Raising Men

“Parenting and SEAL training may seem worlds apart, but both require endurance, adaptability, and a never-quit attitude—qualities that strengthen bonds and forge confident, capable adults.”

1. Monitor and guide your child like a team leader

Good parenting, like team leadership, involves observation, guidance, and fostering a collaborative spirit. Just as Navy SEALs watch over their teammates underwater to ensure safety, parents serve as their child’s “dive buddy,” especially during formative years. This doesn’t mean taking over every decision but guiding and monitoring to ensure safe growth.

Parents should pay close attention to their child’s choices, activities, and friendships. While watching from a distance may seem adequate, active participation helps children tether to the right people and values. Parents should reward positive behaviors, correct harmful ones, and help nurture humility to counter arrogance.

As children grow, parents must adapt, providing advice and a changing level of supervision. Like a SEAL squad adjusting tactics during a mission, flexibility and awareness in parenting allow children to grow into reliable, respectful adults.

Examples

• Correcting and rewarding behaviors, like cheering when a child shares toys at playdates.
• Teaching humility by encouraging children to learn from mistakes rather than fearing them.
• Keeping an open dialogue about friendships to ensure children tie themselves to positive influences.

2. Show by doing: Lead through example

Children look to their father for leadership, learning not only from what they’re told but especially from what they observe. To be a good parent, fathers need to lead by example—not through words alone but through consistent actions, habits, and behaviors.

Being present for your family is a key leadership behavior, but so is taking time for yourself. Hobbies or solo challenges that develop new skills create stories and lessons you can share. A self-assured father balances these two dynamics, using his personal growth to enrich his family bond.

Engaging your child in activities that align with your passions provides teaching moments. Whether it’s hiking, carpentry, or problem-solving, these tasks equip children with life skills and resilience, teaching them to lead, persevere, and learn from experience.

Examples

• Taking on a personal challenge, like running a marathon, and sharing the experience with your child.
• Scheduling a yearly camping trip to teach problem-solving in nature.
• Demonstrating humility by admitting personal mistakes during family discussions.

3. Discipline with purpose, not punishment

Discipline isn’t about punishment; it’s about guiding children to better decision-making while preserving trust. When their behavior veers off course, parents should provide safe and meaningful consequences. This approach ensures that discipline steers children toward growth rather than creating fear or resentment.

For instance, rather than confiscating a phone as a random punishment, a parent could explain how limiting phone use during study time helps focus. The discipline becomes an illustration of cause and effect rather than an act of frustration. Open communication about discipline helps children see its reason.

Just like SEALs acknowledge mistakes to improve team dynamics, parents should model accountability. Sharing an instance when they mess up builds rapport and demonstrates honesty, which fosters a healthier relationship and encourages children to do the same.

Examples

• Taking away TV privileges for skipping chores, coupled with an explanation of fairness.
• Allowing children to explain their perspective before implementing consequences.
• Admitting a parenting error, like overreacting, and apologizing as an example to follow.

4. Build respect through consistent coaching

Consistency not only helps SEALs excel but also anchors a child's understanding of discipline and expectations. Fathers should show up regularly—not just in moments of trouble but throughout the daily structure of life—to develop trust and respect.

Repeated effort is crucial to engraining lessons and behaviors. Kids rarely adapt after one correction, so patience and gentle reinforcement are essential. For example, asking a child to clean up toys must be backed by consistent follow-ups, showing that you value teaching the responsibility fully.

The four stages of high-level learning—Learn, Practice, Experience, Repeat—are a powerful tool for parenting. Applying lessons consistently helps children feel grounded and understand responsibilities, whether they’re tidying a bedroom or managing their homework schedule.

Examples

• Instituting a cleanup routine to teach order and responsibility gradually.
• Regularly debriefing your child on both successes (e.g., academic achievements) and areas to improve.
• Reading bedtime stories nightly to instill both habits and connection.

