Introduction
We often think of people's characters as fixed and unchanging. We label someone a cheater, a saint, or a sinner based on their actions. But what if our understanding of character is fundamentally flawed? In his book "Out of Character," psychologist Piercarlo Valdesolo challenges our assumptions about human nature and reveals that character is far more flexible and context-dependent than we realize.
Drawing on fascinating psychological research and experiments, Valdesolo shows how external circumstances and internal forces shape our behavior in surprising ways. He argues that we all have the capacity for both virtue and vice, and that our actions depend on a constant tug-of-war between competing impulses and motivations.
This book summary explores the key ideas in "Out of Character," examining how factors like emotions, social context, and biological drives influence our moral choices and behaviors. By understanding the complex and dynamic nature of character, we can gain deeper insight into human nature and perhaps become more compassionate toward others - and ourselves.
The Flexible Nature of Character
The Origins and Misconceptions of Character
The word "character" comes from an ancient Greek term referring to the permanent marks pressed into coins to differentiate them. This etymology reflects how we often think of character - as something fixed and unchanging. However, Valdesolo argues that this view is deeply flawed.
In reality, character is highly flexible. It's common for people to behave differently in different situations or at different times. This is because each of us contains both vice and virtue - we all have the capacity for both good and bad behavior.
The classic depiction of character as a battle between an angel and devil on our shoulders is problematic for several reasons:
It's overly simplistic - the forces influencing our behavior are much more nuanced than just "good" and "bad."
It's not always clear which side to trust - sometimes following our impulses can lead to positive outcomes.
It ignores the huge impact of external events and context on our thoughts and actions.
A Better Metaphor: The Ant and the Grasshopper
Instead of the angel and devil, Valdesolo suggests a better metaphor is Aesop's fable of the ant and the grasshopper:
- The ant works hard to prepare for winter, always thinking long-term.
- The grasshopper enjoys the present moment, singing and playing without worry.
This metaphor better captures our internal struggle between immediate rewards and long-term planning. Both mindsets have value and both exist within all of us. Sometimes it's wise to work hard and delay gratification, but other times it's important to seize the day and enjoy life.
Our character emerges from the constant interplay between these competing forces. In any given moment, our behavior depends on which impulse wins out.
The Complex Relationship Between Morality and Hypocrisy
We're often taught that morality is good and hypocrisy is bad. But Valdesolo argues that the reality is more complicated.
Hypocrisy isn't so much about violating our morals as it is about shifting them to suit our needs. People are remarkably good at justifying their own questionable behavior while judging others harshly for the same actions.
A psychological experiment illustrates this:
- Two groups were given a test with a short, fun task and a long, boring one.
- One group got to choose which task they did and which they assigned to others.
- Most chose the fun task for themselves.
- When rating their own behavior, they put themselves in the middle of a fairness scale.
- But when evaluating others who did the same thing, they rated it as very unfair.
This shows how easily we bend our moral standards to justify our own self-interested choices.
Moral decision-making is complex, and no strategy is perfect. Even logical thinking can lead us astray. Our judgments are also prone to manipulation by our emotional state.
For example, in one study:
- People were asked if they'd push a large man off a bridge to stop a trolley from hitting three others.
- One group watched a comedy show beforehand, while another watched a serious documentary.
- The group that watched comedy was more likely to say yes to pushing the man.
This demonstrates how our moral judgments can shift based on subtle changes in our mood or mental state.
The Battle Between Love and Lust
Even the most committed partners can sometimes feel overcome by lust for someone else. This is because love and lust operate on different levels in our brains and bodies.
Lust is relatively simple - it's pure physical attraction driven by evolutionary instincts. The traits we find attractive are often linked to signs of genetic fitness and reproductive health. For instance, we tend to be drawn to symmetrical features, which indicate good genes.
Love, on the other hand, is much harder to define. It's a more complex emotion that develops over time. While lust is the starting point of most relationships, love involves deeper bonding and commitment.
Interestingly, our attraction to others can shift based on hormonal changes:
- When women are ovulating, they're more attracted to men with symmetrical features (signs of good genes).
- When not ovulating, they're more drawn to signs of a stable partner, like attentive non-verbal cues.
This shows how our bodies can sometimes override our conscious intentions when it comes to attraction.
