Pause

Are you trudging through life like Sisyphus with his eternal boulder? Maybe it's time to hit pause and find a path worth pursuing.

1. Recognizing the Signs You Need a Break

Realizing when to pause is the first step to avoiding burnout. Life can feel overwhelming, but there are clear signals when it’s time to stop and reassess.

When you dread going to work and the spark of fulfillment is gone, it suggests that you’re running on empty. The author shares her own experience at Google, where once rewarding work turned into an exhausting routine marked by mental disengagement and poor performance. This was a powerful sign that she needed a break.

Technology habits also act as indicators. For instance, excessive screen time and prioritizing devices over meaningful interactions hint at an imbalance. If technology becomes a crutch, it's a sign your life may need a reset.

Big life changes call for pauses too. Whether it’s helping a loved one through a tough time or considering a new opportunity, taking a step back to evaluate where you’re headed ensures you're true to your values and needs.

Examples

• Feeling unmotivated at work and producing below your usual standard.
• Constantly turning to your phone for distractions instead of enjoying life’s present moments.
• Facing major life events that demand your energy and focus.

2. Understanding Your Deep Yearnings

Taking time off isn’t just about relaxing—it’s about fulfilling your inner desires. Knowing what drives you helps shape a meaningful pause.

Yearnings are the core desires that bring true satisfaction. These can range from wanting to feel alive to having loving connections. Ignoring these deeper needs causes frustration, as the author experienced when she relied on social media instead of engaging in genuine relationships, which left her unfulfilled.

To identify your yearnings, try the “so that” method. Ask yourself why you want something and keep digging deeper. For example, wanting more money might not be about wealth but about gaining experiences that make you feel alive.

By understanding these desires, you can shape your pause to truly recharge. Focus on activities that address what your soul craves, rather than superficial escapes.

Examples

• Using the “so that” technique to discover a yearning to feel more connected to loved ones.
• The author’s realization that her online habits got in the way of meaningful friendships.
• Designing a pause that prioritizes activities like family dinners or hobbies that align with your yearnings.

3. Evaluating Your Resources for the Break

Before taking a pause, you need to assess what’s available to you in terms of time, money, and activity options.

Picture three dials on a dashboard—they represent your key resources: time, money, and activities. It’s essential to fine-tune these to match the break you want to take. The money dial tells you how much financial flexibility you have. For example, knowing whether paid leave is an option or if a side gig could fund your pause can guide your decisions.

The time dial reminds you of how long you can realistically step away. For someone with an accommodating employer, an extensive break might be possible, but for others, a short pause might be necessary.

Finally, the activity dial ensures your break suits your resources. If time is short and money tight, simple pleasures like a local hike may be best. If you have ample resources, you might go for something grander, like travel or a deep-dive course.

Examples

• Planning a pause knowing you have three months of savings to fall back on.
• Choosing a free online course if traveling isn’t financially viable.
• Balancing short-term pauses like afternoon walks while saving for a bigger break.

4. Conquering Limiting Beliefs

Fear and self-doubt can hold you back from truly making the most of your pause, but these mental barriers can be overcome.

Our brains often loop negative beliefs, termed “fear tapes.” These may tell you that you’re not good enough, that others will judge you, or that you’ll lose control by trying new things. This negativity keeps you stuck.

Fortunately, thanks to neuroplasticity, you can replace these limiting patterns with positive thoughts. Start by identifying your specific fear tapes, such as doubting your ability to succeed during a career shift. Then challenge these thoughts by flipping them into affirmations.

The TASER approach—tuning in, acknowledging, shifting, expressing, and repeating—helps you rewire your brain over time. The effort will leave you ready to embrace new possibilities with confidence.

Examples

• Catching self-doubt about succeeding in a new job and turning it into affirmations of ability.
• Using TASER to reframe fears of leaving a secure career for creative pursuits.
• Overcoming an inner critic by practicing daily mental reminders of your worth.

5. Setting Ground Rules for Your Pause

Create structure within your pause so you don’t fall into counterproductive habits like excessive screen time or procrastination.

Having a few simple guiding rules ensures your time away stays intentional. For instance, limiting smartphone use to 30 minutes daily can help improve focus. Setting other rules, such as making your bed each morning or taking daily walks, fosters discipline and consistency.

Integrating self-care practices into your pause also helps you recharge. Whether it’s treating yourself to a hot bath or taking up meditation, small habits can enhance the benefits of your break.

Examples

• Dedicating one afternoon each week to deep relaxation activities like yoga or a bath.
• Limiting time spent scrolling on your phone to nurture mindfulness instead.
• Ensuring mornings start productively, like with journaling or exercise.

6. Aligning Your Pause with Long-Term Changes

Think beyond the break itself—your pause is an opportunity to create lasting positive shifts in your life.

Take stock of the habits that nourish versus drain you, like enjoying a short nature retreat but quitting time-wasting activities such as excessive TV. This process helps you continue beneficial habits even after your pause ends.

Additionally, discovering your strengths allows you to plot your next steps. Using tools like the Strengths Finder can reveal talents that help reshape your career ambitions in a fulfilling direction.

Examples

• Journaling daily during a pause to develop mindfulness as a long-term habit.
• Finding a passion for outdoor sports and replacing unproductive screen time with it.
• Using tools like Strengths Finder to guide post-break decisions professionally.

7. Post-Pause Reflection Brings Growth

When your pause is over, it’s crucial to reflect on how it changed you to let the lessons sink deeper into your life.

Asking questions such as what you’ve learned or what your new priorities are helps focus your commitments. It can also guide whether you need to continue your current path or change it entirely.

This process ensures you recognize new strengths gained from the pause, like feeling energized for a new career move. It’s about integrating those benefits into daily life effectively.

Examples

• Creating a post-pause plan to spend more time nurturing relationships.
• Reflecting on how learning guitar during a break kindled creativity for a new job.
• Choosing to pursue a freelance gig after realizing corporate structures no longer suit you.

8. Pausing Helps Build Self-Awareness

Pausing isn’t about escapism—it’s a unique opportunity for deeper self-discovery, which opens up better decision-making.

When you step back from the hustle, you get a clearer sense of what matters most. For instance, you may realize that financial worries masked a deeper yearning for creativity or freedom.

Through activities like journaling or meditation during your pause, you also become aware of emotional triggers and patterns, which helps in shedding unnecessary fears or uncertainties.

Examples

• Recognizing joy in minimalism during a pause to live more intentionally afterward.
• Discovering a longing for human connection by spending days with loved ones.
• Journaling daily to gain clarity on career transitions.

9. You’re Equipped for the Next Adventure

After pausing to re-calibrate, you’re better prepared to make bold decisions.

Returning from a break isn’t about going back to the same daily grind. Instead, it often means embarking on entirely fresh paths, emboldened by what you’ve learned.

The awareness and perspective gained should guide realizations like pursuing new skills or adjusting your professional focus for greater satisfaction.

Examples

• Deciding to start a business based on hobbies explored during a life pause.
• Re-entering the workforce with clarity about must-haves in a job.
• Realizing financial goals tie directly into non-material yearning.

Takeaways

1. Take an afternoon off to practice a micro-pause; disconnect from your devices and focus on a single peaceful activity.
2. Use the “so that” test to identify one important yearning that’s influencing your current choices or unhappiness.
3. Create a short list of three rules or habits you’d like to implement during your next pause to foster reflection and change.