5. Act quickly with discipline and rewards

In parenting, as in a critical Navy SEAL operation, effective action addresses challenges directly yet thoughtfully. Discipline must be swift but fair, aiming to guide rather than intimidate. Equally, positive behaviors deserve immediate recognition.

Immediate Action Drills (IADs) are a parenting strategy that avoids hesitation. They prepare parents with calm, planned responses during misbehavior and structured rewards during positive actions. For instance, calmly removing a child from a conflict situation while explaining the alternative response teaches conflict-avoidance better than shouting.

This proactive approach builds trust between parents and children. Encouraging good deeds and handling setbacks decisively makes it easier to maintain respect and teach lessons.

Examples

• Prepping clear responses like calm, brief discussions during tantrums.
• Rewarding chores with increased privileges or praise during family outings.
• Designing strategies for different parenting challenges, such as bullying.

6. Mental toughness: Teach self-regulation

Like SEALs facing tough missions, children benefit from learning to self-regulate physical, mental, and emotional responses. Parents can guide them to confront challenges without succumbing to panic, teaching resilience in a secure way.

Start by teaching children to set clear goals and face controlled discomfort to develop their grit. Whether it’s finishing a dive in a pool or resisting the urge to quit a tough puzzle, these safe challenges help children learn focus and discipline step by step.

Parents should show how to embrace the process, not just chase the results. Valuing effort over outcome builds mental endurance that helps children weather difficulties later in life.

Examples

• Encouraging children to stick to weekly swim lessons despite their initial frustration.
• Practicing mindfulness exercises as a family to help reduce emotional outbursts.
• Cheering for perseverance when children retry failed school projects.

7. Adapt parenting as your child grows

Children outgrow toys—and parenting methods. What works for a six-year-old no longer applies to an adolescent. Adaptability ensures your parenting approach matures alongside your child, staying relevant to their emotional and intellectual needs.

Parents transitioning from directive methods to advisory roles still need to stay vigilant. As kids mature, they seek independence but still value input. Gradually shifting from enforcing to mentoring fosters trust and prepares them for adulthood.

This evolving connection requires staying involved in their activities, whether it's conversations about their hobbies, helping brainstorm solutions to problems, or sharing life lessons when appropriate.

Examples

• Guiding a preteen through a falling-out with a friend rather than solving it for them.
• Supporting a teenager in creating strategies to earn more study time.
• Discussing family traditions with growing kids to show respect for values.

8. Help your child value teamwork and humility with actions

SEAL teams succeed through collaboration and humility, and these skills are just as vital for children to master. Show your child the benefits of listening, sharing ideas, and respecting others by demonstrating these values yourself.

Give your child opportunities to work in teams, such as joining sports or working on group projects. Offer stories from your own life where teamwork made a difference, emphasizing the role of humility in success.

Parents can foster humility by encouraging their kids to learn from setbacks. Open discussions about failures lead to growth and help kids develop empathy for others facing challenges.

Examples

• Signing your child up for a soccer team to teach teamwork naturally.
• Sharing personal anecdotes about moments when you collaborated for success.
• Encouraging kids to apologize when they’ve made mistakes.

9. Create a growth-focused home environment

An environment of love, support, and meaningful challenges helps children develop resilience and wisdom. Being present and engaged, rather than distracted or disengaged, is key to creating a positive atmosphere where children thrive.

Encourage children to contribute to family routines, allowing them to feel trusted and responsible. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, while nurturing a safe space for them to voice frustrations and dreams openly.

Remember, a growth-centered home thrives not through perfection but through daily effort, kindness, and curiosity. Every interaction reinforces the family bond and instills confidence in your child.

Examples

• Including kids in meal prep fosters collaboration and skills.
• Hosting monthly family discussions focused on celebrating wins and lessons learned.
• Creating a cozy reading corner to encourage reflective downtime.

Takeaways

1. Spend intentional time with your child to model behavior and establish trust—your presence and actions shape their values.
2. Design solutions and rules to teach, not just to control, so that discipline becomes an opportunity for growth.
3. Teach your child to embrace effort and resilience by emphasizing the value of striving, not just succeeding.