Jealousy is another powerful force that can dramatically alter our behavior. Experiments have shown that when made jealous, people will go to surprising lengths to punish perceived rivals - even choosing to inflict pain on them if given the chance.
The Two Sides of Pride
Pride is often seen as a deadly sin, but Valdesolo argues it's not inherently bad. In fact, pride can be a powerful motivator that helps us work harder and achieve more.
Taking pride in our work gives us the drive to excel and overcome obstacles. Studies show that simply knowing we did well isn't enough - receiving praise from others is what really boosts our motivation and performance.
Pride can also improve our social status. Experiments have found that:
- People who stand tall with expanded posture are perceived as more prideful and higher status.
- Those who receive positive feedback become more vocal and assertive in group settings.
However, there's a negative side to pride as well - what we call hubris. This is when people claim pride without having earned it. We tend to dislike overly prideful people because their sense of superiority feels unwarranted.
But even hubris can serve a purpose sometimes. For example, after the 2007 financial crisis, many unemployed stock brokers continued commuting to New York to work from cafes. This "fake it till you make it" approach allowed them to maintain their self-worth and social status during a difficult time.
The Fine Line Between Compassion and Cruelty
One of the book's most striking insights is how narrow the divide is between compassionate and cruel behavior. Our treatment of others depends largely on how we perceive their similarity or difference to ourselves.
A powerful example comes from the Ivory Coast's civil war:
- From 2002-2007, the country was locked in brutal conflict between north and south.
- But during the World Cup, fighting paused as both sides united to support the national soccer team.
- After the tournament, the war resumed.
This shows how quickly we can shift between seeing others as part of "us" versus "them."
We constantly judge people based on physical and social cues, and we're much more likely to help those we see as similar to ourselves. For instance, undecided voters are more likely to support a candidate whose picture has been subtly blended with their own.
When we perceive others as different or separate from us, it becomes easier to act cruelly or ignore their suffering. We may even dehumanize them to justify our lack of compassion. This is the psychological process that allows for atrocities like the Holocaust, where Nazis depicted Jews as vermin to make their extermination feel justified.
The good news is we can expand our circle of compassion by exposing ourselves to diverse groups of people. The more we interact with those different from us, the more our perception of "us" grows.
The Power of Gratitude
Small acts of kindness can have a profound impact on our behavior and willingness to help others. Feeling grateful makes us more likely to "pay it forward" and assist strangers.
One experiment demonstrated this:
- Participants did a boring computer task, then their screens went blank, seemingly erasing their work.
- An anonymous helper stepped in to recover the data.
- Later, participants were much more likely to help a stranger when asked.
Interestingly, when the helper was given a name, participants felt gratitude specifically toward that person rather than a general sense of goodwill.
Gratitude also builds trust. In another study:
- Participants were given tokens worth money.
- They could give tokens to others, doubling their value.
- Those primed to feel grateful (by being helped earlier) gave away more tokens on average.
This shows how gratitude can create a virtuous cycle of generosity and cooperation.
However, the opposite is also true - we're more likely to behave badly if we see others doing so. When cheating appears normal or common, it becomes easier for us to justify doing it ourselves.
Risk-Taking and Perception
Are you a risk-taker or do you play it safe? Valdesolo argues that these tendencies have less to do with fixed character and more to do with how we perceive risks and rewards in the moment.
Our perception of risk is constantly shifting based on external factors and our emotional state. For example:
- After extensive media coverage of a plane crash, people tend to overestimate the likelihood of such accidents.
- The more immediate and tangible a reward seems, the more risks we're willing to take to get it.
Age and biology also play a role. Teenage boys, for instance, are often more prone to risky behavior because their brains haven't fully developed the ability to foresee consequences.
Our mood dramatically affects risk perception:
- Anger makes us overestimate the chances of negative events.
- Happiness leads us to be overly optimistic about positive outcomes.
This has practical implications. For example, public health campaigns about cancer screening are more effective when they emphasize the risks of not getting screened rather than the benefits of screening. The fear motivates action more than the potential reward.
The Pervasive Influence of Prejudice and Stereotypes
Most of us like to think we're free from prejudice, but Valdesolo argues that stereotypes and biases are deeply ingrained in human psychology. They evolved as mental shortcuts to help us quickly assess potential threats.
