibility to care for the planet and for one another.

Harrison draws parallels between this view and Indigenous philosophies, where interconnectedness fosters physical, mental, and emotional health. When you see yourself as just one thread in a vast web, it inspires gratitude and a desire to contribute meaningfully.

Recognizing our reliance on others, from farmers growing food to engineers building infrastructure, nurtures humility and inspires collective action toward shared goals.

Examples

• Edgar Mitchell describing the Earth as a “fragile oasis” while in space.
• Indigenous practices promoting ecological harmony.
• Increased mindfulness through recognizing everyday interdependencies.

8. Giving and Receiving Help Go Hand in Hand

Seeking assistance is often avoided out of fear of seeming weak. Harrison reframes it as an act of connection, allowing others to share in the joy that comes with supporting someone in need. Asking for help creates opportunities for reciprocal relationships.

Michael Phelps struggled to admit vulnerabilities despite his achievements. Recognizing shared human needs builds both intimacy and mutual reliance. Harrison suggests looking for emotional signals to identify when it's okay to ask for support and, above all, facing yourself with kindness.

Asking for help, whether in small or significant ways, builds community trust and benefits both sides involved.

Examples

• Michael Phelps describing how asking for help improved his mental health.
• Emergency aid organizations thrive through collective giving.
• Cultivating close relationships via emotional openness.

9. Redefining Success in Your Work and World

Happiness doesn't demand quitting your job or uprooting your life. It revolves around finding meaning in your tasks and infusing your strengths and passions into your routine. Sharing your gifts at work or in your area of influence creates both inner satisfaction and broader impact.

Albert Einstein viewed happiness as “using latent gifts to serve community flourishing.” Adapting jobs to align with personal values improves both delivery and job satisfaction. Similarly, investing in community and addressing global challenges help individuals create lasting, meaningful change.

Everyone has the capacity to begin small and dream big. Using your gifts in workplace efforts, volunteering locally, or even championing global causes brings happiness closer.

Examples

• Albert Einstein on community contributions.
• Workplace studies linking job satisfaction to alignment in values.
• Communities successfully tackling local challenges unitedly.

Takeaways

1. Write down three personal values and reflect on how your daily choices align with them. Make small tweaks to prioritize these values.
2. Perform at least one act of kindness daily, whether offering aid to a colleague or reaching out to a friend.
3. Start recognizing your strengths by noting five moments that brought you joy or excitement recently, and consider ways to incorporate these into your life.