While these instincts may have been useful in our ancestral past, in the modern world they often lead to harmful and irrational behavior. Experiments show how easily prejudices can be created and reinforced:
- In a famous classroom experiment, a teacher told students that eye color determined intelligence.
- Within a day, blue-eyed and brown-eyed children began discriminating against each other.
- When the teacher reversed the statement the next day, the bullying simply switched direction.
While adults are less easily influenced, we all hold subconscious biases that can affect our actions, especially when we're angry, stressed, or under pressure.
One disturbing experiment highlighted this:
- Participants watched scenes of a street on TV and had to quickly press "Shoot" if they saw someone with a gun.
- White participants were much more likely to mistakenly "shoot" unarmed Black individuals than unarmed white individuals.
This demonstrates how deeply ingrained racial stereotypes can lead to split-second decisions with potentially deadly consequences.
The Importance of Context in Shaping Behavior
A key theme throughout the book is how powerfully external circumstances shape our actions. Even small changes in our environment or mental state can lead to dramatically different choices and behaviors.
This has important implications:
We should be cautious about judging others based on single actions or limited information. Their behavior might be more influenced by context than innate character.
We can influence our own behavior by being mindful of our surroundings and emotional state. If we know we're prone to make bad decisions when angry or stressed, we can try to avoid important choices in those moments.
Creating environments that bring out the best in people is crucial. Whether in workplaces, schools, or communities, the right context can encourage more ethical and prosocial behavior.
Practical Applications and Insights
Understanding the flexible nature of character can help us in several ways:
1. Increased Self-Awareness
By recognizing the competing forces within ourselves, we can become more aware of our own motivations and impulses. This self-knowledge allows us to make more intentional choices rather than simply reacting on autopilot.
2. Greater Empathy for Others
When we realize how easily circumstances can influence behavior, it becomes easier to empathize with others who make mistakes or act in ways we disapprove of. This doesn't mean excusing bad behavior, but it can lead to a more compassionate and nuanced view of human nature.
3. Improved Decision-Making
Knowing that our judgments are easily swayed by emotions and context, we can take steps to make better decisions. This might involve:
- Seeking diverse perspectives before making important choices
- Waiting to make decisions when we're in a highly emotional state
- Creating systems and environments that support our long-term goals
4. Building Better Relationships
Understanding the complex nature of trust, gratitude, and moral behavior can help us foster stronger connections with others. We can:
- Practice expressing genuine gratitude to build trust and goodwill
- Be mindful of how our actions might be perceived by others
- Create shared experiences that expand our circle of empathy
5. Personal Growth
Rather than seeing character as fixed, we can view it as something to be cultivated and developed over time. By consciously choosing our environments and working to strengthen positive traits, we can gradually shape our character in the direction we desire.
Conclusion: Embracing the Complexity of Human Nature
"Out of Character" challenges us to move beyond simplistic views of human nature. We are neither purely good nor purely evil, but complex beings capable of both great virtue and terrible vice.
Our behavior is shaped by a constant interplay of competing forces - biological drives, social pressures, rational thought, and emotional impulses. In any given moment, our actions depend on which of these forces gains the upper hand.
This view of character as flexible and context-dependent has profound implications:
It calls for greater humility in judging others. We should be slow to label someone as fundamentally good or bad based on limited information.
It emphasizes the importance of creating environments and institutions that bring out the best in people. The right context can encourage more ethical and prosocial behavior.
It offers hope for personal growth and change. If character isn't fixed, we all have the potential to become better versions of ourselves.
It highlights the need for self-awareness and intentionality in our choices. By understanding the forces that influence us, we can make more conscious decisions aligned with our values.
It calls for compassion - both for others and ourselves. Recognizing the universal struggle between our better and worse impulses can lead to greater empathy and understanding.
Ultimately, Valdesolo's work invites us to embrace the full complexity of human nature. We are all capable of both great good and terrible wrong. By understanding the psychological mechanisms that drive our behavior, we can work towards creating a world that brings out the best in ourselves and others.
Rather than seeing character as a fixed trait, we should view it as an ongoing process - a lifelong journey of growth, self-discovery, and conscious choice. In doing so, we open ourselves up to the full richness and potential of what it means to be human.